Arthur: Pal, Are you feeling better?
Vet: He is still quite queasy. He ate a lot of things a dog should not eat. What did he eat yesterday?
Arthur: Well, some pancakes, some fruity gummy Halloween candy, then he swallowed a chilli dog. (Sheepishly) Whole.
Vet: Well, read this book. It's about what dogs should eat to stay healthy! Maybe someday you should have a stomach check too.
[Scene changes to Arthur's house]
Jane: Well, look who's back!
Arthur: I am sorry that I blamed you for making my dog sick. It's not your fault!
DW: What do you mean?
Dogs' stomachs are different than ours.
—From Sick as a Dog.
Mr. Ratburn: [In hoarse voice]
Uh... Mr. Haney... I... Mr. Haney:
What is it, man? Speak up! Mr. Ratburn:
I- I can't do the... class... I... Mr. Haney: [notices Buster, Brain, and another student at the window; he slams it shut and shoos the kids away]
Now. What did you say? [Mr. Ratburn points to his throat] Mr. Haney:
Ratburn, I hate to tell you this, but I think you are losing your voice. [Mr. Ratburn nods and coughs] Mr. Haney:
Whatever you wanted to tell me will just have to wait until you're feeling better. [Scene changes to Ratburn's classroom as Mr. Haney leads the kids back in from recess] Mr. Haney:
Children, I have some bad news. Buster: [whispering to Arthur]
He's gonna say we have to go to school all summer, I know it! Mr. Haney:
Mr. Ratburn is ill, and will be out for the rest of the week. [he leaves the room and closes the door after him; the entire class begins cheering until Mr. Haney opens the door again and gives them a Disapproving Look, causing them to try to look innocent]
You may use
this time to do homework while I arrange for a substitute teacher.
—From Arthur's Substitute Teacher Trouble.
Oh great! Now I get to write a really fun report about visiting my Grandma! "I went to my Grandma's. She's nice. The end." I'm doomed!
Arthur, you know I'd do anything for you. For money.
—From Arthur's Pet Business.
D.W: How do you get square balloons?
Blow square breaths.
—From Arthur's Birthday.
Arthur: You did plenty of great stuff, D.W.
D.W.: Yeah? Like what?
Arthur: Like... you fooled the tooth fairy and got money! And besides that, you taught us all about fire drills! And you got to go to the hospital and get stitches!
These are the golden memories of my childhood? A buck, a fire drill and a fat lip?
—From D.W.'s Perfect Wish.
Elwood City News Anchor: In local news, a parents' group chased a series of children's books off the shelves of the public library today. Julie?
PAWS - P-A-W-S, that's Parents Against Weird Stories
- say that scary stories are bad for kids. We tried to reach E.A. Depoe, the writer of the books, for comment, with no success!
—From The Scare Your Pants Off Club