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Video Game: Heroic Armies Marching
Using them is a valid strategy.
H.A.M (Heroic Armies Marching) is a combination Card Game and Turn Based Strategy. The underlying concept is that each card is either a handful of units to be placed upon the game grid, or a spell for messing around with the battle. The game is full of satirical fantasy elements. Dire sloths are pitted against omnipotent space bats, man-eating demons against eldritch horrors. The game is rather simple, with an AI mode, a 2 player mode, and a tutorial.

Takes Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny and makes a fantasy world out of it.

Play it here:

Tropes used include:

  • Abnormal Ammo: The Dragon-born Brute has a mini-gun that fires depleted unicorn horns.
  • Advanced Ancient Acropolis: The Armadillokin were implied to have one, before they went extinct.
  • Art Evolution: From the original version.
    • Most notably the terrain.
  • Asteroids Monster: Twin Burgers turn into 2 Baby Burgers on death.
  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Arachne, who is pretty much a giant spidertaur.
    • Zar'gletords.
  • Badass Princess: The Ausalian Queen, capable of taking down huge demons, and breaking down walls with nothing more than her bare hands. And robot legs.
  • Bare-Fisted Monk: See Badass Princess.
  • Batter Up: Duckkin Enforcers.
  • Black Mage: Pretty much every spellcaster, the Mad Wizard most notably.
  • Breath Weapon: The Arachnelisk is capable of spewing webs from its mouth.
  • BFG: The Dragonborn Brute has a magical mini-gun.
  • BFS: Zargletords' sword is larger than the most units.
  • Bullet Hell: The Hamsterkin Rocket Trooper is able to attack in the form of gyrorockets that can slowly cover the entire board.
    • The SS Armageddon is able to summon twice as many gyrorockets, and is still able to attack afterwards!
  • Canada, Eh?: One of the possible flags in the background of the Mercenary's card is a Canadian Flag.
  • Cast from Hit Points: The Mad Wizard takes one point of damage (in the form of an explosion) every time it attacks.
    • The Fleep is able to heavily damage itself to permanently increase its attack and counterattack significantly.
  • Combat Medic: Dragonborn healers have petitioned to be renamed Dragonborn mages.
    • The Mobile Supply Depot is the most obvious example.
  • Covers Always Lie: The DJ Spew's card image.
    • The total attack power of all the units attacking Booger on his card equal 10, meaning Booger should be dead.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: Artillery cannot move and attack in the same turn.
  • Death of a Thousand Cuts: Flesh Guards take a fixed amount of extra damage from direct attacks, making this a viable strategy for taking them out with ease.
  • Dual Boss: The Heroes card is the only unique card in the game that gives you multiple different units.
  • Eldritch Abomination: Zorspoink, the Non-Euclidean Bat. He created the world and is also a bit of a jerk. His card and in-game sprite is the only one that is animated.
    • Vnuh Smuj'kurfh.
    • In Vs. Zorspoink mode, unprotected characters will morph into Eldritch Abominations.
  • Enemy Summoner: Mommma Burger, SS Armageddon, Hamsterkin Rocket Trooper, Dirigibill, and Oozinite.
  • Instant Awesome, Just Add Dragons: The Dragonborn Update, which at the time it came out, made the dragonborn have more cards than any other race.
  • Fragile Speedster: Circus Midgets. Baby Burgers have even less health, but are slower.
  • Genius Bruiser: Hamsterkin Brutes use Awesome by Analysis in conjunction with massive wrenches. They also use their intelligence to organize their diets and exercise routines, to get strong in the first place.
  • Glass Cannon: THE BEAST, a card that deals huge amounts of damage and counterattack, but only has 4 health.
  • Golem: Fish Golems, Mana Golems, Shit Golems
  • Humongous Mecha: The SS Armageddon.
  • Its Pronounced Tropay: Zar'gletords is pronounced without the "ds".
  • Lightning Bruiser: The Ausalian Queen.
  • Living Shadow: The Shadow Stalker, which cannot take damage, but must be behind an allied unit for it to attack or even live.
  • Magic Knight: The Daeva Spellblade
  • Mighty Glacier: Zar'Gletords. He can't move and attack in the same turn, and has no counterattack, but he attacks with a BFS that reaches 3 squares away, dealing massive damage to all in his path. He also has lots of health.
    • The Oozinite qualifies. It is capable of attacking in any direction, however, attacking creates a wall of mini-oozes around it, preventing it from moving.
    • Steamroll Manfuckers, and, even more so, Elder Manfuckers.
  • The Minion Master: Momma Burgers aren't good fighters, but they can spawn two Baby Burgers per turn.
    • Oozinites can create up to four Mini-Oozes each turn.
  • Monster Allies: You can make decks with whichever cards you want.
  • More Dakka: The S.S.Armageddon
    • To a lesser extent, the Dragonborn Brute
  • Multi-Armed and Dangerous: Arachne Cultists, as well as Arachne herself.
  • Mook: Soldiers
  • Names to Run Away From Really Fast: Steamroll Manfuckers
  • Non-Ironic Clown: Circus Midgets, and by extension, Circus Cavalry.
  • Our Goblins Are Different: Goblins in this world are incredibly stupid and are also weaker than an infant. Speaking of which, Goblin Babies are units that can be summoned in groups of 10 for 4 gold. They are described as so weak, their skin peels off like wet paper. Do note that the card image features a goblin baby caving its own head in with a rattler.
  • Our Demons Are Different: While Minor and Wild demons play it straight, Major demons can be good-aligned, and are made more powerful by faith.
  • Precision F-Strike: Steamroll Manfucker.
  • The Rock Star: Dragonborn bard.
  • Royals Who Actually Do Something: The Ausalian Queen.
  • Running Gag: All horses have incredibly silly facial expressions, save for the Circus Cavalry.
  • Shirtless Scene: Orcs and Dwarf Berserkers.
  • Shout-Out: Several:
    • The Cavalry Mages are "Powered by the Magic of Friendship". Red Team's cavalry mage's horse resembles Fluttershy, while Blue Team's cavalry mage's horse looks like Rainbow Dash.
    • The Hamsterkin Saboteur sure looks a lot like the Team Fortress 2 Demoman...
    • The Batkin Vigilante's enemies include Clowns and Scarecrows.
    • The Burger enemies are all named after burgers in the A&W chain.
    • The Dopefish, a rare card that has a very low chance of being drawn instead of other cards.
    • The Hulk is fairly obvious.
    • The Dragonborn Warlord is pretty much Barney
  • Squishy Wizard: Daeva Mages.
  • Stock Dinosaurs: T.Rex is the only dinosaur in the game... so far.
  • Stock Monsters: Oozinites, Arachnelisks, Goblins, Dragons, Mecha-Mooks, The Undead, Golems, and many others.
  • Stone Wall: The Dire Sloth.
  • Summon Bigger Fish: Bigger Frog, which always has more health than the unit on the field with the most health.
  • Summon Magic: The Summon Zombie and Summon Mana Golem spells.
  • Super Strength: The Snakekin Race have enhanced strength, equal to that of their tails.
  • Uplifted Animal: Ossington the Walrus, a factoid spouting critter on the main page.
  • Videogame Cruelty Potential: Using Goblin Babies in battle.
    • Baby burgers as well.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: Snakekin can't move if their tails are subjected to extreme temperatures, as they are cold-blooded from the waist down.
  • The Wiki Rule: The Second Realm Wiki.
    • Horribly outdated though.
  • A Wizard Did It: Chimaeras
  • Wrench Wench: The Hamsterkin Rockettrooper.
  • Zerg Rush: Baby Burgers can move the turn they are placed.
    • Goblin Babies could qualify due to the sheer number you get, but they are slow moving.
  • Zombie Apocalypse: One of the AI decks features only zombies.

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