The strangest thing you've said today...

"Sounds like a sex position. The Syrupy Pancake."

A friend and I were at IHOP and he mentioned that the word "pancake" just sounds dirty.

"Ok, a company is like a set of teeth that needs braces."

Explaining change management with an anology I made up on the spot. It was surprisingly well accepted.

"I want to have this man's babies right now. He brandished a doll in my face, and it terrified the shit out of me."

"Yeah, but 4:20 isn't time to smoke crack, so it's still not appropriate..."

Explaining how the fact that my clock necklace reads 4:20 is not in fact in character for a Flavor Flav costume.

"What's the matter with these people? Don't they realize i have an addiction to feed?!"

Not much Halloween candy this year.

It is a bad sign that I can't decide?

...Okay, just picking one at random....

"So was that before or after you found out she was actually Robin Hood reincarnated as a flaming Girl Scout triceratops zombie ninja?"

You do not want to know the context. But for what it's worth, the reply was a deadpan "Before".

"When did the school get black grass? Wait, those are birds..."

"As I have told him...what the fuck is there to be supportive about? I like cock! I don't need support, I need cock!"

"I'm in love."

• walks away*

"If I were to buy you a signed copy of Mahotsukai no Yoru, THEN we can discuss Childbearing possibilities."

"...What? Your stomach is a nazi and you're going to throw up!?"

Me mishearing what my mom said. We then proceeded to make a ton of bad jokes about her stomach being a nazi.

"Hhhhhaaaaaaaaaa... Brian Blessed! ...Oh, er, don't mind me. Inside joke... TV Tropes... camels... I'll shut up now."

In-context, the strangest part of that was actually the drawn-out, monotone "ha".

• "SEX ED! SEX ED! SEX ED!"

My friend dared me to yell it in some dude's ear. It made little sense in context, too.

• "STOP THROWING CHOCOLATE CHIPS AT THE PROSECUTION!"

Renacting an old classroom skit we did forever ago. We were in a 'courtroom', and we threw stuff at each other. Yep, it makes no sense at all. I just found a prop I had saved and called my friends over.

• "EAT LETTUCE!"

From the renactment.

"Let me describe to you how angelically I'm beaming so you know how angelic I am!"

"My friends can breathe underwater. They have weak lungs."

Just quoting a song. That was misinterpreted as... not a song.

"Why the fuck do you have a bitch's shoe?"

Was at a party, a friend of mine ganked a girl's shoe, then came outside with it and told us he had "a bitch's shoe".

edited 5th Nov '11 7:59:29 AM by MasterInferno

Today:

"There should be a... ouch. Yeah, there should be an ouch, but maybe the ouch doesn't run on Sunday night"

Stubbing my toe while talking to myself about catching a bus, then just going with it.

Forgot to post this last night:

"I have to catch the train or I'll turn into a pumpkin"

I had to leave a bar around midnight to catch a train home, and I was explaining with a somewhat mangled Cinderella metaphor (in that really the train should be turning into a pumpkin, not me). Either the other person got what I meant anyway, or just she took it in stride because it was just one of many strange things both of us had said that night

edited 7th Nov '11 11:43:49 AM by MikeK

"Wake up and smell the assrape! Delicious, buttsex-y assrape!"

Me mocking an awkward camera angle in a movie.

edited 6th Nov '11 10:42:24 PM by GameSpazzer

"DON'T THESE DOUCHEBAGS KNOW THAT LESBIANS ARE LIKE OUR THIRD MOST VALUABLE NATURAL RESOURCE?!"

Got an e-mail about lesbian torture clinics, and promptly flipped the fuck out over the fact that is even a thing. I tried making this joke to calm down, but it didn't work.

"I am not stoned! 'Cause if I did stones, my brains would fall out of my ears, 'cause of your brain on drugs and stuff... so don't snort stones, or you'll die of stone overdose."

-beat-

"I'm not on rocks, either."

I... I have no words. But I actually wasn't stoned. I was around someone who wasn't used to my idiosynchrasies.

"I am gonna dress the shit out of you, little baby."

Putting the clothes back on a baby doll being used as a prop.

"They're like tiny ice-creams that taste like pea."

On frozen peas.

"[REDACTED-FIRST-NAME] exploded all over this room."

My comment after my mum remarked on how quickly I distributed my ornaments on my desk and cupboards.

do you find a killer plant attractive? do you look at the business ed of a man eating plant and think "I wish girls had that instead of of a vagina?"

The Kent Brockman avatar really sells that line.