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Funny / Tattletales

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  • February 27, 1974: Phyllis Diller accidentally burps while answering a question.
    Phyllis: It was your lousy food, Bert!
  • July 5, 1974: The question to the ladies was "You're the editor of Playgirl magazine for a day. Who's going to be next month's centerfold?" Dick Gautier was stumped as his wife, Barbara Stuart, was never really turned on by anyone — he figured Barbara would come up with someone goofy, so he said President Nixon. The audience rose in derisive laughter at such a thought (Convy: "What I want to see is her face when she finds out what you said.") and then Barbara was brought onscreen. Her last-gasp response? "How about President Nixon?" Everybody in Studio 41 — especially Barbara — was stunned as the audience absolutely brought the house down laughing and cheering.
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  • July 10, 1974 (Gene Rayburn as guest host): The question (a la Match Game) to the ladies was "If I want something from my husband, to make sure I get 'yes' for an answer, I approach him after he's had ______." Harvey Korman predicted his wife Donna would say "a drink". Let's bring Donna on the monitor:
    Donna: It's a toss-up. It's either pizza or sex... (audience roars with laughter; Harvey is beside himself)
    Harvey: With or without sausage? (even louder laughter from the audience)
  • Circa 1974: The question to the men was "A world-renowned sculptor wants to full a full-length sculpture of you to be displayed in a public place. The only requirement is that you be absolutely naked. Would you do it?" Gary Burghoff's then-wife, Janet Gayle, predicted that he would say "no". When Gary was brought on, it appeared that he was completely nude (he actually only took his shirt off). Then, Gene Rayburn (one of the other guests that week), started kissing Gary, leading to this quip from Mr. Burghoff: "Does that mean I'm going to turn into a frog?"
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  • October 1975: The question to the men was "Which do you remember most — your first sexual encounter with your wife, or the latest?" Tom Bosley's wife, Jane Eliot at the time, said the first because "we broke the bed!" The audience was hysterical. Tom, brought on camera on his monitor, was more genteel and diplomatic:
    Tom Bosley: I've been in show business for over forty years, and when you're in a hit show you remember your opening line!
  • Starting in 1976, a lady sitting in the banana section would hand the microphone off to Bert, and she'd get a kiss from him. This led to a few funny moments, such as...
    • Bert getting a longer kiss than normal, resulting in him mock-fainting and temporarily forgetting what the name of the show was.
    • Near the end of the series' run, The lady actually stuffed the microphone into her shirt. (No, he didn't actually go into her shirt to retrieve it, you perverts!)
    • On one occasion, during Emcee Week, Richard Dawson was the guest host, and found a man sitting in the lucky seat. Yes, Richard did kiss him, much to confusion of the Feud's emcee.

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