Quotes / Shaggy Dog Story

CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
Palmer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
Palmer: Yes, sir.
CIA Superior: I'm fucked if I know what we did.

Questioner #1: Did you ever find out what it means?
Jerry: No, I didn't.
Questioner #2: What did you find out about him, Jerry?
Jerry: Not much really.

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
Grandpa Simpson, The Simpsons

Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End.
Patrick telling the story of The Ugly Barnacle, Spongebob Squarepants

I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. "Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off."

In the annals of stupid, screwed-up, pointless missions that was the stupidest, most pointless of all.
Marco, Animorphs #28: The Experiment

I just don't understand why. What was the point of this? Of being lied to? Of thinking someone loved me and having them actually not, of just using me? What's the point of that? Was it a lesson? Was I supposed to learn something?
Spike, in the last line of dialogue of "Not The Same"

You know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!