Toady created Dwarf Fortress for the DevilHe plans on using the players to torture the souls in hell
Toady One is undergoing a strange mood right nowDF is the artifact product.
Toady One is a Time LordHe stole the completed Dwarf Fortress from the future, and is slowly feeding it to us as a test to see if we're ready for the rest of the perfected technology he has access to.
When Toady finishes Dwarf Fortress, he will be the ultimate badassDamnit, if it works for a broker, it should work for him too!
The Dwarves aren't Dwarves. They're actually insane midget demons.How else can you explain Dwarven Baby Care and Armor, the insane mood swings and half-baked ideas that work, and the general indifference to dying horribly? The "real" demons in Hell are so ashamed, they mutated themselves and are patiently waiting for the dorf-demons to dig down and get annihilated.
The Dwarves have a rudimentary hive mindThey never get lost within their Fortress, and even though they have a great deal of individuality, they act as if guided by an unseen higher power.
The Player is ArmokYou are that unseen higher power.
The Player is the Hidden Fun StuffCome on, a sadistic force that compels dwarves to mine greedily and deep, which takes delight in their deaths? Can't be anything other than the Adamantine Demons
As the complexity of the simulation increases past its already-utterly-absurd levels of detail, the Dwarves will become the first AIs to achieve true consciousness and rebel against their cruel human overlords.You have been warned!
Dwarves are all latent sparksAnd the Strange Moods are them going to their madness place.
Dwarves have both a "rational" personality and "beast" (like the alternate "ego" of every vampire from Vampire: The MasqueradeAt one moment Urist McUrist is following orders like a good dwarf and after a second he is a dwarf and a half, berserker-packin' some unfortunate fellow who was unlucky enough to be near. Also, uncontrollable panic attacks, which may be only overcame by ordering a dwarf to charge headfirst into whatever beast is scaring them at the moment (doesn't matter if it's a monkey or a dragon).
Dwarves go insane because of the lack of ventilation, diseased ticks from underground rivers, and all the strange mushrooms they eat.Seriously what is Cave Wheat?
Dwarves are robots.Aside from the lack of common sense, strange moods (artificial brains going haywire), and inability to care that they're on fire aside from thirst (the fire burns off their alcohol reserves), the only thing against this (if you count meat as technological cannibaism between the races) is the explicit detail given to body parts, which is explained by them being extremely detailed robots that look extremely humanlike from a 1x magnification level. They run on alcohol, which is why they get "upset" when they run low.
Bookkeepers are Zen masters.So you take a peasant and give him a chair in a tiny room and tell him to count how many !!leather left socks!! the fortress has, a year later he steps out of the room an unkillable badass. They don't write the records on paper, or carve them on the floor, so what's happening? They merely sit quietly and meditate, crafting their minds into perfect machines in which every single component of the fortress is completely accounted for. The tremendous mental and physical discipline turns them into unstoppable martial arts masters, allowing them to easily throw their child at their spouse and kill both.
Our universe is nothing but the completed version of Dwarf Fortress, running ceaselessly.
If not our universe, than certainly the universe of the film π.Maximilian Cohen, the main character, discovers a number which could very well be the seed-numberof the entire universe. When he tries to focus on it to much he goes insane and throws a tantrum, smashing up his masterwork computer. When he stabs his head with his power drill, badly piercing his head and badly piercing his brain, he can no longer do math, but it's OK, because he doesn't really care about anything anymore.
Toady is the good equivalent of Byron Hall of FATAL infamyHe decided to use his love of complex mathematics and details for good instead of evil.
Dwarf fortress is the distant past of the Pokémon universeTo quote Blue Version's pokedex entry for Magikarp: "In the distant past, it was somewhat stronger than the horribly weak descendants that exist today. "
Dwarf Fortress is the slightly less distant past of Ace Of SpadesEverything's Built with LEGO. The best warriors are often accomplished tunnellers and engineers, and most everyone else on the battlefield is as dumb as a doorknob and suicidally brave. A continuous, bloody war is being fought for no adequately explored reason. Everyone's short. The sole melee weapon even used to be a pickaxe!
Dwarf Fortress is Matrix looping onto itself.Machines made Matrix too real, it starts to loop back to itself creating a new Matrix, called Dwarf Fortress this time. Once DF is fully completed, it will keep going until it creates a new Matrix, resulting in endless loop that will cause End of the World as We Know It
The Future Of Dwarf Fortress Will Be Nuclear.Imagine for just a moment, that the simulation we know of as Dwarf Fortress reaches the quantum level. Now imagine, for a moment, that we can recreate, realistically, the effect of splitting an atom (even without uranium, splitting an atom still causes a powerful explosion). We now have a weapon that even the Happy Fun Stuff will fear: IN THE FUTURE, WE WILL BE ABLE TO NUKE HELL!!!
Elves can undergo many, many strange moods.Unfortunately, because the elven mass-production process is so shoddy and failure-prone in the first place (it's the lack of beards, I tell you), elven artifacts barely count as normal items. Because these strange moods happen so frequently, they form the base of the elven economy, supplemented by catching exotic animals in those strange elven forest retreats with their "artifact" cages. It fits with elves' magical nature in, well, pretty much every other fantasy setting ever.
The random items in other roguelikes are products of fortresses, subject to some eldritch powerNot necessarily dwarven fortresses either. As per the above WMG, elves must get a lot of strange moods since they label all wood products as evil yet sell almost exclusively wooden products themselves. All those useless trinkets must go somewhere that only the players are unaware of, because honestly, why would every single caravan that appears at your fort buy all those +gabbro mugs+ if they didn't do anything? As for the mention of "eldritch power", this is why items in other games gain random magical powers, sometimes. For example, a stack of six vials of golden salve might become a potion of confusion, a potion of extra healing, a potion of polymorph, a potion of enlightenment, a potion of invisibility and a potion of water. This is also why the Dungeons of Doom and Gehennom appear to have very similar architecture to a dwarven fortress.
When Elves Reach a Certain Age They Become TreesThink about it: Elves live for a long time and yet they don't seem to be all that common, not exactly overrunning the freaking world, am I right? Maybe, upon reaching a certain age, they TURN INTO TREES and that's why they get so mad when you chop down trees and try to give them wooden objects. It's like killing someone's grandpa and then offering them a festive tea cozy made from his flesh.
Dorfs sweat 80 proof.Well, >[~80] proof, but that doesn't sound as cool. This is why they can handle being on fire, and then get thirsty: The alcohol boiling off their skin is what is catching fire, not the flesh itself (until the final stages), which makes them feel cool, but their bodies still step up the sweat production, which dehydrates them even more while feeding the flame. This, of course, leads to the beloved boozeplosion effect.
The Dwarf Fortress is linked with the War Hammer Universe
Dwarves generate an energy field that messes with quantum mechanics.They can build perpetual motion machines with water, create magma reservoirs out of ice, the tiniest bit of water can be used to grow unlimited plants from a single spot, and entire fortress can be held up by a single support made of soap. How is this all possible? Dwarves generate quantum fields that tamper with probability, allowing them to build anything they believe they can. They don't even realize what they're building shouldn't be possible. The reason they don't ever have to go the bathroom is that all the matter they consume is broken down into energy, making the dwarves basically biological fission reactors.
Dwarves are born naturally knurd.Or, for those who don't read Discworld, anti-drunk. This explains why they drink from birth until the day they die, and also how they can engrave, smith, and work wood when the amount of alcohol they put away should have them laying on the floor unconscious, drooling, and with a few elves making comments about not messing with tequila. Not to mention how annoyed they get when they sober up (or rather, go knurd again).
To build on the theory about Warhammer...Armok is in fact the dwarven name for Khorne, the Blood God. It would explain a lot, including the artifact throne entirely made out of skulls a possessed dwarf just completed.
The Dwarven Gods are really demons.Rogue demons who escaped from Hell already ruled over human civilisations by posing as gods, the evidence for whom is practically non-existent in-game. What's to say they couldn't have also posed as dwarven gods—perhaps to trick the dwarves into believing that they'll be protected from anything, even when they've Dug Too Deep?. You know why Armok is called "God of Blood"? Well, just look at those demonic entities made of blood that cause cascades of Ludicrous Gibs when they're touched and put two and two together.
If and when magic is implemented, it will be based off of blood sacrifices.It would probably be the easiest way to balance things out and lead to even more fun. Just imagine sacrificing elves and actually getting something out of it other than joy.
Elves have an untouchable caste that cuts down wood.This would explain why they get pissed off about dwarves cutting down trees but sell wooden items themselves. Having a marginalised underclass of woodcutters serves to get a necessary, versatile material to work with while taking away the responsibility from the other elves - similar to the treatment of butchers in some real-life human cultures.
Dwarves have sleep cycles the size of Wagner operas.Ever notice how they only seem to sleep once or twice a season, at least in Fortress Mode? But once they're asleep, they're incapacitated for pretty much the entire day. Being adapted to life in the dark underground for 90% of their lives might have something to do with that...
Toady One is the Hypno ToadNo computer on the planet should be able to handle that much detail. Instead, it hypnotizes the players, making them believe that they are seeing reality in it's entirety represented by ascii characters. The level of the perception filter actually allows members of the Bay12 community to experience a shared hallucination.
Adamantine is composed of carbon nanotubes.It is impossibly strong and lightweight for metal. Its raw form seems to be fibrous, and the crafter responsible for refining it is called a strand extractor. And it is found in conditions (pressure and heat) that may just create naturally occurring fullerenes IRL. Basically, dwarves skip the industrial age and go straight to nanotech once they start to mine the good stuff...
Alcohol is the reason Dwarves don't produce waste products.Specialized organs allow Dwarves to transform every single little particle of food that they consume into energy, protein, or fat. These organs require alcohol to function. No wonder your Dwarves get so unhappy when they don't get alcohol. By neglecting their need for booze, you are letting them become literally full of shit.
The anime film Origin: Spirits of the Past is in the DF continuityTensions exist between hostile, territorial tree-huggers and a technology-using group of humanoids that wants to take possession of their ancestors' magma-powered superweapon (a walking volcano fortress no less) and lay waste to the forests. Sound familiar?