- When Vimes starts reading ''Where's My Cow" to young Sam he's mildly annoyed about how the book has cows, sheep and animals not found in the city. So one day he retells it as "Where's My Daddy," with the catch phrases of prominent Ankh-Morporkians instead of animal noises, including Foul Old Ron's "Bugrit! Millenium hand and shrimp!" He does this for a while until Sybil coughs and interrupts him. The next day Young Sam announced "Buglit!" to his nanny, and from then on Vimes sticks to the written version.
- Any line spoken by Sir Reynold, curator of Fine Art at the Royal Art Museum, a man so posh no-one (namely Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs) can hardly understand him."We've had a burglareah, officer!"
- How do the girls manage to convince Tawnee that men find her too attractive to approach? By having her smile at one of the gents in the pub....then leaving after it causes all the men there to brawl over who it was she was smiling at.
- Vetinari, after the "heroics" of Mr. A.E. Pessimal, the most prim little bureaucrat you could ever meet, got knocked out after trying to bite a troll:"Pessimal. A.E. Pessimal?! Little man, very clean shoes?"
- What makes this even funnier is that Vetinari is a complete Magnificent Bastard who not only knows what's going on at all times, but also manages to plan for everything several steps in advance. This is one of the few times that the Patrician is ever caught by surprise.
- Any appearance Death makes in a Watch book, culminating in the gag in Thud! Which got partly adapted into the Colour Of Magic film.Death: You are having a near-death experience. Which consequently means that I have to have a near-Vimes experience. Don't worry about me. I brought a book.
- An exotic dancer, a dwarf who has embraced her femininity, a werewolf, and a vampire all go out and get drunk. While the last two try to explain the facts of life to the first one, and the dwarf gets drunk on Screaming Orgasms."It's a drink."
"Really? How does it work?"
- Afterwards, the vampire feels decidedly ill:Angua: Serves you right for drinking...vine.
- Afterwards, the vampire feels decidedly ill:
- The Colon-Nobbs Brains Trust.
- Doubling as a Continuity Nod, Sybil reminds Sam of their previous "vacation"."Yes, dear. Werewolves tried to eat me."
- Vimes' reaction when Lady Sybil accuses him of "gallivanting off without her":"I don't know how to vant! I don't even have a galli!"
- King B'hrian Bloodaxe's first recorded words: 'Is this thynge on?'
- Yes, it's awesome, and yes, it's horrifying - but Vimes's berserker reading of WHERE! IS! MY! COW!? must also be one of the funniest scenes in Discworld, if only from the reactions of the witnesses. For extra icing, recall that the Watch and the Low King's forces were led to the scene by a voice howling out a children's book. "IS THIS MY COW?? IT GOES HRUUUGH!!".
Funny / Thud!