Creator / Shakespeare Hemmingway
"'I will bring justice like milkman brings milk: Bottled and without mercy!' Garfield quipped with cleverness."

''I like reading and writing good stories ;-). I also enjoy video games and anime.
Shakespeare and Hemingway are my favorite writers! I would hope they influence me!
I also like Garfield very much and enjoy writing about him!
Thank you for reading my stories it means much to me!
I am currently writing a fanfic about mass effect! It is going to be multi part and pretty epic I think! ;-)
Thank you all for comments good and bad! Bad comments afterall are just good comments upside down!
I like to wish all Happy New Years and thank everyone who reads my stories!''
Shakespeare Hemmingway

Shakespeare Hemmingway is an infamous creator of Fan Fiction. Of these, there are many but Mr. Hemmingway has still managed to stand out among the crowd by solely writing Rated M for Manly stories starring Garfield.

Yes, that Garfield.

No wait, that's not entirely fair. He is infamous to an equal degree by constantly writing stories that make no sense, are littered with typos and malapropisms, abuse Said Bookism, contain gratuitous Ikea Erotica, and shoehorn Garfield into the most ill-conceived and ill-fitting canons imaginable.

His works really need to be seen to be believed. Or if you'd rather listen, then this YouTuber is to be recommended.

Works with their own pages include:

"Garfield troped with tropes of trope":

  • Achievements in Ignorance: Most agree that regardless of whether or not Shakespeare Hemmingway is serious, his stories are 100% more entertaining than much real Fan Fiction!
  • The Ahnold: Botsy plays Garfield like this in his YouTube readings.
  • Adaptational Badass: Garfield and Jon Arbuckle are portrayed as Action Heroes, rather than the lazy cat and dorky man they are in canon.
  • Author Appeal: Has written several British themed stories, so it's easy to guess that he or she is either British or an Anglophile.
  • Bling-Bling-BANG!: Jon Arbuckle apparently owns a pair of golden revolvers. He uses them to great effect against some vampire gangsters in "Garfield: First Blood".
  • Cruel Mercy: By far the most brutal kill Garfield has ever performed, is in Royal Rescue part 2 when Prince Harry begs him for death. He punches him so hard that his eyes pop out and blood shoots out of every pore on his body!
    Garfield: "Feeel myyy meeercy!"
  • Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: One of Garfields favorite activities is to watch "ladies pleasure eachother for my entertainment" while smoking "lasagna cigarettes."
  • Guns Akimbo: In "Garfield: First Blood" Jon Arbuckle takes out several vampire gangsters with his two "golden revolvers".
  • I Call Him Mr Happy: Garfield has a "cosmic love Katana". Or more disgustingly, a "slimy earthworm of pleasure."
  • Rated M for Manly: Not only are all stories this, it's also a discussed trope, since Garfield seemingly can't do anything without first banging on about how manly he or it is.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: Has written tons of stories where Garfield crosses over into such masculine fare as The King's Speech, La La Land and The Social Network.
  • Serious Business: Fail to invite Garfield to the royal wedding? You're dead. Ever so slightly question Garfields masculinity? You're stone fucking dead. Snub Kanye West for the Super Bowl performance? He will inject people with Ebola and send biker gangs armed with Ebola rifles to chase you down.
  • Sibling Incest: If you ever wanted to read about a lesbian encounter between Kate and Pippa Middleton, Shakeapeare Hemmingway has you covered, you sick bastard.
  • Strictly Formula: All of his stories follow one simple strand of events: Garfield meets bad guy. Garfield attacks bad guy. Bad guy defends himself in vain, but still gets destroyed. Jon Arbuckle may or may not show up to help, while shouting his trademark battle cry. Garfield also gets laid at some point. The end.
  • Unusual Euphemism: Always. Usually food related.
  • Your Cheating Heart: Many, many examples. The worst one has to be in "The good, the bad and the Garfield" where Garfield screws John Marstons wife in front of him with Johns approval!