History Main / KlatchianCoffee

-->-- '''Dr. Cliff Huxtable''', ''Series/TheCosbyShow'', describing his med school coffee.

* In the ''Series/{{Farscape}}'' episode "Dream A Little Dream", Rygel gives Chiana some stimulant pills as a hangover cure, warning her not to take the whole lot. Chiana, [[TheLadette being Chiana]], naturally does, and spends the following scene (in a courtroom, no less) spectacularly tweaking out.

* The ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' episode featuring ''Film/TheGiantSpiderInvasion'' has Mike and the Bots in a spoof of ''Film/InvasionOfTheBodySnatchers'', where they have to stay awake to avoid being taken over by pod people. Crow resorts to a mixture of various coffees, sodas, and candy that almost gives him a heart attack.
-->'''CROW:''' ''"SUUUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGEEEEE!!!!"''

** ''Series/StarTrekVoyager''. Given that MustHaveCaffeine is a RunningGag for Captain Janeway, it's not surprising that years of experience has enabled LethalChef Neelix to come up with some potent alien blends. [[UnCoffee Despite some early disasters.]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]

* In an episode of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', Peter got addicted to Red Bull energy drinks. After getting fed up with him, Lois got rid of it all and poured a can out the window onto a [[ThatPoorPlant flower]] that grew feet, uprooted itself, and went on a rampage. Then Peter tried to make his own Red Bull that included such ingredients as kerosene and ruined his kidneys, starting the actual plot of the episode.

* [[https://systlin.tumblr.com/post/134130007965/kwitty-cat-thebibliosphere-stormneedle This tumblr post]] documents two different cases of caffeine hell: One drink is a horrid concoction of coffees and caffeine pills, the other drink is a coffee that has been triple-distilled. [[TemptingFate The person who made the triple-distilled coffee even shared the instructions by popular demand]].

* Exaggerated in ''Webcomic/DeanNalaVinny'' when the gang visit a coffee processing facility in Germany. After merely ''[[https://www.instagram.com/p/CnqIclFJrnW/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= sleeping]]'' among sacks of coffee beans, Nala is completely buggy from the aroma alone:

* ''Webcomic/TheWhiteboard'':
** The crew, after (or in the middle of) a particularly interesting New Years' party (and that's saying something), manages by accident to create a coffee strong enough to cure astigmatism, boost intellect, and [[BreastExpansion add a cup size to women.]] The effects are temporary.
** Doc's [[http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autotwb1101.html normal]] coffee easily qualifies, as does his home-made Mountain Dew. In one strip, Snowshoe tells of a day that he tried Doc's coffee, to keep him going for a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_(shopping) Black Friday]] sale starting at 4 AM at the store he worked at, and finally got to sleep at 8 PM... the following Tuesday. [[http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autotwb2741.html He didn't even finish the cup.]]

* One of ''Creator/TheFiresignTheatre'''s albums has "Ersatz Bros. Coffee" which contains Brazilian soya beans, Syrian chicory nuts, and [[LovePotion Spanish fly]].

* Wiki/SCPFoundation: [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-207 SCP-207]] appears to be a crate of two dozen 200 mL bottles of Coca-Cola. However, the fluid contained in these bottles is a stimulant powerful enough that anyone drinking more than five milliliters of it no longer requires sleep and sees a rapid increase in mental and physical speed... to the point [[HeroicRROD the human body is unable to handle it]].

* ''Literature/CiaphasCain'''s Valhallans have tanna, the 40K version of chifir (Russian prison tea). Cain downs the stuff without a problem, while Veil says it's definitely an acquired taste. It becomes a RunningGag that if he goes more than a day without it he gets mild withdrawal symptoms and enough of a craving that he'll ask about it as soon as meets Valhallans again; after an event early in his career where he fought half-way across a planet (Through an Ork Waaagh, Warboss included) after jokingly claiming it was to get some, his aide started carrying a supply at all times.

** Also, a cup of water from Dyne apparently tastes like normal water but can (especially if combined with a proper amount of electric shock) cause a minute or so of absolute clarity... little side-effects like [[GlowingEyesOfDoom glowing eyes]] and levitation are optional. Of course, the "electric shock" part of this is [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20091102 by far]] the ''[[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20100419 least]]'' dangerous.

While a GargleBlaster will get you insanely drunk, Klatchian Coffee has the opposite effect. Rather than slowing down your brain, Klatchian Coffee speeds it up tremendously. In some cases, the results can be NightmareFuel in a cup, or just ''really'' scary to think about. Can generate CaffeineBulletTime. May be used to demonstrate the level of a person's MustHaveCaffeine addiction if Klatchian Coffee is their regular morning brew.

* In ''Fanfic/ASparkOfGenius'' the Flash is once given a large coffee that is actually an entire ''truck'' worth of coffee shrunk down to size. Flash's CaffeineBulletTime has him doing things like disassembling an entire village that is in the path of a volcano's lava flow and reassembling it several miles away within a quarter second.

* ''WesternAnimation/OverTheHedge'': Hammy, a hyperactive squirrel, is given a can of soda, which causes him to enter CaffeineBulletTime and apparently move faster than light (he calmly walks around a laser starting to cross the lawn).

* The ''VideoGame/HenryStickminSeries'' game ''Escaping the Prison'' has the [=NrG=] drink. Chugging it down grants Henry CaffeineBulletTime, allowing him to bend the bars in his cell just by poking at them with his finger and pretty much waltz through the place. Unfortunately for him, he soon gets a HollywoodHeartAttack for his troubles. And just when he had walked through the front door and made his escape...

* Francis' twitch-gamer "power drink" from ''Webcomic/PvP'': "a blend of espresso, Jolt cola, some Pixie Stix, pure cane sugar, Choco Puffs and a splash of Mountain Dew because I'm that @!&$% crazy, man." [[http://www.pvponline.com/2000/03/06/mon-mar-06/ Oohhh, the colors.]] It makes him think he's experiencing CaffeineBulletTime, but he's really just [[http://pvponline.com/comic/2000/03/07/tue-mar-07 hallucinating]]

** Of note, it's left ambiguous whether Graham is simply [[CaffeineBulletTime moving at superhuman speeds]] or if he's actually using ''the power of editing the episode he's in to '''move'''''. Two examples are:

* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Amphibia}}'', the coffee in Newtopia has been characterized in-universe as strong, to the point where Sprig goes into [[CaffeineBulletTime a speed trance]] upon drinking it.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'': After drinking a hundred cups of coffee in one day, [[CaffeineBulletTime Fry gains super-speed,]] which enables him to rescue everyone from a burning building and then extinguish the fire.

* ''WesternAnimation/LiloAndStitchTheSeries'': One experiment had the power to [[FountainOfYouth turn people into babies]]. The antidote called for coffee so powerful it wasn't for sale to minors; after he's turned back to normal, it has this effect on Pleakley, making him very jumpy and he claimed to be able to see through lead.

* In ''RT Shorts'', a series of shorts that take place in [[Machinima/RedVsBlue Rooster Teeth Studios]], a type of coffee is mentioned which would presumably be very strong if it weren't imaginary.

While a GargleBlaster will get you insanely drunk, Klatchian Coffee has the opposite effect. Rather than slowing down your brain, Klatchian Coffee speeds it up tremendously. In some cases, the results can be NightmareFuel in a cup, or just ''really'' scary to think about. Can generate CaffeineBulletTime. May be used to demonstrate the level of a person's MustHaveCaffeine addiction (or being a SweetTooth) if Klatchian Coffee is their regular morning brew.

While a GargleBlaster will get you insanely drunk, Klatchian Coffee has the opposite effect. Rather than slowing down your brain, Klatchian Coffee speeds it up tremendously. In some cases, the results can be NightmareFuel in a cup, or just ''really'' scary to think about. Can generate CaffeineBulletTime. May be used to demonstrate the level of a person's MustHaveCaffeine addiction if Klatchian Coffee is their regular morning brew.

** Then there's [[http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030418 "Sid's Insidious Syrup."]] Flavored with "distilled Website/{{UseNet}} bitterness". Better known as ''[[Franchise/CthulhuMythos Hastur.]]''

* In ''WesternAnimation/ScoobyDooLegendOfThePhantosaur'' after a waiter gives Scooby coffee by mistake he becomes incredibly hyperactive and energetic.

* ''Literature/CiaphasCain'''s Valhallans have tanna, the 40K version of chifir (Russian prison tea). Cain downs the stuff without a problem, while Veil says it's definitely an acquired taste. It becomes a running gag that if he goes more than a day without it he gets mild withdrawal symptoms and enough of a craving that he'll ask about it as soon as meets Valhallans again; after an event early in his career where he fought half-way across a planet (Through an Ork Waaagh, Warboss included) after jokingly claiming it was to get some, his aide started carrying a supply at all times.

** Taken UpToEleven with this [[http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1776 concoction]] and then some with this [[http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1711 guest comic.]]

* Death Wish recently lost the title for world's strongest coffee newcomer [[https://blackinsomnia.coffee/ Black Insomia]]. Death Wish has 433.6mg of caffeine in an 8oz cup, or 54.6mg/oz (and an 8oz cup is already over the FDA-recommended limit of 400mg/day, BTW[[note]]And there's a damn good reason for it, too! Too much above this can adversely affect your heart; even cause a ''fatal arrhythmia''.[[/note]]). Black Insomia has [[UpToEleven 468mg]] in the same size cup, or 58.5mg/oz.
* Both Death Wish and Black Insomnia have been blown out of the water by [[https://www.caffeineinformer.com/strongest-coffee-brands Black Label]], which claims to contain ''1555mg'' of caffeine per 12 fl oz, or 129.6 mg/oz! By comparison, an 8oz cup of standard coffee contains on average 96mg of caffeine, or 12mg/oz, making Black Label a bit shy of [[UpToEleven 11 times]] more potent than regular coffee.

* The "other" active ingredient in Creator/RedBull is taurine [[note]] pun not intended [[/note]] (which is not extracted from bull testes, as much as some people would like us to think), and it's also the ingredient which sparked most scandals with government regulatory bodies in European countries. As a compromise, all energy drinks marketed in Europe were required to have 320mg of caffeine and 0.4% taurine per dose. As in USA there was no such rule, American manufacturers could increase the content of either caffeine, or, as with NOS Energy Drink, taurine. 5-Hour Energy juice has [[UpToEleven 2.2 times the amount of caffeine/liter in a Cocaine can]], yet it comes only in 2 oz bottles.

** The overnight LAN party version is to do this [[UpToEleven more than twice]] — brew coffee from coffee that has been brewed from coffee.

** The only way to top this required replacing caffeine with cocaine, which is several times more potent stimulant. In combination with ethanol in the body, cocaine can also produce a stimulant called cocaethylene, which may have a stronger cardiac effect than plain cocaine. This vile decoct was actually called "the trench cocktail" (окопный коктейль ''okopniy kokteyl''), because it was introduced as a military stimulant during WWI. During the Russian Civil War, such an alcohol-cocaine tincture was very popular among Baltic Fleet sailors (a primary Revolutionary muscle) as a stimulant and rumored cure-it-all. Given the typhoid fever outbreak that was raging around at the time, these sailors might've been up to something, though. It's also known as "Baltic Tea", a neologism coined by the modern writer Creator/VictorPelevin. Taking this UpToEleven by replacing alcohol with heroin or other opiods, known as a "speedball", can have deadly results. The use of a stimulant can trick even experienced heroin users into thinking they've taken a safe amount when they've actually overdosed. Compounding the problem is the varying purity of street drugs. For these reasons speedballs have been implicated in many heroin overdoses, including Creator/JohnBelushi, Creator/RiverPhoenix and Creator/PhilipSeymourHoffman.

* Dante from ''[[http://www.inktank.com/ Angst Technology]]'' brews coffee that is so strong as to be ''solid''. In one classic strip of the now-defunct ''Webcomic/AngstTechnology'' series, the rest of the gang put decaf in the office coffee machine to see how close he would get before detecting it (fourteen feet, six inches, it turned out); in the [[http://www.inktank.com/2010/04/14/ 2010-04-14]] ''Webcomic/InkTank'' strip, where he and Barry (the AuthorAvatar) are at a Starbucks, he berates Barry for not buying the largest cup. One of the comments on this strip was "I would think that anything from a Starbucks would be WAY too weak for Dante". In the [[http://www.inktank.com/2010/04/16/ 2010-04-16]] strip, Dante uses another version of the ''Dune'' quote which used to head this page.

* ''Film/{{Idiocracy}}'' has Brawndo, a close relative of Powerthirst. It is claimed to be this. It isn't.

* ''WebVideo/EpicMealTime'' routinely uses Four Loko--once referred to as "alcoholic unicorn blood"--in some of their cooking videos. They would make it clear when they were using the "pre-ban shit" (when the formula was given a ReTool and was just another Monster-like energy drink) to emphasize the "epicness" due to the dangerous combination of alcohol and caffeine. Indeed, [[AwesomeMcCoolName MusclesGlasses']] famous [[MushroomSamba breakdown]] in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eah23WvLYsQ Chili Four Loko]] is a direct result of consuming so much of it with the massive amount of chili and bacon (he'd later have to be stuffed into the bathroom for several hours to dry off).

* Creator/GabrielIglesias and a friend tried out Cuban food for the first time in Miami, and Gabe and ordered a coffee while he browsed the menu. He thought the shot glass-sized cup he was given was a prank, so demanded a "real cup". The waiter brought him a bowl full of Cuban coffee (and wouldn't leave until he started drinking). One sip told Gabriel what a mistake he had just made, but he finished the bowl because he didn't want to admit to being an idiot. The waiter [[OhCrap promptly crossed himself and told the cook to call 911]].

** Of note, it's left ambiguous whether Graham is simply [[CaffeineBulletTime moving at superhuman speeds]] or if he's actually using the power of editing to move. Two examples are: