We don't want another cheap fantasy universe, we want a cheap fantasy universe generator.

The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that).

there are still some kinks to work out with the in-game transformation. For instance, I misplaced a few lines of code and all of the castle guards ended up switching genders and getting entirely new appearances ten times per step.

In bug news, the zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age and he fled into the hills.

My adventurer fought through around sixty zombies in the tower, killed the necromancer, learned the secrets of life and death, and then raised various limbs (not my own). Then I talked to one of them, and it told me that it was peasant. It was flattered but had no need of my services. I imagine its little fingers were shaped into the form of a mouth and they flapped back and forth while it spoke with a high-pitched voice. I guess there's still work to do.

Well, I would have gotten to the trading interface, but a bridge opened a hole to the underworld instead. Again.

Of course, you might prefer raining "blood", but we don't have generic blood anymore and I don't think it's proper to add it now that we've got real alternatives, though perhaps a slurry of some kind would be appropriate later. It didn't even work out right with the rodent man blood — the indexing was screwed up, and we ended up with "a dusting of rodent man skin"... dandruff snow.

Aravin: Thx Toady DF isn't 3D game))

Deon: Actually it is, with a full Direct X support.

Aklyon: Personally, I like [DF] because after climbing the damned learning cliff, I'm too elitist to consider not liking it.

Aklyon: Dwarf Fortress: You have a team of hundreds working for four years to make a game where you save the world again. We have one guy for four years make a near-infinite world generator, write the physics,generate histories, form detailed descriptions of every human, elf, dwarf, and goblin generated, caverns, and huge randomly generated monsters made out of who knows what. You. guys. suck.

Karnewarrior: Your game is working on giving NPC's lives. Our game is working on giving them a working nervous system

SpiralDimentia: Oh god, you guys are dicks, I think I just unleashed a horde of demons into my base.

GreatWyrmGold: ...And no one notices that a desert titan is made out of ice. No, ice capybara in the desert? Normal. Someone kinda figured out the military? Amazing!

Franti: If DF is too much for you, go back to playing My Little Pony or Warhammer 40,000.

Raphite1: Yeah. My plan was to drop some kittens into the siege, and have my dwarves freefall into battle, landing on top of the kittens. The plan was kinda dumb though because the kittens were standing on grates, and the goblins killed them with arrows just as I was releasing the freefalling dwarves. So the dwarves weren't able to land on kittens and just fell and died.

Akhier: Quite simple really. Trees are actually the first stage in an elf's life cycle. Once the young elf inside the tree gets old enough if there are enough elves around it will hatch leaving behind perfectly serviceable logs to use. So remember when you chop down a tree you kill an elf too! Happy deforestation day ;D

Grendus: And thus the dwarves discovered that their forges were indeed elf powered. And there was much rejoicing.

MasterMorality: You get hit where you get hit. This may or may not cripple you for life. It may or may not kill you in one shot. You're dwarf just lost a leg. Suck it up, bitch. No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn.

drakon136: I've got a siege coming in from above, demons from below, some forgotten beasts in the middle, lava flooding in between the forgotten beasts and the demons, and half my population going berserk. All in all, a normal day in Dwarf Fortress.

Mrhappyface: I once tried to make a mild sedative syndrome that's spread by cats. However, I forgot a few zeroes when setting the ignition point. So instead of my dwarves yawning, and then taking a peaceful nap, they scream and run around as their body roasts from the inside out.

Reasonableman: The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?

Pilsu: You misspelled 'hilarious'

StarkRavingMad: I've started project 'Fuck The World,' a top secret attempt to funnel magma to the outside. I'll kill those elephants. I'll kill all those fucking elephants.

Seth Creiyd: My god... this was a terrible idea.

Tuefel Hunden IV: I found out there are apparently a limited number of night creatures. So I am guessing if you manage to kill all the night creatures you won't fear the night, the night will fear you.

Hydrall: DF's got a big learning curve, no, learning cliff, no, a MASSIVE, SHEER EXPANSE OF STONE RISING UP INTO THE HEAVENS, COVERED IN !!*Adamantine Barbed Wire*!! AND LAVA DROPS, ALL WHILE ARMOK STANDS ATOP AND LAUGHS AT YOUR PITIFUL ATTEMPT TO SURVIIIIIIIVE.

Blueeyedrat: I will have to deal with a troll and a giant cave swallow in the vicinity first, but my blade traps should make short work of them. What's your airspeed velocity now, bitch?

fishsicles: I think [Toady] fixed [werecurses] spreading to undead, but right when 2012 came out I remember my necromancer adventurer was torn apart by his zombie limb army turning into were gorillas.

Edwards Grizzly: We seem to be incredibly lucky in that this evil biome's mists cause instant death, rather than turn-into-a-shambling-husk-and-murder-everyone-who-ever-loved-you.

fishsicles: Not technically instant, for big enough creatures; those water buffalo sat around oozing blood for a few days before they kicked it. But for a dwarf, probably instant yeah.

Count Dorku: ...this is how we define luck nowadays?! I'm terrified in many languages.

GeneralissimoFranco: I had a game where a kitten killed a cyclops, but beyond that my experience mirrors yours.

UltimateCarl: This is the point where I'd normally call bullshit, but having (un)successfully ground no less than ten forts into destruction and abandoning three more to boredom after guaranteeing success I 100% believe that this happened in your game.

The bad news: Dwarf Fortress is the first AI to achieve complete sentience. The good news: Urist McH.A.L. Cancels Destroy Mankind: Needs 250,000 Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks.

Thanks to the central chamber being floodable, in the case of a siege, all I have to do is lure the gobbos in and throw the lever. Then, my dwarves can keep going about their business, while the goblins are busy sorting themselves by density.

most games basic tutorial: 2mins

Dwarf fortress basic tutorial: 2 hours

F*ck yeah dwarf fort!