GET THAT PIZZA!

Tory tracked down Florien and ended up kicking the door of the shed open and take the pizza. When suddenly..

Florien and Florian start yelling in annoyance at Tory.

Seriously? Nine Tailed Cat has the Pizza, not us!

Wrong shed! I'm busy recovering from a head wou...

Wait, somehow you stole the Pizza without us... having... What?

The pair then realize what this means, and immediately stab Tory to death with a gardening trowel. Florien and Florian then flee with the Pizza to one of the worst rectangles in the world, Wyoming.

Zorua somehow manages to transmute the entirety of Wyoming into a sheet of paper and traps the two in it, grabbing the pizza and leaving on a unicycle.

Superjohn on his motorcycle comes behind Zorua hits him with a baseball bat. He then takes off with the paper, but when he reaches into it to get the pizza...

Edited by Superjohn on Oct 4th 2020 at 8:12:25 AM

superjohn gets bitten by an alligator. it turns out awe921 was inside wyoming at the time, with Florida inside his own piece of paper. it also turns out superjohn was unlucky enough to reach into the florida paper, as they are grabbed by the alligators into the land of the lawless, his fate to be immortalized as a Florida Man story.

awe921 then folds Paper Florida, jumps out of Paper Wyoming with the pizza and starts running.

Nine-Tailed Cat brandishes a pair of shears and proceeds to destroy the entire Paper United States by the rules of Rock-Paper-Scissors. Once finished, he stabs Awe with the shears and grabs the pizza himself.

Just then, Florien and Florian show up and challenge Nine Tailed Cat to a more complex game, cribbage. The rules baffle Nine Tailed Cat. Why the hell does the dealer get two points when the cut card is a jack? And why would anyone call that "His Heels"?

Fifteen two, fifteen four, run for seven, pair for nine, and his nob for ten.

Nine Tailed Cat becomes convinced the Florie/ans are cheating. Surely no one would name something "his nob". The next round happens.

Royal pair for six.

Nine Tailed Cat becomes more furious. That's called a three-of-a-kind! WHO in the HELL would call it a "royal pair"?!

Double-Double run for sixteen.

JUST COUNT IT AS FOUR RUNS AND TWO PAIRS!!!

At this point, Nine Tailed Cat's head explodes from a combination of rage and confusion at why these things are named so in cribbage. Florien, who was watching, and Florian, who was playing, take the Pizza.

Wm, seeing that the Florie/ans have challenged Ninetails to a card game that doesn't suck, decides to challenge them to a different card game from the same series (as well as one that coincidentally, can have three players), Egyptian Ratscrew.

Almost immediately, Wm has to correct the both on which direction they flip their cards- underhand, not overhand. You can't peek at your own card before it's in the center pile. Things only go downhill from there.

A mess of sandwiches, pairs, three-card-runs, top-and-bottom, and marriages fill the next several minutes, with a few erroneous calls as well.

Many slaps are had, and by the end all three's hands are somewhere on the spectrum between sore and numb. Eventually, Wm slaps a triple-six, which means everyone loses and the deck must be burned at midnight. Then, Wm skips the next few hours to the deck burning, taking the pizza with him.

Unfortunately, Superjohn appears and rips him in half. John then picks up the pizza, and true to form, calls for a taxi.

Only to for... Florian to turn out to be the driver. Huh. No being run over this time. Florian takes Superjohn to his destination, charges for the fare in cash, and lets Superjohn out with the Pizza...

Then Florien runs over Superjohn with a giant motorized unicycle, the stupidest novelty vehicle ever to be, and takes the Pizza. Florien then rides into a trailer behind the taxi, and Florien and Florian drive off at around four miles per hour in heavy city traffic.

Nine-Tailed Cat stops Florien to show them the new entry he just added to the game's haiku subpage. While Florien's busy reading it, he makes good on what the haiku says and runs off with the pizza.

MEANWHILE, A BROADCAST FAR AWAY FROM THE STREAMS OF TIME EMERGES.

   GREETINGS.   

   AS SOME CONTRIBUTORS TO THE GREATLY APPRECIATED WORK PAGE MIGHT HAVE NOTICED, THE ANNIVERSARY FOR THIS ETERNAL BATTLE FOR CHEESY DELICACY DRAWS NEAR.   

   UNTIL IT IS OCTOBER 27, I WILL SEND IN MY WORKFORCE FOR COMBAT. THE WORKLOAD HAS DECREASED SIGNIFICANTLY, THEREFORE I'M ABLE TO SLACK OFF LIKE THIS.   

   IF ANY OF YOU REMEMBER THE SOLAR-POWERED, SUN SIZED MECHA, THAT IS HOW THEY OPERATE. A 'BOSS CHARACTER', SO TO DESCRIBE.   

   SIGNING OFF.   

The world rumbles as a tear in the middle of the air appears, as AU versions of Awe921 storms out of it, enough to compose an army, such as Engineer Awe, Gardener Awe, Berzerker Awe (who got his legs cut off and trampled because he was hanging out where the tear first appeared) and Totally An Awe, who looks kind of space-suity over there.

They charge off into various directions, probably beating the tars and lights out of anyone who comes near.

funny npc boss, go!!! i'll mostly be using them but if you want you could have your local awe beat the shit out of someone else

Edited by Awe921 on Sep 30th 2020 at 11:04:19 AM

Wm, trying the first thing he can think of, disguises himself as another Awe. He doesn't quite think he can pull the "sow paranoia in the ranks" tactic he did on Ninetails' army, so instead, he tries a different tactic: gain the trust of whichever platoon of Awes has the pizza at the moment, and then smuggle it out of the army.

...

One hour later, Wm is now booking it from the barracks where the Pizza was held, pizza in tow. There is an army of Awe clones chasing him led by Awe-dressed-as-Wm-dressed-as-Ninetails-dressed-as-Awe.

Well. Someone else has a legion of soldiers at their command. Not faceless mooks like the Alliance either. Florian?

Yes Florien?

We've got some sabotage to do.

The disguise legion of the Awemy are chasing Wm. Florien, who Florian foolishly trusted with a sniper rifle, fires at Wm to kill him and take the Pizza. Florien, established as easily one of the worst shots in the world, misses. Florien not only misses, in fact, Florien hits "Scooby-Doo" Hoax Bedsheet Ghost Awe of the Awemy. This distracts the disguise legion Awemy long enough for Wm to start actually escaping, but then Florian throws a generic brand flashbang at Wm. It goes off, setting Wm on fire, and Florian grabs the Pizza. They find themselves running now from the disguise legion Awemy, while the Florie/ans are being tracked by Helicopter Pilot Awe so they can't shake the Awemy.

While fleeing at top speed with the Pizza, the Florie/ans encounter...

Another army of black clad marines who will allow them to flee for the cost of one pizza. And it’s then shipped to a ai ship for super matter disposal.

“I must protect my empire by disposing of this artifact”

Guma has better things to do than fight a massive army right now. They get into a giant Humongous Mecha and give an ultimatum to immortal artisan and the Awes.

“Hey, what’s that behind you?”

Everyone looks back, allowing the mech to caper the pizza.

Meanwhile, during all this chaos, madface7 just decides to eat Chinese food. Pizza is overrated anyways.

Vjoi decides to just skip the nonsense by just grabbing the pizza and running away.

However, Vjoj wanders right into the middle of a battle between the Awepocalypse and the Nine-Tailed Cat Resistance and gets caught in the crossfire. One Nine-Tailed Cat clone squad mistakes Vjoj for Looks-Like-Vjoj Awe and opens fire with their cannon. The Nine-Tailed Cats realize their mistake as soon as they see the pizza, then decide not to let it go to waste and send a couple of their scouts out to grab the pizza.

The scouts, however, were impostors! Florien and Florian used the identical avatar for trickery, and took the place of the scouts. They retrieve the Pizza, then join the Awemy under the guise of Nine-Tailed-Cat-Twin-Clone Awes to escape.

unfortunately, it turns out that 'florian' was really just a really convincing impostawe with an even more convincing beards. upon getting an opportunity, he launches a grenade underneath Florien and throws them face-first onto it, blowing them up.

then he self-reports. unfortunately that teleports all of the awes around a bunch of tables, including...

Superjohn, who throws Awe into space, taking the pizza as he flees from the scene.

Knife pops up, and presses emergency meeting. She points out that Superjohn seems "pretty sus." The rest of the Awes agree, and throw him out the airlock. Knife grabs the pizza just before he is shot out.

She then sabatages the reactor. As the whole ship melts down, she breaks the window of the cockpit and jumps out as the ship goes up in flames. Satisfied, she grabs a slice of her pizza.

Only come face to face with Florian in a small spacecraft, who after accidently being left behind while Impostawe took their place, has finally made it to space to help out Florien. As the ship explodes, Florien is launched into Knife, grabs the Pizza on collision, lands on Florian's cockpit window, gets inside, and the Florie/ans fly off, leaving Knife to float in space for a while. However...

Superjohn collides with their ship, he then sabotages the ship causing it to crash back onto Earth. Superjohn appears at the crash site in antarctica, and takes the pizza.