Recap / Film Reroll: The Rock

One of Michael Bay's darkest films.^note With credit to Reddit user crazy56u

Welcome to the Rock! Andy puts a team together! Jon defuses a bomb! Scott gets a haircut!

Episode 82 - 84 of Film Reroll. Based on the 1996 action movie.

When a group of rogue former marines take over Alcatraz and threaten to launch missiles at the city of San Francisco, the Pentagon assigns FBI chemical weapons expert Dr. Stanley Goodspeed to deal with the situation. After teaming up with Boxed Crook John Mason — a former British SAS captain who was previously imprisoned on the island — and a team of SEALs, the group heads to Alcatraz, uncertain of any one of them are going to make it back alive.

Starring Scott Aiello as Captain John Mason, Jon Miller as Dr. Stanley Goodspeed, Andy Hoover as Commander Charles Anderson and Paulo Quiros as the Dungeon Master.

Followed by A Quiet Place.

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Tropes:

• Actor Allusion: In-Universe.
  • Mason is repeatedly stated to resemble an older James Bond.
  • In the third episode, Mason says that "there can be only one." He promises to explain this later, but he never quite gets around to it.
• Adaptational Intelligence: Here, our protagonists are far more careful with the "anomalous baby doll", quickly realizing that it is a bomb. However, Marvin still ends up detonating it out of sheer clumsiness.
• Adaptational Sexuality: Although the movie gave no implications towards Charles Anderson's sexuality, Paulo decided to give him a male love interest, something Andy rolls with.
• Adaptational Villainy: Unlike the film, we actually do get to hear who Mason found out to be the real culprit of the Kennedy assassination: It was Womack, working with a splinter cell within the CIA, due to Kennedy's own progressive policies.
• Ambiguously Human: Here, Stanley has a significantly worse rapport with Carla, mainly because Jon briefly forgets how human beings talk:
  Stanley: (to Carla) Well, I'll be back in a few days, and we can... discuss next steps...
  Carla: "Next steps," why are you so clinical and weird?!
  Scott: (practically laughs) Because Jon Miller's playing the part!
  • After Stanley causes Carla to walk out, Jon decides to have some flowers and a nice card sent to her. Andy takes a crack at what that card would say:
    Andy: "Carla, I may be partially culpable for any misunderstanding. Affectionately, Stanley." Like, it's not gonna be, like-
    Paulo: "Best regards, Dr. Goodspeed."
    Scott: "PS. Decode the bottom of this letter to see if I like you."
    • Scott then suggests that Stanley's gonna get the baby a water dish and a tether, and have it live in the backyard.
• And the Adventure Continues: After San Francisco is nuked and Mason tells him where the microfilm is, Stanley decides to leave Alcatraz with Tucker, with Jon saying that he's going to grab Carla and Jade, and go do National Treasure.
  Andy: That's magical thinking, Jon.
  Jon: Yes it is.
  Andy: We're all doomed.
  Jon: I have a magical coin.
• Area 51: Like in the actual movie, Area 51 contains an alien ship, which the government is running experiments on.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Commander Anderson calls out the Big Bad for engaging in acts of terrorism, kidnapping innocent civilians, and serving bad chardonnay.
• Artistic License – Pharmacology: The Rerollers admit that this is very much in place regarding the effects of the heart injections, which seem to rely entirely on Rule of Funny in this campaign.
• Attack! Attack... Retreat! Retreat!: The Navy SEALs decide to enter Alcatraz through the showers, despite realizing that this would put them at a tactical disadvantage. Indeed, they end up running into a whole squad of marines, who shoot two of them — Johnston and Roland — and kidnap Anderson before they have time to retreat.
• Badass Bookworm: Both Mason and Stanley end up quoting classic philosophers during the mission, making the former actually fall in love with the latter.
• Baguette Beatdown: One of the agents tries to threaten Mason with a sandwich, mistaking it for his gun.
• Brief Accent Imitation: John Mason affects an American accents in order to pretend to be one of the bad guys over the radio, to lure them into a trap.
• Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Discussed. The Rerollers posit that there may be some agent who always has to pee right before the mission, but who the others put up with because he's just that good of a sharpshooter.
• Call-Back: After Stanley’s terrible way of reacting to Carla’s pregnancy and marriage proposal causes her to walk out, Paulo fully admits to having flashed back to the Jaws campaign, when Brody attempted to arrest Alex Kitner’s mom.
• The Cameo: Not that it impacts the episode at all, but in Part 1, it's called to attention that Paulo's dad was quietly sitting in on the recording.
• Cannot Talk to Women: Stanley has an even worse case of this than he did in the film, causing Carla to walk out on him when he fails to show any enthusiasm for their upcoming marriage or childbirth.
  Jon: (as Stanley; as Carla begins to leave) Well- uh- u- uh, Carla, baby... (laughs) I'm trying to decide if I actually want t- (as himself; to Paulo) Do I actually want to marry Carla? 'Cause, Nic Cage in the movie has some- has some weird feelings about this- (to Scott; defensively) I'm playing my character, Scott-
  Scott: (practically screaming with laughter) I DON'T THINK YOU ARE!
• Closest Thing We Got: Despite having little experience with interrogations, Stanley is sent to question Mason simply due to being an FBI Agent.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Stanley apparently spends his free time playing guitar in his underwear.
• Coming-Out Story: Charles admits being gay to his squad mates after seeing feelings develop between Stanley and Mason. Not everybody believes him.
• Crisis of Faith: Once he understands that he and his allies have failed to stop the destruction of San Francisco, Sylvio takes off the crucifix around his neck.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment: Mason claims that Alcatraz had a ballpit where you had to stay on the balls to avoid the spikes on the floor. It was not as fun as it sounds.
• Deadly Euphemism: An accidental one thanks to Tucker: After agreeing to help the others, he asks that (if something were to happen to him) they take care of his wolf, Munson. They had killed Munson before meeting Tucker.
  Mason: (choking down a laugh) You can count on it.
• Digging Yourself Deeper: Interestingly, one of Stanley's biggest obstacles in the first episode isn't terrorists or chemical weapons. It's talking to Carla:
  • When Carla tries to give Stanley the news that she's pregnant, that news gets delayed due to Stanley harping about how dangerous his job is. And when Carla does reveal it, Stanley barely reacts, and accidentally makes it about him by saying it's making him more stressed out.
    Stanley: H- how are you feeling- how are you feeling about this... news?
    Carla: Less positive than I was about eight seconds ago.
    • When Carla asks if he's "for real" excited, Jon rolls, and says he got a success by 2. ...and then it turns out he rolled "IQ" to see if he should be excited.
      Scott: Jon Miller has to roll for emotion, which I think is kinda interesting.
    • "I love you." "I love you, too." "I'm excited." "Yes, I can tell."
  • After being told by the FBI he has to go to San Francisco, Stanley relays that to Carla, who gets annoyed since they were having "actually OK sex". Stanley then argues that since it was just OK, they can resume their lovemaking "at a later date".
    • And then Stanley gets weirdly clinical by stating they can "discuss next steps" when he gets back.
      Carla: I would like to discuss "next steps" with you right now!
      Stanley: Alright, who's- Carla, are you surprised about my behavior, honestly, because if you are, then maybe we don't know each other as well as I thought.
      Andy: She's pregnant, man!
      Paulo: Wow, those are the words of a sociopath!
  • Before Stanley can leave, Carla proposes to him on the spot. No sooner does Stanley say that was weird, Carla gets fed up and leaves.
    • As a parting gesture, Jon decides that Stanley is going to send her some flowers and a nice card, causing Paulo to congratulate him for knowing how to treat a lady.
      Scott: This is such a cool little microcosm of your brain, I love this!
  • And then later on, when Stanley calls her and tries to fix things, Carla mentions she's Catholic, and she doesn't want to be pregnant and unmarried. Stanley's reaction?
    Stanley: Well- well, we can fix- we can that.
    Carla: Oh, God! Which one?!
    Stanley: We can- (as Andy and Scott start laughing) any w- whichever one you like! There's options on the table, Carla, that's all I'm saying!
    Scott: (talking over Jon) Oh, this fuckin- this hole, it just gets deeper, it just gets deeper! This hole gets deeper...
    Stanley: I want to be with you, Carla! ...even if you're Catholic...
    Carla: So... ...you're saying you want me to get an abortion, and if not, you'll marry me out of obligation?
    Stanley: No, that's not what I meant...
• Disney Villain Death: Captain Hendrix is last seen getting shot and falling off a ledge, presumably to his death.
• Distinction Without a Difference: "And you just kicked your pregnant girlfriend out of the house!" "I did not kick her out of the house! She left!"
• Downer Ending: The team ends up accidentally firing the missiles and frying San Francisco.
• Driven to Suicide: Once the missiles are launched, Mason decides to stay at Alcatraz, telling the others to leave him behind. After all, "the captain goes down with his ship."
• Everyone Has Standards: Mason may be a ruthless government agent willing to put lives at stake for his own freedom, but he does genuinely care about his daughter Jade, and begs Stanley to pass on a warning to get out of town, which he obliges to.
• Foreshadowing: Right at the start of the campaign, Paulo calls to attention the fact that, because there are no player characters in Hummel's camp, they wind up missing some scenes from the movie (such as when Alcatraz is taken over). This pays off tragically in the climax, as the player characters realize too late that the situation concerning the missiles had changed offscreen.
• Franchise Original Sin: In-Universe. The players argue that the The Rock already has many of the trademarks Michael Bay would become infamous for later, but keeps them in check enough to not bring down the quality of the film (helped by an unusually strong script for a Bay movie.)
• Genre Shift: It is openly agreed upon that the ending of the campaign drastically changes what kind of film this was, with Andy openly comparing it to a nuclear disaster film akin to Threads. Paulo even jokes that although it started as an action film, Lars von Trier came in to finish the movie.
  Paulo: So guys... That's The Rock... One of Michael Bay's darkest films...
• Guns Do Not Work That Way: The Rerollers question what type of gun would cause people shot by it to fly backwards. The answer is — of course — a Michael Bay gun.
• He Knows Too Much:
  • Mason claims that he was locked up because he knows Who Shot JFK?. According to him, he was murdered by order of the CIA because they disagreed with his politics.
  • Something similar happened to Tucker, the now homeless Vietnam veteran who's made himself at home in the caves below Alcatraz, guarded by his pet wolf. He witnessed the use of weapons of mass destruction during the war, and later became The Fall Guy for the damage they caused.
• He Really Can Act: The Rerollers feel this way about Nicolas Cage In-Universe, saying that in this film, he manages to "resist being Nicolas Cage."
• Herr Doctor: Dr. Layton, who is perhaps a bit too enthusiastic about dissecting a doll...
• Hope Spot: Once the four remaining missiles are in the air, the players try everything they can to get them to not strike San Francisco, including shooting at them and bringing up the probable success of the other members of the squad of having succeeded in disarming them prior to launch. All this winds up accomplishing is bringing the number down to two missiles that strike San Francisco.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: Our protagonists attempt to re-rig the bombs to only release poison in the immediate area, hoping that the terrorists will end up killing themselves.
• Hypothetical Casting: invoked Discussed: Stanley's misadventures with love causes Scott to ask if they can run Say Anything... with Jon playing Lloyd Dobler.
• Imported Alien Phlebotinum: The hobo living under the prison has a mysterious cylinder which John Mason suspects is alien technology.
• Improbable Aiming Skills: Rosinsky actually manages to shoot down one of the missiles without activating it. Sadly, there are still two more left.
• Just in Time: Stanley manages to deactivate the bomb doll with only seconds to spare.
• Kill and Replace: Mason ends up impersonating McCoy — an American enemy marine — over the radio. Ironic, considering Sean Connery's reputation of Not Even Bothering with the Accent.
• Killed Offscreen:
  • Apparently happens to the already dying Johnston, whom the villains end up executing.
  • To the players' horror, Paulo mentions the discovery of General Hummel's corpse after they had elected to lob the grenades into the command center.
  • When everyone is trying to fast-talk some way of preventing the missiles that have launched from hitting San Francisco, Jon brings up how Houston and Baer were supposed to be disarming them offscreen, causing Paulo to roll^note to see if Houston was conscious enough and if Baer was able to remember what Stanley had taught him. And once those rolls fail, Jon manages to talk Paulo into agreeing that the missile had exploded offscreen, killing the two of them (not that it helps San Francisco out much).
• Last Request: Before parting ways, Goodspeed promises Mason to look after the latter's daughter, as well as his own girlfriend and child. Mason also gives him instructions of where he's stashed away his secrets, which he can retrieve if he wants "a real adventure", teasing a potential National Treasure-esque sequel.
• Lying to Protect Your Feelings: Mason doesn't have it in him to tell Tucker Tucker that he and his troops killed the latter's pet wolf Munson, so he claims that it just ran off. And by the end of the campaign, Tucker never finds out; after Stanley informs him how they're gonna die if they stay on Alcatraz, the two leave, with Munson being forgotten.
• Manly Gay: Commander Charles Anderson is given a bit of backstory in this version, including the fact that he is secretly gay. While not necessarily identifying as gay, John Mason ends up falling a bit in love with Stanley Goodspeed.
• Multiple-Choice Past: Houston seems to have this, changing his supposed city of origin on the fly just to mess with people.
• My God, What Have I Done?:
  • After Paulo makes it clear how much in pain Munson was after getting stabbed, Andy and Jon start voicing displeasure over Mason opting to kill it. Scott has Mason shoot it without hesitation.
  • Because it was his call to lob the grenades that wound up setting off the missiles that nuked San Francisco, Mason opts to stay behind in Alcatraz and wait for death to consume him.
  • Due to the dark note the campaign ended on, Paulo and everyone else decides against answering some viewer mail, opting to instead end the episode on the spot.
    Paulo: No- no mailbag, we can't- we can't do a mailbag after that, we love you, we're sorry.
    (everyone awkwardly starts singing the ending song)
• Never My Fault: Paulo bringing up Brody arresting Mrs. Kitner prompts Jon to immediately state she assaulted a police officer.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero:
  • Stanley practically almost causes Carla to break off their relationship wholecloth: While he already didn't help matters by being less-than-enthused due to learning she was pregnant, and being weirdly clinical when explaining he had to leave for San Francisco ASAP, the second Carla proposes to him, Stanley immediately makes an ass of himself with three words:
    Stanley: Well, that's weird...
    Carla: ... (calmly) Alright, I guess I have my answer. (leaves)
  • While they did a great job disabling the enemy marines — and avoiding losing all the SEAL team as they do in the original movie — our heroes make a huge error in not realizing that the situation with the bad guys had changed and end up accidentally firing the missiles.
  • Before that, Commander Anderson accidentally lets slip during his interrogation that he and his crew are there to disarm the bombs. This turns out to be a mistake, as the villains may have otherwise assumed that they were only there to save the hostages.
• Not What It Looks Like: When calling Carla after he causes her to walk out, Stanley tries to smooth things over and explain how he actually does want to have a family with her, given how she explains she doesn't want to have a baby out of wedlock due to being Catholic. And somehow, Stanley manages to botch this too, to the point where Carla briefly thinks Stanley is suggesting she get an abortion.
• Obligatory Joke: As one of the Navy SEALs is named Houston, his squad mates make sure to tell him when they've had a problem.
• Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Sylvio manages to kill two enemy soldiers — somehow decapitating one of them — using his impressive acrobatic skills. Our only accounts of this are the vague In-Universe descriptions given by the Mission Control, as well as what we can discern from the resulting carnage.
• Oh, Crap!: After it's decided to lob some grenades into the command center to take out the last of the Marines and stop them from setting off the nukes, Paulo narrates how Mason (while crouching behind a door for cover) looks down a row of cells... and notices Hummel's dead body in one, causing the players to realize the coup from the movie happened offscreen, and they have just ruined the campaign.
  Scott: I think we might've just doomed San Francisco...
  Jon: (panicking) Well, let's find out. Let's find out.
• Poor Communication Kills: Inverted and discussed: After Stanley manages to catch Mason in the elevator before he can escape, he gets him to admit he's worried about his daughter Jade, while Stanley makes it clear how everyone in San Francisco is going to die unless Hummel is stopped. As such, Stanley promises to make sure his daughter leaves San Francisco in exchange for Mason helping defuse the situation at Alcatraz. Paulo, Jon and Scott later point out how this winds up circumventing a large subplot in the movie, due to how Mason only revealed his situation after the ambush scene, and how the large chase scene through San Francisco never happened.
• Sanity Slippage:
  • Mason seems to have suffered from this during his time in isolation, as he believes there to be goblins living in the walls of Alcatraz, that "The Rock" got its name from a local golem, and that the heating system is powered by dragons (which, in fairness, wouldn't be the least realistic thing about it.)
  • Mason also claims that the prison used to be part of the Underground Railroad, which — while easier to believe on the surface — is still quite far-fetched given the location.
• Schmuck Bait: A lot of the heroes' plan involves luring the bad guys into traps by doing the voice of one of their comrades over comm.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Excluding Mason, once San Francisco is nuked, everyone more or less has the same idea: "Time to go."
• Secretly Wealthy: The heroes meet a secret hobo living deep under the facility. He seems at first to be a vagrant, but his stash of Civil War-era gold coins says otherwise.
• "Shaggy Dog" Story: Our protagonists eventually fail in their task to stop San Francisco from being nuked, the silver lining being that they did manage to save most of the hostages.
• Shout-Out:
  • Dr. Layton puts on Wagner's entire Ring Cycle during the attempted bomb defusing.
  • A dark example occurs when Mason quotes Robert Oppenheimer's famous "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds" speech ^note  originally from Bhagavad Gita after he fails to save the city of San Francisco.
• Stunned Silence: As Jon and Scott (with some input from Andy) discuss an in-depth plan on how to funnel a large group of terrorists into the morgue so they can kill them in a sneak attack, they then ask Paulo if Shepard has any input to add. Paulo instead says that Shepard is in shock:
  Paulo: Shepard has been just kind of silently stammering as, somehow, uh...
  Jon: (bemused) Goodspeed and Mason have taken over this operation.
  Paulo: (at the same time as Jon) Goodspeed and... Mason have just taken over, and have become, like, master planners.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: Charles vehemently denies all accusations of having a secret lover named Steve. (The listeners are — of course — well aware of the truth by this point.)
• Well-Intentioned Extremist: Commander Anderson acknowledges Hummel as one, agreeing fully with his frustrations but heavily looking down on the way he dealt with them, to say the least.
• Wham Line: Just when it seems like the campaign is going to end better than the film, the decision to lob some grenades into the marines' command center quickly causes things to spiral out of control:
  • The moment the grenades are thrown into the room, Scott-as-Mason decides to crouch down behind a door for cover, Paulo tells him what he now sees:
    Paulo: And now you're looking down the final aisle of cells, and as you hear the explosions behind you in the room, and the shouts of the men banging on the door of the command center, you notice... General Hummel, lying dead in one of the cells in front of you.
  • Once the group enters the damaged remains of the room, Paulo takes care to mention how it's overlooking the bay...
    Paulo: And from this vantage, you ha-ave a beautiful view of San Francisco, and two missiles firing in front of you, out into the air... over San Francisco...
• Wild Card: Being a Boxed Crook, Mason isn't very enthusiastic about helping the FBI, and tries escaping at the earliest opportunity.