Whamise this line. A Game.

The main character realizes that giving the Mashed Potatoes of Ultimate Darkness to an evil villain guy may not have been the brightest idea.

That's no cow! Oh wait, it is.

A secret agent is looking for a dangerous shapeshifting alien.

A few miles away, two guys, X and Y, see something. X happens to be the secret agent's current love interest who's unaware of said secret agent's job. Y is drunk at the moment.

Y tells X that the something they saw was a cow. X gives Y a look that plainly said he disagreed, so he goes closer to get a better look. Then X mutters the line above...

Guns are fickle things.

The resident gun-toater finally reveals his gun slinging skills, only to lament that they're just fickle compared to what he normally uses. He then reveals his sword and by doing that, reveals he's a member of a clan that was once thought to be eradicated.

And now... The Finale!

edited 15th Dec '12 11:02:42 AM by Psyga315

The Finale is a wrestler the Big Bad has on his pay roll. He sees the hero in the crowd (who's been dragged into watching the fight by The Lancer) and draws a gun....

That leek leads me to think otherwise!

In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, it appears that the last bastion of humanity is doomed. The emergency ration supplies are completely drained, and people have to scavenge through remains of grocery stores, praying that they can scrounge up enough uncontaminated preservatives to survive another day. Our main protagonist dreams of one day discovering a solution to their problem, but every other survivor from his colony wastes no time reminding him that nothing can save them now...until one day, while raiding an ordinary store and being nagged to by another scavenger, he notices a leek. Specifically, one that is completely fresh and is free of radiation, despite the fact that there is no known fertile land anywhere within miles.

With that, we depart from the realm of sensibility.

Welcome to the Mind Screw, and the Genre Shift into something more fantastic. The guy who says this is a tour guide who has Seen It All, and is Genre Savvy enough to recognize he is now The Mentor.

I am a merchant of pain. I sell secrets after all-especially the kind people keep from themselves. And have I got a deal for you...

After being told what the Healer has done, the Hero immedietly confronts her, doubting what the Merchant has said. After finding out that it was all true, the Hero starts to distrust the rest of the party, all along starting to pay whatever else the Merchant is dealing...

And that's the end of the prologue.

The heroes are done defeating the big bad and head back to their mentor, who reveals to them that they've just defeated a Bigger Bad's minion.

Let's accelerate to the end, shall we?

In a world where racing cars became far more popular than any other sport known to mankind, the only way for three friends to afford basic survival needs is to sign up as competitors in a race across the continent. Unfortunately, during the final leg of the race, the protagonist's car has a major malfunction and ends up as a burning wreck at the side of the road. It seems as though luck is with him when his two friends come by immediately after, and they even stop to check that he's still alive...but when one asks the other what they should do next, he would rather finish the race and get their money, leaving their now-former companion to (presumably) die in the flames.

Since the day I was born, my dad was convinced I would be the one to usher in a new era of darkness...and it's about time to prove how wrong that old coot always was!

The Anti Anti Christ, who up until this point has appeared to be the real deal, announces which side he's actually on.

No, I did not say pyramid.

edited 18th Dec '12 9:08:31 PM by nrjxll

A group of people have been struggling to get to Egypt because they were told that if they did not keep the pyramids safe, it will more or less bring about the Apacolypse. However, when they finally get their, they discover they were instructed to keep a man named Pyramus safe. And Pyramus is in Greece, which has already been taken over by evil forces, and... Oh, Crap!.

I spent three years in a pigeon coup, and now you want me to SING?!?

After being tormented by THE CHICKEN LORD, the Butt Monkeys friends come to ask him a favor, he's sutibly pissed.

You will learn, The World is great black pit, and it's full of shit.

edited 18th Dec '12 10:43:36 PM by eldritchseer

That line is basically the Catchphrase of the protagonist's main contact and source of information about the Big Bad, a voice on the telephone with a thick accent and cynical world view. It becomes a Wham line when the Big Bad himself, finally face-to-face with the protagonist, switches on a small device that alters his voice and delivers it perfectly, revealing that he's been manipulating them all along.

That wasn't a rabbit.

edited 19th Dec '12 7:14:24 AM by MattStriker

{warning: using a certain work for this bit...}

Martha is a grizzled magical girl who got screwed over from her wish, but managed to truck along regardless. She doesn't wish for her little sister Susie to make the same mistake she made, but feels like that will never happen to someone like Susie.

Until Susie comes home and tells her that she saw a cute rabbit who told her that if she made a wish on him, she'd become... Puella Magi.

This shall be the birth of a new meteor!

edited 19th Dec '12 7:29:50 AM by Psyga315

The planet Earth is in serious danger after a meteorite impact, for the large lump of space rock was carrying a powerful alien along with it. After attempting to thwart the alien's plans time and time again (during which the alien learned a few things about Earth, such as how to speak English), the protagonists are finally told just what the alien wants...to turn the planet into a ride back home. It turns out the alien is not evil at all; it's just terribly homesick and desperate to return!

You crack me up, little buddy!

The Big Bad Friend Big Brother Mentor just stepped out of the shadows and addressed the hero by his pet name.

Sorry, but those are cheap headphones.

Ghosts capable of infecting computers possess people by speaking to them through their headphones' static. The cheaper the headphones, the easier it is for the ghosts to damage them enough to cause sufficient static...

I specifically asked for plain. Poisoned is not plain.

The speaker is a spy who has just learned that someone who was a dear friend of his and who would always make his burgers plain to order, is an assassin working for an enemy who has been sent to murder him.

"Candles never seem to last as long as you want them to."

Somebody has summoned up an Elder Horror (maybe good old Nyarlathothep) as a source of information. They've relied on it more and more as the story progressed but now they are about to break their deal with it and send it back. The entity is locked inside a summoning circle powerful enough to hold a god...until the creature calmly speaks that line, pointing to one of the candles anchoring the circle. Which has gone out. Meaning that it's free to do what it wants...

Next up: A six-pack of Bud Light, please.

The main protagonist returns from an adventure out of town, only to find that his best friend has been acting oddly. Since an odd series of circumstances prevented the protagonist from being called in an emergency, he has no idea what happened. Usually, the friend is very upbeat and optimistic, but he is currently acting jaded and tenses up whenever the protagonist asks about his wife. The friend is also a former alcoholic that has been sober since the marriage, and vowed to never go back to drinking as long as she was still in his life...

Bonds of friendship are eternal.

The Big Bad has The Hero beaten up. Throughout the final act, the Hero's friends have all been killed off in many different incidents leading up to the final battle. The Hero is just one inch away from the Despair Event Horizon, and the Big Bad decides to give him the Breaking Speech and tell him how he will actually spare him if only for him to realize that he is without his friends, and thus destroy his very idea that The Power of Friendship conquers all. The line that closes off this is the Big Bad saying to The Hero: "Bonds will never outlast time itself! It will always be a footnote!" That's when The Hero's Victorious Childhood Friend's voice comes up saying the Wham Line. Cue everyone coming Back from the Dead to support the hero in his final battle. Hey, not ALL wham lines have to ensure a From Bad to Worse scenario.

"Hope and Despair always balance out to zero. You should have known that long ago, wizard."

A Pollyana sort of girl named Hope has just had her faith in humanity destroyed, and the villain is delivering the news tauntingly to her father, a wizard.

"In the end, people are only motivated by sex, greed, sex, pride, and sex."

Spoken by a very cynical, Asexual Psycho Mantis Expy who just pulled off the mother of all Xanatos Gambits through his mastery of manipulating the Id.

Well. It appears you need to revise your interpretation of your role in the prophecy, don't you?

edited 21st Dec '12 8:44:14 PM by Leliel

The prophecy says, "The green-eyed man will destroy the aliens and kill the Arab-blooded terrorist guy." The hero thought he would destroy the aliens, but the Big Bad pulls off his shades to reveal green eyes. Then he explains that his plan is to hit Earth with an EMP pulse that will destroy the aliens as a side effect.

He also waves around the hero's medical files, revealing that the hero once got a blood transfusion from an Arab guy.

Where are all the drink coasters?

The characters have just fought a long and terrible battle against an army brought to bear on humanity by the Unseelie Court. First they fought the Seelie court, both sides tricked by the machinations of the Unseelie into believing each other enemies, until at length a single seer managed to open their eyes and bring the survivors together. Then, through fire and terror and darkness they battled for the future of humanity and Seelie alike, and, at long last, prevailed. Now they meet in the ruins of UN headquarters, about to sign a treaty between man and fae for the first time in a thousand years.

Someone reminisces about the Unseelie attacks; he remembers the little creatures that they used as weapons of mass destruction: tiny half-fae, half-constructs, mischievous in nature but created to detonate with incredible power when sufficient of them had arrived. You could always tell when such an attack was coming: for some reason - no-one knew why, not even their creators - they were afflicted with kleptomania. As soon as you started to notice small items going missing in any real number, it was time to run.

Some speaks up: "Hey... Where are all the drink coasters?"

Kittens, kittens everywhere!