- The conversation between Crewe and the cops that pulled him over.
- Crewe getting the ultimate revenge on his girlfriend by causing her car to get totalled in a massive pileup.
Crewe: Hey, Lena! I think we should start seeing other people!
Crewe: Good news, boys, I didn't spill my beer.
- The fact that Turley's (played by The Great Khali) accent is so thick that they have to subtitle everything he says.
- Caretaker finding out he's only half-a-star (out of 5) on the Warden's rating system.
Crewe: You're about as maniacal as a boxful of kittens.
- Brucie has a number of these.
- After his first attempt at a pass sails all the way over Crewe's head:
Brucie: Hey, it slipped! I just had popcorn.
- After getting pounded by Torres during practice:
- Brucie's realization that he's useless now that the black inmates have joined Crewe's team:
Brucie: (nearly in tears) Now I'll never get to play!
- The scene in the shower where they're recruiting Battle. Hilarious because they're awkwardly trying to not look at his "hammer."
Caretaker: Let's get outta here before that thing bites someone.
Crewe: We'll see you and your pet iguana at practice.
Crewe: Battle, I think this is yours. (tosses him a massive jockstrap)
Deacon: I still don't think that's big enough!
- Cheeseburger Eddy's Rhymes at the Basketball Court.
: I knew you couldn't resist my shit. I got the shakes that'll make you quake. I've got the fries that'll cross your eyes. I got the burgers
I just got burgers.
- Engleheart's transition after his steroids were swapped for estrogen pills. He goes from smashing a Gatorade table at the beginning of the movie to cheering with the Con's "cheerleaders" near the end.
- Crewe's solution to a biased referee problem.
Cheeseburger: You always gotta protect the McNuggets!
- While mixed with a awesome moment, the "I think I make him shit himself" scene got some hilarity thanks to Megget and Deacon.
Megget: Yo! I'll make sure to send them books to the hospital, pimp.
Deacon: And some diapers!
Baby-Face Bob: Convicts are people too, Chris. Now gimme your wallet.
Chris Berman: What?
Baby-Face Bob: I'm just kidding!
- The Warden "gets what's coming to him" at the end by being the victim of a Gatorade Bath.