"Playing Card Games is Just Like Making Love. You usually do it on a table, and you always feel deep shame when it's finished. Also, the older you get, the less fun it is. So remember, always wear a condom when playing card games."

—Grandpa, Yu Gi Oh The Abridged Series

You give my regards to St. Peter. Or whoever has his job, but in Hell.

Frans Rayner: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! Haha...ha...ha. Why are you looking at me like that?

Gordito: You killed a bunch of ninjas in the 80s, so now you've made a bunch more to kill. Your maniacal laughing is like a fat man who's just restocked his freezer with hot pockets.

Frans Rayner: Ooh...no no. I'm laughing like a fat man who is nearing the final steps of his lifelong journey to power. And he's actually in really good shape and not fat at all.

Inara: What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?

Mal: That it was manly and impulsive?

Inara: Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was "Don't."

"It's also said that either removing the floating bridle or simply stabbing the spirit would transform it back into a naked whore who would have no choice but to marry the man who broke her curse. It's kind of like the legend of pulling a sword out of a stone to become king, only you're stabbing a headless mule to nail a hooker, so actually, no, nothing at all like that."

Ronove: Doing boxing with just your arms makes you but half a man. Arms are like the hot roar of a lion. And legs are like the cold snake closing in on its prey.

Jessica: Snakes don't have legs!

Ronove: Pu ku ku, true.

"We are like Robin Hood. We steal from the club and we give to ourselves."

"Hmmm. A hall of mirrors. This is kind of like one of those things they have in fun houses."
(pause)
"If fun houses had pieces of broken jagged glass all around and forcefully bring you to them, then sure. A fun house."

"You can't just say a thing is just like another thing but without the traits that define that thing. Then you're not talking about that thing. 'This thing is amazing! It's like a bicycle but without wheels or handle bars!', and you're like 'Yeah, it's a fucking chair! It's a chair!'."

"The unfiltered starlight from the lovely constellations above is full of deadly radiation! Help yourself to our complimentary SPF 3000 starblock. And by 'complimentary', I mean 'quite expensive'."
"Welcome to the Sweet Mountain! Insulin will be provided at a marginal extra cost. And by 'marginal', we mean 'enormous'."