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Funny / Havenfall Is for Lovers

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    Mackenzie's route 
  • One possible response upon learning that Mackenzie is an alpha:
    MC: But that sounds awesome. You're not just a werewolf, but the rarest kind?
    MC: (Don't say rarewolf. Don't say rarewolf.)
  • At the bowling alley with JD and Razi, if the MC declines to accompany Mac home:
    MC: Being that close to her is complicated right now.
    JD: Yeah, you have a crush. We got that part.
    MC: Uh!
    Razi: And you've been living inside her personal space for days now. It's clear she doesn't mind.
    MC: (All I need right now is Diego to sweep in from the ceiling and drag me to complete the circle of embarrassment.)
  • In Mackenzie's first season:
    Damien: Do you know how many fights I had to win to even sit next to a Rider?
    Mackenzie: Clearly not enough.
    MC: (I'd high-five her if I wasn't in handcuffs right now.)
  • In Mackenzie's third season, after Grace's mysterious call:
    JD: This sounds like some Area 51 shit to me.
    Diego: Area 51 is in Nevada, JD.
    JD: You really think America's weirdness is confined to a single state? If that was true, we wouldn't have Florida. Or, you know, Jersey.
  • Mackenzie explains a superhero show to the protagonist while they're watching it:
    Mackenzie: There's heroes and villains, but there's also anti-heroes and anti-villains.
    MC: Aren't those the same thing?
    Mackenzie's jaw drops, and she almost looks offended.
    Mackenzie: No, there's a nuance to… [closes eyes] Never mind, don't let me get into this.
  • At one point, the protagonist greets Mackenzie with a kiss and JD wolf whistles.
    Mackenzie: I'm going to arrest you for harassment, Davies.
    JD: Oh no. Handcuffs!
  • When Mackenzie has to talk to the heroine without Annabelle listening, Annabelle tries to cover up the wolf ears atop her head before giving up and jogging some distance away from them.
  • When Mackenzie and the pack find Damien to ask him about Beau, he's in a weak state, filthy, and living in the woods. Mackenzie agrees to break his pack bond with Beau, but tells him to clean up first.
    If you've never seen a werewolf do a frantic cannonball into a lake, I highly recommend it.

    Diego's route 
  • In Diego's third season, the protagonist utterly loses any remaining patience for Diego and Antonio's drama.
    MC: Seriously?! Both of you, stop it. I swear, you're like five-hundred-year-old teenagers.
    MC: (There's a situation I never thought I'd be in. Two immortals, and I'm the mature one.)
  • The protagonist quips that she likes her coffee like she likes her men: "Supernaturally powerful."
  • The protagonist asks Diego if he discards his medical manuals once they become outdated.
    Diego: Are you kidding? They're hilarious. I have to keep them. […] But you should see what they wrote in Victorian times. Especially before germ theory? Phew.
  • JD has suspicions about the medical company Diego and the protagonist are looking into in Diego's second season.
    JD: They sound like they make pills out of baby harp seals or something.
  • In Diego's fourth season, he pays Grace's tuition so that she can go to college. The heroine, while grateful, is uncomfortable enough with this largesse that she resists Diego's other efforts to pay for things for her, prompting him to complain to Grace:
    Diego: [MC] won't let me spoil her. Why don't you tell her to take more of my money?
    Grace: Come on, [MC]. You have a sugar vampire, and you won't even use him?
  • In season 6, while the heroine is hanging out with Eva, she spots Diego and Antonio spying on them from behind a potted plant.
  • When the heroine sees the rest of Havenfall's Finest for the first time after becoming a vampire, JD focuses on the important stuff:
    JD: How does it feel to not be the token human anymore?
    Heroine: [pretends to study everyone, then smirks] I think I'll get used to it.
    JD: Now we'll have to find another token...I dunno, something else.
    Diego: I thought I was the token straight one.
    JD: [holds up a finger, duly corrected] Good point.

    JD's route 
  • The protagonist's reaction to being woken up by the sun one morning.
    MC: (Those are my eyes you asshole!)
  • In the first season, the cast find themselves dealing with an invasion of shapeshifting face-stealers. Following a particular incident:
    MC: One of them showed up at the house and I thought it was JD—!
    Diego: It was able to imitate JD? If that's true, we may have worse problems than we thought.
    MC: No, it was being obnoxious and I assumed it was JD.
  • After the MC says she wishes she could hibernate:
    JD: I want you to know that that's the most exhausted millennial thing you've ever said.
    MC: God, it is huh? Some cryptid is gonna show up outside my window and write a thinkpiece about it.
    JD: That would be the actual worst cryptid ever. Honestly, I'd be surprised if we weren't related.
  • In season 5, Razi decides to bring formal Fridays back to the bowling alley. JD, the heroine, and Diego all dress up, and Mackenzie wears her nicest flannel, but Razi…
    MC: Razi…that's the same thing you usually wear!
    Razi: Hey, anything I wear is formal by virtue of me wearing it.
    JD: That's super not how it works.
    Razi: Okay, fine. If that's not good enough, I'll change things up. [reaches up with a flourish and lets his hair down] There. Now it's different, and since it's me, that means it's formal now.
    MC: I'm not sure how I feel about this logic.
    Diego: It does check out.
    MC: Does it really?
    Diego keeps his best doctor-y serious expression on, but there's just enough of a grin to it to give away the game.
    Diego: Oh yes. Definitely.
  • The heroine's truth-compelling power leads to some funny moments before they realize what's going on and get a handle on it.
    MC: Hi Diego! How's it going?
    Diego: I've been living with the weight of my own cursed immortality for hundreds of years and I'll probably outlive all of you.
    Diego: I'm always thinking about it.
    He blinks, shakes his head, and walks quickly to the bar.

    Razi's route 
  • The gang is throwing a potluck party and Diego brings a healthy vegetable platter from the grocery store.
    JD: You're uninvited.
  • In Razi's second season, he gives the protagonist an enchanted ring that will allow her to temporarily disguise herself via illusion. When they finally get around to testing it out, she runs into a snag: she has to envision the person she wants to disguise herself as in as much detail as possible, and despite her best efforts, she can't get her mind off Razi long enough to turn into anyone but him.
    Razi: You know, I've dreamed this one before. It usually ends pretty well.
  • Razi's second season also hangs a lampshade on his Signature Scent, with both Razi and the protagonist acknowledging that identifying someone's scent down to its specific components is romance novel stuff ('His scent was thirteen rose petals, Man Musk, and precisely half a lemon.'). This prompts the protagonist to wonder how Razi is familiar with romance novel tropes, a question he avoids answering.
  • With Razi going stir-crazy while he's recovering from his fight with the manticore, the heroine takes it upon herself to organize a Havenfall's Finest game night. Chaos ensues pretty much immediately.
    • When the heroine expresses surprise that JD is into playing Konbopoly, they gleefully explain that it's "the most demonic game there is":
      JD: I've never seen anything turn friends and loved ones against each other so fast.
    • Mothman attempts to set some house rules before the game starts. Among other things, the rules include 'no supernatural persuasion' and 'no setting things on fire for any reason.'
      Mothman: Absolutely no inflating the economy by making illusions of more money.
      Razi: That was one time!
    • Mackenzie's werewolf instincts make her mercilessly defensive of any property she gains to the point that it's impossible to buy from or trade with her, and she actually growls at JD when they try to claim some land in her territory. Razi and Diego, meanwhile, get into a deeply involved argument involving landholding laws from 16th century Spain.
      Razi: Forget old Spain and sell me your waterfront property. It was better under the Umayyad caliphate anyway.
      Diego: Excuse me?
      Mothman: Razi, them's fightin' words! Them's been fightin' words for like 500 years...
    • Ultimately, just as Diego's on the verge of winning, JD (who had earlier set fire to their remaining play money and left to play arcade games) returns and flips the table, scattering gamepieces and play money everywhere.
      JD: I've dismantled capitalism!
  • Roshni's introduction and dramatics.
    Roshni: [striding into the bowling alley, beaming, arms flung open] Razi! Where are you, my ugly duckling? Come give your big sister a kiss!
    • She gets worked up scolding Razi:
      Roshni: Why didn't you tell me you were in trouble? Feeling your magic fade that low…it was enough to make your big sister cry!
      She presses a hand to her forehead like she might burst into tears that very moment.
    • After Razi introduces the heroine as his girlfriend:
      […]Roshni's expression falls into absolute devastation.
      I'm on the defensive until she rushes for me and tenderly cups my face in her hands.
      Roshni: [MC], you poor thing…
      MC: (Huh?)
      Roshni: Out of all the Nassars, you got our ugly duckling. I am so very sorry for you.
      MC: [stunned] (Razi, ugly?!)
      JD: Holy. Shit.
      • If the heroine looks at JD, they take out their phone and start video-recording the scene.
    • Roshni then hugs the heroine, wondering how Razi ever landed someone as delightful as her. Razi pulls the heroine into his own arms, and she switches from being overwhelmed by Roshni's closeness and scent to being overwhelmed by Razi's.
      JD: Roshni, I'm delightful too! Hug me next!
      Roshni: Do you need one, little love? Is your boss so cruel to you?
      Razi: I'm a good boss!
      JD: I still need one!
  • When Razi spots Roshni and Mothman at the diner.
    Razi: Don't be too obvious, but…look behind you.
    I whip around.
    Razi: That was super obvious!
  • Sometime after Roshni's taken over as Havenfall's guardian, she spots the heroine cleaning the floors at the bowling alley and rounds on Razi for making "[his] beloved" do that kind of work.
    Razi: I'm not even the boss here, anymore: you are. Technically, you're making her do it.
    Roshni gasps and puts a hand to her chest like he just put a sword through it.
  • The heroine reassures Razi that she's okay with him not spending money on her.
    MC: Besides, I like us the way we are. I don't want a sugar djinni.
    JD: I do. I'm calling you that forever.
  • When Grace is settling into her dorm, the heroine is having difficulty with the fact she's moving out and starts tearing up. Grace gives her a hug.
    Grace: Hey.
    Her voice is sweet and gentle.
    Grace: Be an adult.
    MC: You tiny jerk!
  • In season 5, the heroine can try to stall for time with Baba Yaga by rambling:
    MC: Dinner, huh? Um, do you know what I love eating for dinner?
    MC: (Let's make Diego proud, if we're going the full no-eating-humans route.)
    MC: Vegetables. Gosh, I love vegetables. Can't get enough.
    I start to wander the room, like I hope I'll find a whole veggie tray.
    MC: Broccoli, and…white broccoli…
    MC: (Wait, that's cauliflower.)
  • After the heroine and Razi are engaged, JD encourages her to spend Razi's money.
    JD: [tapping their temple] You can't steal money from Razi if it's legally your money.
  • There's a running gag throughout Razi's route that the heroine's superpower is throwing rocks.
    MC: (Time for my Secret Human Superpower!) [picks up a rock and throws it as hard as she can]

    Vanessa's route 
  • Learning about Vanessa's nerdery in her first season. She's sharing a bed with the heroine when she leans in, gazing at her and whispering how "you look just like her…" You'd expect this to be about an important person in her past… then she pulls back and exclaims that she looks just like the protagonist of her favorite shoujo anime.

    Antonio's route 
  • In Antonio's first season, the heroine discovers that the five-hundred-year-old billionaire vampire is not immune to stupid pranks:
    Antonio's nose suddenly wrinkles.
    Antonio: Do you smell that?
    MC: Yeah, it smells like updog in here.
    Antonio: [utterly oblivious] What's updog?
  • After the heroine tries and fails to repel him with garlic, Antonio helpfully suggests that she might find something useful in the freezer.
    MC: (Was that a real hint or is he just messing with me?)
    Antonio: There was some beef in there.
    MC: (No.)
    He smiles tightly, one hand over his mouth as he tries not to laugh at his own terrible joke.
    Antonio: You know. A steak?
    MC: (NOOOO.)
    MC: I hate you so much.
  • When Havenfall's Finest come to the heroine's house to find out what's going on, Antonio warns them off by threatening the heroine. It doesn't hold up for very long.
    MC: Oh, come off it, Antonio! You had a million chances to snap my neck.
    I reach behind me and smack him on the side of the head.
    MC: I'm not going to play the role of damsel in your villain routine just because you want to be a drama ho!
  • After the masquerade ball in season 2, Liliane hangs around and flirts with the heroine, inviting her to join her on the couch. When the heroine responds that there doesn't seem to be room, Liliane brazenly invites her to sit on her lap. Antonio is not amused.
    Antonio: That's it. Liliane, the masquerade is over.
    He moves behind the couch, slowly tipping it over until Liliane is forced to either stand or be rolled off.
  • JD admits that Antonio had paid them a hundred dollars to keep the heroine entertained, and thus away from Antonio's ball.
    Text From Mackenzie: Wait, you got paid?
    Text From JD: Uhhh. Sorry, bad signal. Can't hear you.
    Text From Mackenzie: This is a text message. You can't hear anything.
  • The heroine observes a teenage cashier:
    MC: (Every time I see a teenager I feel like an old crone.)
    MC: (Jeez, she's like a fetus.)
    Probably A Fetus: Okay, do you want the double option? And grilled onions with that?
  • When Antonio announces to Havenfall's Finest that he's taking the heroine to Los Angeles, resulting in tension as he acts flippantly toward Razi, one option is "Just leave."
    MC: Okay. Well, I need to start packing. So…bye, guys! [waves and heads out]
    Antonio: [gapes] Hey. Wait for me!
    MC: Walk faster, dude.
  • One conversation option while talking on Antonio's jet:
    Antonio: How else would I live with myself? Torture myself with guilt, like Diego?
    MC: Maybe? A little guilt? If whatever Diego is doing is too much for you, maybe aim a little lower. A tiny bit.
    Antonio: [huffs]
    MC: [rolls eyes] I'm setting the bar on the ground here, my guy, and you're grabbing a shovel.
  • After the heroine is saved from Frankenstein's kidnapping and nearly bleeding out, she's preparing to leave the hospital as Antonio and Diego talk. One of the dialogue options for this scene is "I need to recover." How does she actually phrase it?
    MC: I'm gonna go regrow all my blood.
  • In season 5, meeting with Vanessa:
    Vanessa: It's silly, but I feel like there's something that always draws me back to you, too. Coincidences that keep piling up. [smiles] If I were being romantic I'd say it's the Red String of Fate.
    MC: The what?
    Vanessa: [blushes] Nothing! That was the wrong metaphor! Don't look that up.
    MC: [smiles] Oh, I'm gonna look it up.

  • A dialogue edit of the main cast by one of the game's producers.
    MC: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you're going to die.
    Razi: [smirking] My favourite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call
    Diego: It's called connotations.
    JD: Try this one on for size: "Forgive me, Father, I have sinned" "Sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty"
    Mackenzie: great news! Language is now banned

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