Quotes: Dirty Old Man

Brother, you can't go to jail
For what you're thinkin'
Or for the 'ooooh, so' look in your eye
You're only standing on the corner
Watching all the girls
Watching all the girls
Watching all the girls
Go by
The Most Happy Fella, "Standing on the Corner"

Thank heaven for little girls
For little girls get bigger every day!
Thank heaven for little girls
They grow up in the most delightful way!
Gigi, "Thank Heaven For Little Girls"

"Heheh! This gym is great! It's full of women!"
— Unnamed old man, Pokémon Red and Blue (Regis in Gold and Silver)

Count Brocken: Geh-heh-heh, that one's piloted by a girl, huh?
Count Brocken: Punishing you is gonna be SO MUCH FUN. First I'll peel off the cockpit armor, and then...
Lunamaria: Enemy of womankind!
Marguerite Pistail: Lewd men such as you deserve little mercy!
Aoi: You're the one who's gonna be punished!
Sylvia: Prepare yourself, Count Pervert!
Kallen: I'm gonna play soccer with your head!
Sara: No, no, I'm going to turn it upside down and use it as a flowerpot!
Yoko: I could use it for target practice...
Noin: No, I'll feed it to my dog.
Sumeragi: I hereby authorize all of you to carry out those actions.
Count Brocken: Wha-WHAT?! I haven't even done anything yet!
—Scenario 47, Super Robot Wars Z2: Saisei-Hen

Fred: Now, she's got T.B.
Lamont: What?
Fred: Terrific Body.
Lamont: You're a dirty old man, you know that?
Fred: And I'm gonna be one till I'm a dead old man.
—Sanford And Son, A Matter of Life and Breath

Grandpa: Nice of you to come visit, Téa! I see your breasts have gotten a lot bigger.
Tea: Please don't talk about those...
Grandpa: WHAT, YOUR BOOBS?
Tea: Yes, those.
Grandpa: So you don't want me to talk about your gazongas.
Tea: No, I don't.
Grandpa: Okay, so just to be clear, I'm definitely not going to bring up your double whammies. Your melons are off the table. Hooters are a no-go area. Ixnay on the eavage-clay!
Tea: Are you done?
Grandpa: Yes. So, how was school?
Tea: It was fi—
Grandpa: TITTIES!

Real Life

A group of 40/50-something men hoot and lech over a pair of women who’re peeling off their shirts, revealing bikini tops underneath.

“Get ‘em out, then,” cry the men — which is a direct quote — like literal Benny Hill characters. They look tremendously pleased with themselves, and very comfortable in their booze-worn skins, as they leer their way down the prom. They’re also among the most grotesque caricatures I’ve ever seen, on the cartoonish level of a red-faced butcher chasing after a dog who’s got a string of sausages in its mouth.
Stuart Millard, The Beach Diaries

Gene looked about ready to burst out laughing during his rendition of the national anthem; maybe he was thinking of showing his “rocket’s red glare” to Wendi Richter. Or Leilani Kai. Or Fabulous Moolah, for that matter. Anyone who’s seen Legends’ House knows that Mean Gene isn’t picky.

Ric Flair is backstage looking like some freeze-dried beef jerky and telling Christy [Hemme] all about how every woman wants to be with him and Jay Lethal had better watch out. For the flying semen, conceivably. At some point during his rant, Christy has to visibly retrain herself from bursting out laughing, possibly from the absurdity of an old man in Elton John’s world talking about how he’s going to rock your world all night long, but more probably because part of Flair’s grandiose and amazing idea of a threat here is to threaten to beat Lethal so bad that he’ll go back to his mother and beg to breast feed with her.
Cewsh Reviews on TNA Victory Road 2010

If it was up to Ben Stein, he’d be the host of Win Ben Stein’s Peeny, because he is a proud horny motherfucker who is like a teenager on Viagra and still gets “mad crushes” on beautiful ladies.

Terrible to see my dear friend—the great BILL COSBY—have his name dragged through the mud this year. Funny? YOU BET! A rapist? HARDLY! Oh, wait … now, wait a second here. I’m just remembering. 1962. The Ferret Club. Irish and I, sitting in the booth, drinking champers and having a couple of starlets (it was Ann-Margaret and Leann-Margaret!) feed us shrimp eggs. Well, into the club comes the Cos, who proceeds to sit down at our booth and tell a FABULOUS story about an overweight kid named Albert who used to sit on the other children. Would have made a great TV show, if TV was my business (TV is grade school, baby)

Well, we all finish up our shrimp eggs and snort some aspirin and it’s off to Woodland! Next thing I know, I wake up on the floor of my shower. I have sweater yarn in my teeth! And Nicholson is in the tub with four popsicle sticks up his ass! All this time, we figured it was the girls that slipped us the mickeys! I’LL BE DAMNED! I don’t know how I’ll break this to Nicholson. He’s been huge on popsicle sticks up his ass every since! This changes things considerably!
"Robert Evans", Roberts Evan's MVP Watch!