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Arthur: Pal, Are you feeling better?
Vet: He is still quite queasy. He ate a lot of things a dog should not eat. What did he eat yesterday?
Arthur: Well, some pancakes, some fruity gummy Halloween candy, then he swallowed a chilli dog. (Sheepishly) Whole.
Vet: Well, read this book. It's about what dogs should eat to stay healthy! Maybe someday you should have a stomach check too.
[Scene changes to Arthur's house]
Jane: Well, look who's back!
Arthur: I am sorry that I blamed you for making my dog sick. It's not your fault!
DW: What do you mean?
Arthur: Dogs' stomachs are different than ours.
—From Sick as a Dog.

Mr. Ratburn: [In hoarse voice] Uh... Mr. Haney... I...
Mr. Haney: What is it, man? Speak up!
Mr. Ratburn: I- I can't do the... class... I...
Mr. Haney: [notices Buster, Brain, and another student at the window; he slams it shut and shoos the kids away] Now. What did you say?
[Mr. Ratburn points to his throat]
Mr. Haney: Ratburn, I hate to tell you this, but I think you are losing your voice.
[Mr. Ratburn nods and coughs]
Mr. Haney: Whatever you wanted to tell me will just have to wait until you're feeling better.
[Scene changes to Ratburn's classroom as Mr. Haney leads the kids back in from recess]
Mr. Haney: Children, I have some bad news.
Buster: [whispering to Arthur] He's gonna say we have to go to school all summer, I know it!
Mr. Haney: Mr. Ratburn is ill, and will be out for the rest of the week. [he leaves the room and closes the door after him; the entire class begins cheering until Mr. Haney opens the door again and gives them a Disapproving Look, causing them to try to look innocent] You may use this time to do homework while I arrange for a substitute teacher.
—From Arthur's Substitute Teacher Trouble.

Arthur: Oh great! Now I get to write a really fun report about visiting my Grandma! "I went to my Grandma's. She's nice. The end." I'm doomed!

D.W: Arthur, you know I'd do anything for you. For money.
—From Arthur's Pet Business.

D.W: How do you get square balloons?
Sales Associate: Blow square breaths.
—From Arthur's Birthday.

Arthur: You did plenty of great stuff, D.W.
D.W.: Yeah? Like what?
Arthur: Like... you fooled the tooth fairy and got money! And besides that, you taught us all about fire drills! And you got to go to the hospital and get stitches!
D.W.: These are the golden memories of my childhood? A buck, a fire drill and a fat lip?
—From D.W.'s Perfect Wish.

Elwood City News Anchor: In local news, a parents' group chased a series of children's books off the shelves of the public library today. Julie?
Julie: PAWS - P-A-W-S, that's Parents Against Weird Stories - say that scary stories are bad for kids. We tried to reach E.A. Depoe, the writer of the books, for comment, with no success!
—From The Scare Your Pants Off Club

Buster: Man! Hey, Brain, Arthur was on TV last night with Bionic Bunny.
Brain: That's funny. I don't remember seeing that on the news.
Arthur: It wasn't on the news, Brain. It was on the "Celebrities at Sea" network.
Muffy: That's on satellite TV.
Brain: Oh.
Arthur: Don't you have satellite TV?
Brain: We...
Arthur: Muffy does. Maybe she'll even invite you over sometime.
—From Arthur Goes Crosswire.

Prunella: Hi. What are you doing?
Arthur: We're making up the pledge for our new club.
Prunella: Really?
Jenna: Cool!
Arthur: The Wilbur Rabbit Society.
Jenna: Can we join? We love Bionic Bunny.
Muffy: His name is Wilbur. He only plays Bionic Bunny on TV. Everybody knows that.
Arthur: And besides, the club is for friends only. That means only people who actually know Wilbur can join.
—From Arthur Goes Crosswire.

Brain: Hey, Arthur, you dropped a book. Aren't you gonna pick it up?
Muffy: Ahem!
Arthur: It's just a book. It can be replaced. I can't be bothered with every little thing. Besides, it's all dirty now. Vomitrocious!
Binky: Did you see that?
Brain: Arthur loves books. What's the matter with him?
[Scene changes to Arthur's house]
Brain: Hey, Arthur, wait up!
Binky: Arthur, you d... Oh. Em...
Arthur: Of course you can have my autograph. (He signs the book he dropped and gives it back to Binky.) Sorry, I have to go now. No more autographs.
—From Arthur Goes Crosswire.

D.W.: Oh, everyone thinks that my brother stinks / Like a piece of yellow cheese / But me, I say / that he's okay / as long as there's a breeze.
—From Arthur and the Crunch Cereal Contest.

—From Arthur and the Crunch Cereal Contest.

Arthur: Where's everyone going?! We'll come up with a tune! That's what you're here for!
Buster: Come on, Arthur. I'll buy you a milkshake.
Arthur: No thanks! I have work to do!
Buster: Maybe you should give it a rest for a while.
Arthur: Did Mozart give it a rest?! Did the guy who wrote, "Ring Around the Rosie" give it a rest?! I DON'T THINK SO, BUSTER!!!
—From Arthur and the Crunch Cereal Contest.

'Buster: Iíve got one. Will I get an "A" on the geography test?
Kids: (laugh)
Arthur: You never get "A"'s, Buster.
—From Misfortune Teller.

Prunella: I bet Muffy stole it! She envied my powers! I hate you, Muffy! Muffy, I think you're...
Mrs. Deegan: Did you want this, Pruny? I found it in your pants in the wash.
[Mrs. Deegan comes out holding a ruined cootie catcher.]
Prunella: Oops. Sorry.
—From Misfortune Teller.

Arthur: I had to get new pants yesterday, husky pants.
Buster: Oh.
Arthur: You don't seem surprised.
Buster: Well you're definitely not fat, but you are out of breath, and there has been more of you lately.
—From Arthur Weighs In.

Muffy: Dues are a dollar for us... and two dollars for you, Buster!
Buster: Why is it more for me?
Francine: Because you eat like a pig.
—From My Club Rules.

Brain: Ah! Paramecium! You're not having fun, are you?
Binky: No.
Brain: Then you can't be in my club! You have to have fun to be in this club! It's the fun club!!
—From My Club Rules.

Francine: Salt and pepper peas and carrots.
Muffy: Go away!
Francine: Why?
Muffy: You didn't show up yesterday! The rules are, members must show up every day!
Francine: I was sick!
Muffy: Rules are rules! You're out! Get off my property or I'm calling the police!
—From My Club Rules.

Muffy: Whoa, now let me get this straight. You want me to eat food cooked last night, that other people touched, that got cold and then was cooked again?
Mrs. Frensky: Sure, kiddo. It's called leftovers.
Muffy: I call it vomitrocious.
—From Poor Muffy.

Mrs. Armstrong: Honey, are you having a bad dream?
Sue Ellen: No. A bad reality.
—From Sue Ellen and the Brainasaurus.