Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, but it can't even do 50 on the flat.

I wish for cool superpowers.

Granted. Enjoy life as a human air conditioner.

I wish for the ability to execute a controlled teleport without error.

Granted. Due to being controlled, your enemies eventually predict where you're going and ambush you right as you appear.

I wish I was an Abyssal that sides with the Admiral.

Granted, but the ship girls declare you an enemy and defect en masse.

I wish Windows ME made a comeback.

Granted. It costs more than your yearly income

I wish for immunity to the cold

Gratned but you're now deadly allergic to every other disease.

I wish for a sandwich, in a plate, without poisons or any nasty stuff.

Granted. Since you said "in a plate", however, a plate will be made around the sandwich. How do you eat it? Hell if I know.

I wish colorful hair dye lasted longer than 8-10 weeks.

Granted, but now it lasts for the rest of eternity and you've just dyed your hair a colour you don't like. You can't dye it back.

I wish for a hybrid of an elephant and a rhino.

Granted. It's a Rhino-phant, a giant animal made out of Body Horror.

I wish I could drive a car up a steep wall without any problems.

Granted, but it can't go over nor across the wall.

I wish for N-Word Privileges to be abolished from society.

Granted. A replacement word is made that's just as effective as the previous word.

I wish Netorare didn't exist.

Granted. Just granted.

I wish I didn't get tired so easily.

Granted. You become tired even more easily

I wish for world class martial-art abilities

Granted. Problem is, that doesn't necessarily mean you have the body for them, and promptly die from over-exertion. Woops.

I wish I had a M60.

Granted. Due to how untrained you are, you eventually end up crippling yourself due to your lack of gun safety experience.

I wish I could break the fourth wall.

Granted. You get sued for property damage

I wish for more healthy food to taste good

Granted. Not only do they all taste good, but they all have the exact same flavor, and no amount of seasoning can save you.

I wish Burger King had better chicken nuggets.

As someone with a fear of worms... AAAAAUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

Edited by CustardAndPie on Jan 19th 2019 at 8:06:51 AM

Granted, but they are actually made out of worm larvae.

I wish the ice cream machine at McDonald's wasn't always broken.

Edited by unfortunatezorua on Jan 19th 2019 at 6:04:23 PM

Granted it is now broken daily for 23 hours and the ice cream tastes worse.

I wish I could find 500 dollars on the street

Granted. You finds $500 of Monopoly money on the ground. In a Monopoly game fest.

I wish I could find gum that tasted gooooooooooooood.

Granted, but it glues your mouth shut once you chew it, and being rendered unable to eat anything else or call for help you eventually die of starvation.

I wish for a ket.

Granted: All media devices you own or will ever own only display Kentucky Educational Television.

I wish I had a chocolate soda.

Edited by TairaMai on Jan 19th 2019 at 6:34:03 PM

Granted. It's dumped on your head.

I wish for an Irish drinking song about leaf blowers.

Granted, but it's now stuck in your head forever and you can't get it out. Have fun with your new form of eternal suffering.

I wish for a bucket of water.

Granted: you have a bucket made of water

*water shaped bucket quickly becomes a puddle*

I wish for a date with an angel....