Funny / The Longest Day

• An entire German checkpoint getting Distracted by the Sexy when resistance member Janine Boitard (Irina Demick) rides up on her bicycle with a low-cut blouse to help her compatriot smuggle downed Allied airmen through in a hay cart. Especially when the Germans get annoyed by the other's request for clearance drawing their attention away from flirting with her.
• An overweight Wehrmacht sergeant (Gert Fröbe) is minding his own business delivering coffee to the bunkers as he does every morning... then he sees the huge Allied invasion fleet steaming off the coast of Normandy just before the bombardment of the beaches opens up. His reaction is understandable.
  • Twinned with the Frenchman who watches him deliver the coffee every morning. He's ecstatically waving his tricolore flag from his window even as the naval bombardment is tearing his house down.
• Capt. Colin Maud (played by Kenneth More):
  "Now move along! The sooner you get off this beach, the sooner the Germans will stop this blasted shelling! It's very bad for the dog!"
  • A subtle one with Maud: his dog's name is Winston.
  • Another Maud one - a shell hits near him causing everyone else to hit the deck, Maud just stands there with a look of mild irritation.
  • A Bren-Carrier's crew is having engine trouble.
    "My old grandmother used to say, 'Anything mechanical, give it a good bash'." (whacks vehicle with shillelagh - engine starts, much to everyone's surprise)
• The Mayor of Colleville/resistance fighter (Bourvil) welcomes the British soldiers at Sword Beach with a bottle of Champagne, wearing a firefighter helmet on his head and speaking English with a thick French accent.
  "If you ask me, Flanagan, there's a lot of very peculiar blokes on this beach."
  • And as he's opening his champagne bottle, the Mayor giddily comments, "I don't think there will be enough for everyone!"
  • Earlier, we see him listening to a secret broadcast while eating dinner. When he hears the code-phrase indicating the invasion is coming ("John has a long mustache"), he's so happy that he first nearly runs out with the firefighter helmet on, then almost forgets to put the radio away...then, after he's left, his wife realizes he didn't turn it off. And all the while he's deliriously repeating "John has a long mustache!" Were you not clued into the significance of the phrase, you'd think he was just a crazy old man who is very enthusiastic about facial hair.
• A group of lost paratroopers and a German patrol run into each other in the dark and neither realizes they've met the enemy. Both groups walk past each other without concern except for the paratrooper at the end of the column who goes "Wait a second..."
  • Actually, these two groups knew too well their respective counterparts were enemies. But they noticed too late, literally when they were beside each other. So they do the wisest thing anybody can do in this situation: to walk on and pretend nothing happened.
• "Those 5000 ships you say the Allies haven't got? WELL THEY'VE GOT THEM!"
  • And a little before that: "Pluskat, where are those ships heading?" "STRAIGHT FOR ME!"
• Col. Josef "Pips" Priller has some comedy gold in store:
  • To his commanding officer:
    Priller: You were a lousy pilot when we flew into Russia. Now you're flying a desk and you're still a lousy pilot!
  • Later when ordered to attack the invasion force, he actually laughs at his commander.
    Priller: What the hell can I do with two planes?!
  • Once Priller has finished loudly excoriating his CO for the suicidal order:
    Bergsdorf: It's getting very difficult to get any sleep around here!
    Priller: Your prospects for a long sleep are excellent.
  • Then, after he and his wingman obeyed the order and conducted a pointless strafing of the beach on which hundreds of Allied soldiers are landing.
    Priller: Back home, Bergsdorf. (laughs) That was the Luftwaffe's greatest moment! (laughs louder)
• Everything out of the mouth of Flanagan (Sean Connery). "The evil of it all, trying to drown a man before he's had a chance to fight! Ah, come on!"
• Adolf Hitler and his top brass carry the Idiot Ball. Specifically, the fact that he can't be awakened by his staff right when the invasion happens.
• In the early scenes, one man discusses his wife's pregnancy with another: "... Oh, it's not mine."
• In the course of the widely scattered airborne drops, a number of paratroopers find themselves landing under rather embarrassing circumstances. Special mention goes to two British paras who landed in the courtyard of a German general's headquarters.
  "Terribly sorry, old man. We simply landed here by accident."
  • Earlier, Col. Vandervoort tells General Gavin about a similarly scattered practice drop. Where did the colonel end up? "In the courtyard of a convent!"
• In a footnote in the book, there is a story about the press landing on the beach and not being able to use the radio to send their stories in (apparently the person in charge of the cleared beach had not been told that this was acceptable) and were forced to use carrier pigeons. The pigeons, so overloaded with short news stories, had a difficult time getting off of the ground. A few that did flew straight into the German lines, causing one reporter to curse them as traitors.
  • This is shown in the film, though the overloaded part is not obvious.
  First Reporter: "Not towards the Germans, you idiots! The other way!"
  Second Reporter: "Damn traitors!"
• On Omaha Beach, General Cota ends up sharing cover with a nervous young soldier who dropped his rifle coming ashore. Much later, preparing to push off the beach, he meets that same young soldier:
  Soldier: "I've got a rifle, sir."
  Cota: "Well, good for you, son!"
• The British drop "Ruperts:" dummy parachuters equipped with fireworks to distract the Germans. That's funny enough, but what really sells it is the English officer throwing the dummy out of the plane while bidding it "Remember your duty to God, King, and your country!"
• Crosses with both Awesome AND Heartwarming. General Cota is alone in the mess hall, pacing back and forth with a cup of coffee, waiting to hear whether the invasion's on or not. Offscreen, a subordinate answers the phone, then pokes his head in to announce that it's on. Cota unceremoniously throws his cup aside and runs out of the hall as fast as he can go.
• The glider-landed troops assaulting the bridges have taken casualties, and what's worse, their medic is missing after the glider he was in dropped into a swamp. Suddenly, with the Germans still holding one end of the bridge, the missing medic calmly jogs across the bridge from the German side. When his CO asks what the hell he was doing over there the medic (who has just gone through enemy lines and an ongoing gunfight) responds with a very, very British "Sir, anybody can make a mistake".
• A British paratrooper crawling out of the river near Sainte-Mère-Église sees a chaplain who keeps diving back underwater. Because he dropped his communion case somewhere in the river. The trooper can only gawk as the chaplain bids him carry on, he'll only be a few minutes. All of this is occurring while the pair are under fire from the Germans. Eventually the trooper can't help but assist the chaplain look for the case.
  Chaplain: I've got it! I've got it!
  Paratrooper: Glory be.
  Chaplain: Now, my son, let's go about God's work this night.

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