Uncle Drunkie's Writer/Critic Dating Service:

Total posts: [172]
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Greetings! Welcome to...well, you read the title, you know where you are. How does this work, you ask?


Writers looking for critics, post a synopsis of your work here. At the bottom you will find a handy-dandy list of suggestions to use for this. Keep the actual synopsis short (two mid-size paragraphs max. Someone will be along to help you...if you hook their interest, that is. Also, be sure to include a blurb about you, the writer; personal info is neither required nor recommended. Instead, speak on your goals as a writer and how serious you are about this. By "serious" I mean, are you just a fan fic hobbyist looking for some pointers, or are you seriously considering a career as an author?

Critics; your job is even easier. All you have to do is read through the synopses until you find one that interests you. If and when you have, PM the author and tell them "I want to be your critic!" Further details (how to exchange works, what the writer wants, what the critic wants, etc. etc. etc.) I leave to individual pairings to figure out.

The point here is to help join authors and the editors who might love them in the bonds of unholy geekery, for the betterment of all our nascent works...and to cut down on the plethora of "hey, critique my work!" micro-threads Writer's Block was inundated with. Furthermore, posting large chunks of a potentially publishable work in the public domain can be unwise.

Da Roolz: Writers

  • 1: Don't spam the thread. So far this has not been a problem as the Dating Service moves rather slowly. Let us continue this. Make your post and be patient; someone will be along to help you - and if nobody comes along, edit your post to make it more interesting.
  • 2: Writers are not to PM critics unless a prior arrangement has been made. Critics decide whether or not they wish to read a writer's materal.
  • 3: No posts other than synopses; I will be asking the mods to thump any post that doesn't conform to this criterium. Questions? PM me. If I'm not too wasted, I'll answer.
  • 4: Keep your synopsis short; two midsize paragraphs at most. The goal here is to interest someone in your work, not tell them all about it.
  • 5: Before put your work up for critiquing, run it through spell-check and give it a basic proofread. I've had two people complain to me about works where people did not do this, and that's a valid complaint. Yes, you are looking for help, but spell-check is a click away and it is not beyond the wit of writers to do a basic grammar scan. *
  • 6: Don't expect gushing. Expect to hear about weaknesses in your work as well as strengths. If you are not ready for that emotionally, don't post here.
  • 7: I would request that authors not delete their posts after they've gotten their help...just edit the post to say you've got all the help you need currently, and if that changes you can edit it back. People have asked me lots of questions about exactly what to put in their post...examples are good, particularly where the example can be seen as a successful one.

Da Roolz: Critics

  • 1: Don't be a dick. If you cannot be direct and honest without being rude, don't volunteer as a critic. If somebody's work sucks, then it sucks...but by taking on the job of a critic you are volunteering to help the writer make their work not suck.
  • 2: Don't overcommit. If you don't have the time, don't get a writer's hopes up by P Ming them and then never getting back to them. If your life situation changes and the free time you thought you had up and vanishes, be sure to let the writer know.
  • 3: Don't post here (unless you have a synopsis, then by all means...you can swing both ways here, it's all right). Just lurk until something pops up that you like, and PM the author to let them know.
  • 4: If it isn't working out, be sure to let the writer know you are going your separate ways - don't just drop off the planet.
  • 5: Keep checking old posts! Writers who previously had all the help they needed might need help again.

It really is that easy.

Things to put in your synopsis

Make sure you give us:

  • A basic idea of the genre.
  • What it is (book, script, etc.).
  • What kind of help you're looking for (technical, story-based, world-building, factual consultation, etc).
  • How far along the work is. This is important. Some critics don't want to teach kindergarten.
  • How serious you are - is this for fun, or something you hope to make money off of someday?

Also, include a nice little summary that both informs and titillates, somewhere between splash text and explanation.

Okay everyone, you know what to do. Start doin' it.

edited 22nd Sep '13 1:01:56 PM by drunkscriblerian

76 Eventua17th Dec 2012 05:30:17 AM from Dumundi , Relationship Status: I won't say I'm in love
Lord of the Citadel
Name: Tales of the Four Lords

Medium: On-Going Web-Novel

Synopsis: Dwelling in a mysterious place built from the dreams, memories and emotions of humanity, a highly dysfunctional team of siblings travel from dream to dream in a giant metal castle, purging nightmares and protecting humanity.

Or, they would do, if the older sister wasn't a snarky, manipulative pessimist, the older brother wasn't a macho thug, the youngest brother wasn't an idiot pop star and the youngest sister wasn't paranoid of everything.

Also, everybody is either a person of colour, a robot, or a monster. Yeah, that's not actually important to the plot, I just felt like it.

Type of Criticism: Essentially, everything. However, worldbuilding isn't my biggest concern, so if you could focus on overall writing style, spelling and grammer, pacing etc. that sort of stuff. Also, plot holes or contradictions.

How complete? Currently I've finished the first chapter, working on the second.

edited 17th Dec '12 5:30:41 AM by Eventua

The Signature Of Me
Insert witty title here
  • Title: A tempo
  • Genre: Fanfiction (Kingdom Hearts, there's some crossover with Ar Tonelico but it's mostly background and no knowdlege of the games is needed).
  • Summary:
    • Set post Kingdom Hearts 3D. Emyd, Demyx's Other is back to his hometown, and is living a peaceful life with the children Emeria, his surrogate mother took in while he was away.

    • Until a visitor arrives to tell them Emeria has gone missing, and takes them to the school of magic Emeria used to research for, nevermind Emyd's friends had no idea up to them other worlds existed.
    • Adventure and travel to other worlds ensue.

  • Type of criticism: Grammar, characterization, what do you expect to happen next? Where should they go next?
  • Status of completion: Still in the first chapters.

edited 17th Jan '13 1:09:05 PM by risingdreamer

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker
78 garridob18th Feb 2013 05:17:36 PM from South Korea , Relationship Status: I like big bots and I can not lie
My name's Ben.
Name: Omnipotent

Medium: Novel

Synopsis: Written in first person omniscient, this story seeks to play with the boundary between straight fiction and meta-fiction. Omnipotent concerns the God of Potency as he "fixes" the world's the national identities. To keep things from getting boring or pedantic, the Potency God also appoints two heroes to save the world from his tyranny.

While it sets you up for a "save the world from tyranny" type plot, Omnipotent is really more about the two heroes' journey from a desperate flavor of certainty to a reasoned sense of doubt.

Type of Criticism: I'm interested in how it makes you feel.

How complete? It's over 70,000 words (about 240 book pages) right now and nowhere near finished. I won't expect you to read the entire thing, though.

I would love to swap with somebody. I have quite a bit of experience critting and would like to return whatever favors you give me.



edited 18th Feb '13 5:18:30 PM by garridob

Great men are almost never good men, they say. One wonders what philosopher of the good would value the impotence of his disciples.
79 MadManX27th Feb 2013 03:45:54 PM from Illinois, USA
That Dude With That
If anyone recognizes me, apologies for my spasms. That said, hopefully we can start off on the right foot this time.


(26 Chapters, maximum of 400 pages for first book, three books planned)

GENRE: (Hard) Science Fiction, Cyber Punk / Bio Punk

MEDIA: Franchise/mythos - beginning as a book, may change into a Comic/ Video Game depending the following it gains(or if I can hire an artist/programmer or learn how to draw/program myself)

CONCERNS: The selfish reasons why I want to write this may affect writing quality, such as Villain Sue, Author Avatar, or Author Tract. Another concern is the amount of creativity I currently have, involving character designs/plot points that could become a Whole Plot Reference if I'm not careful. Finally, the framing devices used to tell the story would be a key element, and drive away readers if I use a Designated Hero.

STATUS: Currently drafting (4000+ words and counting), but have a plot outline available for questioning.

SYNOPSIS: In the half-life of the 21st century, using nothing more than the capitalist practices America has founded, megacorporation Aegis Inc. has strangled the GDP of the world and rooted itself with it's PMC branch as well as it's R&D bioengineering labs. Aegis' claim to fame - the Catalyst "enzyme" - has been used as a cancer cure and performance enhancer alike, forming a boundary between the social classes - those who accept Aegis as a benefactor in world peace, and several groups who splinter from it in a desperate move to preserve whatever culture is left.

One thief trying to make ends meet, Abby Flynn, is suddenly swept into an experimental squadron after a near-death experience, to usher in the Super Soldier age: the R.O.C. Batallion. However, what begins as a new start for her career turns into a manhunt when reports of "a domestic terrorist who has stolen a top-secret vial containing a biome-destroying biohazard." As they search for this monstrous rebel, Abby will find not only him, but the nests Aegis' enemies have built, the conspiracy Aegis' chairmans have laid, and a question: What does a man become when he loses his dignity?

edited 16th Mar '13 10:12:04 PM by MadManX

Name: Freedom Planet

Medium: Videogame script, 22k words in length including notes and descriptions.


A sci-fi/fantasy cartoon in which a ridiculously fast dragon girl and her friends team up to stop an alien invasion.

A genocidal warlord known as Lord Brevon crash lands on planet Avalice after narrowly winning a space battle against the Coalition of Planets. Since then, he has distreetly manipulated the local kingdoms into waging war with each other so that he may steal their most powerful artifact, the Kingdom Stone, and use it to restore power to his ship. The sole survivor of the space battle, Commander Torque, learns of his plan and heads out to stop him. Torque is quickly subdued and almost killed, but he is rescued by the adventurous Lilac and her Cat Girl friend Carol. They are later joined by Milla, a young dog-like girl, before offering to help Torque on his mission with their unique skills. Together they must travel across Avalice, convince the three kingdoms to stop fighting, and expose the true threat of Brevon.

Although the four heroes are strong together, their obliviousness to the danger they're facing gets them into big trouble on more than one occasion. They're pitted against such things as mutated one-eyed creatures, malfunctioning robots, dangerous underlings of Brevon, old rivals, shameful pasts, Humongous Mecha, and obnoxious politicians. Whether or not they have the determination to save their world is entirely up to the player.

Type of Criticism: Fridge Logic and Plot Holes are our primary concern. We also need to make sure that Chekhov's Gun and Foreshadowing situations are properly established at an early time in the story in ways that make sense.

Status of Completion: A draft is finished that is basically complete. The final draft will be spoken by a team of voice actors and used as a guide for animated cutscenes, so it's imperative that we get it finished as soon as possible.

edited 1st Mar '13 4:18:44 PM by SpacemanStrife

81 LastHussar4th Mar 2013 03:32:20 PM from the place is here.
The time is now,
Bit different.

Looking for someone to read a fragment. Its 1,770 words, in the form of a script/film direction.

Here's the thing, I mentioned here the 2 beta-readers who know the book found it very emotional. I'm wondering how much of that is because they are invested in the characters, and how much is my writing. I will supply a short synopsys of character relationships so you can understand them (about 400 words on top of the 1770, ).

No Lasers, no mystic swords, no half-pixie/half aliens. Just 30-somethings reacting to an event. You must be able to put up with Video Games by Lana Del Rey. I can email pdf from my gmail account.

WARNING: Contains 3 uses of the F word, and description of violent death.

edited 5th Mar '13 1:20:37 AM by LastHussar

Do the job in front of you.
82 ramuf20th Apr 2013 11:08:15 PM from the Shining Throne
I'm not entirely sure that anyone is still here, but I felt like putting my story out here.

Title: Techno Warrior

Genre: Science Fiction, Fantasy (much, much later in the story), Attempted Novel

Status: Just starting out

Length: 12 pages, 4,000 words

Type of Criticism: How good the grammar and spelling is. I would also like to know how good the characterization and the pacing is. To put it succinctly, everything.

Summary: Tobias is a normal soldier. He was put into cryosleep in his prime, and is immediately drafted when he is woken up forcefully. His squadmates are the only ones he can converse with, due to English evolving. When Tobias and the dysfunctional squad land on the planet to quell a rebellion, everything goes to hell. After mass death and hysteria, the squad is forced into a fight for their lives, only to be saved by a supersoldier dropped from orbit. She then takes the squad on a merry quest to find an ancient artifact.
In the place that you denied the trail of life is all I find
83 DeMarquis21st Apr 2013 10:50:04 AM from Hell, USA , Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Who Am I?
I'll take that, PM me.
I do not compromise—I synthesize.
84 Masterofchaos4th May 2013 03:34:24 PM from the void , Relationship Status: In Lesbians with you
sophie! from mwdh
I'm nervous, but I'll give this a shot.

Name: The Chaos

Medium: Action, Sci-Fi, Adventure series

Status: Complete (35257 words)

Synopsis: For nine years, Nick wondered what had happened to his father, who vanished without a trace. No matter what he did, though, it was almost like his questions would never be answered.

Then, one night, he nearly gets killed by an assassin, who claims to be looking for his father. It turns out that Thomas is being hunted, and this chase has been going on for nine years. Desperate to know the truth, Nick leaves home to uncover his dad's secrets, all while trying not to be killed.

Type of criticism: Characterization, pacing, consistency, grammar / spelling, and if it's overall enjoyable.

edited 28th Jul '13 3:47:10 PM by Masterofchaos

85 Drakkarius17th May 2013 08:45:37 PM from Innawoods, USA , Relationship Status: 700 wives and 300 concubines
Edit: Byebye.

edited 13th Feb '14 2:41:31 PM by Drakkarius

Anomaly of Time and Space
"Through the Air"

A short story, 7 pages (1714 words, depending on what you read), speculative fiction (involves a superhero), complete, and I'll take any criticisms/impressions you dole out. Thx!

Synopsis: A collection of posts on a social network. That's all that needs to be said on the matter.
Graffiti. My. Page.

due eet nao
Impudent Upstart
I completed this story a few years ago and am now looking into improving it. Very interested in outside opinions. I'd be willing to form a reciprocal reviewing relationship if somebody else is interested.

Title (tentative): The Thiefís Pet

Genre: Fantasy Novel

Length: Just over 132,000 words, broken up into 13 chapters.

Status: Completed. Right now it is in its second draft stage.

Synopsis: Though the nobles may rule the lands surrounding Port Prollos, the undisputed master of the city itself is Krimp Headpin and his band of thieves. One day Krimp and his men discover an empty village, its residents massacred by an unknown assailant. Only one survivor is found: a young girl named Vlenn. In a rare show of mercy, Krimp and his men decide to adopt the girl. This is the story of Vlennís attempts to make a name for herself among her fellow thieves in the midst of a feud between rival gangs for control of Port Prollos and the coming of a particularly vengeful new captain of the guard who is determined to catch Vlenn and her fellows once and for all.

Criticism: Iím mostly interested in impressions: What did you think? Were the characters interesting? Does the story flow logically? Did the world seem fleshed out? Did anything make you want to stop reading, or just annoy you? Iím more interested in things like character, world building and plot, but if you notice anything distracting about my writing style please feel free to mention this as well.

EDIT: I have added an additional work to my post. I'm still interested in getting a critique for the first one as well, so if either catches your eye please let me know. Again, this is a rather long story so I would be happy to critique the work of anybody willing to look at mine.

Title: The Apprentice, or, The Journey North

Genre: Fantasy Novel

Length: Long. 44 chapters, each approx. 10 pages in length.

Status: First draft completed and in a decently polished state.

Seriousness: I would like to publish some day. The goal of this piece is to improve my writing style and story telling technique.

Synopsis: For Lilith the day her brother, Eitri, was to leave for the magicianís academy at Hyrsgard was coming too quickly. For Eitri, it could not come quickly enough. Their hopes and concerns are forgotten with the coming of a mysterious magician, who kidnaps Lilith and flees with her into the night. Eitri insists on joining his siblings in her rescue, venturing beyond his home for the first time. Lilith, surrounded by enemies, must face a world she had only read about, unsure if she will ever see her family again. Both travel the same path through the plains and forests of the Twelve Kingdoms, heading eventually toward a mysterious tower that has risen in the northern mountains.

Criticism: Iím mostly interested in plot and characterization. Is the plot compelling? Are the events logical? Do you care to read to the end? Were there any areas that felt unnecessary or dragged? Are the characters well realized? Is the dialogue natural? And of course, as a story, does it work? Any other critiques are of course much appreciated.

edited 8th Feb '14 5:26:09 AM by LittleBillyHaggardy

Nobody wants to be a pawn in the game of life. What they don't realize is the game of life is Minesweeper.
This post has been blanked upon request.

edited 20th Dec '13 3:42:54 PM by BestOf

I'd say I'm being refined

Into the web I descend

Killing those I've left behind

I have been Endarkened
What should I put here?
Name: The Elf and the Dragon [WORKING TITLE]

Medium: As yet incomplete fanfiction, The Elder Scrolls universe. I'm not sure if any knowledge of the games is needed. I haven't explicitly refenced anything assuming that the reader knows what I mean, but stuff might have slipped through.

Synopsis: It's a retelling of the Elder Scrolls V, first off. Though with less action and more focus on the characters and how they interact, action is there, but I don't consider it a hook. It charts the adventures of Tirisi Tilvur, vampire and wanderer in Skyrim, in his quest to deal with the dragon menace and beyond. There's a lot to be said about Tirisi; what kind of person is he? What's he got behind him? What's his issue with wizards? I joke. But yeah, I'm trying out some new methods of writing, namely a third person, non-omniscient narrator combined with journal entries; character development in the form of revelation rather than, well, him actually developing. You get the idea.

Type of Criticism: Basically everything. There's a lot of stuff I'm pretty paranoid about. I'm not sure how consistent my writing is, I don't really know if I'm getting the amount of description right, etc. Oh, and grammar is always nice to fix.

How complete? Not very. I don't want to split it up into chapters until its finished. About 12,000 words so far.
I write stuff sometimes.

I also sometimes make youtube videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/majormarks
90 Soban14th Aug 2013 05:17:58 PM from The Park , Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Feeder Of Pigeons
Name: The Lonely Star

Genre: Science Fiction

Synopsis: Astronomers are baffledó their instruments have detected what seems to be a mobile star... and it's about to destroy earth!

Criticism: General, first complete short story I have ever written so I need a lot of help.

Status: ~5,000 words, Complete

edited 14th Aug '13 5:18:56 PM by Soban

As is in accordance with prophecy.
91 ramuf14th Aug 2013 09:58:58 PM from the Shining Throne
I'll read it, Soban.

In the place that you denied the trail of life is all I find
92 Jabrosky16th Aug 2013 07:46:51 PM from San Diego, CA
I was originally to post a request for someone to read my project, but now I feel I need to get more of it finished first before I go into the editing stage.

edited 16th Aug '13 7:49:37 PM by Jabrosky

If anyone is still looking for an editor, I'm willing to do a delayed give and take thing. I'm working on something big that will probably take months before I'm ready to get it edited, but I'll help others too to build a rapport so I have someone ready for editing mine when it's time.
94 SnowyFoxes15th Sep 2013 12:51:28 PM from Club Room , Relationship Status: I know
Drummer Boy

edited 4th Apr '14 11:21:03 PM by SnowyFoxes

The last battle's curtains will open on stage!
If you don't mind me going slow, I'll take that one.
96 drunkscriblerian22nd Sep 2013 12:49:47 PM from Castle Geekhaven , Relationship Status: In season
Street Writing Man
Announcement; the OP has been edited to take some requests by both writers and critics into account. Everyone should go read it. Questions or comments can be directed at my PM box. Thanks!
If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed.

~Cora M. Strayer~
97 Madrugada22nd Sep 2013 01:03:28 PM , Relationship Status: In season
Not a bad Mod Note, just a Mod Notegrin

I've set this thread so that the Original Post (the one with Da Rulz in it) will be the header post on each page.

...if you donít love youíre dead, and if you do, theyíll kill you for it.
98 DeMarquis22nd Sep 2013 07:29:45 PM from Hell, USA , Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Who Am I?
Thanks Mad.
I do not compromise—I synthesize.
Title: A Dance of Worlds: Courage

Genre: Science/fantasy blend. Intended to feel like fantasy, but still with modern conveniences in the background (the primary weapons are either magic or swords, but people have cell phones and computers)

Status: First book done, but it's a series of six books minimum

Length: 101,760 words, 31 chapters plus an epilogue

Synopsis: Vicky Ere, a young knight of the Order Angelic, goes to school only discover that the nice new boy she met may be the Demon King, the sworn enemy of her order, her church, and everything she has ever stood for.

  • Characterization: This is my primary weak point. Are they consistent and interesting?
  • Dialogue: Too dry?
  • Plot and pacing: The first three books were originally supposed to be one, so I'm worried some of the plot may have fallen apart in the transition. I mean, I didn't just chop it into thirds, but still.

edited 6th Oct '13 6:07:48 PM by Discar

100 ArsThaumaturgis30th Jan 2014 09:34:52 AM , Relationship Status: I've been dreaming of True Love's Kiss
Title: The Devouring Doom

Type and genre of work: Short Story (~2600 words), pastiche/gentle parody of Cosmic Horror

Summary: The confession of Jeremiah P_: how he came into possession of an evil idol; how it was lost, and the terrible visions that followed in attempting to regain it; the dire aftermath, and the appearance of the Devouring Doom.

Status: First draft complete

How serious am I? I hope to make at least a little money from my work some day.

Type of criticism desired: General: Is it any good? What problems does it have, and how might I fix them? (And anything else that the critic feels bears mentioning.)

edited 5th Feb '14 8:15:15 AM by ArsThaumaturgis

A Door to the Mists: Traversal, exploration, puzzles, and combat in a heroic-fantasy setting

Total posts: 172
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