The story begins much as the original did, with a brief explanation that Equestria has been reduced to a wasteland with ponies only surviving as they devoted themselves to the princesses, just as they should now devote themselves to the Overmare. Trust in the Overmare, obey the Overmare... Wait a minute?
Blackjack then awakens to the buzz of her alarm clock. Right away from the brief description of her room, we already can see she's a unicorn with a sarcastic streak and a tendency to let things go, as evidenced by her mess of a living space. Passing through the showers, she comes across Pastels and Misty, two mares engaged in some fun times together as they're caught by blackjack. As a security mare she should be punishing them, but her heart's clearly not in it and quickly drops the matter.
the other security mares however, wouldn't be so lax as Blackjack, and seem rather fond of dishing out punishment for a bit of entertainment
Which is our first tip off that LIKE ANY SELF-RESPECTING DICTATORSHIP, those running the Stable are unhappy, despite what their propaganda would have you believe.
"Some mares have all the luck. Not that they were the only two, or even the worst two. Half the ponies in the stable seemed to have at least one flavor of crazy. I supposed it was only inevitable when half your day was devoted to keeping this place going. And we had to keep it going. If we didn’t… don’t think about it."
Fillies and gentlecolts, our first catchphrase! BJ loves her catchphrases, and we're going to hear that one more than once these first few chapters. In fact, the story is ripe with so many of these i'll be henceforth tallying every one in an updated list every chapter. But where were we...
Ah yes yes, the Stable's slowly falling apart. Unlike Littlepip's Stable, they have no way of growing food, so everything (and eventually everyone) must be recycled for nutrients, maintenance is hard at work repairing the constantly breaking machines, and the population must be kept at 500 to keep the Stable well, stable. Or as Blackjack puts it:
"Stable 99 couldn’t take another Incident. This bathroom alone showed the flickering lights from overtaxed generators and the water that couldn’t settle on whether it wanted to be freezing or boiling. You couldn’t think about it; all it would take was one thing to go wrong and we’d all die. One busted generator… one broken recycler… one accident, and we’d all be choking on our own unrecycled breath."
Lovely stuff, ain't it? But now's not the time for doom and gloom, because she's got a mare to snare.
And there she goes, in hot pursuit turning corners, at full gallop across the atrium for that high score and... promptly gets hoofcuffed by resident plotholes Daisy and marmalade for running in the halls. Unfortunately for BJ, she can't create any spells for the life of her, only the standard levitation. Hmm, remind you of anypony?
with noponny else to sit with, she has a chat with Rivets, who's not having a easy day. The overmare has been hounding her team in retrieving terminal data and decrypting a very old file with no explanation, and insists on controlling the project, forcing maintenance to work at a moment's notice. Not helped as the Overmare's only a year younger than Blackjack herself. On top of that, Rivets has to try and train Duct Tape's filly, Scotch Tape after her mother recently died from the Overmare's terminal malfunctioning.
At the security meetup, all's going smoothly enough. Aside from a few curfew breaks, there's only one thing to report. The newest P-21 buck has gone missing, with head of security Gin Rummy tasking Blackjack and a few others to be on the lookout for him, so he can be retired. It's times when Rummy gives her commands as head of security rather than as her mother that BJ wonders how she'll ever live up to half the legacy of her mom when she eventually inherits the position.
Later on, BJ joins a game of cards with the maintenance crew, cracking a few jokes for some downtime. The group however, is less than amused. The Overmare's only gotten more frantic and demanding they get that file decoded. And friction is only growing between maintenance and the Overmare as although security has the weapons, they keep the Stable running, effectively enforcing the peace. And they can't afford another Incident... Just don't think about it, right Blackjack?
Down at the bottom levels are where the maintenance does most of their work. BJ figures the buck is down there because of all the extra space to hide, piping, supply rooms, and the like. In 99, bucks are kept in two groups of 20, with each being labeled u and p for unicorn or earth pony, respectively. They're first put to breeding work between the ages of 12 and 15 and keep being forced to breed until they've exceeded their number, and then "retired" both to keep the population in check and keep the bucks low in number so they won't rebel and cause another Incident. Meaning P-21 is hiding to stay alive as it's now his turn for retirement. naturally, this won't end well for our protagonist.
Checking her Pipbuck, she finds two tagged bars, one yellow nearby, and a red some distance away. But, don't worry, that one's probably a rad roach or something. Opening a supply closet, she finds the yellow bar to be what appears to be an unidentified mare. But when she demands her identification and doesn't receive an answer, she looks up her tag revealing her to be a him, specifically P-21 disguised as a mare.
On his person are some saddlebags filled with food, medical supplies, and a Pipbuck. Despite his rage at the Stable mares for treating the bucks as slaves and ruining their lives, he cannot overcome his conditioning and resigns himself to coming with Blackjack.
But before they can get to the medical area for retirement, who else would show up but daisy and Marmalade. Really should have saw that coming, BJ.
Daisy for her part is more than happy to blow off some steam on the poor buck, and starts beating him to death, starting by crushing the joint in his knee with her lacky joining in. Stunned, Blackjack doesn't know what to do while he's literally having the life beaten out of him in front of her. Just don't think about it...
But security saves ponies, and not even a buck deserves to die like that. So in the story's first act of heroism, she fights Daisy and Marmalade to protect P-21.
The fight is quick and brutal as they batter each other with injuries, but before any lethal blow can be dealt, the Overmare radios their Pipbucks ordering all security on that shift to come to her immediately. Daisy and marmalade leave, with the former promising death if she ever catches Blackjack alone.
Meanwhile, Blackjack is trying to fix him up. Helpfully Scotch Tape was working nearby and knows where to find a medical kit. Together, they get some healing potions in him, but there's still the problem with his knee. [[/Foreshadowing Injecting a dose of Med X as a painkiller,]] they bend back his leg to reconnect the dislocated joint and use a makeshift brace. Not knowing what else to do, Scotch Tape leaves, disappearing into the background. For now, anyway.
And now we come to one of the story's first truly creepy moments. After folowing procedures and locking P-21 in his cell, the Overmare comes in and we see her for what she is.
I always assumed that being Overmare was a stressful condition. You had the whole stable on your shoulders. Despite that, the Overmare usually managed to keep a neat appearance. Now, though, she looked like hell; her eyes were bloodshot with huge bags beneath them, her mane resembled tangled wool, and she smelled. But there was one thing above and beyond all that which made my blood run cold: she was smiling.
When she saw P-21 and I, her smile only widened. “Oh… you found my trick pony!”she said, clapping her hooves together in glee. Her trick pony? P-21 stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused pinpricks as she walked up to the bars. “Oh we’re going to have so much fun. Oh yes we are. Yes we are. You’re going to be mine forever. Yes you are.”
I glanced at the other security mares. Not one looked back at me. The Overmare suddenly seemed to remember I was there and glared at me. “So. Have a nice time in the bottom levels? Have a nice meeting with Rivets?” “I… wasn’t meeting with Rivets,” I said, trying to look more clueless than usual.
“Lies,” the Overmare hissed. And then went back to smiling. “But that doesn’t matter. Not anymore. This is my stable. Mine. And I’m not going to let that gray nag run it any longer. It’s mine!” she declared as she looked out the window to the atrium.
With that, she announces her plan to the security mares. Those gathered were the ones she could trust to be loyal to her, and together they're going to rid themselves of any security or maintenance mare who won't submit. Blackjack however, does not fall into that category, and she's locked up with P-21 as the group heads off to completely screw over the Stable's tenuous balance.
But while Super Villainess JR was in the middle of her Motive Rant, P-21 motioned for BJ to copy the contents of his Pipbuck to her's. The transfer wasn't perfect, but it left enough on their to kill some time, so she plays an audio file tagged DT.
Duct Tape trots into the Overmare's office, as she's busy doing... unpleasant things to poor P-21. She'd been summoned to check on her progress with her project. She informs the Overmare that she has everything required and can do it, but is still reluctant, asking if somepony like Rivets might be more suitable to the task. She tells Duct that only she could be the right pony for the job, and offers up P-21 as a bribe, as she's apparently fond of him for giving her Scotch Tape. Remember this dear readers, this will be important later down the line. Cut to static.
As P-21 works at unlocking the cell with a concealed bobby pin, he makes BJ promise that no matter what, she's going to help him get out of the Stable. Even if it's an irradiated death sentence, he'll die a free stallion. Reluctantly she agrees, and plays the other file marked DT.
This time the Sexy Discretion Shot isn't quite as squicky, huzzah! Duct Tape tells him that she's had a wonderful time with him and that the Overmare is being so generous. They can even get married, when they go outside, letting it slip that the Overmare has a contact with Stable-Tech from the outside, or so she thinks. Revealing that she's found a way to unlock the door, even taking a peak outside for herself. The only thing Stable-Tech needs is one little old file in the maneframe, EC-1101.
P-21 does his best to tell her the Overmare's an ego-tripping psychotic mare foal, but she doesn't think so. But, she can arrange to encrypt it with a name he likes, just to be on the safe side. Naturally, before we can learn what it is, the audio cuts out. Gotta preserve that precious dramatic tension somehow, eh Somber?
Now that it's plot-convenient to do so, P-21 unlocks the cell door. Flipping through stations on her Pipbuck, BJ finds the Overmare's signal which is receiving a series of beeps and bloops. Maybe she's playing pacmare? Figuring it's a code of some sort, she records a minutes worth. Now to find somepony that can decode it, hmm... Ooooooh Midnight!
Aaaaand yet again, we walk in the middle of two ponies getting it on. Well, at least it's consensual this time. It's the little things in life like this that get me up in the morning I tell you. Anyway, she pries them off of each other long enough so Midnight can decode the message. It's a rather ominous text file:
Stable-Tec security forces incoming tonight, 0100 hours. Have EC-1101 prepared for extraction. You’re doing the right thing, Overmare. You’ll be getting control of your stable back. Deus.
Three guesses what time it is. There's an innocuous beep as Midnight's door opens. And that's when everything went to hell...
Short version. It's a raidr. Raider shoots off buck's head. Lots of blood. BJ goes into combat mode and kills said raider. Lots of drama. Red gushy stuff everywhere.
Look, if you want the literal gorey details, read the chapter yourself.
The Raiders have made a path of blood leading to Midnight's door, and more than a few ponies have been murdered and partially eaten. As BJ fights off the last one in the hallway, a surprise gunshot finishes the job for her, with her mom helping to clear the way.
Ah boy, how to describe Deus for the uninitiated? Picture a giant earth pony cyborg covered in guns with mounted cannons and a habit for screaming the word cunt. Uh, yeah. Anyway, this guy's leading the attack and demands EC-1101, otherwise he'll send in as many Raiders and thugs as it'll take to get it. And he's guarding the entrance.
So, disguising herself as a Raider in dirty clothing, she manages to convince our profanity-spewing cyborg that she knows where to get it from a security pony. Going into the Overmare's office proves to be our protagonist's first harsh lesson in survival. While inside her cover's blown, forcing her to shoot dead in cold blood a pony that didn't attack her first. Though traumatizing, she reasons it's for protecting the Stable and nearly makes it before she's found out by Daisy.
Another fight nearly breaks out, but she gets it into her thick skull that once she has the file they're after, they'll leave the Stable to come after her, giving time for security to gather together and fend off the remaining Raiders. After permanently storing the file onto her Pipbuck, she finds P-21 and they exit out the secret entrance from the Overmare's office. But not before shouting a challenge to Deus, bating him to come after them as they run out the Stable and into the Wastes.
And here ends chapter 1.
THOUGHTS
This is a good chapter to introduce our protagonist. Nicely paced, we get a good look at a day in her life within her Stable, something that cannot be said in Littlepip's case where she was out the door within ten pages. The writing quality is excellent, equally sharp in wit and descriptive detail.
We get a lot of names thrown at us off the bat, only half of them related to the chapter's plot, and only half of those having much importance beyond this chapter. Even so, most characters introduced get enough little moments of personality that the place feels lived in, and you get the feeling that this is Blackjack's home.
All in all, it's a very good opening chapter remaining clear and engaging, easy enough to attract a prospective reader's interest.
Also, I'd like to apologize in advance for the rushed nature of this post. It's my first real blog post, so mistakes are bound to happen, but still. Some details could have been glossed over, and some weren't elaborated on fully enough. Due to 3 computer derps, I've had to rewrite this thing 3 times, so a lot of things I'd wanted to say got evaporated in my rush to finish this. Even so, if anypony found some enjoyment out of this read, I'll count it a success and worth the effort.
Catchphrases:
- Don't think about it: Said 11 times.
- Security protects: Said twice.
FAVORITE QUOTES:
- Slowly, I shuffled through the copious junk I’d accumulated. It was mostly recycled food chips and old drink bulbs, though I liked to pretend that some of the open bottles on the dresser were some sort of fermentation experiment…. Maybe a pet? Colonization by our future fungal overlords? Heh. A mare could dream…
- “Mind if I sit here? No, Great! Do I have a story to tell! Here I was, just minding my own business, hurrying to catch up with a particularly lovely mare, when these hoofcuffs appeared on me like magic! Can you believe it?” I asked with a grin as I tapped them on the table. “So, there I was, pondering and bemoaning my fate, when I remembered a certain vision of angelic equinity whose magic far outshines my own and who’s kindness and generosity would surely compel her to free me from my predicament!” I said, grinning ear to ear as I fluttered my eyes at Midnight.
- I really had no idea how earth ponies managed cards. They just did. Me, I levitated them around as I looked at the other players.
- I always thought it was cute how it looked like earth ponies were prancing on the keys with the tips of their hooves.
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