A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.''
He was just one of those guys with that weird light around him. He just knew he wasn't gonna get so much as a scratch here.
Laharl: I've been thinking about why I, Laharl, the most terrifying Overlord around, lost. And I figured out the problem. Adell: Oh yeah? What's the answer? Laharl: It's because I'm not the main character! You guys only won because you're the heroes of the story!
What is it with you?! Why won't you die? Mega Man:
What do you mean? Bob:
No matter how many times I blast you to smithereens, you just keep coming back! Mega Man:
Oh, that. It's just a perk of being the main character in the comic strip. Bob:
There's just one thing you haven't noticed, Mega Man. My
name is in the title of the comic
, not yours. Mega Man: Oh shit
. (BLAM!!) George:
Does that mean...? Bob:
No. You still die.
Why aren't you dead?! Yami:
As I explained earlier, I'm the main character
. You, however, can just go right ahead and die.
As the heroine, I somehow win every fight I'm in, even against clearly superior opponents.
Goddamn it, are you made
out of plotanium?
God's on my
side, not your
The Koopa Kids are Bowser's chief lieutenants in Super Mario Bros. 3
and Super Mario World
...Each one guards a stronghold in Mario's path, which is, historically, a tremendous mistake.
I have a large number of important characters who I switch between to tell the entirety of the story, and that limits who I can kill.
Due to the nature of evil, bad guys aren't always aware they're the bad guys. But let's say the very last of your friends are in a helicopter, it's hovering in front of Arnold's final missile
, and your body is dangling from that missile. As you rocket towards hilariously impossible circumstances it'll probably hit you that shit like that never happens to the good guy.
After small successes like Above the Law
and Hard to Kill
and his mega hit Under Siege
was being called the next Arnold
. His fighting style was unlike anything anyone had ever seen. He couldn’t be touched. Somehow he could kill ten men with his wuss slaps
. He took on a battleship full of crazed mercenaries, Tommy Lee Jones
, and Gary Busey and he only received a cut on his eyebrow. Gary Busey did nothing!?
The man is crazy! He’s Mr. Joshua
for cryin’ out loud!
: Bruce is beating up Two-Face’s goons upstairs and trying to save Chase. Chris
: ...But for some reason, despite Two-Face shooting Batman in the head (which only knocks him out for a few minutes, because he’s Batman), they decide for absolutely no reason not to kill him. This, I want to point out, has been their stated goal for 90 minutes of this movie. David
: Now they want to teach him a lesson!
For what reason? Who knows! Maybe the lesson is “you can’t die, no matter how hard we try, because it’s your movie”?
Cool, I'm a 60 year old man and I'm single-handedly wiping out the entire crew of this ship! This is like playing Quake
with "God Mode
" turned on. Gotta love fanboy writers
Women in refrigerators
? Fuck that. Let’s talk about women chucked off bridges, shall we? Because dying is the only remotely interesting thing Gwen Stacy
ever did... The whole lame affair reaches its crescendo of stupidity when the Green Goblin has to stop and explain how Gwen is dead. Instead of something sensible like 'I killed her BEFORE you showed up
, Spider-Man, hurr hurr hurr!”, or maybe 'You caught her wrong and snapped her neck
, Spider-Jackass!', Green Goblin has to resort to an explanation that is never going to be why anyone in any superhero book dies ever again.
Yes, even though Spider-man can catch people all the time without his webbing causing them any impact damage, even though Spider-Man will catch people who fall from similar heights or farther for the next goddamn thirty-five years without causing harm, realistic physics decided to apply the one time Gwen Stacy fell off a goddamned bridge. Why not just have the Green Goblin tell the truth with his response, eh? 'Don’t you see, Spider-Man? From the very beginning—your girlfriend was TOO BORING to survive!
Pa Kent's heart ain't slowing him down! Look what he did with a bum ticker! ONYX - Shot in the leg by Lex Luthor.
SPIRIT - Thwacked by an axe handle by Chloe and knocked down a flight of stairs.
COMMENCEMENT - House caves in on him.
ARRIVAL - Thrown with Kryptonian strength down a hallway into a cart of hospital supplies, slamming against the wall.
MORTAL - Shot in the chest with a huge bolt of electricity.
SPLINTER - Took a pretty good choking from Clark and decided to run for senate!
FANATIC - Beaten unconscious and hung upside down, presumably for hours.
RECKONING - Uh...ah....erm....never mind.
Meanwhile, in the B Plot, Geordi is hurt, but will recover, while Hutchinson has a sheet over him, and that's why character shields are the most important part of Starfleet's arsenal.
The Master loses because his narrative logic, in which the Doctor is a house elf and everybody is dead, is fundamentally less fun than Doctor Who
is. The Dalek Emperor loses because ultimately the Doctor with Rose is a better character than the Doctor as an angsty post-traumatic war hero.
True, he was Kirk and therefore always got out alive while everyone else kicked the bucket but still...
"Explosions went everywhere and one hit l but he was a ghost and it cant hit him and he save so don't worry cos darks the hero of this story anyway."
"Wow, it's a good thing that Shana is the main character of an anime, or else getting impaled by that giant spike might have killed her!"