- Moist pulling the old classic of digging away the mortar around the bricks in his cell with a spoon... only to discover that there's another brick behind that one, with a fresh spoon. Apparently, Vetinari sets it up that way so that the prisoners will have exercise, something to distract them from moping, occupational therapy, and Hope.
- Later, Moist asks his executioner whether the man really believes that the death penalty deters crime. He answers that it's hard to tell in general, because it's pretty difficult to count the number of crimes not committed, but on the other hand, he's never seen any criminal up there more than once.
- Moist seeing a messenger from Vetinari hurrying towards him, and hoping desperately that it'll be a stay of execution... and then it turns out that the messenger's telling him to hurry up, they're running late.
- When Mr. Pump captures Moist:The broom must have been kept as an ornament, because it certainly hadn't been used much on the accumulations in the stable yard. On the positive side, this meant [Moist] had fallen into something soft. On the negative side, it meant that he had fallen into something soft.
- Moist's various courtship efforts with Adora Belle Dearheart.
- Adora Belle Dearheart fending off an unwanted drunken suitor in the Mended Drum. She does more with a stiletto heel than Dirty Harry ever did with a Magnum."I was forced, practically at knifepoint, to take ballet lessons as a child which means I can kick like a mule, you are sitting in front of me, and I have another shoe."
- There's a scene where a fighter at the Mended Drum explains to his team mates "a proper brawl doesn't just happen" and goes over the strategy for their upcoming Bar Brawl, which includes hitting someone with your own severed arm if it gets cut off.
- Stanley's dealing with the fire by carefully reading and obeying all Post Office Regulations: "...and await A, rescue, or B, death."
- There are a number of asides about Anoia, the very minor Goddess of Things Getting Stuck In Drawers. Originally she's the least important god to appear in the series since Om wound up having just one worshipper back in Small Gods, but when the citizens of Ankh-Morpork grasp that she's one of four possible candidates for divinely inspiring a follower to find a huge buried treasure, their interest in kitchen drawers and things that get stuck in them experiences a rapid increase. Rattle thy drawers, amen!
- The evil delight the old postmen get when they see Anghammarad finish their initiation ritual, stomping broken bottles and strewn toys flat.
- During the rebuilding of the Post Office, Miss Maccalariat informs Moist that someone asked the post office staff if they "embrace divertingly". While Moist eventually figures out she means "embrace diversity", this is the initial reaction:There was a pregnant pause. It gave birth to a lot of little pauses, each one more deeply embarrassing than its parent.
- The Golem Trust has had a brick thrown through its window. Adora Belle's reaction is to calmly pick it up and file it under B.
- The post office starts bringing in money:'People have been giving us letters to post, sir. Not many yet and some of them are a bit, er, jokey, but we got a penny off'f them every time. That's seven pence, sir,' he added proudly, proffering the coins.
'Oh boy, we eat tonight!' said Moist.
- The sheer fact that "Bloody Stupid" Johnson was able to design a wheel whose value of pi is exactly three because the actual value seemed untidy to him. The thing itself even distorts part of the universe around it in order to exist.
- Ridcully responding to citizens interrupting, nay, daring to question a fellow of Unseen University by repeatedly promoting the man. By the time the former Mr Collabone has finished speaking he's a full Professor.
- When one of the bankers threatens to sue the university, Ridcully retorts "We have a whole pond full of people who tried to sue the University!"
- Moist just continually being Crazy Awesome, and basically making it his job description.
- In a Black Comedy way, it turns out that Gilt really believes in freedom of choice...but not in angels.
- The footnote, after Crispin Horsefry's introduction, on the nature of first impressions.
- "May I take your conthpicously large hooded cloak, thir?"
- While out of character for her, Angua's meeting with "Albert Spangler" in the TV special is plenty funny.Angua: (washer rolling past Moist/Spangler's face.) "Albert Spangler?"Moist: "Never heard of him. (Takes a look at Angua.) But for you, I could be anyone."Angua: "Could you be lunch?" *Growl!* (Starts transforming.)Moist: (Oh, Crap! face) "How was I to know that the City Watch's finest Sargent was a werewolf?"Angua: (In wolf form.) *Growl!* (Lunging at the camera!)
- The movie Vetinari making his stance on jokes very clear.
Funny / Going Postal