"The Lord Privy Seal is neither a lord, a privy nor a seal."
— Ted Heath (attributed)
"THE WIND FISH IN NAME ONLY, FOR IT IS NEITHER."
— Owl statue, The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (It's a winged whale.)
"The French Foreign Legion was neither French, Foreign, nor a Legion. Discuss."
— Linda Richards (Mike Myers), Saturday Night Live
"The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like."
— Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's
"You call it a goblin punch. Even though it was very clearly a kick. And there isn't a goblin in within a thousand mile radius."
— Thief, 8-Bit Theater
"It's like a movie called Horses! Horses! Horses!, and there's not a single fucking horse in the whole movie!"
"What the fuck? You can't even trust the damn title!"
Doug: Hey Klaus, why is it that Hamburg and Frankfurt have nothing to do with hamburgers or hot dogs?
Janitor, a.k.a. "Klaus": Vhy iz your Lake Titicaca not filled viz boobs und poop?
"OK, so he called it "Let's Play" but he's not really talking; he called it Worms but it's not Worms; so "Part 1" is maybe the only truthful part of this except there's no "Part 2" yet and I guess judging by that there never will be!"
"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue."
That's what they say, but it just isn't true.
Roses are red, and apples are too,
But violets are violet. Violets aren't blue.
An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green
And a pinky's not pink. So what does it mean?
To call something blue when it's not, we defile it.
But ah, what the heck: it's hard to rhyme "violet."
— Dot Warner, Animaniacs
"THAT WAS ONLY ONE SECRET AND IT WAS NOT JOLLY AT ALL"
"I dunno. It's like everyone just decides what it means and passes their jugement and expects me to behave in a cerain way. I mean, first of all, it's my name, like my actual, this-is-what-my-birth-certificate-says NAME. It doesn't reflect me as a person. And hey, words can mean more than one thing, you know? Just because the first thing YOU think of is some happy-go-lucky sap doesn't mean..."
— Mr. Upbeat, Rhythm Heaven Fever
"Pigs 48 cents. Pets 44. WHAT!? Guinea Pigs aint pigs, they're pets! And I'm paying 44!"
— Pigs is Pigs, Disney short film
"There's these guys, called the Watchmen, except they're not called the Watchmen! In fact, the word 'Watchmen' is always covered up! How can you call it Watchmen if there are no Watchmen?"
Veronica Mars: Easygoing Veronica Mars, that's what they call me.
Keith Mars: You know how fat man are sometimes called "Tiny"?
Pintel: Those aren't Pieces of Eight. They're just Pieces of Junk.
Gibbs: Aye. The original plan was to use nine Pieces of Eight to bind Calypso. But when the First Court met, the Brethren were, to a one, skint broke.
Pintel: So change the name.
Gibbs: What, to "Nine Pieces of Whatever We Happened To Have In Our Pockets At The Time?" Oh yes, that sounds very piratey.
- Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End
Staz: You mean there's sequels to it!?
Fuyumi: Yeah, there's a lot of them.
Staz: THEN WHY DO THEY CALL IT FINAL!?
"This episode is called World War III. Why? I'm not sure, because there's no World War III in it. Yeah, the bad guys are trying to start World War III, but... they fail. You might as well call 'The Next Doctor' 'Everyone in Victorian England Gets Turned into a Cyborg and Conquers the Fucking World', but maybe that was too long."
"Every single word in this title is a lie. There are no teenagers, no mutants, no ninjas, and no turtles."
Eggman: "The road ends here, old friend. Prepare to be destroyed by Burnbot!" *cue robot with pincher claws*
Sonic: "So, what, is he gonna burn me with flamethrowers or something?"
Eggman: "F-Flamethrowers? Well, no-"
Sonic: "Oh, uh, acid? Incendiary grenades!"
Eggman: "What? NO! Claws! His claws! Very painful claws!" *robot pinches claws together*
Sonic: "Well, then, you shoulda called him 'Clawbot' or 'The Lacerator' or 'Pinchitron 9000'! But 'Burnbot'? I mean, that's just false advertising!"
Eggman: "I name the robots, Sonic! Burnbot, ATTACK!!"
—- Sonic Boom Preview
"If this is the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the sad one looks like."
—Fozzie Bear, The Great Muppet Caper
This is called Ninety Mile Beach because it's exactly fifty five miles long. I don't understand it either.
— Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear
Bunk: You know those little corner joints in the ghetto that sell subs, fried chicken, lake trout?
McNulty: Lake trout...
Bunk: Like egg creams in New York.
McNulty: No eggs, no cream.
Bunk: Exactly—no lake, no trout.