Beauty *and* brains? Why, it's just not fair!
(This page is best read in the voice of Haruka Ishida (Japanese) or Wendee Lee (English) to get the full experience).
Describe Miu Iruma, the gorgeous girl genius, here, ya virgin!
Cucks, fucks, and those who suck, you're reading the world's sexiest autobiography on "TV Gropes," written by the one, the only, the legendary Ultimate Inventor herself - Miu Iruma! And I ain't sparing a single sordid detail!
I make all kinds of gadgets, but the ones worth talking about are my "While Lying Down" toys - ones that let you type while you sleep, read while you sleep... even ones that let you eat while you sleep. I was inspired after seeing how much time people waste on sleep.
But if you wanna get a bit more personal, I'm an augmented human. Back in the day, I used to be a boring, unremarkable girl with no talent at all. Then, one day, I got into an accident and ended up in a coma. It was real life-and-death type shit. Anyway, I had surgery and barely managed to regain consciousness after that. Since then, I've been chock-full of ideas for inventions! And I had the brains, skills, and physical talent to make those inventions a reality! Now the world can't live without me, my genius, or my smokin' hot body, simple as that! Hyah-hahaha!
So Cockichi's got his own page, too!? Tch, him and his fuckin' lies... that grape goblin should just go sit in the corner and play with himself!
(Heads up, A-cup! There are gonna be unmarked spoilers after this, so you'd better fuck off if you wanna enjoy the game the long and hard way! And yes, that is what she said!)
Ah-haha! I dunno what the deal is with these "TV Gropes", but here are some of mine!
- Agent Scully: Man, fuck Angie and her Atua crap! It's all just a load of unscientific bullshit! Besides, if there really was a god, he'd clearly pick me, the gorgeous girl genius, as his chosen one instead of that kooky ditch bitch! Also, fuck Himiko and her magic crap too! That titless 'tard really wants people to believe her shitty parlor tricks are anything but a scam! Though, I do wonder what would happen if I participated in Angie's "divine rituals"...
- Anime Hair: My hair is very wild, now that I think of it. It looks a bit like these tentacles from a hentai!
- Beauty Is Bad: Heeyyy! Just because I take my golden body in stride doesn't mean I need tact! ...But I don't mean to be bad. It's just... I'm not normal...
- Big-Breast Pride: Duh-doy! These puppies are the envy of every girl in the academy! ... though that "Suck-ra" bitch has got me beat in the physique department. Urgh... if I'm not the best in the world for my bomb-ass physique, why even keep on living...
- Brains and Bondage: Wh-what? Y-you couldn't tell that from me being the Ultimate Inventor and from the leather straps all over my body? ...Clean the shit outta your eyes!
- Brown Note: I once made some hot pink lights that, when you stare at 'em long enough while they're flickering, make you start feelin' really good. And then... kersploosh! I wanted to decorate the shit outta the dorms of Hope's Peen Academy with these lights as a present for the lonely bastards who got no one to spend the holidays with, but Kaediot talked me out of it.
- Brutal Honesty: Hey, I'm just sayin' what I'm already thinkin'! Nothin' I say is wasted words!
- Casual Kink: Fine, let me jerk that limpdick brain of yours for you... I'm a practitioner of BDSM, as you should tell by my leather straps, choker, and rubber barbed wire collars. I'm into things like bondage and wax play, and I really enjoy it when people talk shit to me. In addition to that, I have a thing for machines, which is why I enjoy giving Keebo a VERY thorough maintenance, and I am not shy about how much I like to rub one out.
- Character Tics: U-umm
... Oh, this? It's just something that I do when I get... nervous...
- Childhood Friend Romance: You'd think my fantasy would be somethin' super kinky and shit, right? ... W-well... my fantasy is actually really vanilla. It's just me havin' a childhood friend and... fallin' in love with him... and it makes me feel a little less lonely...
- Cruel and Unusual Death: I got strangled to death by that dumb fuck Gonta, in the Virtual World, no less. Just when I was about to kill Kokichi and escape the Killing Game, too. How could he fall for that little shit's bull and kill me, of all people?! Was there some kind of error in my program, or Gonta's tiny ass walnut brain?!
- Didn't See That Coming: Again, I had Cockichi cornered on the roof in the Virtual World! How the fuck was I supposed to know that Tarzan was in cahoots with him the entire time?!
- Everyone Has Standards:
- That whole crazy-ass deal with Korekiyo and his sister was a massive turnoff. That's not sexy, that's just fuckin' gross! *hhrrrk!* Oh God, I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it! There's a damn good reason why incest hentai should remain on paper!
- Also... that masochistic freak Slowko, she... takes things further than me. Her fantasies about being Byakuya's doormat are enough to make me uncomfortable... and she's got a lotta ass to say that I get off on freakier shit than that!
- Friendless Background: H-Hey! It's not like I don't have any friends! I just don't talk to plebs like you, is all!
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Despite my golden brain, my big tits, and my sexy personality, nobody likes me very much...
- Gadgeteer Genius: Duh-doy! I'm not the Ultimate Inventor for nothing, dick cheese! Hell, you could tie me up and drip hot wax on me, and I'd still invent something groundbreaking!
- Harmful to Minors: Hey! I was gonna tell some sex stories to counteract Cockichi telling ghost stories to these idiots. I tried to explain myself to Kiyotaka by pointing out how kids find these stories interesting. I mean, look at Pinkie! Th-though... hard head's havin' none of it and scolded me anyway... he didn't have to shout...
- Hates Being Alone: Grgh...! ...s-so what if I don't have any friends!? Th-that doesn't mean that I'm lonely! If anything, I'm relieved to distance myself from plebs like you! Most people don't have what it takes to get on my level anyway... [sob]
- Hidden Depths: ...Okay, sorry. C-can we just talk? Th-this is... where I really... open up.
- I... I think I act so loud and obsessed with sex because... I'm lonely. M-m-my... my fantasy is... much more vanilla than you might expect, as it's just me havin' a childhood friend and... fallin' for him... because he's stayed by my side no matter what. And, if he did not come into my life, I would prolly be in a gutter or somethin'...
- Ehehe. I don't know why, but... being Monotaro's mom is actually really cute.
- After fallin' for Shuichi, I wanted to show him how versatile I am, so I made him a pie, some cookies, and chocolates! Now that I think of it, they even looked very professional, so I guess that also makes me a master chef! I also added in some hidden ingredients; I made that pie with my hair, those cookies with my fingernails, and those chocolates with my blood, because... w-well, I just want the person I like to eat me...
- Hey, I know I may act all kinky and shit, but... I prefer that I be taken out on a date before hittin' the sheets...
- Hoist by Her Own Petard:
- H-How the fuck was I supposed to know virtual toilet paper would be the end of gorgeous me?! Don't make me remember that, you fucktards!
- Though, on another note, I have an invention that punches you for telling terrible dirty jokes. When I showed it to Poo-ichi, he complained about its name, so I told him that sometimes I'm too lazy to think of names. I am constantly crankin' out new inventions, so he shouldn't expect me to name 'em all. I mean, I don't expect him to name each of his little dudes after he blasts 'em into a tissue, either. And then, when I said that, my own invention punched me. Still though... that was a good punch... Though, that thing has since been remodelled by cherry boy. When I was trying to get that sad-lookin' sow of a nurse to try out one of my inventions (it changes your clothes while lying down and also examines your entire body for a health check... and it does more than just examine), I said it'll be all over before she can say donkey punch. And then... that gut punch machine hit me so hard that I had to have that sow check on me...
- The Immodest Orgasm: Oh my... I had a huge one while everyone was discussing Cunt Fu's death! B-but... no one said anything about it...
- Implausible Deniability: Wh-wh-what the what!?!? A-are you tryn' to say that I fell for Shuichi because he stopped me from cuttin' myself open and was worried about me afterwards!? H-he said it first... Shuichi said he's worried about me... cuz he's in love with me...
- Inferiority Superiority Complex: Fuck you! I don't need to lower myself to the standards of those around me! I'm a fuckin' genius!! (cowers) ...Wh-What? What do you mean you don't approve? A-Am I too much? ...Please forgive me...
- Innocently Insensitive: I... I don't understand. Sometimes I try to lighten the mood a little by making a joke, but... everyone gets mad at me all of a sudden... wh-what did I do?
- Insufferable Genius: Hey! It's only natural to treat the uggos around you like idiots when you've got a superior brain like mine!
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Y-you really think that I'm an asshole because I give my classmates nicknames and make fun of virgins like you? Oh, cheer the fuck up! I've actually got a heart of gold that goes along with my golden brain! N-not that anyone can see past my act and know the real me... except Keebo. Or maybe Poo-ichi and Kaediot...
- Lady Swears-a-Lot: If this video doesn't convince you mushheads, I don't know what fuckin' will.
- Loveable Sex Maniac: Hehehe, if you can't tell from my leather straps, I just love spoutin' out all kinds of lewd shit! If not even that is enough (and I think you're a virgin of a completely different level, in that case), then maybe THIS (warning: NSFW) should be enough to make it clear◊! Though, I... I prefer that I go on a date with the person I like before I get it on...
- Magnum Opus Dissonance: My "While Lying Down" series lets people be productive to make up for the time they wasted on sleep. Though, I once made these stupid eyedrop contact lenses as a gag. It doesn't make anyone productive while they sleep, so I deemed it a failure, signed the patent rights to some company, and never looked back. Kaediot told me that some of her friends wear those, but those friends sound like a bunch of fuckin' plebs for thinkin' that's useful!
- Masturbation Means Sexual Frustration: There's this one time Poo-ichi came up to me, and he was looking all grumpy, so I thought he was feeling all plugged up. To help, I gave him a box containing some fap material I made, like those sunglasses which have all these erotic animations installed (and I even included a video of myself as a bonus) and a recording of my moans! I hope he's putting these to good use, 'cuz you can't get anything done if you're always plugged up! N-not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything...!
- Meaningful Name: The kanji used to spell my first name is 美兎, which means "beautiful rabbit", as is fitting for the gorgeous girl genius! Rabbits are famous for having lots of sex and making lots of offspring, and this is the perfect metaphor for me and my dirty jokes (my two locks of hair even look like a pair of rabbit ears, now that I think of it...). The kanji for my last name, 入間, means "enter a space". And yes, it is also talkin' about enterin' THAT space! The first kanji of my last name, 入, can be used to spell "hairu" (入る), which can mean "to enter" (hee hee hee!) but also "to start functioning", which fits with my talent as the Ultimate Inventor!
- The Nicknamer: Hmm... let me see if my golden brain can remember some of those names I called these mushheads...
- There's "Kaediot" and "Guy-a-Day" for Kaede...
- ..."Poo-ichi", "Mumbles", "Sherlock Homo", and Kaediot's "beta boytoy" for Shuichi...
- ..."Titless" and some variations of "Donkey-Lips" for Himiko...
- ..."Miss Andry", "Cunt Fu", and "Tencrotch" for Tenko...
- ..."Cockichi" for Kokichi...
- ..."Bobblehead" and "kooky bitch" for Angie...
- ..."Creepshow" for Kiyo...
- ..."Tarzan" for Gonta...
- ... and "Plain Jane" and "Four-Eyes" for Tsumugi.
- There's also "Slowko," "mopey masochist mophead," and "Broke-ko" for Toko...
- ..."Fuckface" and "Bigcockohyeah" for Byakuya...
- ..."Dogfucker" for Gundham...
- ...all sorts of pig-related names like "Pig-face" for Teruteru...
- ..."Nasty warthog," "Christmas ham," and "sad-lookin' sow" for Mikan...
- ..."Winnie the Piece of Shit" for Monokuma...
- ..."Hard head" for Kiyotaka...
- ..."Hell on Wheels" for Mondo...
- ..."Banana gremlin" for Hiyoko...
- ..."Smooth brain" for Akane...
- ..."Vermin" and "farts and crafts kid" for Jataro...
- ..."Pinkie" for Kotoko...
- ... and "Cherry boy," "grease-monkey," and "Miu wannabe" for Kazuichi.
- No Social Skills: What do you mean, I can't just blurt out whatever sordid thought crosses my mind?!
- Only Friend: Umm... K-Keebo is the only classmate I can call a friend... perhaps I can also count Kaediot and Poo-ichi as friends? I don't know if they feel the same, though...
- Overworked Sleep: I... tend to do this whenever I am workin' on my inventions. Those cameras I made for Kaediot and Poo-ichi, I... pulled an all-nighter makin' them, and afterwards, just sorta... passed out...
- Pink Means Feminine: Fuck that! I may wear pink, but if I started acting all girly and shit nobody'd be around to lighten the mood with filthy jokes!
- Punny Name: This is coincidental, but my last name, Iruma, sounds a lot like irrumatio, a sex act in which you fuck someone's face!
- Reluctant Fanservice Girl: Hm? O-oh... u-uh... well... when Gonta approached me, I, uh... had to use... my secret woman weapon on him... A-and let's just leave it at that...
- Robosexual: Hell yeah! I love giving Keebo a VERY thorough maintenance, if you know what I mean.
- Shameless Fanservice Girl: Boo-yah! I'm the gorgeous girl genius, so of course I'd have the perfect body for fanservice!
- Shipper on Deck: I once saw Kaediot and her beta boy toy walking together, so I told them to take a trip to the warehouse to get some rubbers if they decide to get it on! I thought it would lighten the mood, b-but... they did not find my joke funny...
- Shrinking Violet: Umm... it may not look like it at first, but... I'm actually very sensitive. I'm very easy to startle, especially whenever people shout at me, and... you'd really have to try hard to look past my act and see the real me...
- Slut-Shaming: Ergh! "Slut"!? ...what? I-it's not like I secretly enjoy it when people talk shit to me. This is actually one of my kinks!
- Sweet Baker: I... umm... after falling in love with Shuichi, I decided to bake him a pie, some cookies, and chocolates. I added some hidden ingredients into those sweets; that pie has my hair in it, those cookies have my fingernails, and my chocolates have my blood mixed in, because... I just want the person I like to eat me.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Like I said, I have a masochism kink. I'm into wax play and I really like it when people talk shit to me, as the banana gremlin apparently found out the hard way. Though, I'm nothin' like that mopey masochist mophead Broke-ko. She takes things further than me.
- Undignified Death: Fuckin' really?! You're gonna bring up that toilet paper shit again?!
- Vengeance Denied: Tch. Those super losers I call my classmates couldn't appreciate my genius... or... me. I-I... I had to fight back. There was nothing else I could do... Too bad, though. Kokichi, that little bitch, got in the way! Hmph!
- Virgin-Shaming: Heh! It's obvious you're a virgin if all you do is whack it to my pictures and generally daydream about bein' with a girl with a hot bod like me! Though, I may not look like it cuz my tits are so big, but I've actually got a soft spot for virgins, so keep at it!
- Vulgar Humor: I'm a never-ending supply of dirty jokes. They just keep on gushing out and out and out!
- Wrench Wench: Well, it comes with being the Ultimate Inventor. I need some mechanical know-how to make a lot of my inventions, especially when I perform maintenance on Keebo.
- Wh-What...? D-Don't... leave just yet. I just...wanted to show this article to you... You... really liked reading this? That makes me happy. My article is... Hyah-hahaha! My article is awesome, without even sayin' it! But even geniuses like to be praised! You seem to understand that pretty well! Y'know, I'm glad you took the time to read this. Feel free to think of me during your next tug session!
