Jackass Genie- The Forum Game

B:You remember your dreams!

L:You remember every dream, including the bad ones.

J:You never specified what kind of dreams, so you only remember nightmares. And you can't forget them.

I wish I could summon my favorite food at will.

B: You can summon you're favorite food at will! Lucky you.

N: You can summon you're favorite food at will, though you never specified how big it is, so it's always a random size.

J: You can summon you're favorite food at will! But the genie warps your mind in such a way that you're favorite food is shit, and you always want it, in huge amounts.

I wish I never had to eat, or drink water.

edited 25th Feb '16 9:41:40 AM by T-manboy55

B: You can survive without those things.

L: Stuffs so much food and water into you that you won't need to eat or drink ever again.

J: Kills you. Now you don't need food and water!

I wish the world ran on cartoon logic.

edited 25th Feb '16 9:48:03 AM by DrNoPuma

B: Any injuries are non-fatal and not painful at all.

L: You live in a cartoon with all the pros and cons that come with it.

J: The world gets cancelled 2 seasons in.

I wish I can get away with murder.

Ben: they guy you killed was a neo Nazi/cannibal/serial killer, you did the world a favor.

Lit: you get away with murder.

Jack: you murder a beloved person and everyone hates you for it.

I wash I had a device that allowed me to view movies/cartoons/anime if all the characters were the opposite gender.

B: It works perfectly.

L: Like many products, it doesn't work 50% of the time.

J: You can only use it on pornos...

I wish for a decent, functional gaming laptop.

Benevolent: You get the best, most durable gaming laptop on the market. It has long battery life and a powerful enough GPU to support a VR headset.

Literal: You get a decent gaming laptop. It has a GTX 950 and 8GB RAM.

Jackass: You get a bargain-basement $300 laptop with a Celeron. You genuinely believe that it's a decent gaming laptop.

I wish I had some good Real Life friends.

edited 25th Feb '16 6:40:18 PM by lewattoo

B: You instantly make friends with some people in your neighborhood, and you have lots of fun together.

L: You instantly make friends with some people in your neighborhood, but they're all realists who constantly shoot down your hopes and dreams. But they still hang out with you.

J: He believes that Humans Are Bastards, so he considers your wish paradoxical, and therefore invalid.

I wish I had a pet tiger.

edited 3rd Mar '16 3:48:30 PM by DrNoPuma

Ben.: Not only do you have a Pet Tiger, but it's also fully house-trained, can do tricks, and comes with Frickin' Laser Beams attached to its back for defence purposes. And it can pick up newspapers in quintuple the time a dog can.

Lit.: Now you have a Pet Tiger... good luck trying to control it.

Jack.: You have a Tiger, alright, but unfortunately he's a Petting Zoo Person Tiger who can talk, is fully sentient, and acts like a Snarky Non-Human Sidekick. If that sounds cool, it really isn't. He moults all over the place, can't be bothered to get a job (there's not much demand for Tiger-people, except maybe in the breakfast cereal industry, but he don't got the skills for that), smokes way too much weed, and tells horrible puns that are so bad you'll wish you got a normal Tiger that just savaged you to death. But don't wish to me, you've used up your wish allowance already.

I wish I could talk to animals.

edited 3rd Mar '16 4:05:26 PM by PresidentStalkeyes

B: You can now fully communicate with any animal you meet!

L: Doesn't do anything. Technically, you already can talk to animals. They just won't respond.

J: You hear the voices of every single animal in the world. You can never escape...

I wish all politicians were kind and intelligent.

edited 11th Mar '16 4:48:10 PM by DrNoPuma

bump

Buuuuuuuump

Benevolent: Granted. We get world peace, and poverty is gone from the world.

Literal: The politicians in your country are all kind and intelligent. And therefore pushovers for politicians from other countries who start abusing the shit out of your country.

Jackass: All politicians were kind and intelligent. Were. At some point. Before they became politicians. Now they're all corrupt bastards who will fuck you over any way they can.

I wish they made another game like Sonic Adventure.

edited 15th Mar '16 2:57:04 PM by Everzwijn

I really hope I don't get ninja'd because I have got this:

B: A new video game is released now. It has all the awesome gameplay, music, and story of Sonic Adventure.

L: The new video game is essentially Sonic Adventure with the Serial Numbers Filed Off. It is all-around hated and seen as an embarrassment.

J: The new video game has everything bad about Sonic Adventure - outdated graphics, bad voice mixing, and heaps of Narm! It goes down in history as being even worse than Bubsy 3D.

I wish I had a theme song.

edited 31st Mar '16 11:14:39 AM by DrNoPuma

Bump

Bump again.

B: Granted! You have a theme song that's exactly the way you want it, and can optionally be sung by Freddy Mercury.

L: Granted, the theme song of a random show just appeared on your music device.

J: Granted, but it's sung by Justin Bieber.

I wish Eevees (and the stones to evolve them) were real.

B: Granted! Now anyone can raise and evolve their very own Eevee! I want a Vaporeon!

L: Granted. But they function like any other animal, so you'll have to wait a while for the evolution process.

J: Granted. The world is full of hyperintelligent, fully evolved Eevees who hate and attack people.

I wish I was a werewolf.

B: Now you change to a werewolf at full moon, and only at full moon. You change back afterward.

L: Once you change, you're just an ordinary wolf.

J: Once you change, you're just an ordinary wolf... Forever.

I wish I was BATMAN!

edited 22nd Apr '16 8:59:32 AM by gregnes2000

B: You become the well known, badass superhero and fight crime with pure skill.

L: You get a job as a batman.

J: Shoots your parents and turns you into a bat.

I wish allergies were gone forever.

B: Nobody suffers from allergies. The human immune system only responds to actual threats.

L: Anything with an allergen in it no longer exists.

J: Nobody has an immune system any more.

I wish I was prettier.

B: you're now the prettiest person in the world.

L: you're just slightly prettier.

J: he makes you prettier then normal by his standards, which means uglier.

I wish to achieve something significant in my lifetime.

B: You cure cancer, end world hunger, and stop global warming.

L: You make the best gosh-darn pies this side of Texas.

J: You become the new Hitler.

I wish I could undergo a voluntary Gender Bender.

B:The process is successful and you can change back if you want to.

L: You get a bunch of people of different genders bending.

J: Transforms you in a physically painful way and transports you to a country with a terrible women's right records.

I wish I could fly, I wish I could touch the sky.

B: You can now fly as high, as far, and for as long as you want.

L: Points out that technically, you're already touching the sky, but gives you flight powers anyway.

J: You can fly and touch the sky... but then you're stuck there.

I wish I had a great laugh.