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The Computer Is A Cheating Bastard / F-Zero

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  • In the original, you've got blatant cheating by ALL vehicles on Master mode. All vehicles can go max speed with perfect handling. If you are ahead of them, they are always right behind you, barely off the screen. Always. On the Death Wind course, it is literally impossible to win with the Golden Fox with speed alone, so you have to block your opponents' way with your rear to pull that off.
    • Computer vehicles (on all difficulties) are utterly invincible. You can knock the AI off the track into what should be an instant, unavoidable death, and they will literally drive on the air, pass through the guard rails, and continue on as if nothing happened. They take full advantage of this as well, behaving more like deterrents to your survival than actual competitors hoping to win the race.
  • F-Zero X is fairly simple if you can figure out the Side-Attack Turn and the right boosting technique, even on Expert. When you get to Master, however, you'll want to start ripping your hair out. For starters, it feels like every single pilot just slams on their brakes once they're directly lined up in front of you. Because of the sheer speed you're going at, this can be impossible to react to. Combine this with the fact that an absolutely perfect first lap is required to win at some tracks (Example: Silence - High Speed) and you have a race that comes down to a total crapshoot. Oh, by the way... if you make contact with any of them, even if it's them hitting you, you'll immediately be sent into an uncontrollable slide. (Unless you let off the accelerator, then punch it again straight after.)
    • Well, every single pilot slams their brakes... except for three, that is. Every single character in the game has 3 "rivals" of sorts. (Example: If you play as Captain Falcon, your "rivals" will be Samurai Goroh, Blood Falcon, and Black Shadow.) These 3 rivals will surpass any speed you can manage to get out of your machine, almost as if they have a magnet which attracts them to the player. The kicker: They never use their boosters... not even once. Add the constant side attacks these 3 do when you're anywhere in their general area (which, by the way, can make you lose half, or even all your speed) and you'll swear these guys don't just want you to die in the game. They want you to die in real life from a stroke.
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    • Thought you were done after the Joker Cup? Well, surprise, surprise, it gets even worse in the DD-Cups! Some of the track designs in these 2 Japan Exclusive Grand Prix just have "sadism" written all over them. What could that possibly have to do with the computer, though?
      • Enter Silence 3 - Outside Loop. This track... if there were ever an interactive definition of "crapshoot" this would be it. First of all, the sand in the middle of the loop is so wide that it takes the world's most steady thumb just to get through cleanly, without touching the sand or the wall. But after you figure out the right angles to hold the joystick, you're in the clear, right? WRONG! If you go just 1 kmh too fast on these loops, you will fly off the track, straight to your death. You know how you could push the Joystick up in Silence 1 to prevent yourself from flying off? Well, not even that works here! The real kick to the nards: THE COMPUTER CAN TRAVEL MUCH FASTER THAN YOU AND STILL HANG ON! Once Lap 2 and Lap 3 roll around, expect them to milk this for everything it's worth.
      • For one final injury atop all those insults, you think you can just set the machine at its slowest speed to avoid falling off? Ha ha ha ha... NO!!! There's a jump after the 2nd loop which you absolutely must take if you want any hope of winning the race, and if you set your machine settings too far to the left, you'll never be able to lift off the ground to make that jump! So, you're effectively forced to put yourself in constant danger of an instant death just so you can even have a chance of winning. It's not even guaranteed, it's just a chance! Think about this for a second... if you lose all of your lives and get a Game Over, you have to go through this nightmare all over again. The only positive is that this is the very first race in its respective cup, so you won't have to do much to try again if you die here.
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    • On other tracks, however, you become the cheating bastard yourself in a way. Red Canyon 1, Mute City 2, Big Blue 2, Devil's Forest 3, Big Hand, Devil's Forest 4 (64-DD Only), Devil's Forest 5 (64-DD Only), and Space Plant 2 (64-DD only) come to mind. If you've mastered the Side Attack Turn, then these particular tracks will be cake walks... even on Master.
  • F-Zero Maximum Velocity. In the hardest difficulty level, all of the vehicles have a higher top-speed than you do. All of them. Even the Fighting Comet (granted, you won't see it until everyone else is done flying past you). The only possible way to counter this advantage is using Boost pads, jumps, and the vehicle's own boost to their best possible effect. Oddly enough, it doesn't cheat that much when it comes to corners, as machines with poor turning performance fall really far behind in tracks with tight turns; skilled players only have to actually worry about four machines.
  • F-Zero GX's Grand Prix Mode is tough, but fair. The one in the Story Mode, however, will show you no mercy whatsoever. If you mess up even just one time, you can kiss that first place goodbye.
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    • I'll let SA speak for me on this one.
      • And then you realize that that post refers to the easiest difficulty level, and that there are two more to beat. And those are the ones that net you the unlocks.
    • There is no way to understate the insanity that is this race in Master Difficulty. Since F-Zero tracks are sometimes upside down, it is possible for the AI cars to go so fast that they'll actually knock you out of the course, causing an instant One-Hit Kill.
  • F-Zero Climax takes a few pages from the very first game's book; if you can see the AI, it will slam into walls and move at the normal car's top speed. If you lose sight of them however, they suddenly become godlike and navigate courses perfectly. Even worse is the fact enemy cars can frequently pop up right behind and bump into you. Even if you're in mid-air.
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