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Fanfic: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
is a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Fanfic
written by Milesprower06
A much more hilariously cynical take on Friendship is Magic
, told from Twilight's point of view through the use of her friendship reports to Princess Celestia. In this fanfiction, Twilight is a Villain Protagonist
who lords her superior magical prowess over her friends, considers Ponyville a backwards village populated by hicks and morons, and is amazingly desperate for a romp in the hay with whoever can satisfy her. The letters relay the events of the canon episodes but written with this alternate characterization of Twilight in mind, the result being a very different and hilariously cynical and mean-spirited take on the show.
The story has a Recursive Fanfic
, Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student
, by keaton-furman-prower, and is written in the format of Celestia responding to Twilight's letters in full Troll
This fanfic provides examples of:
- A Date With Rosie Hooves:
- When Rainbow Dash beats Applejack at hoof wrestling, Twilight notes that her front hooves are much stronger than her back ones.
Twilight: "So, it's pretty obvious what she does in her bed at night."
- During the Equestria Girls chapter, as she tries to get to sleep she finds out all the wonderful things she can do with her fingers, and vows to find a spell to give herself fingers back in Ponyville. "I will never need anypony ever again."
- Alternate Character Interpretation: The fic presents Twilight as a hateful, foul-mouthed, racist, manipulative, genocidal bitch, and everyone is aware of how horrible Twilight is and can't stand her. In addition, Pinkie Pie is a drug dealer/addict, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack are an openly lesbian couple.
- And There Was Much Rejoicing: The town prepares to celebrate after Twilight is vaporized in "Magical Mystery Cure" — teleported elsewhere or dead, either way, she's gone!
- Anything That Moves: Twilight routinely notes that she's very horny and is desperate for a good romp with whatever will have her — gender and even being a pony are optional.
- Arbitrary Skepticism: In "It's About Time", Twilight lampshades that in a world where two alicorn sisters control the sun and the moon and The Power of Friendship can be weaponized, it's pretty stupid to declare that time travel isn't physically possible.
- Ascended To Carnivorism: Twilight believes Pinkie Pie has. Twilight herself implies that she's not averse to eating meat, provided they only eat the truly stupid and inferior.
- Awesomeness by Analysis: Defied in "Fall Weather Friends". Twilight just teleports to the finish line.
Twilight: "P.S.– Fine, I didn't push at the end. I teleported myself in between 4th and 6th place. Is that what you wanted to hear? Sheesh."
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Twilight learns that releasing Discord as revenge for the Grand Galloping Gala so she can enjoy the world of chaos Discord creates isn't as much fun as she thought, since her friends are as rotten as she is now and are abusing her, and she wants them back the way they were so she can feel superior to them again.
- Bi the Way: Twilight is blatantly interested in both genders and constantly reminds Celestia how she hasn't gotten any in a long time.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: Played for Laughs in the Equestria Girls chapter; Twilight jokes about seducing Flash Sentry and having her way with him, then letting him know she's actually a pony.
- Brother-Sister Incest: Twilight's jealousy towards Princess Cadance in "A Canterlot Wedding" leads her to realize she's in love with Shining Armor.
- Butch Lesbian: Twilight believes Rainbow Dash is one.
Twilight: "Maybe I'll go after Rainbow Dash. I mean, she has to be into mares. Just look at that mane."
- Character Filibuster: Twilight can get get downright Anvilicious about some issues.
- "Hearth's Warming Eve" is mostly a long tirade on how Equestria is better for having an immortal monarchy instead of anything approaching the American political system.note
- "The Last Roundup" is an even longer criticism of Derpygate and the iTunes edit. Rather appropriately, Applejack's adventure is barely mentioned.
- "Read It And Weep" has Rainbow Dash make a crack against National Healthcare when she's thrown out of the hospital after one day.note
- "Hearts and Hooves Day" is a slam on shipping, though it's a case of Self-Deprecation - Twilight describes an AppleDash scenario that the author previously wrote in The Cupcake Chronicles
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Pinkie Pie looks like one at first, but it turns out that she's just on drugs.
Twilight: "I encouraged her to get professional help for her addiction, but she just left all huffy, claiming she could quit anytime she wanted."
- Crossover: With The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Luna is repeatedly cited as a master of the Thu'um, and in the letter covering the events of "Dragon Quest", Twilight mentions that the dragons are migrating to Tamriel to invade Skyrim at the behest of Alduin (because they owe him money) and that Ponyville is likely safe from a (direct) draconic attack because "Dovahshy" lives there.
- The Cynic: Twilight, oh so much.
- Dark Reprise: Meta example, "Celestia's Ballad" is rewritten to emphasize how awful a person Twilight is instead of the canon version emphasizing her Character Development.
- Deadpan Snarker: Twilight Sparkle, even more so than canon.
- Rainbow Dash summarizes the aesop of The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well as "Apparently I'm not allowed to have my fifteen minutes of fame."
- Deconstruction Fic: An interesting example in that it's the main character herself who acknowledges and points out things that don't make any logical sense.
- Devil in Plain Sight: If her friendship reports are anything to go by, no one ever seems to notice that Twilight is a Politically Incorrect Villain. It turns out that her friends are fully aware that she's a bitch. They just choose to ignore it because they know Twilight won't change no matter what happens.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Celestia ruined the Grand Galloping Gala for Twilight by making her really horny and then giving her diarrhea for two days, which she actually deserved after everything she'd done. Twilight released Discord from his stone prison, brought chaos to the land and destroyed pretty much the entire economic structure of Equestria just to get back at her.
- Even worse? Twilight mentions in her next letter that she was taking "magic mushrooms" at the time, so she may have hallucinated Celestia's letter.
- Do Not Taunt Cthulhu: Twilight continuously mouthing off to Celestia comes back to bite her on the ass hard in "The Best Night Ever". Assuming she didn't hallucinate it.
- Ear Worm: Invoked in the Equestria Girls chapter.
"So overnight, we planned, wrote, and choreographed the catchiest song ever. The next day, the cafeteria crowd absolutely ate it up. That damn song is going to be stuck in my head for hours."
- Even Evil Has Standards: When Pinkie Pie agrees to be the announcer for the running of the leaves, Twilight gets freaked out by some of the things she says:
Twilight: "Throughout the race, there were several instances where I felt Pinkie's commentary
to be rather... disturbing
. First off, she said that she puts ketchup on her hot dogs to make them nice and slippery. What the fucking
hell? Pinkie eats meat
? Isn't that a crime or something
? She might be gender confused
too, because I'm pretty sure I heard her say something about Applejack making HIS
move when she and Rainbow were trying to pull ahead of each other. I'm not sure how Spike
could take it."
- "The Last Roundup" reveals that even Twilight is disgusted by the town's treatment of Derpy.
- Everyone Is Bi: Almost everypony, has had (at least according to Twilight) a bisexual experience in the fic.
- Evil Is Cool: Invoked with Sunset Shimmer. Twilight notes she split up the other five who were once friends, organized the school into cliques so no one can oppose her run for titles in school events, and when she got fed up with getting no power or respect from Celestia she fled into another world to get them there. Twilight's conclusion is that these are brilliant ideas, and if not for the fact Sunset Shimmer stole her crown, they could probably be best friends.
- Failure Is the Only Option: Whenever Twilight tries to do anything that comes across as selfish or goes against Ponyville logic, with a few exceptions, it will always backfire, horribly.
- Fantastic Racism: The story outright states that there's a racist attitude between the different pony breeds. Twilight herself is quite racist against everything but unicorns and possibly alicorns. Although, considering Twilight is the narrator, this might not actually be the case.
- Foe Yay: Invoked with Sunset Shimmer; after realizing how brilliant a strategist she is, Twilight briefly wonders if she's any good in bed, and considers finding out if she's into mares.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Everyone is fully aware of just how awful Twilight is, but they continue to hang out with her.
- Functional Addict: Pinkie Pie. Although with more emphasis on addict than functional.
- Gender Is No Object: Ponies and even Spike engage in sexual intercourse with each other regardless of gender.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: While it is mostly expressed through internal dialogue, Twilight obviously has one.
- Hypocrite: Twilight is one herself. She's not above pointing out when other ponies do this to each other.
Twilight: "Apparently Applejack was a little sore about Rainbow using her wings in the competition. Imagine that. As an earth pony farmer, she can use her natural strength in the contests, but she gets pissed when Rainbow starts flying around and shit."
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Twilight occasionally comes across as this because she rarely succeeds at accomplishing her plans and gets humiliated on a regular basis.
- Subverted in "Over a Barrel". Twilight, her friends, and all of Apple-loosa succeed in a plan to start a slow genocide of the buffalo, via making them sterile with apple trees.
- Subverted again in "The Return Of Harmony, Part 1" when Twilight releases Discord from his stone prison to get back at Celestia for ruining the Grand Galloping Gala for her.
- Innocently Insensitive: Averted with Twilight. Unlike her canon portrayal, she's intentionally insulting with her comments.
- In-Series Nickname: Twilight refers to Spike as Fax Machine.
- Insufferable Genius: Twilight is much smarter and more logical than anyone in Ponyville. But she's just so much of a dick about it that you can't help but dislike her for it.
- Jerkass: Twilight, in spades.
- Jerk Justifications: Twilight is a Rarity in this regard, having used Types I, II and III, all at least once to excuse her cruel behavior towards others.
- Jerkass Has a Point: Although she's a massive jerk, some of the letters she sends has some fans agree with her.
- Kick the Dog: Subverted with Twilight, but only because she never actually succeeds in doing them.
- Laughably Evil: Twilight does try to be intimidating, but she's not very good at it.
- Master Race: Twilight certainly thinks the unicorns are:
Twilight: "First off, we barely managed to survive a landslide, and the farm pony tried to get me to commit suicide because she couldn't lift me back up from the edge of the cliff. I thought earth ponies were supposed to be strong. Oh well. It just reaffirms that unicorns are indeed the master race."
- Moment Killer: In "Look Before You Sleep", Twilight gets in the mood to have sex and is just about to go at it with Rarity and Applejack, when a lightning bolt hits a nearby tree, making it unstable. Applejack decides to tether it down with her rope and accidentally sends it crashing into Twilight's house.
Twilight: "That absolutely killed the mood. While they managed to get the tree out of my bedroom and get everything cleaned up, I couldn't get horny again. So my sexcapades would have to wait for another night."
- Moral Dissonance: Invoked with "Bats!" and "Power Ponies".
- Applejack notes that apparently years of friendship and dozens of adventures where they've saved each other's lives, not to mention the livelihood of a friend's business which feeds a good chunk of Ponyville, is nothing to Fluttershy when it comes to depriving the vampire fruit bats of a few meals.
- It's also noted that capturing her friends, imprisoning them, and attempting to kill them, isn't enough to make Fluttershy Hulk Out, but the swatting of a firefly is.
- Never My Fault: Twilight again. This time it's more due to mentality than anything else, considering it usually really isn't her fault most of the time.
- No Social Skills: Twilight blames Celestia for this.
- Only Sane Pony: Twilight certainly thinks so.
- Apple Bloom shows a surprising amount of sanity in "Family Appreciation Day", to the point that she freely acknowledges her own shortcomings as well as everypony else's, and directly questions the mythos surrounding Celestia.
- Fax Machine (Spike), on the few occasions we get to hear from him, is clearly more level-headed than Twilight. It's also implied that he's been spending much of his time running interference between Twilight and Celestia.
- Once an Episode: Every chapter is one of Twilight's friendship reports to Princess Celestia. Inverted in "The Best Night Ever". The letter is from Princess Celestia to Twilight.
- One True Threesome: Twilight finally gets her sexual cravings appeased by means of a threesome with Shining Armor and Cadance. She spent most of summer trying to get it to happen again but was turned down.
- Pet the Dog: In "Luna Eclisped", Twilight calls Celestia out on not bringing Luna up to speed on social conventions since her exile, leaving her to ride into town and make a fool of herself with her antiquated social skills, and admits she had fun when Luna began scaring the other ponies in her rages. The letter ends with the declaration that Luna is much more fun than Celestia.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Twilight considers unicorns the master race, declares Ponyville a backwards hick town, and considers the other Mane Five varying shades of annoying morons. And that's all in the first two chapters, the second of which ends with her deciding to stay in Ponyville because "with my help, these peasants could actually amount to something in life."
- The Power of Friendship: Twilight relentlessly mocks this.
- Protagonist-Centered Morality: Justified since the story is Twilight's friendship reports to Princess Celestia told from her point of view.
- Recursive Fanfiction: Spawned a response series Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student, in which Trollestia is in full bloom, and it itself published a chapter of fan submissions explaining where Luna, Cadance and Shining Armor were during the Gala.
- Shout-Out: Many of them.
- "Once you go Purple, you never go back!"
- "I encouraged her to get professional help for her addiction, but she just left all huffy, claiming she could quit anytime she wanted."
- Though unintentional, Twilight's demeanor throughout this series is nearly identical to her "Mentally Advanced" persona, especially in the cynicism department. The only thing that really distinguishes the two parodies in tone is that Mentally Advanced Twilight would be too terrified of Celestia to back-talk her like Disgruntled Twilight does.
- "If Trixie ever comes back, I'm gonna get her in bed with me, just to show her that I'm better than her physically, mentally, and sexually. Three points, you dirty whore."
- "So the next plan was to make an exact copy of Ponyville. Every building, every store front, every rock and every tree, right down to the orange roof on Howard Hooves' outhouse. And we actually managed to do it. But then when I realized that you were already on your way, we were going to need a little more time. I raced out with my friends to try and build a hilariously out-of-place toll booth to slow you down even more."
- There's a lot of references to Friendship is Witchcraft throughout the series.
- "Rainbow Dash's weather team got a tornado going and flung all the snow over to the next town, so it's Molestia's problem now."
- "Rainbow tried to set a record for the most ball bounces off her head. And this is a seriously freaking amazing ball. You have got to check it out sometime."
- Her advice to Fluttershy on how to deal with Angel's bad behavior: "Do you know what a bunny fire is?"
- Also, references to Rarity's giant hats, the song "Princess of the Night", etc.
- "Two: I've gathered further evidence that Pinkie is turning into a carnivore. I mean, she tasted the rainbow pools, and everypony knows how the rainbows are made."
- To Mario Kart: "I heard if you paint it red it'll home in on the closest pony, and if you paint it blue and put spikes on it, it'll automatically home in on the pony that is succeeding the most in life."
- Twilight comments that "dragons are supposed to have great vision during the day, and even better vision at night."
- Twilight suggests that if Fluttershy really wants to get out of hurricane duty, she should just tell everypony she has the T-Virus.
- Squishy Wizard: Twilight is fully aware of this and uses her magic to keep this handicap from being obvious.
- Surrounded by Idiots: Twilight believes this in regards to her "friends" and the citizens of Ponyville.
- Too Dumb to Live: Twilight holds this opinion towards everyone in Ponyville.
- Too Funny to Be Evil: Twilight's sarcastic and deadpan remarks are so hilarious that it's almost impossible to take her seriously.
- Troll: Philomena.
Twilight: Dear Princess Celestia, Your pet bird is a dick.
- Unreliable Narrator: Twilight. Admittedly, it's because her narrating is biased and one-sided more than being unreliable.
- However, judging from how Celestia, Shining Armor and Cadance responds to Twilight's behavior (particularly her belief that Celestia ruined the Gala for them, and her apparent threesome with Shining and Cadance), it seems that she's getting downright delusional at times.
- Used to Be a Sweet Kid: Cadance notes that, as in the canon, as a filly Twilight was sweet and adorable. Now look at her.
- Villain with Good Publicity: If Twilight is to be believed, Princess Celestia is this. This turns out to be true in "The Best Night Ever". Or not, since Twilight mentions she was taking LSD at the time and the letter supposedly self-immolated so there's no evidence of it existing.
- What an Idiot: Twilight notes that Sunset Shimmer's plan to invade Equestria with an army of brainwashed teens is pretty stupid, especially considering the second she crosses the portal back she's going to bump into three alicorns who in all likelihood are going to be pretty pissed at her.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Celestia still makes Twilight a princess in "Magical Mystery Cure", in spite of acknowledging she's a monster. The other Mane Five and Spike are not amused and let her know it.
- Twilight herself gives one to Celestia and her friends in a letter she sent to Shining Armor regarding the wedding.
"So after all this, Applejack was the only one with enough balls to actually apologize to me. Damn straight, now where are the other four? And what about Bitchlestia? I just saved your castle, city, and country, you flowing-hair whore! All she had to say to me was “this is your victory too.” Well no shit."
- Would Be Rude to Say "Genocide": Averted in "Over a Barrel". Twilight doesn't even try hiding from Princess Celestia that she and her friends are going to start a slow genocide of the buffalo with biological warfare.
- Would Hurt a Child: Twilight, as of "Show Stoppers", implies she would if pushed hard enough:
Also, do you know a good lawyer? Because if they mess up my bookshelves again, I can't be held responsible for what I'm going to do to them. Even the school teacher, who somehow manages to educate these ruffians, wasn't able to hammer the point home that they should focus on what they're already good at. I don't know, maybe we need an actual hammer. I know that would make me feel better.