Given the infamous juxtaposition of repetitious and formulaic sentence structure and oft-bizarre similes and machoistic quips (largely courtesy of Garfield himself) dominating their bibliography, an unsurprising percentage of Shakespeare Hemingway's prose arguably stands among the most memorable examples of Troll Fic writing on a purely-absurdist level.
Garfield: Maximum Speed
Garfield rushed to the bus driver who was hurt bad.
"My friend, your sacrifice will not be in vain. I will eat you, and your strength will be mine own" Said Garfield tenderly to the driver. And so Garfield ate the driver.
—"This is too fast, if we keep going at this speed, the passengers will get sea sick!" The young woman said concernedly.
——''In reference to bus passengers
[...]Garfield fired into Draco Malfoys chest with his left leg which was also a shotgun. The shot went through Draco Malfoy and set him dead.
"Garfield I did not know your left leg was a shotgun." Said Jon Arbuckle
"Yes, I had it replaced during World War I." Responded Garfield
"But Garfield that was a long time ago." Said Jon Arbuckle
"No, this one was in the future." Responded Garfield
—Soon they entered the throne room where the lasagna bomber and voldemort were hatching evil plans.
"H Aha Garfield! You are too late our plan is in the final step!" Said Voldemort.
"That is right Garfield, soon we will send lasagna bombs to the equator to destroy it killing the children with global warming!" Shouted the Lasagna Bomber outrageously.
"No, I will not let the children down they look up to me, the only equator that will be destroyed is you!" Said Garfield with justice.
—Garfield than punched right through Voldemorts magic barriers and into his chest, pulling his heart out of his evil chest.
"I will give this to the sick child needing heart transplant." Said Garfield proudly as he held the heart.
"No! I am heart broken for the second time!" Said Voldemort as he fell down to his death.
—Garfield: First Blood
Garfield switched on the tv showing Natalie Portman taken captive by vampire gangsters.
"Help Garfield, I am being taken captive by vampire gangsters!" Cried Natalie Portman in hysterically.
—"HAHA Garfield!, We demand the blood Bank of USA give us 600 million gallons of blood, all in one hundred dollar bills or else we will be making evening breakfast out of Natalie Portman!" Said the head Vampire Gangster with menace.
"The only deposit being made will be yours!"' Said Garfield with triumph, while shooting the tv in anger with his Desert Eagle.
— "No you must stay, if I do not return in 24 hours call Tiger Woods." (Timely Joke)
"That was a timely joke Garfield." Said John Arbuckle, getting his joke.
—As Garfield drove he saw a kid taking drugs and ruining his life. Garfield was enraged by the waste of the youth and ran him over with his pickup truck.
"Drugs are for dopes go back to education!" Said Garfield.
"Yes you are right Garfield." Said the kid who stopped doing drugs and went back to school for degrees.
—On the 'moralistic fortitude' of Garfield
"Here is a prime rib meal ready for serving!" Quipped Garfield as he shot the vampire gangsters to their deaths with his steak gun.
—Ah yes, yet another allusion to the age-old vampiric weakness to...steaks
"Odie I thought you were a man but you are just a mutt."
—Garfield
If Natalie Portman is reading this and would like to date me that would be ok.
— Shakespeare Hemingway (via a concluding 'author's note')
Garfield: Zero Prejudice
"I do not know if I am man enough for the job Morgan Freeman, it takes lots of super strength and manliness to win super bowls." Said Francois Pienaar with worry.
__ "I am hater of racists and stereotyping."
—Garfield
"But Garfield I do not like black people." Said one of the Rugby players with racism
Garfield took out his Desert Eagle and shot the player in the knee cap
—Example of the narrative's, uh, nuanced portrayal of the social consequences and overcoming of racism
"I will force you to beat your limits!" Said Garfield as he jumped in his pick up truck and chased the player at near Maximum Speed to inspire him to run more and beat his limits.
—'' "Haha you will never defeat us, racism is our ally and prejudice is our coach." Said the New Zealands filled with stereotyping pride.
—Garfield faces off against a Bond villain-esque 'New Zealand'
Garfield took a child from the stands and brought him down to the sidelines and prepared to make an inspirational speech.
"If you do not win the big game I will kill this child." Said Garfield pointing his Desert Eagle at the child.
This inspired the South Africans even harder to play to win and end prejudice. The child shouted in joy for he knew he was helping end racism.
—John Arbuckle soared into the arena and scored 10 baskets winning the game for the South Africans.
"Thank you John Arbuckle for help in winning the super bowl." Said Garfield.
"No problem Garfield, I am a black belt in rugby." Said John Arbuckle with martial arts.
— "You may have one this round, but as long as there is evil in hearts of man we will be here!"
— The fic's version of 'New Zealand', escaping in their zeppelin
I hope I ended your racism when you read this.
— Shakespeare Hemingway, via a concluding 'author's note'
Gilmore Garfield: Boy Trouble
"His name is Garfield and he is the manliness man I have ever met yet wiser than Greek philosophers."
— Rory Gilmore
"Please forgive me Garfield ." Begged the punk.
"You are already forgiven, in fact I will give you a basketball lesson, here is a slam dunk." Said Garfield with wit as he slammed the punk through a basketball net.
— "Where is the Lasagna?" Demanded Garfield with blazing fury.
"There is no Lasagna only mashed potatoes." Responded the Cafeteria lady with nutrition.
"This is unacceptable! Here is your just Desserts!" cried out Garfield as he headbutted the Cafeteria lady in rage.
—One of the earliest examples (of many) of Garfield expressing righteous anger over the absence of lasagna
The imposter Garfield removed his Garfield mask to reveal he was really Odie!
— "Here Garfield take this rocket launcher you know what to do." Said Jon Arbuckle as he tossed Garfield a rocket launcher.
"Thanks Jon Arbuckle I will use it with friendship." Announced Garfield with kindness in his heart.
Garfield pointed the rocket launcher at Odie.
—Garfield: Sheen Instincts
"Garfield there is horror news, Charlie Sheen is leaving Two and a Half Men and it may not see the future days." Said Jon Arbuckle tears weeping of salty sadness.
—A succinct establishment of both the fic's narrative and general aesthetic
"NO this cannot be, Two and a Half Men is Americas favorite show, without it America may crumble."
—Garfield ('with concern')
"What can we do Garfield, how can we save America." Asked Jon Arbuckle with hopelessness.
"I will go see Charlie Sheen and make him see reasonableness." Said Garfield, with voice of stern.
— "There must be vile enemy of America hoping to crush Two and a Half Men!" Said Garfield with disgusting rage.
"HAHA Garfield! We will stop you from talking to Charlie Sheen, then evil will rule world!" Said the enemy jets.
— "Knock knock this is Garfield I am in need of speaking sense to Charlie Sheen." Said Garfield with politeness.
Charlie Sheen knew it was Garfield and did not want to be convinced, so he rushed through the back door to his car for getaway escape.
—[...]Garfield swerved effortlessly through traffic with top notch driving skills staying on Charlie Sheen like Glue on butter.
— "It is time for final getaway." Said Charlie Sheen as he pressed a secret button in his car which gave him a turbo booster.
— "Charlie Sheen you must return to Two and a Half Men, it brings joyousness to thousands of men women and children." Pleaded Jon Arbuckle with eyes full of tears.
"If not do it for me, do it for America." Said Garfield heart with love for his country.
— "No, I want to pursue solo projects and become super movie star actor. I refuse." Pouted Charlie Sheen with stubbornness.
"Very well you leave us no choice." Said Garfield with sadness.
Garfield began to take something out of a closet which worried Charlie Sheen.
"What are madness you going to be doing?" Asked Charlie Sheen with worry.
"We have no choice, we must waterboard you." Said Garfield with Regret.
"NOOOO." Cried out Charlie Sheen with despairing shout.
"This will hurt you more than it hurts me." Said Garfield with heavy heart.
"Is there no ways other?" Asked Jon Arbuckle with concerned face.
"This is the only way to talk sense." Said Garfield with convinced eyes.
With these sad words Garfield began waterboarding Charlie Sheen with his waterboard for sake of patriotism and civilization.
"NOOOO THE PAIIIN." Cried out Charlie Sheen.
"Only after you see the rightness of Two and Half Men will pain be ended for good." Said Garfield with truth.
After 48 hours of waterboarding Charlie Sheen began to see the wrongness in his ways.
— "Yes, Thank you for waterboarding me Garfield." Said Charlie Sheen with gratitude.
"No problem, I do what is best for you." Said Garfield with pride.
—"No problem, I do what is best for you." Said Garfield with pride.
"Thank you Garfield for waterboarding Charlie Sheen and saving two and a Half Men. America owes you much. Here is the medal of honor and the key to the city and a lifetime supply of lasagna."
—Barack Obama
Garfield, Jon Arbuckle and President Obama laughed and laughed at Garfield's funny joke, knowing that Two and a Half men would be on forever.
—If Charlie Sheen is reading this I hope he realizes his errors and will stay on Two and a Half Men for his own good and good of country.
—Shakespeare Hemingway (via an author's note)
Garfield Fighter: World Tournament
"Do not go Garfield it is trap!" Said Jon Arbuckle with warning.
"I know but I will go no one questions my manliness and lives." Said Garfield with fist pumped with marital arts.
— "I do not need luck I have iron fist of raging justice!"
—Garfield
Blanka then used his electricity to zap Garfield but it had no effect.
"I am Cat electricity has no effect on me." Said Garfield with truth.
—Garfield then continued his travels back to USA of America where he met the Guile the American Patriot.
— "Do not worry I am real man so I will make you into REAL woman." Said Garfield [to Sakura] as he pleasured with wild cat force.
—The crystallization of Shakespeare Hemingway-characterized Garfield's lothario tendencies finally occurs
"Keep training and eat lasagna and you can be strong like me."
—Garfield, to Ryu and Ken
"AMAKOOOOOOO." It was Jon Arbuckle zooming in at Sagat with his Raging Arbuckle attack! The attack left Sagat dead on the floor and the Arbuckle symbol glowing on Jon Arbuckles back.
"Thank you Jon Arbuckle your fighting style is strong with fists." Said Garfield with Admiration.
"No problem Garfield I never liked Sagat anyway" Said Jon Arbuckle with thumbs up.
— "Garfield I see you killed M. Bison with super ease. You are mighty warrior." Said Akuma high fiving Garfield.
"Yes it look like we will be having Bison meat although I prefer Lasagna.'" Said Garfield with hilarious joke.
—-Garfield in the City
"Samantha I wish I would meet a man I am lonely and useless alone." Said Carrie with sad voice.
"It is ok I am sure you will one day meet handsome man to sweep you off your feet for romance." Said Samantha with consolation.
"I hope so or I will cry and cry until tomorrow is gone and yesterday is here." Said Samantha with sadness.
—Samantha saw a flock of men and knew it was time for hunt. "I must go hunt men for sex" Said Samantha with sass and liberation.
"You are spunky free spirit." Said Carrie with admiration.
"You are spunky and free too, believe in your strength." Said Samantha as she went off to find men.
—As Carrie walked out the rain had miraculously stopped like magic and sun was shining in the air like rainbows in July. Something magical was surely happening.
"What is that?" Said Carrie astonished as she saw the most amazing site of her life. It was the most handsomest man she ever saw. He was full of muscles and masculinity. This man of might strolled up to Carrie with manly strut and ground quaked in his path.
"Hello what is my name I am Garfield." Said he with booming voice.
"I am Samantha you are manliest man I have ever seen." Said Samantha with blushing.
"I know." Said Garfield with response. "Let us go to dinner for eating now."
"Ok." Said Samantha.
— "I am sorry we are all around of Lasagna." Said the waiter with foolish stupidity.
"Then go out and get some." Said Garfield as he grabbed the waiters collar and slammed him into the ground.
"Yes sir." Said the waiter running way like little baby girl.
—[...]Garfield ate all of the Lasagna with fury of a raging comet.
— "Wow you must be Garfield the manliest man," Said Charlotte.
"Yes, that baby is ugly." Said Garfield pointing at the baby.
"Yes I would like to make more attractive baby with you Garfield." Said Charlotte with beaming eyes.
—The Good, the Bad and the Garfield
"I will go with horse power!" Yelled John Marston as he rode off into sunlight.
—As John Marston prepared for his final standoff the noise of a riding horse was heard. All of a sudden cool cowboy music was heard by all. In the distance John Marston and the bandits saw manly Orange figure riding a rainbow horse. The Horse galloped with mighty swooshing into the crowd of bandits.
"It is Garfield the fastest and manliest cat in the west!" Said the Sheriff with pitch cold fear.
— "This is right criminal scum. I am the sword of justice and I need sharpening." Roared Garfield with manly vocals as he puffed his cigarette.
— "Garfield spare me. I had no choice but to help Two eyed Jack." Begged the Sheriff with crying.
"Here is your mercy." Said Garfield as he grabbed the sheriff by his neck and threw him at passing by cougar to be munched on.
"Thank you Garfield for this snack." Said the Cougar with gratitude as he feasted on evil flesh.
— "I will never retired. My favorite foods are lasagna and the blood of the wicked."
—Garfield ("with heroism")
John Marston rushed to his wife ready to greet her.
"I am in your hugging embrace." Said John Marston.
"I am glad to see you too John but I am sorry to say Garfield is more man than you and handsomer." Said Mrs. Marston looking at Garfield with longing eyes.
"Yes Garfield you are truly the greatest man in the West." Said Bonnie lustily as she felt Garfields massive biceps.
"Well ladies care to take trip on my horse?" Said Garfield with seductive wink.
—High School Garfield
"Oh Troy you are man for me. I love you like cloud in the sky. Forever like a dream."
—The evocative love patter of Gabriella Montez
"Out of my way teach." Said Garfield as he shoved Ms. Darbus out of the way.
"I am sorry Garfield it is my fault please forgive me." Said Ms. Darbus with apology.
— "Now we can begin lesson of teaching. Prepare to open the books." Said Ms. Darbus with education
"Enough of this teaching nonsense. Classes are over!" Garfield declared with authority.
With Garfield's orders the bell rang and class was dismissed.
— "You look like a mechanic because you got my engines revving."
—Garfield 'flirting' with Gabriella
"Troy what is wrong with your voice it is like cat in a refrigerator."
—Mrs. Darbus
"I am sorry Troy. You are simply not man enough for me. Garfield is my new man. Only he can satisfy me the way a cat should. He is a real Wild Cat." Said Gabrielle as she held on to Garfields muscular arm.
"NOOOOOOO." Cried Troy with sadness.
—All of a sudden the cafeteria lady began to sing, and everyone in the cafeteria began to sing and dance and jump on the tables
"Shut up and make me my lasagna." Roared Garfield with rage at the foolishness.
All singing and dancing stopped at Garfields command and lunch lady served Garfield his much deserved lasagna.
—Troy rushed to the science lab where students did science and took a can of T-Virus.
"I will spread this and make students into zombies for revenge!" Laughed Troy with vile evil
Troy then put T-Virus in school supply of Gatorade to spread virus with speed.
"Soon women and honor will be mine again!" Declared Troy with bellowing evil
— "Garfield you eat lasagna like you eat woman, with power and style."
—Gabriella Montez
Garfield and the ladies went to the Gym where they saw the source of the T-virus, a giant Gatorade machine.
"Sports drinks are not part of healthy breakfast. Drink Lasagna instead." Garfield said slyly as he tossed a grenade at the Gatorade machine blowing it up into Gatorade dust.
— "You have done your last deed. Pack your luggage because you are going on one way trip to hell."
—Garfield
All of a sudden they heard a strange alarm and buzzing. The schools self destruct system had been activated!
"Garfield what will we do we can not make it out in time." Cried Sharpay with panicking.
"No need for tears butter boots. I got it all covered." Garfield said a she snapped his fingers. All of a sudden Garfields custom Harley Davidson Motorcycle smashed into the room with awesome style.
—The Garfield Network
"Mark Zuckerburg this is awful we cannot make the Facebook ourselves we are too much pathetic." Cried Eduardo like a baby losing his bottle.
"I know we will never get the popularity and the girls and the women without Facebook we are ruined." Squealed Mark Zuckerburg like little girl in the sandbox.
—Garfield then grabbed the dollar bills in clenched fist and shoved it in Mark Zuckerbergs mouth.
"I have no need for your filthy money. I have one price and one price alone and that is Lasagna." Garfield said with stern justice.
—Garfield went to computer and typed words in and in 2 minutes made Facebook
"Garfield! You did it. You made the Facebook!" Shouted Mark Zuckerberg in joy.
"Of course. It was easy like lady in my hands." Garfield remarked with casualness.
— "Those worms. I will make them into orange juice and squeeze them dry." Garfield Declared with gritted teeth and clenched fist.
— "I will bring justice to them like the milkman brings milk, bottled and without mercy."
—Garfield, delivering the main page quote
"Now be prepared for missiles!" Said Mark Zuckerberg as he readied his rockets.
"You are FOOL! Facebook is for infants and impotents! Now face death by my manly fists!" Garfield bellowed with fierce justice.
—Mark Zuckerburg fired his rocket missiles but Garfield caught them in his mighty hands.
"Friend this." Said Garfield as he tossed the missiles at Mark Zuckerbergs Apache helicopter sending him crashing into the street.
— "I will ride your cyber highway and network you in ways you never imagined."
—Garfield, to the alleged ex-girlfriend of 'Mark Zuckerberg'
Garfield: First Blood Part II
It was a bright morning full of rain and sun when Natalie Portman was doing her acting.
"These are my words and my motions are full of emotion." Said Natalie Portman with acting
"Excellence! This is Oscar winning performance!" Said the director with compliments.
"Thank you I am four star actress." Said Natalie Portman with thanks.
— "Now to my studio lair where we will star in movies together!" Declared Ashton Kutcher with evil as he left with imprisoned Natalie Portman.
—The thugs then attacked Garfield with foolishness. One thug swung a chain at him the other hit him with a baseball bat, but it was no use. They bounced off Garfields muscles like rubber ball on a donkey.
— "Garfield please spare my life I am poor starving man." Said the thug with begging.
"Starve on my fist." Said Garfield as he punched the thugs stomach out.
—As Garfield rode, a Tractor Trailer truck filled with lasagna drove beside him.
"Lasagna feed my body and soul. Give me strength to rescue ladies in danger." Garfield said as he looked to the truck.
Lasagna burst out of truck to feed Garfield and entered his mouth for eating, filling Garfields muscular body with power and energy.
"Thank you Lasagna you are now part of me." Garfield said with gratitude to lasagna.
—Meanwhile Garfield was riding the lonely road of the hero with hair blowing through wind like wet lasagna in a fan. In the distance Garfield saw Ashton Kutchers palace of pain and evil. It was on Island surrounded by lava and crocodiles. There seemed no way but Garfield never gives up never surrenders.
— "My goody bag will be your beating heart Ashton Kutcher!"
—Garfield
He then came upon doors to Ashton Kutchers throne room but it was sealed with evil power and locks.
— "You are at the end of your highway and it is time to pay the toll man."
—Garfield, to 'Aston Kutcher'
[Garfield and "Natalie Portman's"] bodies then joined like peanut butter and jelly and created delicious loving all night long.
—Congratulations to Natalie Portman for her pregnancies! Please beware and do not let Ashton Kutcher kidnap your babies. Also I am still single so it is still ok if you would like to date me.
—Shakespeare Hemingway, via an 'author's note'
Garfield: Royal Rescue
"It is terrible Garfield, Kate Middleton and Prince William are getting married but you are not invited!" Jon Arbuckle said with outrage.
"This is lies!" Roared Garfield with angry voice.
— '"Dear Garfield, you are not invited to royal wedding. Sincerely Royal England Family."' Said the letter with insults.
"INVITE THIS." Shouted Garfield as he tore up the letter with manly hands.
"This is last straw. I will not stand for insults to humanity." Garfield cried out to the ceiling with fist clenched with justice.
— "I will do what any good man does when insulted with words. I will crush wedding with righteousness."
—Garfield
"The only edict I serve is my fist"
—Garfield, aptly summarizing his characterization within this canon
"Yes I am happiness. But I wish Garfield was here. I am missing Garfields macho charm and rugged good looks." Kate Middleton said with distant longing.
— "No cat no matter how manly will steal my woman"
—The narrative's rendition of 'Prince William'
"Time to prepare for my British vacation. My only souvenir will be flaming vengeance"
—Garfield, delivering another series-defining line
"Time for a British invasion." Said Garfield as he leaped out of Jet into country of Great Britain to administer justice like a Prime Minister of iron.
Garfield opened his parachute with lasagna logo but was in no mood for playtime.
"Parachutes are for little girls and babies in wheelchairs." Said Garfield as he cut his parachute off for free fall fun.
— "This is your special day. Yet I am unsure you have proven true manhood." Said The Queen of England.
"I am true man. All will England will see." Said Prince William with defiance.
"Why have you not invited Garfield? Do you fear to face real man?" Asked the Queen of England with challenge.
"I fear no man or cat!" Shouted Prince William as he tossed champagne glass at mirror shattering all into millions in fits of anger.
"I am the prince of all English! All will cower before my monarchial might! Not even Garfield can defeat me!" Declared Prince William with royal decree.
— "No gate can take my power!" Garfield bellowed with majesticness as he punched down gate with one punch.
— "No lasagna? What is the blasphemy!" Garfield roared in anger as he threw table on wedding guests.
"Lasagna is food of warriors and kings. Do not be forgetting this you worms." Garfield roared as he walked on.
— "How rude have you not heard royal tradition? It is the rules that I am first to have woman before marriage." Garfield stated with cold fact.
— "Even princes must obey the law of the fist. But do not being worrying for I will give you fair trial. Here is the JUDGE and here is the JURY." Garfield said as he raised his two fists for showing.
—At Prince Williams commands noise was heard. Mighty Big Ben transformed into giant laser cannon and aimed at Garfield with blasting intent.
"Tick Tock it is 12 o'clock. Time to die!" Said Prince William with mocking words.
At these words Big Ben fired at Garfield with beams of fury. However Garfield was not laser fazed and backhanded laser beam with ease.
" IMPOSSIBLE." Cried out Prince William with shock.
"Do you not learn physics in prince school? Lasers bounce off of my mighty man muscle." Garfield tutored with teachings.
— "Garfield you are true hero and real man. We want to make you honorary king of England." Queen Elizabeth said with royal orders.
"I am sorry but I am busy living fast life of fast adventures and faster women." Garfield rejected with sympathies.
"Very well at least accept position of Duke of Ireland." Said the Queen of England.
"Fine but I must first be attending to important business." Said Garfield as he picked up Kate Middleton and brought her to royal bedroom where he could show her how real men love women.
— "Garfield I want you to joust me like valiant knight." Kate Middleton cried out with desire.
—The King's Garfield
I saw A King's Speech and it is very inspiring to me! I hope this story inspires you as well!
—Shakespeare Hemingway, via an introductory 'author's note'
"Do not be worrying I will help you talk the words of truth." Said Lionel Logue with linguistics.
—Lionel Logue then began teaching English to King George VI but it was no use, words were sealed in his mouth like air in a paper bag.
— "Drastic times call for drastic measurements. This job is for a real man." Winston Churchill said as he pulled out a secret compartment revealing orange button with marking of lasagna in clenched fist.
"Mistress Britain needs the hero." Said Winston Churchill as he pressed the orange button with patriotism in his heart.
—All of a sudden there was huge boom heard and all looked to the wall. There was hole that was CAT shaped but could only be made by MAN.
— "BEHOLD! The truth of lies!" Declared Garfield as he put his foot on Lionel Logue's neck and tore Lionel Logue's suit off revealing Nazi uniform!
"What can this be!" Said King George VI with disbelief.
"So Garfield you have figured me out. It is true. I am Nazi spy." Said Lionel Logue with revelation.
"He was going to make you read THIS." Garfield said as he took paper out of Lionel Logue's pocket with speech full of evil Nazi propaganda.
"Travesties!" Cried out King George VI as he fell on his knees crying.
"Fools you may have unraveled my disguise but there is no hope. Nazi evil will rule this world." Taunted Lionel Logue with evil.
"You have a fresh mouth. But I prefer my Nazis WELL DONE." Said Garfield slyly as he took out his handgun lighter and threw it at Lionel Logue burning him to crisp.
"Feel the burn." Quipped Garfield as he took out expensive Cuban cigar and lit it on burning Nazi corpse.
— "But we need lasagna to buy guns for war." Protested King George VI with kingship.
"The only guns you will be needing is THESE." Garfield said as he pointed to his massive arms.
—Garfield shot bullet with accuracy of comet and speed of galloping turkey being chased on Thanksgiving Day.
—A shining example of Shakespeare Hemingway's lyrical and poetic use of language devices
King George VI could not catch bullet and was hurt a bit
— "Garfield I do not like lasagna. I prefer clams." Said King George VI with refusals.
Garfield stared at monarch with burning eyes at the idiot words which crawled in his ears.
"Are you king or little baby princess? Eat the food that will give you strength of virile stallion." Garfield commanded shoving lasagna in King George VI's mouth.
"Garfield you are right. This Lasagna is delicious. Thank you." King George VI thanked with gratitude.
As King George VI ate the lasagna his body became full nutrition and strength and he became ready for more training.
— "Garfield I crave your manly loving. King George VI can not satisfy me. Outside he may be king but in the bedroom he is peasant."
—Queen 'Helena Bonham Carter'
"But what of Garfield?" Questioned the Nazi thug with worrying.
"Not even Garfield might can stop the plans. Soon all will fall to us." Said Hitler with confident wickedness.
—A prime example of a juxtaposition of concepts one can only find lurking within the Shakespeare Hemingway bibliography
"Garfield you made me feel things I could not feel. You taught my husband to speak but you taught me to scream."
—'Queen Helena Bonham Carter'
All was going well with speeches when suddenly mysterious sound came from King George VI's crown and antenna came out of it. King George VI's eyes became spiraled with hypnosis and he began saying words of Nazi evil.
—It was Neville Chamberlain! Neville Chamberlain tore off his face to reveal he was really Nazi in disguise
"Time for escalator escape!" Shouted out doppelganger Neville Chamberlain as he escaped up Escalator to Nazi Zeppelin
— "BOMB VOYAGE."
—Garfield, hurling a bomb at the imposter Neville Chamberlain's zeppelin
Hours later in Nazi Germany Hitler was taking an evil Nazi nap having dreams of Nazi conquest when suddenly his dreams were being interrupted. In his dreams Garfield appeared and began mowing down Nazis with brutal justice tearing them to pieces with his might.
"NOOOO." Cried out Hitler as he woke with cold sweat and tears.
Out of corner of his eyes he saw things of peculiarity. It was Nazi corpses impaled on wall! Hitler approached with fears and dreads and trembled like little girl. On impaled corpses was a note written in the blood of dead Nazis.
"I AM COMING FOR YOU NEXT. Sincerely, Garfield." Read the letter with promises.
Hitler quivered with trembling and cried eyes out at the horror for he knew his time was ending near by Garfield's hands of manly power.
—I hope I inspired you to destroy the boundaries of your limitations.
—Indeed it did, Shakespeare Hemingway. Indeed it did...
