The first lines of the movie are pretty funny albeit a bit foreboding.
Ben: Typical of Victor Von Doom to build a 30-foot statue of himself.
Ben's reaction after finding out that he's working under Johnny.
Ben: I cannot take orders from the underwear model! That wingnut washed out of NASA for sneaking two Victoria's Secret wannabes into a flight simulator. They crashed it into a wall. A flight simulator!
Then you have Reed trying to talk Ben back into it.
Reed: When have I ever asked you to do something you absolutely said you could not do?
Ben: Five times.
Reed: I had it at four.
Ben: Well this makes five!
Reed walks away from Ben after Ben tries to point out (again) that Reed and Sue are meant for each other.
Ben: Do I have to do everything myself?
After Johnny falls off his snowboard and lights on fire, melting the snow around him into water. The scene ends rather "suggestively".
Later, Johnny's walking around wearing (almost) nothing while showing off his new fire powers as Sue and Reed argue about what could have caused them.
Sue: It's got to be the cloud! It's fundamentally altered our DNA!
Reed: Now, let's not jump to conclusions. We need much more scientific evidence before we can say that.
Johnny:(clicks fingers and thumb lights on fire) Now picture that... But everywhere! It was... Everywhere!(beat) WHAT!
Reed: The cloud has fundamentally altered our DNA.
Johnny:(laughs with the giddy excitement of a child)COOL!
Ben sitting on the Brooklyn Bridge moping.
Ben: Oh yeah, Ben, few days in space, it'll be great, what's the worst that could happen?
Then as he continues moping, a pigeon lands on his shoulder. He chuckles, asking the bird if it's not afraid of him. The bird does a quick take at Ben andthen flies off — revealing that its pooped on Ben's shoulder, much to Ben's annoyance.
Ben: (pigeon lands on his shoulder, cooing) Hey little guy. (chuckles) You're not afraid of me, are you? (Bird takes a look at him, flies off. Ben looks to see poop on his shoulder) Oh perfect! Thanks!
Then he prevents a man from jumping off the bridge with this little gem.
Ben: You think you got problems?! Take a good look, pal!
After Ben rescues the driver of the truck that hit him by lifting the entire seat out of the truck with the driver still strapped in, he finds himself being held at gunpoint by a half dozen cops.
Lead cop: Okay, ... just put ... the man ... in the seat ... down.
Ben is depressed because his fiancée has just dumped him at the conclusion of the incident on the bridge while Johnny is doing a serious inspection of Ben's head.
When Johnny, after failing several times to get Ben to slap himself in the face with the hand covered in shaving cream, finally succeeds.
What's even funnier is the music in the background and how Johnny throws his hands up in the air and his expression of success.
The scene when the gang is watching Johnny on TV at the Moto-X Games.
Reporter: So, what are your superhero names?
Johnny: They call me the Human Torch. Ladies call me Torch.
Reporter: What about the rest of the team?
Johnny: (shows a picture of Sue) That's the Invisible Girl.
Reporter: What about your leader, Reed Richards? I hear you call him Mr. Fantastic.
Ben: Could've been worse.
Reed: I guess.
Reed does get a little upset about Johnny's next comment.
X Games Reporter: Is it true what they say about him? That he can expand *any* part of his anatomy?
Johnny: Well, I've always found him to be a little limp.
When Johnny finishes up by giving Ben Grimm his superhero name as "The Thing" and Ben's reaction to it.
Ben: ...Okay, now I'm gonna go kill him.
Ben enters the lobby and bumps into Johnny.
Johnny: Hey! Look what the marketing guys did! Look, check it out, listen, listen, you'll love this... (holds up a little Thing doll that says, "It's clobberin' time!" in a squeaky voice)
Johnny: It's catchy, right?
Sorry, Johnny, but Ben doesn't agree with your assessment.
And Johnny's reaction to Ben's crushing of it:
(whining) Awww, that was the prototype!
The typical reaction of most people when they see Ben for the first time after he becomes the Thing.
When Ben wakes up in hospital after the incident at the Space Station, Johnny is there, telling him that "everyone else" is fine, that the doctors and plastic surgeons did "everything humanly possible". The audience think that he's become The Thing, but it turns out to be just a prank by Johnny when Ben actually sees his reflection. Crosses the Line Twice, but still.
Johnny: Unfortunately, the doctors just couldn't do anything to fix your face.
When the rest of the team track down Johnny at the Motor-X event, a pissed off Ben notices Johnny's car. While ignoring his sister, Johnny's wondering where he parked. Cue the car, having been crushed into the shape of a ball, being tossed into view and weakly rolling in front of the crowd and giving the unlock beep. Johnny's custom licence plate is tossed at his head by Ben to get his attention.
"Don't Do Drugs!"
The extended cut has a scene where Johnny is riding the elevator in the Baxter Building up and down, using his powers to raise the temperature so that whenever an attractive woman enters the elevator, she's forced to remove her clothes.