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FOFD Fall Maiden Relationship Status: Heisenberg unreliable
Fall Maiden
Feb 3rd 2014 at 6:49:10 AM

This was a pretty popular idea on a certain other site, and I figured it could either be a forum game, or a thread in the literature section. It will be adjusted accordingly, either way.

So what's the objective?

Write a horror story in two sentences, nothing more, nothing less. Critique, rate, thumbs up, throw tomatoes while supplies last.

-extremely obnoxious cough-

The angels scurried from graveyard to graveyard, shovels in hand, interrupting funeral processions and digging up coffins because the afterlife was full and those dearly departed souls were suffering. As it turned out, I was one of the lucky ones.

edited 3rd Feb '14 6:49:31 AM by FOFD

Something wicked this way comes.
ArsThaumaturgis Relationship Status: I've been dreaming of True Love's Kiss
Feb 3rd 2014 at 8:07:54 AM

Hmm, and interesting game — but perhaps better suited to the Writer's Block sub-forum?

At any rate, your story seems like a decent start, although I'll confess that it feels unfinished to me — two sentences doesn't seem like quite enough there.

My attempt:

His nightmares hunted him through the dark of his mind, tormented him with all the pain, misery and horror of a subconscious mind unleashed. Again and again he tried to wake up, to break the hold of the dreams, but alas — he was not asleep.

(I would have liked to have "shown" the nightmares rather than "told" them, but I didn't want to push that first sentence too far and wanted the second sentence for the use that I put it to; this game can be tricky!)

edited 3rd Feb '14 8:08:07 AM by ArsThaumaturgis

A Door to the Mists: Traversal, exploration, puzzles, and combat in a heroic-fantasy setting
Noaqiyeum The it-thingy from the October Country Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The it-thingy
Feb 3rd 2014 at 9:45:29 AM

This is an interesting challenge. I'll have to try again. :)

I was surprised how relieved I was when I woke up. I decided I don't want to die after all, but when I said so he started to prepare another dose.

edited 3rd Feb '14 9:45:57 AM by Noaqiyeum

We're an endless stream of choices, we're the softest murmur of voices
JHM Thunder, Perfect Mind from Neither Here Nor There Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
Thunder, Perfect Mind
Feb 3rd 2014 at 2:41:28 PM

[up] I would adjust the tenses in the second sentence, but the premise is intriguing.

Here goes nothing...

I know exactly where you are and what you are doing, and from this point on, I always will. After all, only I know where I put what was left of you.

I'll hide your name inside a word, and paint your eyes with false perception.
Night The future of warfare in UC. from Jaburo Relationship Status: Drift compatible
The future of warfare in UC.
Feb 3rd 2014 at 3:49:05 PM

"It is in the cage."

It wasn't.

Nous restons ici.
GaryCXJk Wants Captain N for SSBU Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
Wants Captain N for SSBU
Feb 3rd 2014 at 4:08:14 PM

So, basically what I normally do with erotic fanfiction, except with horror. Got it.

The moment I laid my eyes on him my mind had shattered. I could do nothing but stand there while he grabbed me, held me in a tight grip as he slowly moved his extremities over my long stiff

Okay, obviously I suck at this.

Signatures are for lamers.
LittleBillyHaggardy Impudent Upstart from Holy Toledo
Impudent Upstart
Feb 3rd 2014 at 5:56:43 PM

The dark tunnel narrowed so gradually he soon found himself trying to squeeze through a crack that simply wouldn't fit him. He tried to push himself back up the path only to find that he was stuck fast between the rocks, unable to budge even an inch.

Nobody wants to be a pawn in the game of life. What they don't realize is the game of life is Minesweeper.
Wolf1066 Typin' strangely from New Zealand Relationship Status: In my bunk
Typin' strangely
Feb 3rd 2014 at 7:12:57 PM

I opened the door. Standing on the doorstep was our Prime Minister.

Well, the prospect horrifies me...

nuqDaq 'oH puchpa"e' —- Koyo, mi na sasa Kelingong.
Eagal This is a title. from This is a location. Relationship Status: Waiting for Prince Charming
This is a title.
Feb 3rd 2014 at 8:44:15 PM

There once was a woman named Stephanie Meyer. She wrote a book series called Twilight.

The madness is catching.
MajorTom Eye'm the cutest! Relationship Status: Barbecuing
Eye'm the cutest!
Feb 3rd 2014 at 8:51:18 PM

"Where did it go?"

"Right....behind you."

"Allah may guide their bullets, but Jesus helps those who aim down the sights."
ArsThaumaturgis Relationship Status: I've been dreaming of True Love's Kiss
Feb 4th 2014 at 7:26:04 AM

Before I post my next idea, should we have any guidelines for unpleasant imagery? I'm hesitant to post because I don't know where the boundaries are for this thread...

(I mean, that one about the Prime Minister -- steady on, man, there's only so much one can take! ;P)

(If I do post my idea, I might post it in a spoiler, with a general warning, just to be safe. It may not be that bad, but I'd rather be safe than sorry, I think.)

The original post suggested posting feedback, so let me try to respond to a few:

@Noaqiyeum: That is interesting, although I feel that the second part of the second sentence might lack a little in punch.

@JHM: I rather like that. ^_^

@Little Billy Haggardy: I wonder whether it might not have been better to have started with the idea in the second sentence — becoming stuck — and then used the new second sentence to describe the character's reaction to it? Tight spaces and being trapped like that could be pretty effective, I think, but the character's reactions might help to convey the horror of it.

@Wolf: That was hilarious. XD

edited 4th Feb '14 7:28:10 AM by ArsThaumaturgis

A Door to the Mists: Traversal, exploration, puzzles, and combat in a heroic-fantasy setting
Kesar Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
Feb 4th 2014 at 8:46:27 AM

Hmm, horror's not usually my thing, but here goes:

"This should not hurt you a bit," he said, strapping me down. "Let me know if it does."

"Suddenly, as he was listening, the ceiling fell in on his head."
Noaqiyeum The it-thingy from the October Country Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The it-thingy
Feb 4th 2014 at 9:21:10 AM

[up][up] Punch is hard. :P I was having trouble just trying to convey the situation in two sentences... I wasn't really sure what to do with the tense, as JHM pointed out, either. Suggestions? I think maybe it might work better if it were to end "...and I told him so, but he only started to prepare another dose."

As for your question, I don't think this thread needs special content restrictions - the forum overall already has those anyway - but we should probably keep in mind that it's really easy to try using excessive imagery to get fear and only inspire disgust instead. If you're still really worried about it, though, spoilers are probably fair.

edited 4th Feb '14 9:26:22 AM by Noaqiyeum

We're an endless stream of choices, we're the softest murmur of voices
Luminosity ahuhuhuhuhu from the mother of all drills Relationship Status: Lovey-Dovey
ahuhuhuhuhu
Feb 4th 2014 at 10:19:31 AM

I extended my arm and raised my thumb to see if the nuclear explosion pillar looked narrower from this distance. Oh no...

ArsThaumaturgis Relationship Status: I've been dreaming of True Love's Kiss
Feb 4th 2014 at 2:33:06 PM

[up][up] Regarding your story, I'm not sure of the best way to change it, in part because I think that it depends on the reaction that you want the "killer" character to have; at the moment he seems to me to be indifferent to the narrator's pleas. Perhaps it might help to merge the narrator's decision to live into the first sentence, allowing more "room" in the second for a description of the narrator's actions and the "killer"'s reactions (or lacks thereof)?

Regarding my question, thank you for your points. ^_^

You make a good point regarding excessive imagery. I've changed my story somewhat (see below) — making it perhaps the first entry here that has been commented on before it was posted. ;)

I'd also forgotten that we have content restrictions, so thank you for mentioning that. ^^; Come to that, do you have a link to the content rules? I may have simply missed them, but I didn't manage to find rules regarding content other than sexual (which is mentioned in the "Forum Rules" thread, I believe).

My next entry:

The corpse advanced, near-black within the dim grey stone of the closed tomb. John quailed, but terror bolted his feet in place; he could only hold up a shaking hand to the revenant and moan: "No... Father, please no..."

A Door to the Mists: Traversal, exploration, puzzles, and combat in a heroic-fantasy setting
Kelnius Kelnius from Australia Relationship Status: Lovey-Dovey
Kelnius
Feb 4th 2014 at 4:27:43 PM

Horror is supposed to be scary, but two sentences is so short, so I figured . . . Body Horror [consider that my "warning"]:

> "Come on, surely there's something else you can do, Doc!" I shrieked; suddenly yelping as my arm twisted all the way around a third time.
> "I'm . . . I'm so sorry," said the doctor, tears welling in his eyes as he raised the axe.

edited 4th Feb '14 4:28:00 PM by Kelnius

If you like my writing, check out my blog - absurdwordnerd.blogspot.com.au
carbon-mantis Collector Of Fine Oddities from North Carolina Relationship Status: Married to my murderer
Collector Of Fine Oddities
Feb 5th 2014 at 8:47:13 AM

"Mr Smith, we're with the IRS. Please open the door."

DrStarky Okay Guy from Corn And Pig Land Relationship Status: Staying up all night to get lucky
Okay Guy
Feb 5th 2014 at 9:16:23 AM

It's been 3 days now and you haven't said anything. Mister, will you please stop the bus?

edited 5th Feb '14 9:16:49 AM by DrStarky

Put me in motion, drink the potion, use the lotion, drain the ocean, cause commotion, fake devotion, entertain a notion, be Nova Scotian
Wolf1066 Typin' strangely from New Zealand Relationship Status: In my bunk
Typin' strangely
Feb 9th 2014 at 1:31:41 PM

Oh, thanks ever so much, carbon-mantis, now I'll never get to sleep tonight!

nuqDaq 'oH puchpa"e' —- Koyo, mi na sasa Kelingong.
dRoy Perpetually clueless from The Happy Place Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Perpetually clueless
Feb 9th 2014 at 2:14:37 PM

After much anxious deliberation, I decided have a dear old friend for a dinner at one fine Saturday afternoon. I made a splendid meal with the most precious ingredients I could procure; fresh vegetables, imported herbs, decades old red wine, and his flesh.

Less of a horror, but more of black humor, but hey.

edited 9th Feb '14 2:25:25 PM by dRoy

Mother of god...You turned one of the hardest and best Champions into an absolute joke. - Zelenal
KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
Feb 9th 2014 at 2:47:53 PM

Some people think that hell is a place of spiritual torment, some great judgment and eternal damnation in a lake of fire. Imagine their surprise when they look for it and find nothing, and then realize the reality is so much worse.

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
fillerdude Relationship Status: Getting away with murder
Feb 10th 2014 at 2:44:14 AM

Carl's beaming face hovered over the crib. "I found some meat."

AtomJames I need a drink
I need a drink
Feb 11th 2014 at 6:49:24 AM

There was nothing in that dark room, of that I was certain. So who, or what, was breathing into my ear?

edited 11th Feb '14 6:50:09 AM by AtomJames

Theres sex and death and human grime in monochrome for one thin dime and at least the trains all run on time but they dont go anywhere.
Feb 11th 2014 at 2:18:48 PM

My hand lowered onto her chest, caressing her. And then, a hand reached out of her chest and grabbed mine.

-deep breath- FIGH-TIIIIIIIING GOOOOOOOOLLLD!!!!
Manicnightmarepixie Great blue orb of void. from Interdimensional space frog brain base. Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Great blue orb of void.
Feb 11th 2014 at 2:24:38 PM

I wonder where Pete had gone I thought before taking another bite out of a pork bun. Pete was much closer than I expected.

Pretty lame I guess.

Crappy Dali imitator and producer of generalized bad art http://kamilkovakaramelka.deviantart.com/

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