Splatoon

The new stage looks really bad. It looks really small, the overhead map looks nearly identical to Brinewater except even smaller, and overall it looks like another bland and unbalanced map. Why can’t we get maps that are interesting? Bad maps in Splatoon 1 had interesting gimmicks so at least they weren’t bad. Splatoon 3’s maps just blend together.

Not to mention this is, what, the third new map in a row that's shaped like a zigzag? It's so safe. Scorch Gorge at a shopping mall, Scorch Gorge with more slopes, Scorch Gorge with hills, Scorch Gorge but terrible. Isn't this supposed to be the chaos timeline?

At least the Pump Track is Humpback

Edited by Midna on May 20th 2023 at 4:18:24 AM

Chaos lacks the discipline, organisation, and self-control to devote time and effort to a while new arena, so they just modify last month's work a little bit and submit that at the last minute.

Managed to splat a Horrorboros in the Grizzco rotation. In record time, too! I was rewarded with 11 bronze and 1 silver. Nice to know that's still the same.

In unrelated news, shout out to that floor in the middle of Sturgeon Shipway that I constantly forget exists

I am seriously considering dropping this game because of how horrible the netcode is. If you get two matches in a row where nobody disconnects you should be playing the lottery. Say what you will about Overwatch but the game actually kinda works. Any review that gives any Nintendo game with online play a positive score when the internet is like this was paid for.

Nah, professional critics just have access to an environment where the only other players also have good internet.

I can't blame Nintendo for all the people playing on McDonalds wifi.

That said, if it were feasible to prevent people from queueing up with poor signals... well, programing wise it probably is, but PR may pose a challenge...

Edited by ShinyCottonCandy on May 22nd 2023 at 6:33:38 AM

A sneak peek at Sizzle Season 2023's catalog, featuring retro gaming consoles.

The netcode is about the same as ever. What bothers me is that you have to restart the queuing process from scratch if somebody disconnects during it. Why is it like that. Splatoon 1 and 2 weren't like that

I also like how the SNES (sorry, Supreme Ness) has the yellowing on it that almost every SNES console in existence suffers from

Edited by Midna on May 22nd 2023 at 2:15:20 PM

"Yo bro, wanna play some Superb Fighting Siblings on my Cubic Gaming System with me?"

"Sure! Just don't give me one of those Irate Felinez controllers. They suck!"

In all seriousness, this catalog looks pretty cool. I was expecting Nintendo to put in a couple of their old consoles sooner or later.

"Irate Felinez"? Surely you mean "Mad Catfish"

Hopefully they’re playing one of the console’s most beloved titles, Ultra Marina Sunbeams. Where clean is meaner than dirty, and dirty’s better than clean

I know a lot of people like The Legend of Callie: The Wail Waker, but I've always enjoyed Twilight DJ more.

I’d make a Pokémon pun, but as we’ve had two Splatfests that don’t even talk around it (contrast the Triforce Splatfest which doesn’t technically mention the franchise) I’m pretty sure Pokémon exists in Splatoon exactly as it does in our time, except the humans being Inklings and Octolings instead.

Come to think of it, in-universe Nintendo is a weapons manufacturer that just happens to share its name, logo, and aesthetics with the pre-squidstory company. Ancho-V Games is the leader in the video game market instead.

Does that mean Ancho-V makes the Pokémon and Mario games?

Splatana Wiper Deco comes with Squid Beakon and--brace for it--Tenta missiles.

Square Enix is ripping off Splatoon now.

Yeah, that does feel heavily Splatoon inspired

Good luck to them??

Instead of Tetris blocks, Foamstars maps will be based on Puyo Puyo chaining forms.

That's, uh... I think I need to draw something now or I will once I get a new tablet. Tech issues!

We've got the album art for Yoko and the Gold Bazookas. She got a new hat!

Nice!

Geez, Sony is trying their hardest with the PS5 in trying to win back their PS1 and PS2 crowd. First, you really wanted to win back all the anime gamers who were turned off by your censorship that began halfway throughout the PS4's lifespan with Eternights, now you're trying to entice another part of the PS1/PS2 crowd with Foamstars, a blatant Splatoon clone?

No wonder it feels like Square Enix is stabbing Nintendo in the back multiple times lately after their cornucopia of content with the 2D-HD games pioneered by Octopath Traveler, the Trials of Mana remake, and the bomb drops they had for Smash Ultimate...

Edited by leafsaber47 on May 29th 2023 at 12:16:15 PM

holy shit a blue ringed octoling

... What on Earth does Splatoon have to do with the PS1 and 2?

Edited by VampireBuddha on May 29th 2023 at 9:43:06 AM

Well, Splatoon basically sells itself on nostalgia for that wild, crazy, edgy-but-not-so-edgy-your-mom-won't-let-you-play-it '90s aesthetic, and Foamstars is, at the very least, heavily inspired by Splatoon

I don't see how that makes it "trying to win over the PS1/PS2 crowd" though. (If Sony wanted to do that they'd start developing games themselves in Japan again.) Seems more like Squeenix is trying to make a Sploon killer than anything

Edited by Midna on May 29th 2023 at 7:02:58 AM