The Official Bad Puns Topic

In a rare interview with OutKast, they were asked the bizarre question of who their favorite Queen's Blade character was.

After a few seconds of thought, the duo responded: "CattlEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

If I were a Pokémon trainer, I'd like to be a Poison- and Fire-type master, so that I could deliver sick burns.

Why didn't gothita want to go out with tepig?

He wasn't her type!

This was it. Link had fought his way through the Level 6 dungeon, and now he was ready. Opening the boss door, he readied his bow and looked at the enemy: Gohma.

Only... it seemed to be scratching itself. Wildly. Its movements were making it hard to aim, and misses would be a waste of money.

In a moment of brilliance, he withdrew an arrow from his bow, placed it on the floor, and stood with one foot on it. Thus steadied, his aim flew true, striking the boss and soon felling it. As he collected the Heart Container, he recalled the wise words of his manga collection:

Itchy Gohma? Shim arrow! (Yeah, it's pronounced way wrong.)

While doing voiceover work for The Fairly Oddparents, Tara Strong kept slipping into her Twilight Sparkle voice. After messing up several takes, she complained, "I'm a little horse."

Sakaki sure puts the ai in "ailurophile".

edited 26th Sep '16 8:50:31 PM by Nyperold

So there was this horror movie that went straight to DVD, and the creators came up with an unusual bonus feature to help intrigue the audience into buying a copy. The marketing emphasizes that it's such an intensely scary movie that the viewer might need something to regain their composure while they're watching it - Accordingly, they had this voice actor with a rather soothing voice, who is credited only as Terry, record an overdub where he just keeps reassuring the viewer that it's just a movie. The idea being that, if the movie ever gets to be too much for you at any point, you can always switch the audio to the calming Terry track

edited 10th Oct '16 8:26:00 PM by MikeK

There are 10 types of people in this world: Math haters, math geeks, and math geeks who saw that this is a ternary joke.

A family takes a trip of m miles. The car's wheels, of diameter d, have rotated t times since the beginning of the trip. What is the best formula for determining whether or not the remaining portion of the trip is zero?

"r we there yet?"

edited 24th Oct '16 5:47:26 PM by Nyperold

So, Hayley Williams becomes the newest member of U2 ^note Bono is too much of the Face Of The Band to be replaced by anyone, but let's say they decide to have a Vocal Tag Team all of the sudden. Oddly, one of their first shows together is at a venue that is also hosting a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic convention where the main attraction is an attempt to get as many Fluttershy cosplayers together as possible in one room: Posters outside the club depict the original lineup of U2 on top, a group of Fluttershy cosplayers in the middle, and a picture of Hayley on her own at the very bottom. She's displeased that they didn't use a photo of her with the rest of the band, not to mention the fact that the cosplayers are displayed more prominently than she is, so she complains ""I should be over all the Fluttershys - I'm in U2! I'm in U2!"

edited 28th Oct '16 11:18:14 PM by MikeK

What was the name of that manga about a haunted gas station? Oh yeah, Ghost in the Shell

"Have fun, Bono." "Yeah, U2."

So I was looking up "lee" on Wiktionary, and was pleasantly surprised by the fact that it actually has sailing definitions, one of which is related to harbors. I'm mainly glad because this means there's probably such thing as a lee pier. (Too bad I didn't think if it back in January or last December.)

I asked a guy to lend me $20, so he gave me a bill with a clown's face on it. I'm worried he might have given me funny money.

A friend asked me to watch her kid for the night, and it being December and all, I thought I'd play him the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. He had a bad reaction to it - his mom should have warned me he was allergic to Peanuts.

Ideal price when selling corn to pirates? A buck an ear.

I was about to feed my ants when I started getting indigestion, so I went to go take some medicine for it. Somehow I dropped the pill I was going to take into the ant farm, and before I knew it, the ants were all crowding around the pill to eat it. After that, they all started behaving erratically, almost as though they were high. I took a look at the pill bottle to see if there was any hint as to why it was having this effect on the ants. That's when I realized it was antacid

edited 8th Dec '16 8:34:38 PM by MikeK

Jeopardy! just had two great categories: "H. P." and "Love Craft."

I read an article about this band who only did cover versions of Dead Kennedys songs, except they changed all the lyrics to be about the importance of dental care. They had to break up before they got too far due to a lawsuit spearheaded by Klaus Fluoride, the Dead Kennedys' guitarist: The headline of the story was of course Fluoride Prevents Tooth DK.

There's this really strange show where all they do is put a single camera in an empty room, point it upwards, and broadcast that as a continuous static shot for 45 minutes. Believe it or not, there are actually some people who enjoy the program and tune in regularly - I guess they're ceiling fans.

Once, there was an outbreak of cape theft in the city. Every kind of cape, from capes from kids' costumes to superheroes' capes, were stolen. The culprit remains at large to this day.

When the mayor of the city was asked what to do about the stolen capes, his response? "Keep circulating the capes!"

Quoth the Count when he got wasted:

"I see one, two, three, heads! I just finished my fourth fifth! Ah ah ah... ah shit..." *BLEAARGH*

edited 3rd Feb '17 11:12:56 PM by Theatre_Maven_3695

My username. That's all.

It's Ridley awful.

Help me.

Have you met Roid yet? I'm sure he can get you through the rough Tourain near his house and help you get rid(ley) of your horrible nickname!

Don't you mean ? That had nothing to do with my drunk Muppet joke