Decemberist
World War II is old enough that most people alive now were born after it and don't fully understand how important it was—and that's with how much it permeates our cultures, both in the US and around the world.
In any case, the point here is that the entire idea is riddled with terrible implications. Considering that, insofar as I can tell, these women are the product of a nerdy kid's sexual fantasies to begin with—so we have objectification of women right out of the damn gate—and then they're a group of superficially simplistic cultural stereotypes to boot—and "superficially" hinges on it being handled properly, which isn't a given.
"Shit, our candidate is a psychopath. Better replace him with Newt Gingrich."
Shadowed Philosopher
I suppose it could be taken down a track that would offend people. If it was played stupidly enough, I suppose it might offend me. I don't think the idea itself is sufficiently offensive to merit moralistic yammering about it, though.
Shinigan (Naruto fanfic)
Decemberist
Well, I'm going by what I can parse in between the parts degraded by being boiled down to tropes.
We don't really have a coherent plot summary or character descriptions, and we have no actual excerpts. Could it be different when written? Perhaps. But with what we have, my outlook on the matter is far less than sunny.
edited 20th Jan '12 10:49:02 PM by Flyboy
"Shit, our candidate is a psychopath. Better replace him with Newt Gingrich."
They think me mad
APH is pretty awful imo but this is also pretty off-topic.
to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee
That One Guy
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
Same here. It's tough not to judge when a character's description consists of tropes, and stereotypes at that.
I have to question how the author is trying to shoe-horn in so many genres into this work. It seems like he is just stacking tropes on top of one another instead of actually coming up with an actual plot. That, combined with the whole objectification of women malarkey and the positive portrayal of Otaku make me somewhat concerned with his actual writing ability.
That One Guy
You took the words right out of my mouth. There's nothing wrong with making characters beforehand, but Tropes Are Tools, not substance.
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They think me mad
Really outside of the most basic/general ones, tropes are just results or byproducts more than anything anyway.
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
.... Can we get back to the questions posed in the OP, people? You can start viciously criticizing the story's premise when I get around to asking you for feedback on it.
And like I said before, giving you the full rundown on the whole thing would require dumping Walls upon Walls of Text that I have serious doubt about anybody being willing through them all.
Works like Super Sentai and Power Rangers mix Sentai with Super Robot-type Humongous Mecha with no problems. Now make the Sentai's Five-Man Band composed of Magical Girl Warriors, have the government and certain enemy groups use Real Robot-type mecha, and put the Ultimate Evil and some other villains as Eldritch Abominations. The Urban Fantasy aspect easily solves itself when one notes that a "Magical Girl fights demons and monsters" story in an urban setting automatically fulfills the definition of Urban Fantasy (example: Sailor Moon); mix with Darker and Edgier, and you get the Dark Fantasy factor.
While I'm not an expert on Japan, I was under the impression that "otaku" isn't really a lifestyle with some negative connotations so much as it is a lifestyle that's perceived as negative in and of itself.
Furthermore, based on the premise mentioned a few pages back (about how the main character wishes a sweetheart from the ground up boyfriend-free girl magical girlfriend to life or something) sounds a lot like the premise of Ah! My Goddess (which I admittedly haven't read beyond a basic summary, but they still strike me as awfully similar).
Other than that, I think you're making a mistake insofar as you're starting this story with a list of tropes. Perhaps I am simply too limited a writer to know better, but I think that's quite foolish. Tropes arise from works; it's not the other way around.
Well, anyway, most of my other thoughts have been summarised by everybody else.
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
Yeah, there are similarities to Ah My Goddess.
And regarding the trope thing... I will cite this post of mine.
Why not just describe them in plain words instead of tropes? With words you can have more nuance than with tropes.
Also, I couldn't read your response about multiple genres and what not, mostly because it was entirely written in blue links and tropespeak. But it kinda just sounds like you are playing genre Jenga without any real reason.
edited 21st Jan '12 6:38:01 AM by fanty
READ THE 13TH SAGE.
Flyboy, it's not meant to be mainstream humor. It's sort of the border in between mainstream and fringe. There's definitely supposed to be a hideously dark streak to it, but they try to keep it clean, which is why the show never references the Holocaust.
The show started as a purely ridiculous "Can-you-believe-we're-actually-doing-this" type of thing. And it caught on.
To be honest, though? They barely, from the two seasons I have seen so far, bring up World War 2 stuff, besides the actual informative segments of it. It barely has anything to do with WWII. It's mostly just anime people representing different countries being silly.
And yeah, it's got racial humor in it. That doesn't make it racist. From what I've seen, it's an equal opportunity offender all around. Well... There is no black character. But come on. It's Japan. They still think Black people are mythical beasts from the underworld, there's so few of them in Japan.
My only goal in life is to ensure that Mousa dies of a stress-induced heart attack by the age of 23. READ THIS
The latter is much less intuitive. Or at least it seems that way to me.
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
Something important that I've forgotten to mention earlier: The fic is intended to be an Affectionate Parody of, among other things, most of the genres listed in the Genre-Busting Mix And Match list.
Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
(ignores three page derail)
Just going from the OP, I'd recommend not having the Slav be the Token Evil Teammate. That's kind of the stereotypical portrayal, not to mention a negative one. I'd switch the first Sixth Ranger and the second one; make the Token Evil Teammate be from some other country (probably not Britain, depending on how you feel about the Evil Brit trope) and the Slav be The Stoic and the loner. That's also a little bit stereotyped, but you can justify it better by alienating him/her from the rest of the group.
Germany's a good choice for The Smart Guy, I'd say.
You seem to be missing a Deadpan Snarker / Only Sane Man (and if this is a parody, that's something you definitely need). That might be something for the African/Middle Eastern/Indian. Maybe he lapses into his native language when he's feeling particularly snarky as Bilingual Bonus?
Shadowed Philosopher
From what I read earlier, there's a decent justification for the Slav being Token Evil Teammate, because of the Soviet/KGB connection. And there's no real reason to be offended by that; whoever's evil is going to be of some ethnic group. The 'is evil' quality and the 'is from Eastern Europe' quality both spring from the 'is a KGB agent' quality; there's nothing racist about it.
Shinigan (Naruto fanfic)
I'm not so sure. Does being a member of the KGB turn you evil or something?
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
It's because the KGB (originally the NKVD - among other early names) is the ur-State Sec IRL next to Nazi Germany's Schutzstaffel (SS)*, and we all know where each of those two generally stand on the good-versus-evil spectrum.
Bingo. And I did originally consider going for a Mother Russia Makes You Strong Husky Russkie approach to the character, but that into two problems: It overlapped too much with the American character (Boisterous Bruiser Lad-ette), and I have trouble imagining a female Husky Russkie that isn't a Brawn Hilda *.
edited 21st Jan '12 1:47:08 PM by MarqFJA
Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
And other countries don't have dodgy secret services?
What's precedent ever done for us?
Well, as long as you have a reason. This is what I get for thread hopping.
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
Oh, I know there are, but none that are as internationally notorious and successful throughout our modern age. Also, the KGB's scope of operations was worldwide; the only real-life intelligence agencies that can dare to lay claim to the same are the US's CIA and the PRC's Ministry of State Security, and both fall short of being proper State Secs (of course, the latter gets points for being an actual Secret Police, though still not up to the KGB's level).
Nah, it's cool. And I do have to thank you for bringing up the Deadpan Snarker-Only Sane Man role; you're right, it is important.
edited 21st Jan '12 2:22:18 PM by MarqFJA
Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
The Russian girl should totally learn Commando Sambo.
WWII is 'very old'?
And yeah, probably, they wouldn't. But I still think the people making grievously offended noises in that instance would be wrong. Many upon many instances of Political Correctness Gone Mad have biased me heavily against people claiming to be offended by such things; if you don't like it, don't read it.
Shinigan (Naruto fanfic)