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Quotes: SpaceBattles.com
aka: Spacebattles

Peptuck (yes, that Peptuck)

"Zombie tyrannosaurs must always be considered as an important part of the spectrum of moral choice.
What did the Dark Eldar ever do to you?
I mean, sure, they'll take a few colonies here and there with no trouble. Then the Normandy shows up, and the Dark Eldar get INTERRUPTED so hard Space Marines will spontaneously punch their way out of the DE's scrotums.
The only difference between Paragon and Renegade is that in the former case it'll be Space Wolves who claw their way out of the spikys' asses, and in the latter case it'll be Black Templars who perform the collective violent anal eruptions.
"When you have the choice between keeping a shitty character shitty or redeeming them into something unshitty, always choose unshitty."
What definition of "competence" are we using here?

Because there's the normal definition, where the character is reasonably intelligent, knows his/her/its limitations, and acts realistically within their flaws and the limitations of their setting.

Then there's the Spacebattles definition, where anything that isn't an omniscient, infalliable ubermensch driven by tech-wankery and reading ahead in the script is considering (sic) braindead stupid.

Others

"Welcome to Spacebattles, where Stupid Sexy Sauron is a thing.
"On the subject of Fate/Stay Dalek: ...Sec summoning an infinite amount of Gunsticks, Planetary defense arrays, Killcruiser main guns, Special Weapons and every freaking weapon ever created by the Daleks... holy shit, I think we've found the closest thing we can get to enuff dakka."
Dalek Ix(that Dalek Ix), after someone suggested that Dalek Sec gain access to a Dalek version of Unlimited Blade Works.

SB has two settings:

1.- Ruthlessly efficient mechanism capable of impossible feats of awesomeology.
2.- Hopeless trainwreck/clusterfuck that can't tell its elbow from a hole in the ground.
— Also Dalek Ix

"Remember, they are not your normal honey badgers from a brightly colored magical deathworld. They are free range honey badgers lovingly raised at the edge of one of the unhealing scars on the planet from which all monsters are born by none other than Fluttershy"
fijkus, about trolling of NMM

logiccosmic, about Cerberus experimenting with psychic clone troopers. Or Reaper invasion.

You realize Kasumi appears to have a plan involving a small Krogan statue, a gun, and a Honey Badger. And possibly (Exalted) Sheppard.
Balagor, upon new snippet from Gregg HL

hpackrat: Why is it every SI eventually tells someone about their origins?
Protodermis: On the topic of dakka, there is a horrible truth behind enuff dakka. Once you have enuff dakka, there is nothing left to shoot; because everything was used up making the dakka!
Jonen C: That's not actually Enuff Dakka, so much as it is the Big Dakka, where you take everything and shoot it to make everything again.
Agent HUB: "Space Battles: Cannot go to the fridge to get a six pack without trying to get the elder gods to do it for them."
"Why is everyone assuming we're competent?"
"Have you seen the stuff we suggest as good ideas? We're by and large idiots. I just saw a shitload of dudes unable to beat a literal illiterate in a debate in VS. We have dumbasses who support the most absurd things in here."
"We're not Star Destroyer Captains."
"We're not even the fucking stormtroopers."
"We're Lord Rust."
"We're the mooks from fucking Equilibrium. "
Sith, on the ideal remake of Halo

"Obviously, we should use bad analogies to imply whenever we see the technology not doing the thing we want it to it's just that they've dialed it down because they're all just incompetents. Being so dumb they probably don't even know the dial goes up that high, you know, because they're dumb. Not at all like us.
This is obviously because we have such stupendously vast mental faculties we can instantly see all the hidden factors to a technology's operation when we're shown a single - or extremely limited - instance of it's usage, and can predict exactly how it completely changes the nature of the setting(in spite of it not doing so) and use that to deduce the residents of the setting are just dumb(because of the aforementioned failiure to completely understand all the hidden factors in their technology that allows us to forsee such usage methodologies with our incredible intellect).
Hence, even with them working with said technology every single day, and having built said technology, and having a functioning understanding of all the engineering aspects of said technology, we understand it better than them, despite lacking all these things. We're just that fucking clever."
Nattuo counter-criticises SB's tendency to accuse all and sundry factions of Misapplied Phlebotinum

"This is what happens when people make a calculation that relies on everybody involved being too stupid to breathe. The very context established by the characters is questioned on the grounds of their staggering stupidity. If you're too dumb to use your FTL fists to punch a guy in his laser eye before it fires when he's announced he's firing his laser eye at you(and he's also dumb enough to announce he's firing his laser eye at you), and you are assumed to not be a vegetable relative to other characters, the guy with the laser eye is by extension rendered so stupid his claim of his laser eye being a laser eye is moot because he'd believe he had a laser eye if someone celotaped a live chicken to his face."
Nattuo criticises a ridiculous calculation based on JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

"Spacebattles stalkers are the best. I mean you have a site already filled to the brim with OCD nerds who obsess over minor, pointless details found in obscure snippets of popular culture and flaunt them like symbols of heraldry ... But even the freaks have even freakier freaks to look down upon and shun to the outskirts of their group."
Rama

Tyrion77: You've really got to rather pity the Reapers in that. I mean, seriously, how on earth do you plan for that kind of level of bullshit?
Agayek: By subscribing to the school of thought that is known as "Spacebattles competence".
This is the school of thought where anyone who lacks omniscience, 12 plans for every contingency (irrelevant of their level of possibility or plausibility), and enough firepower to destroy the multiverse twice over is utterly incompetent and a complete idiot.
— On a Mass Effect/Worm crossover

"Spacebattles: Equally at home with calculating the proper amount of dakka to commit xenocide as it is with speculating on feather-dragon-alien/human mating rituals."
P053id0n: SB really is the geek Center. One implied sex scene(not even graphic mind you) and 10 pages about the theoritical (sic) "mechanics" of it.
AkumaOuja: Not to mention we do it with theme music and without actually stating our hypothesis directly till one of us gets bored.

Bookwyrm: anyone else get that feeling that the world needs a shake-up pretty soon or cyberpunk dystopia for everyone?
*THASF*: But, I want to have my neck snapped by a bionic assassin whose wrist can rotate a full 360 degrees! That would be like, so rad. Moar deregulation plz.

"Perfectly Reasonable™ calcs are the logic equivalent of a date rape- you take a nice, canonic premise out, promise it a good time and start talking about things it likes. But at some point you slip something in when it isn't looking, something bad. Before it knows it everything's all wrong, it wakes up somewhere it never had any intention of going and has only the vaguest sense of how it got there or why it's all sore and looking nothing like it did earlier.

To add insult to injury, everyone's laughing and patting the guy responsible on the back...

:("
Spacebattles.

We have serious discussions about ANYTHING.
Hiver on a thread discussing the order in which Disney Princesses are to be introduced to a ball

It doesn't need to be said. This is SB. We will engage in wild mass guessing and bizarre shipping until the story tells us otherwise. Then we will start arguing why the story is wrong.
Taiho

The reason Turians (and Batarians) are hated by SB so much is simple.

The Turians are humans as SB wants them to be. Highly competent, professional, harmonious, meritocratic, enlightened, militaristic, respected and feared by everyone.

The Batarians are humans as SB's terrible ideas would make them. An incompetent tinpot dictatorship with a penchant for mass murder, terrible strategic decisions, casual racism, and no fucking idea how outclassed they are.
uju32: But maybe I'm judging her by the standards of SB competence, which is a very high standard to meet.
PostwarGryphon: Well... most of the time. Honestly SB competence is kind of wibbly/wobbly in effectivness. (sic)
inverted_helix: I disagree, I think that SB competence at executing a given plan is fairly high. It's just that SB's goals and values tend to be all over the place and often contrary.

GoukaRyuu: Deadpool claims to be the hivemind of some place called SB, whatever that is. ;)
MDLv3.2: No, Deadpool is too restrained and lucid, too compassionate and stoic, to be the SB hivemind.

"Weaver clearly belongs to the Spacebattles school of giant monster killing. Nuke 'em. Didn't work? Use more nukes. Use bigger nukes. Kidnap Tinkers and force them to create horrifying planet cracking antimatter weaponry. Repeat until you kill the monster or the world."
Anasurimbor discussing Weaver Nine

Doesn't change the fact that Spacebattles managed to figure out how to drop a small star on Leviathan using two capes (neither of which were Sundancer), a glass jar, and a lake with the only assumption being that the Passengers don't cry foul. Taylor has... not done that.
FFFX

Welcome to Spacebattles. We write fanfics of fanfics that are about other fanfics that idly, in some oblique way, mention the original source material.
Da-Guru

Dude, this is SB.com. Are you at all surprised that we're killing the dreams of kiddies around here?
Aratech (Yes, that Aratech)

alternative title(s): Spacebattles
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