Quotes from works
"I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man."
— The Stranger, The Big Lebowski
"So, you lot will have to do. May the lords of ruination spare your souls."
"We need someone who can look into this... someone brave and fearless who can get the job done! But all we have is Crash, so he'll have to do."
— Aku Aku, Crash Bandicoot Purple: Ripto's Rampage
...Ladies and Gentlemen? Our hero.
"Beating people up in little room... he knew where that led. And if you did it for a good reason, you'd do it for a bad one. You couldn't say "we're the good guys" and do bad-guy things."
— Thud!, Terry Pratchett.
"I'm starting to wonder which side is supposed to be the bad guys..."
— Haken, Endless Frontier
"According to a loose enough definition of 'hero', we qualify. Well, more or less. The point is that good deeds were done and we were nearby."
"I'll prove I'm a good guy, even if I have to destroy this entire city and beat you to a pulp!"
— Coop, Megas XLR
Legolas: We defeated a balrog, you know.
DM: You didn't defeat it.
Legolas: Well, we faced a balrog.
DM: You ran away from it!
Legolas: Okay, fine. We were near a balrog. For several seconds.
DM: Wow, you guys must be so proud. Maybe you guys can find a bard and have your story of heroic balrog proximity put into verse.
Quotes on works
"Captain Janeway is the only character we've seen past the ending of the final episode of Voyager. In any sane universe, she should have, at best, been formally reprimanded, and at worst imprisoned. Instead we find she has been promoted to the rank of admiral, and we actually see her order Jean-luc Picard to the Romulan homeworld. Janeway, who couldn't search for a group of terrorists without screwing it up, is ordering around a man who almost single-handedly prevented a Borg conquest of Earth, revealed the Bluegill conspiracy, and helped halt the Klingon Civil War. Janeway isn't worthy to order his 'Tea, Earl Grey, Hot' from the replicator, nevermind his ship. If there were any justice in Trek, she would be confined to a mining colony with the important task of turning big rocks into small ones."
"For a split second I was cheering for Janeway when she suggested it wasn’t fair that they expect Starfleet behaviour from ex Marquis members who never went to the Academy…but then she suggests brainwashing them to the Starfleet way! Its no better than religious conversion! By gently tweaking a famous saying of Hitler’s we can see Janeway in a new dictatorial light: 'My magnificent crew! Are there finer ones anywhere in the world? What material! With them I can make the Delta Quadrant conform to Starfleet rules of conduct!' Seig Heil! Heil Janeway!"
—Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, Learning Curves"
"Baker’s Doctor isn’t just unlikable here. He’s intolerable. He’s an overtly bad person who any reasonable audience should actively dislike and want to see get his comeuppance. Whereas the series still visibly thinks he’s the hero. It’s not just that Baker’s Doctor is prickly and hard to like, it’s that he's a bad guy.
And I’m not just talking about the scene in which he strangles Peri. I mean, that’s an appalling bit of bad taste. No, I’m talking about everything that comes after that. The Doctor reacting to it by declaring that he’s going to be a hermit and effectively kidnapping Peri to spend the rest of [her] life tending to his needs. The Doctor’s complete failure, at any point in the story, to actually apologize to her for it. To, in fact, declare that he’s an alien bound to different values and customs and that he’s who he is whether she likes it or not. And her grinning broadly at him as he says it, clearly OK with this abusive bastard who tried to kill her not even caring about it."
"We’re not talking about a manipulative schemer like the Seventh Doctor or a selfish jackass like the First Doctor in his early stories. The Sixth Doctor is just a jerk. He’s the kind of person we’d hate to have to bump into on the street, so asking us to root for him as part of a family-friendly science-fiction television show which is a British institution feels like a mistake.
At one point, the residents of Karfel ask the Doctor to retrieve a woman who fell into the Timelash, the tunnel through which they vanquish criminals and dissidents. Given he has a time machine, it seems a pretty fair request to make. However, the Sixth Doctor is having none of it. 'Retrieve it? You seriously expect me to go through space and time looking for a lost girl and her trinket? Give me one good reason why I should.' There’s a woman lost in time and space, and the Doctor can help. That should be reason enough."
Matt: Professor X just plain states he has been messing with Jean Grey’s mind since she was a kid...So rather than being a bird made of fire from space, Phoenix is Jean Grey’s other personality, the one Professor X actually created by putting psychic blocks in Jean’s mind. It’s less crazy, I guess, but it makes Xavier kind of not someone the audience should like anymore? Wolverine even says so.
Chris: And Professor X’s response is, in essence, “Nuh uh, shut up.” And then Wolverine leaves.
"This must be American Bandstand, because you’re a dick, Clark."
"Clark is such a douchebag toward Lex Luthor we actually feel sorry for the murdering prick."
"Jor-El says, 'If you save Lana, someone else will die.'
And Clark says, 'Okay, I'll kill someone.'
Just in case you missed that. Because I'm so mad I want to kick my own head so hard it doesn't land until I finish college. And I dropped out to write. I'm not finishing."
"And so the stage was set for the 49-year-old Johnny Ace’s first wrestling match in twelve years...Cena dealt with his feeble opponent the way a true sportsman would: by pummeling and degrading him. Sure, Laurinaitis had been acting like a bully for months, but viewed out of context, this 'match' made Cena look like total hypocrite, given his participation in the Be a STAR campaign.
Scratch that; even in context, Cena looked like a complete jerk, since all he had to do was pin his aged adversary to win the match and kick him out of the company. Instead, he entertained the audience with such tolerant and respectful antics as pulling Johnny’s shirt over his face, slapping him bare-backed, airplane-spinning him Fresh Prince-style, sounding the ring bell right next to Johnny’s head, and sticking the barely-conscious sap at the announce table for some mock-commentary, before denying Ace’s plea for mercy like a true champion...By the time John retrieved a bottle of water from ringside, fans feared we might see WWE’s first ever water-boarding."
"Although I was a teen-age misanthrope, anti-hero Holden Caulfield is more dysfunctional than I ever was. My dream was for everyone I disliked to leave me alone. Holden, in contrast, habitually seeks out the company of people he dislikes, then quarrels with them when they act as expected... For Holden, the main symptom of phoniness is that someone appears to like something Holden doesn't. But he never wonders, 'Is it possible that other people sincerely like stuff I don't?'"
"Um, writers, here's a crash course on morality. Something you are clearly blind to, and that concerns me dearly. The guy who pays his employees in phony money, enslaves wild animals, spreads vicious rumors, counterfeits, forces his employees to work 24/7, and knowingly attempts to drive someone to suicide is usually considered the bad guy. Meanwhile we've got the other guy that does... Uh... Attempted thievery. I don't know. If I had to pick one or the other, I think I'd go with the thief in a heartbeat."
"Let's see: We've got vandalism, destruction of property, endangering innocent bystanders— It's official! Our heroes are douchebags!"
—Il Neige, What We Had To Watch
"There are games for all kinds of people: there are games for rappers and games for graffiti artists and games for people who feel up girls on Japanese subway trains, but there have never been any decent games for white supremacists. That is, until Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, a rip-snorting adventure in which a waspish manly man runs around slaughtering everyone who had the poor judgement to not be born white."
"This is our hero, ladies and gentlemen. She just decided in the span of thirty seconds to eradicate virtually the entire human race."
"Norman is supposed to be the logical grounding the crew needs. He may not be brilliant like all the Phd’s that come on the expedition, but he brings common sense and he is the voice of reason among the crew who is becoming increasingly more paranoid. In the movie he is an incompetent dipshit who freaks out the most and is terrible at his profession. For being the best psychologist for crises situations, his idea of comforting people is condescending and talking to them like they are infants. For being someone grounded in logical thinking, whenever he is put in a dangerous situation he is practically running around the room flailing his arms going “BLLLAAAARGH WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!”."
"A chopper lands and our hero finally makes his entrance. He's shot in the shadows and... holy mother of god. I thought wearing black was supposed to have a slimming effect! ... You know, I've decided to simply refuse to accept that Cody is our hero. I'm convinced he's going to get killed twenty minutes in, and Kurt Russell will take over. Hell, I'd settle for Nipsey Russell taking over at this point."
—The Agony Booth on Submerged (2005)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the fuck on. Medusa was a woman who turned down the sexual advances of a god, who then raped her, which caused another god to put a curse on her that turns anyone to stone when they look at her. Now we’re going to track down this poor woman who did nothing wrong and just wants to be left alone, then cut off her fucking head to use it as a weapon? There were like fifty writers on this screenplay and nobody realized the main characters are total wangholes?"
"Your hero is stealing from a hospital? Do you think that would sound good on a movie poster? Patch Adams: He steals from hospitals. I WOULDN'T SEE THAT!"''
"What kind of hero goes around punching women in the face?!"
— Mike Mattei, Street Fighter commentary
"Why is the main character even going after the Black Knight in the first place? For all I know, he's just pissed off that the country is less dependent on foreign imports, while the country's GDP has increased by 20 percent over the last five years!"
"Oh, that Cacique! He was just, you know, a gardener, and [Kood and Luigi] are the invaders here. And yet, Weegee's, y'know, flashing [the] peace [sign] after committing invasive murder. Good job, dear hero! Truly you are an example for all the kids out there..."
—raocow, during his LP of Drama Mistery
So there's the prologue of our book: Teenage sexual slavery and sexualized crucifixions.
"This is the first and probably the most serious problem with the movie. [Inset name here], our supposed hero and protagonist, is an asshole! I mean (s)he doesn't listen to anyone, (s)he's not very nice, (s)he treats everyone around him/her like shit, and (s)he cares only about him/herself!"
Anyways, with the Drake Phantom dead, Magic Land starts to crumble while Haruto tells Maya they’ll meet again in the real world. Yes, you read that correctly, our hero willingly destroys a beautiful utopia just to appease one dude whose petty jealousy lead him to attempting mass genocide. And that makes him supposed to a be a tragic figure. Don’t worry, kids, if you’re jealous, just try to kill everyone and Kamen Rider will be your friend! In fact, when Haruto wakes up in the real world and sees his new best buddy with his own happy family, he declares, ad verbatim, that “this was worth destroying a world for”. Yeah, that totally happened, kids. Our great hero destroyed a beautiful utopia to help a latent mass murderer escape the law. Did you think I was joking when I said Haruto is a complete psychopath when he lied to a woman about her best friend’s death, because it would be too much of a hassle? Or when he assisted a man suspected of arson in escaping the law when the guy could have easily proven his innocence? Or when he ditched all of his friends to go sulk on abandoned beaches and talk sweet nothings to a ring? What a hero, guys. Haruto Souma truly is an example for us all. Holy Gaim, this movie sucks.
— The Glorio Blog on Kamen Rider Wizard In Magic Land'
Yeah... NO PRESSURE TORY – just FORCING you to do something you don't want to so I can fulfil my selfish dreams of fighting this guy who I barely know... I'M SUCH A GREAT HERO.