The Ice Queen
I either get killed by Spottedleaf from Warrior Cats- which is impressive because she is a. a cat and b. not even a cat that knows how to fight...
Or I eat some leaf with spots on it that turns out to be poisonous.
So I either:
A) Get my ass beat by an Irishman
B) Get my ass beat by a black Irishman
C) Get my ass beat by Emil Cioran, a Romanian philosopher
[CLASSIFIED]
My last fight would be my death which would be the fifth.
Whatever choices we make, one must accept the consequences to move forward
I'm back, I guess.
I think I'll get cancer.
I can't think of a good signature.
There is no Planet B
LOL, actually I might get crushed by a giant X at Kalomo airport. Apparently, its international code is FLLO. 
Shitposter-General
Uhhh... Quetzalcoatl prolly beats me up, as suggested by keiorn.
Merry Chriztmaz ya filthy animals!
Schrodinger's Human
Apparently, TV station called KAAL will ban me from life for eternity... however that works.
Everything that lives is designed to end.
An evil king subjects me to a nightmare I can't wake up from
—signature not found—
I'm in a Crystal Prison for all eternity.
TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life. I’ve been there for too long, became addicted, and died.
I go on a Wiki Walk for so long I forget to eat and starve to death
PSA: a cat is not a dog