- This exchange during Ethan's debrief on the botched rescue mission of Agent Farris.Ethan: Mr. Brassel, it's unacceptable to question Agent Farris's competence...
Brassel: It's unacceptable that chocolate makes you fat, but I've eaten my share and guess what?
- Benji speculates on what "The Rabbit's Foot" is, made all the funnier thanks to Simon Pegg's delivery:Benji: I'm assuming it's a code word for something he's about to sell to an unspecified buyer, for 850 million dollars by the way, or maybe it's not a code word. Maybe it's just a really expensive bunny appendage.
- While prepping Ethan to take Davian's place, Luther warns Ethan about taking his relationship to the next level, noting that the secret-agent life isn't ideal for a marriage.Luther: In our job, there's always going to be something between you and a woman. Always.
Luther: Dishonesty poisons everything—
Ethan: I think I need to tell you something—
Luther: Stop talking. This isn't about you, Ethan. Whoever this girl is, you're gonna end up messing with her life too. Don't do it.
Ethan: Jules and I got married two days ago.
- Ethan and Zhen get "Davian" away from his translator by feigning a seduction, much to the translator's annoyance.Translator: Her hotel has laundry service and she'll happily take care of it.Ethan-as-Davian: [smiles] You want to wash my shirt? What are we going to do in your hotel room while I'm not wearing my shirt?
[Zhen speaking in an obviously flirtatious manner]
Translator: [suppressing an eyeroll] 'She'll think of something'.
- When Ethan-as-Davian gets in the Lamborghini with Zhen and Luther opens the pothole below the false console of the car.Ethan-as-Davian: What's up?
Luther: Nothing. What's up with you?
Ethan: Nothing. [climbs down into the hole]
- As Ethan escapes IMF HQ, he jams the walkie-talkies by holding down the talk button, disabling Brassel's ability to communicate with security. As Ethan comes out of the cover building, he pins the walkie-talkie next to a radio playing "We Are Family" on his way to freedom. Brassel is in disbelief as the song comes over the walkie-talkies, turning to his partner stating, "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!."
- Benji's disapproval when Ethan calls him for help while Ethan is wanted by the whole CIA.Benji: I'm gonna lose my citizenship for this, you know.
- "Maybe we can share a jail cell, you know? If this all goes tits up, which it will. The location of that number is Shanghai. There, I just told you. Shanghai. I just aided and abetted an enemy of the state. Fantastic. Thank you."
- How Ethan kills Davian at the end. Davian gets run over by a truck... somehow leaving behind only his shoe. A hilarious Anticlimax if there ever was one.
- Ethan hurriedly trying to instruct Julia on what to do to revive him, while also trying to teach her how to use a gun, while also fighting the pain of a ticking bomb in his head.
- "Turn the switch on and off. Don't forget the off."
- "I'm going to die unless you kill me!"
- [Julia absentmindedly points the gun at Ethan while listening to him] "DON'T point at me!!"
- What's Julia's response to Ethan revealing the acronym of the IMF (Impossible Mission Force)?(Laughs) "Shut up!"
Funny / Mission: Impossible III