Shit our teachers say.

My PT teacher back in school. And that second one was after we corrected him from 'let the atmosphere come inside'.

:P

noisivelet naht nuf erom era srorrim

Last day of music class, and we spent it watching Grease. And when asked if he had a girlfriend, my teacher said that he drew a girl on a piece of paper and kissed it. Apparently it's his fiancee.

I'm gonna miss him.

I'm now imagining a bunch of pilots just casually climbing into the classroom window, saying "hey, thanks".

Earth is the only planet inhabitable by Nicolas Cage.

~english teacher

~My maths teacher after a fellow student returned from the bathroom where he spent a pretty long time

And how could I forget that one time:

(Can someone tell me if there's a thread for shit fellow students say?)

edited 28th Jun '14 8:47:58 AM by Jarina

No you can't call me Jar(i) I am not a glass container

Still physics professor.

From an assignment today:

Not surprisingly this was written by NASA.

Humanities Professor.

~starts clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail~ "Wait, has anyone not seen this?"

~one girl raises her hand. after a second so does a boy~

Prof: Sin! Sin! Repent! Go home and watch it tonight!

Got a degree in Emotional trauma via fictional characters aka creative writing. hosting S'mores party in Hell for fellow (evil) writers

what do you mean I didn't win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else

bonus: I go to a private christian college.

Got a degree in Emotional trauma via fictional characters aka creative writing. hosting S'mores party in Hell for fellow (evil) writers

When I was in high school I had a Bio teacher who mangled English worse than Yogi Berra, Dan Quayle, and the Reverend Spooner combined. He was always mispronouncing words and it drove me insane.

• "Echinoderm" as "endocherm"

• "Lytic" as "Ly-tit-ic"

• "Glucagon" and "Glycogen" pronounced the same

• "Sympathetic" as "sympathic"

And many many more just like it.

One time he asked me to look up a word for him. And then pronounced it wrong only two minutes later. Looking back, I think he was trolling me. My mom would also tell me that she once heard him say "Rather or not" instead of "whether or not". HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP?!?!?

He also tended to end questions in periods instead of question marks on written tests.

I think he spoiled bio forever for me. Because I tried taking college level bio, and I kept falling asleep in class — something I have never done in college. She was just so boring and scatterbrained. We once spent a whole class talking about bats because she had found one in her attic, even though it had nothing at all to do with what we were talking about in surrounding classes. (Big-Lipped Alligator Moment class?) One experiment, we needed dice for, but she didn't have any dice, so we just threw buttons and said that if they landed face-up, it was an even number; face-down, an odd number. I actually quit the class because of how derp she was.

"He also tended to end questions in periods instead of question marks on written tests."

I saw this kind of thing all the time when I was in high school. Sometimes it would be a comma instead, but either way it always bugged the hell out of me because shouldn't Word's spelling/grammar checker have caught that?

pearlina brainrot affects millions of people worldwide. if you or a loved one are suffering from pearlina brainrot, call 1-800-GAY-NERDS

" I'm a Death metal Scholar AND a Mormon literature Scholar!"

My Grammar professor upon learning that his paper about the poetics of heavy and death metal music has been cited in 40 books.

Got a degree in Emotional trauma via fictional characters aka creative writing. hosting S'mores party in Hell for fellow (evil) writers

"Everything is becoming drugs."

My math teacher on an awkwardly phrased problem.

INSIDE OF YOU THERE ARE TWO WOLVES. BOTH OF THEM WANT YOU TO SHOOT ELVIS.

In my last semester of high school, my English teacher somehow managed to extrapolate This Loser Is You from pretty much every single piece of work we studied. (For instance, his "greatest short story of the 20th century" was about an old man who was unsatisfied with his life but did nothing to change it, hint, hint.) There was one or two exceptions, where it was This Winner Is Not You (such as the protagonist from The Shawshank Redemption)

edited 20th Jul '14 11:21:38 AM by Blueeyedrat

"I've come to the conclusion that this is a very stupid idea."

At the beginning of the year, my current science teacher painted himself as very stern. Every lesson, however, his true colours show more and more until finally, this afternoon, he starts saying stuff like this:

This same afternoon, he admits to being gay. No, seriously.

Okay, "Science is YOLO" doesn't even make any sense. It's literally "Science is you only live once." I hope he isn't also the grammar teacher.

Oh God, I have so many to tell you guys, wow.

"Sorry I yelled at you guys. My therapist says I shouldn't take it out on my husband so..." -sixth and seventh grade math teacher

"Two days is plenty of time to finish everything, if you actually cared about this class. I don't think you do." -seventh grade science teacher, after I had been absent for four days sick, was trying to make up all the work I had missed, and was also fighting awful, soul sucking depression. (That she knew about.)

"We don't talk about these types of things in class. That was completely inappropriate." -sixth grade Social Studies teacher, after I had mentioned Trayvon Martin. (We were talking about Emmett freaking Till. Saw the Jet photo and everything. Apparently, talking about racism is only okay when the parties have been dead for sixty years.)

And, lastly, this story. I was in third grade, and standing outside with friends waiting to be let in to school. One of the teachers told us to stand and wave to the cars coming in, because parents tended to give her the finger and they wouldn't do it in front of a bunch of cute smiling eight year olds. She also used to make student massage her feet and back during class.

“My loathings are simple. stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." -Vladimir Nabokov

Today's essay prompt: #1 Banned books, #2 what is a good parent, and #3 racism.

Teacher: the prompt are listed from least difficult to most difficult!

I am sure we, who #1 doesn't have experience with banned book, and #2 have never been a parent, can write the first prompt better than #3 with the recent Ferguson fuck up and Travyon Martin yelling at the news. To no one's surprise half the class choose #3 and wrote about Ferguson.

I'm wincing at the thought of a bunch of teenagers writing about Michael Brown. That just will not be pretty, O can feel it.

“My loathings are simple. stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." -Vladimir Nabokov

My teacher told me that Natalie Portman died in a skiing accident in Quebec. I don't even remember how that came up…

Peace is the only battle worth waging.

The following exchange occurred during my Law Enforcement class. We had to do reports on certain police departments, and I had just presented mine. The student before me (who is, no less, a police explorer/cadet) had utterly failed to do the assignment as stated. This piece of comedy gold is what my teacher (who is, no less, a retired police officer serving as a temporary high school sub for the class) said to him:

"[His] report is when a cop goes to testify, kicks ass, then goes back home to his girl. Your report is when the prosecution fucks you in the ass. Congratulations."

Then we had to identify what crime was committed given a certain scenario. The teacher was just about to give us the next example when the bell rang. This followed:

"Okay, tomorrow, ask me about the guy who was sitting butt-ass naked in front of his window eating a bowl of cereal."

I have literally no words to justify how awesome that teacher is.

He's so Badass that he writes romance novels. No,seriously.

Don't worry, this is a good class, and "does modern society still discriminate" was just 1/3 and follow up of the main prompt. Yes we are really lazy.

Chemistry teacher: you are going to dream of metric. When I dream in Spanish, I realized I got it. Yes I can see some of you are really bored.

Someone else: Why are we overanalyzing everything?
English teacher: Because we are in an English class.

Chemistry teacher: If you see flames in that room *points to storage room* let me know. If there is fire, I'm going up to Tahoe to go fishing, because there are 700+ chemicals in there, and it's going to take at least ten weeks for the hazmat team to get the school habitable again. I don't care if I get fired, there is no way I'm going to be downwind. Also, if that does happen, it's every man for himself.

Angry queer dude. Ze/zer, they/them, or xe/xyr/xem pronouns.

Management Prof, while discussing the four humours.

Echoing hymn of my fellow passerine | Art blog (under construction)

"That building is so old, I wish someone would blow it up.

...You didn't hear that."

My History professor while talking about how our class got moved at the last minute.

My chem teacher from last year was at my school's open house last night. I had to help out with giving tours for new students (upon request). No one seemed to want a tour, so I (along with two other students who were helping out with the tours) talked to him when he was nearby. He finally just said "(Student X), (Student Y), you can leave. Explo can handle the tours."

Funny how I don't even have him anymore and he's still willing to throw me under the bus (he always liked to pick on me in class in a good-natured way). Turns out I ended up giving the only student tour that night. XD

Also, I just remembered this funny quote from way back when I was in sixth grade. My social studies teacher was guiding us through an outline for cultural aspects of some ancient civilizations, and Subheading F was "arts" in multiple parts of the outline. He wasn't aware of this until the entire class was laughing and finally declared:

"Keep laughing now, but one day I might have a successful business called 'F.Arts' and will be laughing in your faces."

He was a good teacher. Man, I miss him.

edited 29th Aug '14 8:16:20 PM by Explosivo25

I don’t even know anymore.

"We must broaden our minds, so we should put our shoes in someone else- *Beat*"

—My geography professor.

"It's liberating, realizing you never need to be competent." — Ultimatepheer