Quotes / Dissimile

One of these things is not like the other things
One of these things just doesn't belong
Can you guess which thing is not like the other thing
Before I finish my sooooooooooong?

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    Anime and Manga 

Ronove: Doing boxing with just your arms makes you but half a man. Arms are like the hot roar of a lion. And legs are like the cold snake closing in on its prey.
Jessica: Snakes don't have legs!
Ronove: Pu ku ku, true.
Umineko: When They Cry: Alliance of the Golden Witch


[Shallan] turned back to Pattern, who had shifted into his hovering form. He looked something like the pattern of splintered light thrown on the wall by a crystal chandelier—except he was made of something black instead of light, and he was three-dimensional. So... Maybe not much like that at all.

Over the next fifty years, very little of interest occurred in the dwelling, except for a dozen deaths by Spanish flu, the murder of an abusive husband, the last stand of a Boston gangster, a War of the WorldsĖincited suicide pact, five dismembered pets, and twenty-seven missing children who had entered on a dare - the same as any old house.
An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel

    Live-Action TV 

We are like Robin Hood. We steal from the club and we give to ourselves.
Andy Dwyer, Parks and Recreation

You can't just say a thing is just like another thing but without the traits that define that thing. Then you're not talking about that thing. 'This thing is amazing! It's like a bicycle but without wheels or handle bars!', and you're like 'Yeah, it's a fucking chair!'

A few years ago, some people tried to destroy my family. They attacked my father's reputation, they attacked my mother's reputation, and they attacked the World Wrestling Federation. They tried to rip us apart — but all they did was make my family stronger. And that's exactly how America feels right now. Because on Tuesday, America was attacked. Because America is a united nation. And together, we stand strong. I am incredibly proud to be an American citizen, and I will stand up for my rights and my freedom.
Stephanie McMahon draws a comparison between her family's legal troubles and the September 11th terror attacks

It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Except we're not shooting, they're not fish, and there's no barrel.
Link, Rhett & Link: Commercial Kings

Yeah, it's fine, we're just entering conceptual space. Imagine a banana, or anything curved; actually don't, because it's not curved or like a banana. Forget the banana!
The Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who

    Web Original 

Was it true? Had Lex traded in the red, white, and blue for DiBiaseís green? No, said Luger. Tatanka insisted Luger was lying, while Lex embarked on a lousy PR campaign...

The purpose of this dud of an angle? Vince had to ham-fistedly prove a point about his steroid trial that summer. See, just because someone was accused of wrongdoing didnít mean he wasnít totally 100% innocent. If Lex Luger could be framed, so could Vince McMahon! And I guess that meant Dr. Zahorian was like Ted DiBiase? And that it was the federal prosecutor who was actually distributing the steroids, not Vince? Okay, I guess the parallels ended there. In other words, this angle was the second-most insulting analogy for the McMahon steroid trial in history. But youíve got to admire McMahonís chutzpah for using Lex Luger as a symbol of his innocence on steroid charges.

Pimpin' ain't easy and neither is long division.

Playing card games is just like making love. You usually do it on a table, and you always feel deep shame when it's finished. Also, the older you get, the less fun it is. So remember, always wear a condom when playing card games.

Jerry Van Dyke: Mom, you're a car? I didn't think that things like this were possible!
Mom: I understand there's a baseball team called the Mets. If that's possible, anything's possible.
Mechanic: You call that a joke? I don't care if this thing is your mom, fuck you both. (is electrocuted) AIIIIEEEE!!
Mom: you shall die here!!
Jerry: Cut! Lock down the set! It's happening again!

It's like Russian Roulette. Except nobody's dying, and everyone gets egg rolls. So actually, it's like a pizza party. Except no one gets pizza, and everyone gets egg rolls.
Harley, Epic Meal Time

Super Mario 64 is the Citizen Kane of gaming, in that they're both based on the life of William Randolph Hearst.

'Uh, Lana, I saw Lex torture a guy. He killed you in an alternate reality. He's working with a guy who tried to kill me... He tortured Cyborg. He's generally dag nasty evil. Clear as purple crayon. And you believed that until last week.'

Actually, the dialogue, verbatim, is this:

Clark: "You can't trust Lex." A given now, that Lana herself has stated many times.
Lana: "And I can trust YOU?"

This is Lana (and by proxy the writer) equivocating Clark and Lex, intimating that because Clark didn't tell Lana his secret, he's just as bad a guy as Lex is. Lex, who lies, tortures, kills, creates genetic diseases, shoots up hospitals...
Neal Bailey on Smallville ("Fade")

Duck and Cover is a civil defense film from 1951 that was shown to elementary school students well into the late 1960s and maybe later. It stars "Bert the Turtle", who knows to duck inside his shell as soon as a monkey threatens him with a firecracker.

According to the film, hitting the dirt and covering yourself with a newspaper in case of a nuclear attack will protect you just as much as a turtle shell protects against a firecracker.

Of all the civil defense films made in the 1940s-1960s, this is probably the best known because it was so widely shown to schoolkids and because, on face value, it is incredibly stupid.

BuzzFeed has been around for a while, but they reached a new low in 2013 with 'The Story Of Egypt's Revolution In Jurassic Park Gifs.' Not only was this 'article' an insulting, condescending simplification of a country's painful struggle for human rights, it made absolutely no fucking sense. The only thing BuzzFeed and the Egyptian political crisis have in common is that they both involve crimes against humanity — in Egypt unarmed protestors have been shot, while at BuzzFeed someone wrote 'They found a democracy DNA strand frozen in amber' and was given money instead of a pink slip. If you don't see the problem, imagine how people would react if a Middle Eastern website ran 'The Story of 9/11 In Aladdin Clips.'

'What is it about the "lunch counter" that is different from a date? ... is it violence to be overtly racist in selecting a romantic interest? If so, how should we prevent it? If not, why not. Is it because the relationship is not primarily economical, in the narrow sense?'

What sort of brain-damage does it take to argue this with a straight face? Do they really, really, think someone will say "My god, a lunch counter is JUST LIKE a romantic interest. There's no way to someone could tell them apart. If a business doesn't want to serve any blacks, that's just like not having sex with someone". But apparently, this is all part of the "right of association" in Libertarianism.
Seth Finkelstein, "Libertarianism Make You Stupid"

    Web Video 

Jay: Rich, can you just think about the fact that you compared Killing American Style to The Last Temptation of Christ? Just think about that.
Rich: I'm so ashamed.
Half in the Bag episode 20

Jungles are really just mountains, but with more plants and more flat.
Eloy of the Stonkydonk attempting to justify why he is qualified to navigate the jungle area, TFS At The Table


Frans Rayner: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! Haha...ha...ha. Why are you looking at me like that?
Gordito: You killed a bunch of ninjas in the 80s, so now you've made a bunch more to kill. Your maniacal laughing is like a fat man who's just restocked his freezer with hot pockets.
Frans Rayner: Ooh...no no. I'm laughing like a fat man who is nearing the final steps of his lifelong journey to power. And he's actually in really good shape and not fat at all.

    Real Life 

"Isnít it desirable that the aged should have medical care in times of illness?", its advocates clamor...There would be no controversy about the moral character of some young hoodlum who declared, "Isnít it desirable to have a yacht, to live in a penthouse and to drink champagne?", and stubbornly refused to consider the fact that he had robbed a bank and killed two guards to achieve that "desirable" goal.
Ayn Rand on Medicare, The Virtue of Selfishness

In my own little way, I understood Michael Jackson. If I use my credit card, they go 'Oh my gosh, there's Lisa Frank who makes the stickers!'
Stationery magnate Lisa Frank

I mean, I donít know if itís just me, but it looks just like anything youíd see Madonna or Britney Spears do onstage—heh, yeah, get an NEA grant for something like this!
Rush Limbaugh on the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal

Religion, they believe, is a personal matter; if it must be given external manifestation, that should not occur in public places where others may be offended. I can understand that attitude: It parallels my own toward the playing in public of rock music or Stravinsky.
—U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Elmbrook School District v. John Doe, dissenting opinion

Rape is simply sex. Women enjoy sex, so rape cannot be such a terrible physical ordeal. To suggest that rape, when conducted without violence, is a serious crime is like suggesting that force-feeding a woman chocolate cake is a heinous offence. A woman would be more inconvenienced by having her handbag snatched.
Nick Erikse, London Assembly election candidate (BNP)

I feel like 'embattled' or 'disgraced' will always follow my name. It's like that black football player who recently came out. He said, 'I just want to be known as a football player. I don't want to be known as a gay football player.' I know exactly what he's saying. I'm fighting to get my name back.
—Political exile Paula Deen

I think that sometimes when people hear that I might have gotten success off of a reality show, they take that as a negative. We're filming our tenth season right now and we've had nine seasons of spin-offs, so our show, we have more episodes than I Love Lucy.
Kim Kardashian, Re/Code Code/Mobile conference (2014)

Thatís a good komparison, because itís well known that Lucy, a legendary comedian, got I Love Lucy after the F-list brother of a singer peed on her in a sex tape.

"Football is like chess, only without the dice."
— Attributed to Lukas Podolski, German football player