Characters: Ansem Retort
This is the character sheet for Ansem Retort.Ansem Retort Protagonists
AxelThe first cast member introduced and generally one of the most focused on. Is a evil Buddhist god and is married to Aerith.
- Badass: Is a evil Buddhist God and has/had mind bullets, managed to out-kill Cloud in a Murder Off prior to abusing One Winged Angel, can warp reality and can turn into Andrew Jackson.
- But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Played with. Axel never planned to get a Grand Theft Auto game, since the murder, violence, and crime he could do in the game was "shit [he] did last Tuesday!".
- Comedic Sociopath: Axel is this trope, given how often he murders people.
- Establishing Character Moment: The first strip has Axel burning down an orphanage. This immediately sets the tone as to the kind of comic you're about to read.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Would never abuse Aerith and responded with a "WHAT?!" when she claimed he hit her to cover up hitting her face on a doorknob.
- He's also disgusted by Hercules saying that he prefers unconscious women. Though Word of God says it has less to do with any morality on Axel's part and more to do with how incredibly obnoxious Hercules is.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Axel genuinely loves Aerith and would never abuse or kill her.
- Fusion Dance: With Zexion - they turn into Andrew Jackson.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Zexion, to the point where he may be one of the three people he wouldn't murder.
- Jerkass: Constantly abuses the cast minus Aerith and Zexion, brutally murders random civilians and is just all around a giant douche.
- Hidden Heart of Gold: He really does love Aerith and seems to be good friends with Zexion.
- Large Ham: BURN ORPHANS!!!, BURN!!!
- Playing with Fire
- Reality Warper: Maybe.Naminé: The sheer force of your insanity actually warps reality! Earth changes to accommodate your insane view of the world!
Axel: Sorry, what? I'm kinda fighting a shark right now.
- Shout-Out: His full name is Axel Rose
- Sociopathic Hero: Hero might not be the right adjective though.
- Unholy Matrimony: With Aerith.
- Villain Protagonist: Axel is one of the key contenders for this one.
SoraOne of the cast members. Has both short term and long term memory damage and has the power of a demi-god which is almost always ignored. Is incredibly stupid.
- Butt Monkey: Not that he remembers it happening.
- Distressed Dude: Twice now.
- The Ditz:"We'll die, and then come back as the Ghostbusters. And then we'll play soccer!""I wonder what fire tastes like." (Beat Panel) "Fire tastes like bacon!"
- Eats Babies: The 'Spock diet' Zexion and Axel force him on. Later, they make him eat an alcohol-assisted aborted fetus.
- Flanderization: He used to be just somewhat stupid and merely had amnesia before becoming completely retarded with short-term, long-term, and short-term memory loss.
- The memory loss turns out to not be Sora's fault, though. Its Naminé, having been flanderized into mucking about with his memory far more than in-game(by pushing him head first into the floor giving him a severe head concussion).
- Obfuscating Stupidity: There might be hope for Sora yet. (Key word: Might.)
- Summon Magic
- Too Dumb to Live: Yet somehow he's still alive after setting himself on fire to find out how it tastes, was repeatedly injured by cans of soda falling on his head when it was stuck in a vending machine and forgetting how to breathe on a few occassions.
RikuThe Butt Monkey and Chew Toy of the cast, Riku is very emo and is usually the most common victim of Axel and Zexion's abuse. Is actually a Time Lord, which is how he survives all of the abuse he gets which often consists of being cut in two and losing his heart. He has a Down Syndrome version which prevents him regenerating like Doctor Who.
- A Day in the Limelight: Got his own story arc recently.
- Butt Monkey: Riku is the poster boy for this, given how everyone gives him nothing but abuse.
- Casting a Shadow
- Chew Toy: Riku has been cut in half several times, had a firecracker in his liver which contributed to being in half the second time, had his heart removed by Cloud stabbing him in the chest and losing it to a seagull, has been stabbed by Axel's chakram on multiple occasions and tortured in so many ways. He also has AIDS.
- Emo Teen: This has been downplayed in later seasons, but Riku is very emo.
- Ill Boy: Riku. Axel and Zexion infected him with AIDS to make him the poster boy for AIDS Aid.
- Ripple Effect-Proof Memory: Riku is the only member of the group shown to have this. Justified by being a Time Lord.
- Super Mode: Parodied when Riku enters "Emo Mode".Riku: The Dragon Ball Z clause states that any transformation, no matter how stupid, makes the user much stronger.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Yuffie crushing on Riku.
- Time LordAxel: Holy shit! Do you know what this means? TV Tropes was actually right about something!
ZexionGovernor of Pennsylvania and Jerkass extraordinaire.
- Antagonistic Governor: So far, he's stolen tax dollars to finance his best friend's wedding (just to prove he can) and invaded New Jersey. (Granted, he's only a lesser office, not President. Yet.)
- In a more recent season, he sold New Mexico back to Mexico for the right of all US citizens to have sexy Latino names. His is Guillermo del Zexiero lo Marquis.
- Breakout Character
- Characterization Marches On: Started off as the straight man. Turned into the king of Jerkasses.
- Deadly Doctor: Averted. While Zexion is both a Doctor and Deadly (especially to his patients), he doesn't fight using a medical motif. Instead, he uses Lightsabers (courtesy of Darth Maul).
- Even Evil Has Standards: He hates racist pancakes. He also doesn't want to run for president if it's going to be too easy.
- Fusion Dance: With Axel - they turn into Andrew Jackson
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Axel. The two are such good friends that Axel did nothing when Zexion hit on Aerith DURING THEIR WEDDING. Anyone else and it would've been a massacre, a slaughter, and a bloodbath, in that order.
- Jerkass: He prides himself on being a huge dick.
- Latin Lover: He had his name legally changed to Guillermo del Zexiero lo Marquis.
- Morally Ambiguous Doctorate
- President Evil: Well, close. He is Governor Evil.
- Just to remind people, he invaded New Jersey and stole tax dollars to finance Axel and Aerith's wedding just to prove that he can.
- He also sold New Mexico back to Spain so that any person in the U.S.A can have sexy latino names.
- He also started running for president, but after realizing his campaign slogans where actually LIKED by a roomful of people (or because they're a bunch of overly-accepting morons) he quit, sticking Sora on stage...who immediately got the same results.
- Running Gag: He always goes to order Chinese food at the season finale.
- Teleporters and Transporters: Does this in the fight against the Fox executive at the gate of Fox headquarters.
MarluxiaThe gay guy. He's gay.
- Butt Monkey: Not to Riku's level, but he gets mocked throughout most of the series.
- Camp Gay: Mixed with Straight Gay
- Characterization Marches On: Marluxia was actually meant to be Axel's partner in crime and psychopathy. He's now the Straight Man to Axel and Zexion.
- Demoted to Extra: He was pretty much a background character between Season 3 and Season 6.
- Petal Power
- Straight Man: Became this after Season 1.
- Transparent Closet: Before he came out in between Seasons 4 and 5. Like everything else, it was anticlimactic.Marluxia: I've been really confused about who I am. I think I always knew the truth, I just couldn't admit it. But I'm sure now, I'm gay.Zexion: And this is more important than my watching Seinfeld reruns... because?
- Vitriolic Best Buds: He had this kind of relationship with Darth Maul from Seasons 2 through 6. According to Duke, at some unspecified point they became a couple.
LaxreneShe's on a lot of drugs, that's pretty much it.
- Bad Ass: Can fire lightning, move really fast and blew up Disneyland.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Side effect of drugs.
- Genki Girl: She never stops. Ever. Probably because of the crack.
- Shock and Awe
NamineThe other Straight Man of the cast. She keeps the state government running. She just had sex with Zexion.
- Characterization Marches On: In Season 1 she was a television addict.
- The Power of Friendship: She believed in this at first, but she sure doesn't now.
- The Straight Man: Well, woman, but this is pretty much her role in the story.
- Unresolved Sexual Tension: With Zexion. It was in the process of resolving itself when the strip encountered a severe case of Schedule Slip.
- As of strip 707, it's safe to say that it has, indeed, been resolved.
Darth MaulThe Jewish Sith Lord, he showed up in Season 1 and never left. He doesn't exactly do anything besides prank call prostitutes and watch TV.
- Demoted to Extra: For a while he was a semi-major character - he went with the cast to Hawai'i, and participated in the infamous airplane hijacking. As of Seasons 7, he makes 2 or 3 appearances per season.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Darth Maul attacked Marluxia, complete with Force Lightning... all because Marluxia said mango-strawberry was a gay flavor. And then they both attacked Xemnas when they thought he called them box-openers.
- Jerkass: The main difference between Maul and Axel is laziness. They were friends in college.
- Shock and Awe: As a Sith he can do this.
- The Slacker: He's so lazy he called Ansem to pick up the TV remote that was four meters away from him.
- Straight Gay: According to Word of God, he's Marluxia's boyfriend now.
Red XIIIThe only cast member from the replacement cast that wasn't murdered by Axel and Zexion. His kind was created to kill Time Lords. He was recently killed by Riku when he was channeling Optimus Prime.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Decided to kill Riku because he angsted a lot.
- Face-Heel Turn: He was originally turned evil by Darth Maul and jedi mind control. This was forgotten about.
- Hazy Feel Turn: He turned on the cast to join up with Xemnas.
- Jerkass: He's kind of a dick, especially to Riku and Sora.
- Killed Off for Real: Riku ripped his face off.
- Quest for Identity: It ended with his face being ripped off.
AnsemThe guy who started the show. He's currently the president of FOX, since the cast killed the last one.
- Casting a Shadow
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: He works for FOX and he often screws people over and buys shows from other networks for the hell of it.
- The Dragon: Is this during the First Season.
- Driven to Suicide: Well, he was until he remembered he can't tie a noose with one arm.
- Jerkass: He works for and is currently president of FOX, it's only natural.
- Only in It for the Money: More ratings then money, but he got the cast together because they're so messed up that they're ratings gold. He even had Xemnas released from prison so that he could kill the other reality shows in order to get more ratings.
Vexen O'HanniducyHe's Ansem's right hand man.
- Inner Monologue: It turns out that the flashback he had about tracking down the cast was just an inner monologue.Aerith: You just stood in that pose and didn't do anything for 20 minutes.
- Insane Troll Logic: Ansem hired him to track down the cast after they ran away at the end of Season 2 because Vexen was the only guy in his employment insane and retarded enough to think like the Ansem Retort cast.
- Meaningful Name: His last name is a combination of rightwing pundits Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity, as well as Danny Bonnaduce. At the time, Danny Bonnaduce had been caught on tape cussing out a "truther" who was harassing him and openly admitting to being a Republican.
- News Parody: Sometimes appears as the host of one.
Grand OrganizerThe founder of the Assembly AKA the Gods. His defeat against the 7 warriors of the soul and the Original Soul in Utah is the cause of the events in Ansem Retort. His status(dead or alive) is never made clear in the strip.
- Bigger Bad: As Xemnas's former boss he is this. He is also this to the cast though not Ansem and previous president of Fox who are themselves Bigger Bads.
- Posthumous Character: We hope...
- Physical God: As the leader of the Assembly
- Time Crash: Sought to do this yet failed. Most likely he planned to do so the same way as Xemnas.
XemnasA recurring villain from the Assembly who wants to remake the world using Sora's powers. No one really takes him seriously.
- Meaningless Meaningful Words: Pretty much his entire dialogue is nothing but this.
- Physical God: Like all members of of the Assembly.
- Power of the Void
- Sealed Evil in a Can: No thanks to Deus tricking him into thinking the 7 warriors of the soul were playing naked hide and seek which led to Darth Maul getting him arrested. He soon gets broken out by Ansem though dosen't do what Ansem expects(kill all the other reality shows) until his first defeat at the hands of the cast.
- Time Crash: How Xemnas intends to tear down the worlds and remake them to his designs and he plans on having what's either The Perfect Order or the Original Soul do it in the form of Sora's evil clones.
DeusA member of the Assembly who was assigned to Earth alongside DiZ. He's the one who turned Sora into a demi-god.
- Casting a Shadow
- In the Hood
- It Amused Me: Why he gave Sora the Trinity Field.
- Physical God: Like all members of of the Assembly.
- Shapeshifting: Since Deus doesn't have a body per se, he takes whatever form he wants. Once he took the form of Roxas to troll DiZ. Another time he took the form of Donald Duck, for no reason other than lulz.
DiZA member of the Assembly who was assigned to Earth alongside Deus. He's opposed to Xemnas (not to mention the defeated and hopefully dead Grand Organizer).
The Perfect OrderSealed within the Trinity Field thus creating Time. Ended up inside the Original Soul/Sora.
- Eldritch Abomination: It's assumed.
- Evil Counterpart: Whichever way you look at him.
- Humanoid Abomination: If he's Roxas.
- Sealed Inside a Person-Shaped Can: Ends up inside Sora alongside The Orginal Soul.
- Living Shadow: If he's the Darkside Heartless.
LexaeusHe works for Microsoft(actually he works for Assembly Member Physical God Deus: the working for Microsoft ruse was an attempt to distract the cast from Deus giving Sora the Trinity Field for the lulz). Out of the cast of Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, he has among the fewest appearances. After Marco and Roy die (Roy was killed by Axel and Marco was killed by accidentally electrocuting himself while distracting Zexion in a fake fight to the death) he and the Unknown are the only workers of Deus left.
- Badass: He actually fought Axel and lived through it. Not many people do that.
- The Brute: When working for Microsoft.
- Funny Foreigner: In addition to the speaking Spanish thing, he's just weird. He likes "cat juice." And hates clowns.Lexaeus: YO QUIERO EL JUGO DE EL GATO!
- Gratuitous Spanish: HE SPEAKS SPANISH. ONLY SPANISH.
The UnknownHe like Lexaeus, Marco and Roy works for Deus.
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