History Main / IncompetentGuardAnimal

* The fact that the guard dog was seemingly incompetent (it did nothing when a criminal drugged the stableboy and stole a prize racehorse) in the Literature/SherlockHolmes story "Silver Blaze" was an important clue - the criminal was someone the dog was someone the dog was trained to not consider an intruder.

-->'''Burns:''' I'll never forget the day he bagged his first hippie. That young man didn't think it was too "''groovy''".

-->'''Burns:''' I remember when he bagged his first hippie. That young man didn't think it was too "groovy".

-> ''"...and finally Trigger, who's 'been-there, done-that' attitude has got the bad boys clamoring at her doorstep?"''

Often times the animal in question comes in one of two flavors. The first is that the animal tried being a vicious guard animal, but is physically incapable of accomplishing this, like a chihuahua or a Pomeranian or a pet rock. The second kind (the more popular kind because it is more hilarious) is often an animal that should be intimidating - like a rabid wolf-hybrid Doberman, a Bengal tiger or a [[ThreateningShark Megalodon]] in the [[BigFancyCastle castle]] moat - but it doesn't have a vicious bone in its body. [[AllAnimalsAreDomesticated It'll purr, rub against the intruding person, lick their face, maybe even roll-over wanting a belly-rub.]] It is just the cutest thing ever and it has ''no'' right to be. GoFetch or MonstersFavoritePettingSpot may be used to demonstrate this.

* Justified in ''VideoGame/{{Hades}}''. [[{{Hellhound}} Cerberus, guard dog of the Underworld]], blocks the exit of the Temple of Styx, but Zagreus can easily bribe him with a snack. After all, Zagreus is the Prince of the Underworld and Cerberus is his pet; Cerberus may be a BigFriendlyDog to him, but not to a stranger. Zagreus also implies that if anyone tried to pet Cerberus without [[MonstersFavoritePettingSpot knowing to only pet the left head]], he'll snap at them.

* The infamous "Kennel From Hell" match between Wrestling/AlSnow and Wrestling/BigBossman from the 1999 ''Wrestling/{{Unforgiven}}'' pay-per-view had "angry guard dogs" in the space which separated the Hell in a Cell and the Steel Cage. The problem was that the dogs (two rottweilers) generally acted like overgrown puppies, defecating, urinating, and even mating.

* Justified in ''VideoGame/{{Hades}}''. [[{{Hellhound}} Cerberus, guard dog of the Underworld]], blocks the exit of the Temple of Styx, but Zagreus can easily bribe him with a snack. After all, Zagreus is the Prince of the Underworld and Cerberus is his pet.

Animal equivalent of TheGuardsMustBeCrazy and PoliceAreUseless. The RealLife version is NeverWorkWithChildrenOrAnimals. See also AllAnimalsAreDogs and AllAnimalsAreDomesticated.

Often times the animal in question comes in one of two flavors. The first is that the animal tried being a vicious guard animal, but is physically incapable of accomplishing this, like a chihuahua or a pomeranian or a pet rock. The second kind (the more popular kind because it is more hilarious) is often an animal that should be intimidating - like a rabid wolf-hybrid doberman, a Bengal tiger or a [[ThreateningShark megaladon]] in the [[BigFancyCastle castle]] moat - but it doesn't have a vicious bone in its body. [[AllAnimalsAreDomesticated It'll purr, rub against the intruding person, lick their face, maybe even roll-over wanting a belly-rub.]] It is just the cutest thing ever and it has ''no'' right to be. GoFetch or MonstersFavoritePettingSpot may be used to demonstrate this.

** Usually subverted with Mr Burns' terrifying hounds, though the episode "Dog of Death" shows TheRuntAtTheEnd, Crippler. As Burns laments, Crippler was once as vicious a beast as all his other dogs, but having been around since Woodstock, time hasn't been kind to him.

[[quoteright:350:[[WesternAnimation/MiraculousLadybug https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/miraculous_guard_dog.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:350:What good is having a crocodile that doesn't bite?]]

-> ''"...and finally Trigger, who's'' been-there, done-that ''attitude has got the bad boys clamoring at her doorstep?"''

[[folder: Literature]]

** Alternatively, people have brought large-breed dogs because they ''look'' intimidating, subverting this trope.
** That said, thieves will generally prefer to avoid houses that have dogs at all, if given the option. Yes, even tiny Chihuahuas. [[MisterMuffykins Especially Chihuahuas.]] Small dogs tend to bark a lot, which, if it's not alerting the residents, will risk drawing attention to the house. Even one of the friendliest dog breeds in the world, the Golden Retriever, can ward a thief who mistakes its joyful bound at what the Goldie thinks is a new friend for a vicious dog on the attack.

** That said, thieves will generally prefer to avoid houses that have dogs at all, if given the option. Yes, even tiny Chihuahuas. [[EspeciallyX Especially Chihuahuas.]] Small dogs tend to bark a lot, which, if it's not alerting the residents, will risk drawing attention to the house. Even one of the friendliest dog breeds in the world, the Golden Retriever, can ward a thief who mistakes its joyful bound at what the Goldie thinks is a new friend for a vicious dog on the attack.

* The three-headed dog Fluffy in ''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone''is normally pretty effective at guarding the titular stone, but he has a WeaksauceWeakness (music makes him instantly fall asleep) and a caretaker with LooseLips, so both the heroes and the villain are able to get past him easily.

-->'''Burn:''' I remember when he bagged his first hippy. He didn't think it was so "groovy".