Quotes / Moose and Maple Syrup

Comic Books

I've heard just enough out of you, eh? Now get back in the maple syrup mines, or you won't get any socialised health-care!

— Stern Canadian Mountie, The Simpsons

Fan Works

Chewing on her lip, Olive wasn't sure what to say. For one thing, Otto had noticed twenty-three and thirty-one already, earlier dismissing them along with the other ideas that sounded too much like something a grown-up couple would do. For another thing, that was a lot of food to prepare without any plan in advance. And wasn't it too cold for ice cream?
Ugh, stop being so premonitory, she chided herself. We're Canadians for odd's sake, the cold never bothered us anyway.

— Olive, Opalescent

Film — Animation

Blame Canada!
Blame Canada!
It seems that everything's gone wrong
Since Canada came along
Blame Canada!
Blame Canada!
(They're not even a real country anyway)

— "Blame Canada", South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Film — Live-Action

Mountie: I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?
Kabral: Aboot!? It's ABOUT!! And what's with this 'eh' business?!
Roy Boy: (pulls a gun) We have ways of making you pronounce the letter "O", pal.

— Canadian Bacon

Deadpool: Just once, I wanna find a planet with people that are worse than me at everything. A whole bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there, I'm gonna be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You shut your goddamn trash mouth.

— Deadpool 2

Literature

MAN, n.
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

— The Devil's Dictionary

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television.

— Spook Country

My parents were both from Nova Scotia, a province from which they felt themselves in exile all their lives. My father was born in 1906, and was the son of a backwoods farmer. His mother had been a schoolteacher, and it was she who encouraged my father to educate himself - through correspondence courses, there being no high school within reach. He then went to Normal School, taught primary school, saved the money from that, got a scholarship, worked in lumber camps, lived in tents during the summers, cooked his own food, cleaned out rabbit hutches at a low wage, managed at the same time to send enough money ‘home’ to put his three sisters through high school, and ended up with a doctorate in Forest Entomology. As you might deduce, he believed in self-sufficiency, and Henry David Thoreau was one of the writers he admired.

My mother’s father was a country doctor of the kind that drove a sleigh and team through blizzards to deliver babies on kitchen tables. She herself was a tomboy who loved riding horses and ice-skating, had scant use for housework, walked barn ridgepoles, and practiced her piano pieces - since various efforts were made to turn her into a lady - with a novel open on her knees. My father saw her sliding down a banister at Normal School and decided then and there that she was the girl he would marry.

By the time I was born, my father was running a tiny forest-insect research station in northern Québec. Every spring my parents would take off for the North; every autumn, when the snow set in, they would return to a city - usually to a different apartment each time. At the age of six months, I was carried into the woods in a packsack, and this landscape became my hometown.

— Autobiographical passage from the non-fiction work On Writers and Writing by Margaret Atwood

Live-Action TV

"Barney, when I wanted marry Robin's mother, I slaughtered a whole family of bears with my bare hands. I gave the pelts and the bear meat to her father as tribute. You know what we call that in Canada? Manners."

— Robin Scherbatsky Sr., How I Met Your Mother, "Band or DJ?"

Robin: You know, I thought it might be nice to get married in Canada. I mean, it's where I'm from and...okay, let's have it. Get it over with, get it all out of your system.
Barney: I'm the groom, I might as well start. Canada? What, are we gonna walk down the aisle to "Crash Test Dummies"? To Marshall.
Marshall: Canada? What are you gonna do, hire a regular dogsled or a stretch?
Ted: Canada? Are you registered at Tim Horton's?
Lily: Canada? What, does the organist play wearing mittens?
Marshall: Canada? How are you gonna slip the ring on the bride's finder if she's wearing mittens? [...]
Barney: Canada? What, are we gonna put on the wedding invitation "Will you be having the elk or the moose?"
Lily: Canada? What, are you gonna walk down the aisle wearing snowshoes?
Marshall: Canada? What, is everyone gonna have access to universal healthcare so no one has to choose between going bankrupt and treating a life-threatening illness?

— How I Met Your Mother, "The Rehearsal Dinner"

Toronto is just like New York, but without all the stuff.

— Gavin Volure, 30 Rock

Torontonian Bellhop: At the risk of sounding incredibly rude, I would beg your pardon and ask you, in your opinion, what's so bad "aboot" being Canadian?
Jack: Your milk comes in bags. Bags.
Avery: Your pavilion at Epcot doesn't have a ride.
Jack: And if Canada is so nice and friendly, why does most of our meth come from your Asian drug gangs?
Avery: [gasps] Are we not even making our own meth? What is happening to American manufacturing?

— 30 Rock, "Doubled-Edged Sword"

Justin Trudeau: Let me be clear: these tariffs are totally unacceptable. We have to believe that at some point, common sense will prevail. But we see no sign of that in this action today, by the US administration.
Trevor Noah: Damn. You - you may not have picked it up, but that's Canadian for, "You MOTHERF*CKER!"

— The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Canada: the country you think about so little. That's it, end of sentence.

— John Oliver, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Music

They say 'Eh' instead of 'What' or 'Duh'
That's the mighty power of Canada

— Five Iron Frenzy, "Oh Canada"

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packin' heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid Monopoly money
Can't take 'em seriously at all

— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Canadian Idiot"

In Canada, folks treat you like a queen
In Canada, they never will be mean
In Canada, they treat you like a king
You’ll feel welcome. It makes you want to SINNNNNNNGGGGG!

— BJ Snowden, In Canada

Hello, I'm MC Canadian Stereotype
I'm aboot to get started, so let me get off the ice
But I don't want any trouble, and I am always polite
Now let's hop on my Snowmobile and I will tell you what I like
But first I'll turn off curling and turn down Avril Lavigne
Et j'vais dire une phrase en francais, parce qu'ici on est bilingue
Ooh boy, I fell off my igloo and I hurt my knee
Let's go to the hospital, don't worry, here in Canada it's free
Eh?

— Jon Lajoie, "WTF Collective 2"

Take Off! To The Great White North!
Take Off! It's a beauty way to go!

— Geddy Lee, Take Off!

Its a long, long way from Canada
A long way from snow chains

— Joni Mitchell, "Dreamland"

Well you can tell from the way that I say 'Eh', I'm from Canada
We can speak the English but we do Francais, up in Canada
And it's full of big, hairy guys named Renee

— Norb, The Angry Beavers

''We say, "Eh?" You say, "Y'all."
Ya we both got pro football, 'cept we got bigger balls and a longer field (and one less down)
We say "zed", you say "zee"
Sure we watch all your TV
You got stronger army down there but man up here
We got stronger beer

— Tim Hicks, Stronger Beer

Podcasts

Brian: I apologize for the condensation on my frickin' beer bottle, that's wetting the entire table. Coaster!
Lockhart: Summer makes gaming an endurance contest.
Brian: It's a geek sauna, folks.
Lockhart: And we're weak Canadians. It's actually only, what? 22 degrees?
Brian: Yeah, we're not used to the snow melting at all.
Brad: The huskies running our generators are sweating!

— Jade Regent, episode 20, from RPGMP3

Theatre

Micky: Now there's the reason I drives slow
Terry:That there in the middle of the road?
Both: Ya. That's a moose
Mickey: She'll move when she's good and ready

— A pair of bus drivers with thick Canadian accents, Come from Away

Video Games

Shepard: I promise you, in a few months, we'll be sipping drinks back in Vancouver.
Samantha Traynor: Vancouver? Not Paris, not Venice. Vancouver.
Shepard: It's a lovely city!
Samantha: You never take me anywhere nice.

— Mass Effect 3

Shepard: What are we having? Canadian delicacy of some sort?
Kaidan: Uh, sure, exactly. We have beef, bacon, we have beer...the foods of my people.

— Mass Effect 3: Citadel

Soldier 1: Hey, what are you doing here, citizen? I said what are you doing here, citizen?
Trevor: Nothin'.
Soldier 1: Oh, I'm sorry, you're clearly a tourist. From our friends up north, eh? Aboot?
Trevor: We don't even say it like that!
Soldier 1: There's a moose loose aboot the hoose! [the two soldiers laugh]
Soldier 2: Fuck off you hoser, eh?
Soldier 1: Eh, what's that aboot?
Trevor: [pulls a grenade launcher] FOR FUCK'S SAKES!!!
Soldier 1: Jesus! [the two soldiers begin to run away] Get out of here!
Trevor: It's a faint fucking accent!!! You can hardly tell!!!
Soldier 1: C'mon! C'mon! Insurgent! Insurgent! We have contact! We have contact!

— Grand Theft Auto V

Web Animation

[There's a knock on the door]
"Come in!" [Alvin Kamara, Patrick Mahomes, Matt Nagy, and Rodrigo Blankenship all angrily glare at him] "Oh, sorry, Canadian reflex."

— Chase Claypool, Gridiron Heights

Webcomics

If you die in Canada, you die in REAL LIFE!

— "Canada", xkcd

Web Original

The fact that Rob Ford isn't American. God, I want him to be American so very badly. Can't we adopt him? He belongs here.

— Drew Magary, Make It Stop

As a Canadian person, I’m sure my brain would explode Scanners-style if I replaced “I’m sorry” with “No. Fuck. Jesus.”

— DListed on Kristen Stewart

O Canada, you're so adorable with your maple syrup and hockey and 'Eh's and moose. You're like North America's great big fuzzy John Candy-shaped teddy bear.

— Cracked, "The 5 Most Secretly Badass Countries"

Canadians tend to get a bad rap, because Americans are more or less in charge of the world and we're jerks like that. Whenever we need affordable prescriptions, or a place to crash for a few years when they start the draft up, you're always there... and we've been less than gracious. We make fun of your flag, your baseball teams, the way you talk, and the fact that you're part French... sorry about that, honestly (er, the making fun of you part, not the French part).

— Topless Robot, "10 Great Canadian Contributions of Nerd-Dom"

If at the end of the Miss Universe pageant, all of the losers took off their heels and beat Donald Trump with them, that would be the best part of the entire competition. That doesn’t happen, so the best part of the pageant is the National Costume contest, which went down in Miami last night.

Dozens of beauty queens from around the world risked breaking their necks, cracking their shoulder bones and pulling their back muscles while carrying forty tons of glitter-covered fuckery on their bodies. The National Costume contest is the competition that separates the queens who don’t give a shit and bought their costume at a Party City on Biscayne from the queens who go all out and let their patriotic fuckery flag fly high. Case in point: Miss Canada who gave us Canada’s answer to the legendary low-budget Transformers costume from Miss USA in 2013.

Allison should be proud of her home country today, because they broke the budget by throwing as much props as possible on top of Miss Canada. If Marie-Antoinette moved to Canada, fell in love with a hockey-obsessed traveller and married him, this is what she would wear on her wedding day...She looks like the queen in The Sports Network’s version of Game of Thrones called Game of Hockey Sticks. The only way this costume could’ve been more hockey crazy is if she shot pucks out of her crotch at the judges.

— Michael K., "Miss Canada’s Hockey Wonderland Miss Universe Costume Is A Thing Of Beauty"

I like to imagine that Wolverine was wanted for questioning in regards to the murder of his father, and got the hell out of Canada in order to avoid being put in Igloo Jail (or whatever they have up there) by the Mounties. As anyone who watched WWF in the ’90s will no doubt recall, the Mountie always gets his man.

— Chris Sims on X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Buzz, aptly nicknamed for his apparent tipsiness during his promo, tried his hand at cheerleading for WWE and “our space program” (the United States’ that is)... That didn’t stop the astronaut from trying to ingratiate himself to the Canadian audience, though, accidentally damning the country with the faintest of praise. The Toronto fans should have been grateful to hear that Canadian engineers built the landing gear on the Apollo 11 lunar lander, but no. No one ever cared about astronauts anyway; back in the 60s, every little boy wanted to grow up to be a landing gear technician! The fans in attendance, thinking Aldrin was turning heel on them, booed poor Buzz, even after his enthusiastic exclamation of, 'Woo. How 'bout that?'

— Wrestlecrap, "Raw is Aldrin"

Web Video

Chugga: Go be Canadian somewhere else!
ProtonJon: You mean in Canada? Where we are right now?!

— The Runaway Guys

Mike: Wolverine was a member of Alpha Flight, which is like the Canadian version of the Avengers or X-Men.
Jay: When he's stabbing people, does he keep apologizing? Since they're Canadian?
Mike: [stoned-faced] Ha.

— Half in the Bag on X-Men: Apocalypse

No one thinks of Canada as a hotbed of urban music. Canada let Tom Green have a rap career up there. (That's true.) We as Americans have this impression of Canada as this clean, magical place without poverty, crime, major cities, or any other culture besides boring white people...You say you come from the 'mean streets of Canada', unless you mean you took some rough checks in hockey, Americans will just laugh.

— Todd in the Shadows on Snow, One Hit Wonderland

My election platform was to build a giant robot sawblade that would cut Canada off the top and then attach it to Australia so they wouldn't bother us anymore.

— President-Elect Dr. Insano, The Spoony Experiment

America gets a bad rap for having a lot of rude people. Canada, not so much. But that's just the world's perception. Believe me when I say that we have rude people in Canada. The only difference, is that, you know, we apologize for it. We pretty much apologize for everything.

— The Canadian Matthew Santoro

Western Animation

It's so clean and bland! I'm home!

— Marge Simpson, The Simpsons, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"

Canadians are weird.

— Ed, Ed, Edd n Eddy

(to himself) Just be nice...just be nice...they're only Canadian, they can't help it.

— God, the Devil and Bob, "Andy Runs Away"

It's C-A-N-A-D-A, eh? Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh!

— Canadian Guy, The Loud House, "Schooled!"

"I'm not goin' anywhere! This game's mine, eh! MIIIIINEEE!"

— Ezekiel, Total Drama World Tour, "Walk like an Egyptian - Part 2"

Real Life

Canada, a country covered with snows and ices eight months of the year, inhabited by barbarians, bears and beavers.

— Voltaire

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

— Jon Stewart

I get to go to overseas places, like Canada.

— Britney Spears

You are the kindest country in the world. You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.

— Robin Williams

Lovely people, Canadians. Gentle, civilized, beautiful people. 'Til you give 'em a hockey puck. Then they lose their freaking minds! I don't know why the Canadian Army bothers with tanks and guns and shit. They should just give the guys hockey sticks. 'There you are, boys. The Taliban is the puck.

— Craig Ferguson

Remember, Canada is bigger and it's on top. If this were prison, the USA would be Canada's bitch.

— Rick Mercer

I don’t want to live in a country where no one ever says anything that offends anyone. That’s why we have Canada.

— Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher

The Canadians are a people of the extreme centre. They have not been averse to the quiet life...nor keen to spend more money on defense or effort abroad.

— Margaret Thatcher

They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent.

— Ann Coulter

...for most Americans, Canada is sort of like a case of latent arthritis. We really don't think about it, unless it acts up.

— Pat Buchanan

Greg Gutfeld: The Canadian military wants to take a breather, do some yoga, pants some landscapes, run on the beach in beautiful white capri pants...Isn't this the perfect time to invade this ridiculous country?
Bill Schultz: We have bulletproof vests, they have wonderful little red jackets that can be seen a mile away. This is not a smart culture, Greg.

— Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld

The Great White North, CANADA! where you can enjoy a beautiful train ride, and go back to freezing cold temperatures, Hockey, Canadian bacon, Hockey, bears, Hockey, maple syrup, more bears, Hockey......wait, Did I mention Hockey?

— Shawn Michaels to the Hart Dynasty, eh?

The tragedy of Canada is that they could have enjoyed French cuisine, British culture, and American technology.

Instead, they got British cuisine, American culture, and French technology.

— John Robert Colombo

The only thing more Canadian than rioting after a hockey game is apologizing for it for two weeks afterwards

— Most popular Twitter repost following the 2011 Vancouver hockey riot.

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