Phil, let's get real for a sec. Somewhere along the line, you stopped being a musician and became nothing more than a soundbite. And seeing shit like this coming from someone who I know is capable of making good music is beyond disappointing! You have to stop this, Phil! For fuck's sake, stop this bullshit, stop this pandering, stop being such a goddamn crybaby, and be a musician again! Now! Like, right now! Now is the moment that everything can change! You are completely responsible for your own life, and no one is coming to save you from yourself, so stop blaming your problems on any and everything else! It does not matter one tiny fucking bit how unfair you think the world is! It's only what you do, right here, right now, right this fucking instant that matters! It's your choice to sink or swim!
—Crash''s rant against Phil LaBonte in his review of The Order of Things...only for it to be revealed the speech is a Waxing Lyrical from the bridge of "Delusion Pandemic," from the subject of the next review
Ugh, well, here we are. Bottom of the list...
You know, I don't even know why I'm building it up so much. You all more than likely know what it is, but...I guess, for tradition's sake...bam. Yeah, fuck this album.
I hate this album. I hate it so much, I'm not even playing music from it. The band you're seeing in the background is Cane Hill; they're a band with a similar bent, but are...much less fucking abysmal, and for all the things I hate about this band...I have to admit I may have been just the slightest bit harsh on 'em. Yes, really.
See, with every band, especially in the metal genre...there's a touch of "theatrics" behind it. It's a show. No matter how legit the pain and suffering they sing about may be, at the end of the day, there's always a bit of...showmanship going on behind it, and ultimately, that's what King 810 is. In their own weird, fucked up little way, it's a shock rock band.
Yeah, this album shocked me with how detestable and fucking insidious it was...but that was the whole point. My calling it a piece of garbage may as well have been akin to a dainty kiss upon its forehead: it wants that reaction out of you, and...I gave it exactly what it wanted. And I don't want to be that mimsy that shrieks, "OH, THINK OF THE COMMON DECENCY! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! OH, SUCH FILTH!" As a fan of groups like Anal Cunt and Cannibal Corpse, that would be pretty hypocritical of me. As fucking distasteful as this album is...it's got every right to exist, and its fans have every right to flock to it, sure. But this thing is just fucking garbage. You know, garbage has every right to lay in the middle of the street too, but if it's gonna do that, you can't act all surprised when most people point to it and say, "Can we clean that up, please? Just...ew."
The only real modus operandi behind this work is just to be a big, scary monster to people. Once you strip away all the "I'M A BIG, TOUGH MOTHERFUCKER, BE AFRAID OF ME!" bullshit, there's literally nothing left. The music is dreadfully composed, the performances are downright laughable, and there's just...nothing else here. It's just trying to be a big, scary monster. And well...I don't know about you, but I have enough big, scary monsters in my life. I mean, don't all of us? We have enough fucking things to be afraid of. We really don't need something like this, fucking at all.
And guys, look...I'll probably never review another King 810 album again. Really, what's the point? It wants me to hate it, to despise it, to give it more power by feeding it with more hate, and frankly...I don't like giving assholes what they want. So, yeah, fuck that.
King 810, get better or fuck off forever.
You know, I don't even know why I'm building it up so much. You all more than likely know what it is, but...I guess, for tradition's sake...bam. Yeah, fuck this album.
I hate this album. I hate it so much, I'm not even playing music from it. The band you're seeing in the background is Cane Hill; they're a band with a similar bent, but are...much less fucking abysmal, and for all the things I hate about this band...I have to admit I may have been just the slightest bit harsh on 'em. Yes, really.
See, with every band, especially in the metal genre...there's a touch of "theatrics" behind it. It's a show. No matter how legit the pain and suffering they sing about may be, at the end of the day, there's always a bit of...showmanship going on behind it, and ultimately, that's what King 810 is. In their own weird, fucked up little way, it's a shock rock band.
Yeah, this album shocked me with how detestable and fucking insidious it was...but that was the whole point. My calling it a piece of garbage may as well have been akin to a dainty kiss upon its forehead: it wants that reaction out of you, and...I gave it exactly what it wanted. And I don't want to be that mimsy that shrieks, "OH, THINK OF THE COMMON DECENCY! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! OH, SUCH FILTH!" As a fan of groups like Anal Cunt and Cannibal Corpse, that would be pretty hypocritical of me. As fucking distasteful as this album is...it's got every right to exist, and its fans have every right to flock to it, sure. But this thing is just fucking garbage. You know, garbage has every right to lay in the middle of the street too, but if it's gonna do that, you can't act all surprised when most people point to it and say, "Can we clean that up, please? Just...ew."
The only real modus operandi behind this work is just to be a big, scary monster to people. Once you strip away all the "I'M A BIG, TOUGH MOTHERFUCKER, BE AFRAID OF ME!" bullshit, there's literally nothing left. The music is dreadfully composed, the performances are downright laughable, and there's just...nothing else here. It's just trying to be a big, scary monster. And well...I don't know about you, but I have enough big, scary monsters in my life. I mean, don't all of us? We have enough fucking things to be afraid of. We really don't need something like this, fucking at all.
And guys, look...I'll probably never review another King 810 album again. Really, what's the point? It wants me to hate it, to despise it, to give it more power by feeding it with more hate, and frankly...I don't like giving assholes what they want. So, yeah, fuck that.
King 810, get better or fuck off forever.
—Crash's Tranquil Fury rant against his #1 least favorite album of 2016, La Petite Mort or a Conversation with God by King 810 in the Best/Worst of 2016 video, where he clarifies that he doesn't just hate the album, but the band itself because they would rather be known for their controversial antics than actual music.
Ugh...there are so many other albums that came out on the 19th I'd rather be talking about right now, guys. To be honest, it was a hell of a week for new releases. In fact, screw it. Here are the top 10 albums you should be listening to instead of this.
* 10. Magnum - Lost on the Road to Eternity
* 9. Black Label Society - Grimmest Hits
* 8. First Aid Kit - Ruins
* 7. tUnE-yArDs - I Can Feel You Creep Into My Private Life
* 6. Cane Hill - Too Far Gone
* 5. Shopping - The Official Body
* 4. Porches - The House
* 3. Ron Gallo - Really Nice Guys
* 2. EDEN - vertigo
* 1. Of Mice and Men - Defy note
There you go. Ten albums way more deserving of your time, money, and attention than the audible kick to the pussy that is Fall Out Boy's M A N I A. Okay, you guys think the critics are being harsh to this? You guys think the music reviewer sphere is being harsh to this? I think they're all being too damn nice! Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Crash Thompson. I am 32 years old, I am an Aquarius, and I am here to SLAUGHTER YOUR SENPAI!!!
What the hell did I just listen to? Granted, I have never been much of a Fall Out Boy defender. When they broke up back in 2009, I was honestly kinda glad because...they've clearly run out of ideasnote Folie à Deux was boring. Don't @ me., didn't really have anywhere else they could go creatively, and had no more passion or creative drive to give us, but then after they reformed, Save Rock and Roll happened...
And proved me right! Fucking boring-ass, pop-pandering, overproduced piece of shit.
But, but you know, then American Beauty/American Psycho happened...
And that proved me exactly right! Fuckin' lopsided, Nick at Nite-sampling, pretentious garbage fire! Fuck!
And now this colossal, ever-growing vacuum of creative bankruptcy has finally reached supernova levels with M A N I A. God damn it, Fall Out Boy, if you fucks had just stayed dead five years ago, people would probably be having all those dreamy, nostalgic flashbacks to all your better albums right now, and would probably be honestly really hungry to hear from you again, like certain other bands I could think of, but no, you fuckers had to sell out. And sell out cheap. And now, it's coming back to bite you on the ass...hard.
But, okay, okay, we have to talk about the album in front of us. Uh...where the fuck do I even start? Well, after the reception that those shitty singles got, the band actually did a very smart thing: they decided they would full-blown delay the release of this album into 2018. They told us they were gonna work on it some more, give it some more polish, work out all the kinks, do their damnedest to fix the problems the album seemed to have so that it would meet their high quality of standards...
EXCEPT THEY DID EXACTLY NONE OF THAT. Do you know how I know that? Simple. Because "Young and Menace" is still on this album. Unchanged, unaltered, unedited. Yeah, you remember "Young and Menace," right? That one song that sounds like a particularly low-grade YouTube Poop that relies exclusively on Ear Rape to get its laughs? You know, that song? Yeah, that's still here! And it's still the same damn song! Why did you do this, Fall Out Boy? We all hated this song, Fall Out Boy! Even that particular subset of fans that humps the shit out of their Pete Wentz body pillows every night hated this song, Fall Out Boy! Why did you keep this song on the motherfucking album, Fall Out Boy?!
Oh, but "Young and Menace"... oh, it's far from the only crime on this thing. Oh my God, they took time off to polish this? This is the "improved" version? What the hell was on the previous cut—samples of kittens being hurt looped over readings of Mein Kampf? What the fuck?!
"Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea" has more of that ungodly, caustic, dated-ass wubstep fucking aggressiveness, and the lyrics to it completely shit the bed...literally! Are you smelling that shit? Are you smelling that shit? Are you smelling that shit? Oh, I'm sorry, is this an unappealing and somewhat disgusting phrase to keep repeating ad nauseam? I'm glad we agree. Too bad Fall Out Boy didn't!
"Hold Me Tight [Or Don't]" is a song full of motherfucking whistling on top of a bunch of "na-na's," and "doot do's," and "la-la's," and, you know, all the other shit you cram into your song when you don't have any real material to put into your song? Heh, given that the song is about how much of an empty, soulless douchebag Pete Wentz is, I dunno, I figured there'd be a wealth of material to draw from there. Huh, who knew?
"Church" is basically what would happen if you shoved Hozier up Twenty One Pilots' ass, and "Sunshine Riptide"...let me give you that one in five simple words: Fall Out Boy trap song. Do I need to say anything else? Oh, and my God, it's bad. People, it's really as bad as that sounds on paper. The featured vocalist on this thing, Burna Boy, oh, he is just mumbling his lyrics with zero fucks given. You can tell he is not wanting to be here. He delivers the kind of performance that screams, "I hope to god the check clears on this gig."
And even some of the stuff that almost could sound potentially passable...you know, by those late Fall Out Boy standards (you know, stuff like "The Last of the Real Ones," "Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)," or "Bishops Knife Trick"); they're all fist-fucked by the noisy-ass, needlessly fuzzy, comically over-synthesized production that, while I'm sure they deluded themselves into thinking it made the album sound edgy and forceful, honest to God, it makes potentially good songs just sound like all the instruments are clipping the damn mics, it's embarrassing to listen to! I swear to God, SpingeBill must have a production credit on this thing, what the fuck?!!note
And the thing is, despite all of this, you know what the biggest crime this album commits is, outside of the god-awful production, outside of the awfully executed and dated plagiarism of sound styles, outside of the usual idiot, stupid Fall Out Boy lyrics that are so absymally asinine, it makes you genuinely hope Christina Ricci punches Pete Wentz in his stupid fucking stomach? You know what's worse than all that?
This album's fucking boring!
Yeah, I know, my whole, "OMG ANGRY REVIEWER" kind of approach to this thing makes it sound like it's one of those fascinating trainwrecks that maybe you can get some schadenfreude LULZ out of, but people, no, no, heed my warning here: it's not. If you saw my Favorite/Least Favorite Games of 2017 list, I compare my experience of listening to this album as being as boring, padded, and rage-inflictingly tedious as it was playing Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back! Are you smellin' that shit?
Like, guys, I know I sound colorful and over-the-top for this review, but...people, this album is that bad. Like, I know Fall Out Boy fans are doing their damnedest to try and defend this thing. Honestly, I feel for ya. note I'd hate to be a Fall Out Boy fan right now and have to talk about this, but I do not exaggerate when I say if these guys had had the nuts to release this thing in 2017 like they originally planned...there is a damn good chance it probably would've topped my worst of the year list! Oh my God, no, I am not kidding! This would've easily made the top 3 at least! I would seriously rather listen to Emmure than this!note
Fall Out Boy, you've been floundering around for three goddamn albums now trying to convince us that this "return from the dead" wasn't a god-awful idea, but this? This album right here, this is the final, dead solid proof that tells us...you don't have shit left in your tanks. You guys are just latching your wagon onto all the latest trends in hopes that one of them will stick and turn you into fucking Maroon 5.note Red Pill Blues, even Maroon 5 doesn't want to be Maroon 5 anymore, so...the fuck, FOB. It's pathetic watching you wriggle around in the wind like this. I know I sound angry and upset in this review, but I'm not. What I am is just...sad!
Fall Out Boy...please break up! Break up! Just break the fuck up already! It's embarrassing! If this is all you got left in ya, then legit, the best thing any of you could do is just break this fucking failed experiment up for good this time. Seriously, like, I know I've been really harsh, but you know, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman have totally proven their respective talents in other bandsnote , I'm absolutely positive they would be producing much better work if they were in a different project! Please break up! Patrick Stump, for all his faults, is still a powerhouse vocalist with a decent amount of charisma; he could be doing better in something else, or perhaps he could maybe spin this into a solo careernote Soul Punk than have to hear this garbage ever again., that might work out well for him! Please break up! Pete Wentz...um...um, um, um, um, uh...(beat)...please break up!
Guys, make no mistake, this album wasn't "delayed," it was dumped. Dumped into January like a sack of unwanted puppies in the middle of a cornfield. They dumped it in January with the hopes that it wouldn't get absolutely savaged once the end-of-the-year rollouts started happening in December. Well, Fall Out Boy...believe me when I say this...I. AM. NOT. GONNA. FORGET. THIS.
M A N I A gets one album I implore you to listen to instead of out of five.
—Crash's Quickie review on M A N I A by Fall Out Boy
Mask off.
The album I'm about to discuss is... bad on an entirely different level. I apologize if it sounds like I'm coming off a bit overly dramatic for this, but I need you people to fully comprehend me when I say that: this record that I'm about to talk about... is the worst thing I've ever listened to for this channel. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not doing this as a skit or a bit or anything; I'm trying to come at you people as real as I can come. Because this album deserves the harshest truth I can deliver.
I didn't review this album on the channel proper this year, but I'm doing it now, if only because I have to purge my conscience of this awful, artless thing. This album is receiving my first, and to date only... ZERO. I don't give a rating like that lightly. A record basically has to be so bankrupt of creative passion, so negligent in its message, and so hate-fuckingly devoid of empathy that it's practically...the antithesis of music. Like, that's what it takes to get a zero out of me, but people... please... make no mistake when I say that the record in question wholeheartedly deserves it. Because...
God... dammit...
Doug... you fucked up big time.
It's one thing to make a bad album. It's another thing to make a bad comedy album, but this? This isn't just an album that completely misses the point of what Pink Floyd's original record was supposed to be; it's an album that knows it's missing the point and is celebrating its own joyous ignorance. For as horrid as AJR is about wallowing in their own gleeful stupidity, you put out a record that topped even THAT shameful display.
And The Wall genuinely does have its issues, believe me. It's not a perfect record by any means, and there is a right way to critique its flaws, and I know you know how to critique those flaws. But that's not what you did, Doug... is it?
Instead, you hired someonenote to steal the music of Pink Floyd—badly, I might addnote —and used it as a platform to spew hate. Not just your own shallow hatred of this album for being up its own ass—which, yeah, Doug, you really are living in glass houses when it comes to that little anecdote—but your own personal hatred as well. Most of this record is devoted only to your own petty squabbles: your squabbles with the record itself for not being specifically about you and not relating directly to you, and how that's somehow supposed to be the album's fault. Your squabble with the Internet and how it dared to suggest you might not be a great person...after getting caught doing some really... shady shit over the last few years! And regardless of any of that: seriously, Doug, you spend half your album bitching about this! WHAT THE FUCK DID ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE WA—
You didn't criticize this album. All you did was show us your hatred. The Wall does have problems, but none of those problems were more important than your problems, were they, Doug? You wrote a pathetic, miserable little screed on why the world is so very mean to you and you alone... and dared to call that criticism. What you did to this record isn't criticism and you know that! I know damn well that you know what you were doing with this video! You're not dumb, Walker. I don't think you hate this album out of ignorance. Based on what I heard on this record and saw in that miserable review... I just can't help but think you hate this album so much because it hits so close to home, doesn't it?
You've been building your own wall for years now. With every friend or colleague you alienate, with every dwindling view count, with every negative thing said about you in public, in private—all of that feedback; you're taking it... and you're building your own little wall with it. A strong, tall and beautiful wall that will protect you from all those bad people who are against you. All of that slander, all of that criticism that's fired back at you—they're all just bricks in your wall. Everyone who downvoted that abysmal video, all those critics who rightly laughed at your naked affrontery... even me, and every word falling out of my mouth right now—all in all, all of it, are just bricks in your wall. And I think you hate this film because it serves as a grim reflection of the things you're doing to yourself every day, but refuse to accept.
Well, Walker, I can tell you something... even though I know you're not gonna listen. You are walking down a very dark path. This wall you're building: it will swallow you whole. You'll have to keep putting more and more people behind it as you refuse to bend, to compromise, to listen. As you build your wall higher and higher, it will swallow you further and further until, one by one, everyone in your life—the Internet, YouTube, your sponsors, your business partners, your remaining friends, even your family—eventually, everyone becomes a brick in that wall. And if you keep building at this rate, you will find yourself all alone, with no one left in your life to save you from your own foolishness... except you... and that wall. And when you build walls so thick and so strong with so many layers of hatred and resentment... not even the worms will be able to tear that down.
My God, Walker, this... thing that you've become—I would've called you an inspiration back in the day. Maybe even someone worth looking up to, dare I say it in my ignorance. But after seeing this slow, humiliating degeneration over the last few years... no. You aren't any of those things anymore. What you are, for me and for everyone else out there, is a lesson. A lesson in what you can become when you let your ego overtake you. When you take your personal vision of what the world is so hard and inflexibly, to interpret art, criticism and even the people who take part in them as villains in your story attempting to cut you down...
When I started doing this seven years ago, I would've loved to have been associated with you. Now I'm thankful every day that I never was. And God willing, I never will be. I don't wanna become what you've become, Doug. I don't wanna wake up five, ten, twenty years from now and see a trail of ruin in my wake. I don't wanna wake up one morning and realize I've become the very thing I used to rally against. I do not want to be stuck in your shadow... or anyone else's. Not anymore, I don't.
So it's time for a change.
The album I'm about to discuss is... bad on an entirely different level. I apologize if it sounds like I'm coming off a bit overly dramatic for this, but I need you people to fully comprehend me when I say that: this record that I'm about to talk about... is the worst thing I've ever listened to for this channel. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not doing this as a skit or a bit or anything; I'm trying to come at you people as real as I can come. Because this album deserves the harshest truth I can deliver.
I didn't review this album on the channel proper this year, but I'm doing it now, if only because I have to purge my conscience of this awful, artless thing. This album is receiving my first, and to date only... ZERO. I don't give a rating like that lightly. A record basically has to be so bankrupt of creative passion, so negligent in its message, and so hate-fuckingly devoid of empathy that it's practically...the antithesis of music. Like, that's what it takes to get a zero out of me, but people... please... make no mistake when I say that the record in question wholeheartedly deserves it. Because...
God... dammit...
Doug... you fucked up big time.
It's one thing to make a bad album. It's another thing to make a bad comedy album, but this? This isn't just an album that completely misses the point of what Pink Floyd's original record was supposed to be; it's an album that knows it's missing the point and is celebrating its own joyous ignorance. For as horrid as AJR is about wallowing in their own gleeful stupidity, you put out a record that topped even THAT shameful display.
And The Wall genuinely does have its issues, believe me. It's not a perfect record by any means, and there is a right way to critique its flaws, and I know you know how to critique those flaws. But that's not what you did, Doug... is it?
Instead, you hired someonenote to steal the music of Pink Floyd—badly, I might addnote —and used it as a platform to spew hate. Not just your own shallow hatred of this album for being up its own ass—which, yeah, Doug, you really are living in glass houses when it comes to that little anecdote—but your own personal hatred as well. Most of this record is devoted only to your own petty squabbles: your squabbles with the record itself for not being specifically about you and not relating directly to you, and how that's somehow supposed to be the album's fault. Your squabble with the Internet and how it dared to suggest you might not be a great person...after getting caught doing some really... shady shit over the last few years! And regardless of any of that: seriously, Doug, you spend half your album bitching about this! WHAT THE FUCK DID ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE WA—
You didn't criticize this album. All you did was show us your hatred. The Wall does have problems, but none of those problems were more important than your problems, were they, Doug? You wrote a pathetic, miserable little screed on why the world is so very mean to you and you alone... and dared to call that criticism. What you did to this record isn't criticism and you know that! I know damn well that you know what you were doing with this video! You're not dumb, Walker. I don't think you hate this album out of ignorance. Based on what I heard on this record and saw in that miserable review... I just can't help but think you hate this album so much because it hits so close to home, doesn't it?
You've been building your own wall for years now. With every friend or colleague you alienate, with every dwindling view count, with every negative thing said about you in public, in private—all of that feedback; you're taking it... and you're building your own little wall with it. A strong, tall and beautiful wall that will protect you from all those bad people who are against you. All of that slander, all of that criticism that's fired back at you—they're all just bricks in your wall. Everyone who downvoted that abysmal video, all those critics who rightly laughed at your naked affrontery... even me, and every word falling out of my mouth right now—all in all, all of it, are just bricks in your wall. And I think you hate this film because it serves as a grim reflection of the things you're doing to yourself every day, but refuse to accept.
Well, Walker, I can tell you something... even though I know you're not gonna listen. You are walking down a very dark path. This wall you're building: it will swallow you whole. You'll have to keep putting more and more people behind it as you refuse to bend, to compromise, to listen. As you build your wall higher and higher, it will swallow you further and further until, one by one, everyone in your life—the Internet, YouTube, your sponsors, your business partners, your remaining friends, even your family—eventually, everyone becomes a brick in that wall. And if you keep building at this rate, you will find yourself all alone, with no one left in your life to save you from your own foolishness... except you... and that wall. And when you build walls so thick and so strong with so many layers of hatred and resentment... not even the worms will be able to tear that down.
My God, Walker, this... thing that you've become—I would've called you an inspiration back in the day. Maybe even someone worth looking up to, dare I say it in my ignorance. But after seeing this slow, humiliating degeneration over the last few years... no. You aren't any of those things anymore. What you are, for me and for everyone else out there, is a lesson. A lesson in what you can become when you let your ego overtake you. When you take your personal vision of what the world is so hard and inflexibly, to interpret art, criticism and even the people who take part in them as villains in your story attempting to cut you down...
When I started doing this seven years ago, I would've loved to have been associated with you. Now I'm thankful every day that I never was. And God willing, I never will be. I don't wanna become what you've become, Doug. I don't wanna wake up five, ten, twenty years from now and see a trail of ruin in my wake. I don't wanna wake up one morning and realize I've become the very thing I used to rally against. I do not want to be stuck in your shadow... or anyone else's. Not anymore, I don't.
So it's time for a change.
—Crash's tirade towards Doug Walker and his version of The Wall
Yeah, I know. I was actually—for lack of a better word—"kinder" to this record when I originally reviewed it. Ivan Moody finally stopped dwelling on personal crybaby B.S. in his lyrics, and Zoltan Bathory and Jason Hook actually sounded semi-conscious for this one. So I was like, "Okay, it's... marginally better, I guess," but... this band still sounds like absolute trash. They're never gonna get any better. And I'm just sick of all the macho preening and chest pounding, wannabe tough guy bullshit, so I threw them in the Bin even before this album became my worst of 2020. Truth be told, this one was gonna be way up there on my list anyway. For most of the year this was basically going to be my number two.
I mean, this group is just... beyond reproach at this point. I was sick and tired of their "antics" as far back as Got Your Six, and this album itself is just the same warmed over, wannabe machismo swill you've come to expect from these guys. Like, it wasn't anything even special for them. Like... I was so glad to throw this band in the Bin. I was happy to let it rest at number two and let Danzig be number one... until October rolled around. (excerpt from the music video for "Living the Dream", which depicts what is presumably a strawwoman Democrat wearing an "EXEMPT" pin badge handing a mask to a man then placing a pin badge reading "COMPLIANT" with hammer-and-sickle icons below on his shirt, and a man who we're apparently supposed to root for removing his mask) Until these guys spit in the face of every single one of us and quite literally... went mask off.
And, yes: I read Zoltan's pissy little piddly mealy-mouthed justification for all this bullshit. "OH, IT'S JUST SATIRE, BRO! SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET IT!" And all that other dog-whistle horseshit about "I'M JUST STOPPING THE TRUE TOTALITARIANISM! MUH FREE SPEECH, BROSEPH!"
Nobody buys that. Nobody buys that. No one. Not for a second does anyone buy that. Not even the fans who support you in all of this bullcrap, believes what you said there. No one does. And the hundreds upon hundreds of rally cries in the comments section of that video loudly and proudly declaring the actual message you meant to send with it tells me everything I need to know about your "ACTUAL" intentions. And justifying it by saying "UH, WE ACTUALLY SELL MASKS ON OUR WEBSITE, SO ACTUALLY, ACTUALLY-"
All that tells me is that you fucks are too goddamned cowardly to even support the terrible things you tell other people to go and do! "Do as I say, not as I do!" (Crash begins a round of Sarcastic Clapping) Oh... wow. Oh wow. Just... just... best patriots! Best patriots! America/10, would liberty again! Mmm!
And you know what? We can sit on our moral high horses when we read comments like these and just say shit like, "Well, they're Five Finger Death Punch fans. What would you expect?" And we can point at all this reprehensible crap and laugh and cringe and just... whatever, but man, when I read shit like this, y'all... I don't find this funny. I sincerely don't. I've read pages upon pages of these comments, and the only thought that really dominated my mind was: "Man... I wonder how many of them are dead."
By the time you see this video, America will have lost nearly 350,000 people to this goddamn virus.note That's well over three times the largest stadium in the country. That's over half the population of some states. We are currently averaging close to a thousand deaths per day,note and that number just keeps going up! And it's not like we couldn't have brought these numbers down. Other countries were able to wrangle things under some kind of control. All America had to do was follow their lead: mask up, keep distance, practice an ounce of empathy for your fellow man. But people like the guys in Five Finger Death Punch told them to take their mask off because of some... deluded wannabe oppression fantasy, and whether Zoltan meant this video to be an anti-masker anthem or not is pretty much irrelevant at this point, because it sure as hell became one despite his "good intentions."
While it's next to impossible to prove that someone deliberately went out to spread the virus as a direct result of this video... with Five Finger Death Punch being one of the biggest rock bands in America right now, and with our death tally being what it is... People, it is just... impossible to ignore. It is very, very likely that someone—likely many—were exposed to this horrible virus because this fucking thing, either directly or not, told them that protecting others was the true evil. The chance that this idiotic music video may have taken actual lives... That is sincerely one of the most disgusting things I've ever had to deal with on this channel, full stop. Say whatever the hell you want to about some of the garbage I've reviewed on this channel in the past, and believe me, I've tackled some real garbage: at least no one died as a result of any of that stuff.
I mean, in my book at least, one of the worst things a band can show is contempt for their audience. It's those acts that truly just... despise their fellow man, and despise their own fanbases that almost always seem to nab that top spot on my worst list. And not only did Five Finger Death Punch prove that they straight up hate their fans, they proved that they don't even care if they get killed supporting them. If supporting them gets others killed. They will gladly throw your life and other lives into the thresher... so long as it gets 'em paid. And God help us, in America, that attitude pays way too goddamn well. Real American capitalists, these guys, eh?
I am trying my best not to be preachy here, because I don't wanna be preachy, alright? I don't wanna tell people how they have to live their lives or anything like that—I don't know. If you wanna throw away your own life because of some idiotic grudge against common sense, be my fuckin' guest. I'm not your dad. But people... if COVID taught us anything this year, it's that this is not. Just. About. You. How many of you have lost someone to this goddamn disease? How many of you caught the virus and have had irreparable damage done to your bodies as a result of it? This fucking plague has taken so much from us, from all of us, and the real tragedy here is that none of it had to be this bad. But because so many greedy, heartless people, not unlike the guys in Five Finger Death Punch, value their own bottom line over the lives of others, hundreds of thousands are dead. That's why it makes me sad to read comments like these, because the ones who took Five Finger Death Punch up on their rally cries, the people who were the true believers, the real people who wanted to carry their flag and bring about this cause for them... they're the ones that most likely suffered the most. They're the ones who might have died because of their words and actions, and they don't even care. And you know what? Feel about that however you want to feel, that's your right, but you better believe I am not giving people like this a voice on my platform anymore.
Even when you give people like this negative attention, you still give them power in one form or another. And these guys have shown us exactly what they will do when you give them that kind of power, so... no. Not anymore. I will not give them an inch. I refuse. They are in the Bin, and after this video, I am never discussing these wretched fucks on my channel ever again.
I mean, this group is just... beyond reproach at this point. I was sick and tired of their "antics" as far back as Got Your Six, and this album itself is just the same warmed over, wannabe machismo swill you've come to expect from these guys. Like, it wasn't anything even special for them. Like... I was so glad to throw this band in the Bin. I was happy to let it rest at number two and let Danzig be number one... until October rolled around. (excerpt from the music video for "Living the Dream", which depicts what is presumably a strawwoman Democrat wearing an "EXEMPT" pin badge handing a mask to a man then placing a pin badge reading "COMPLIANT" with hammer-and-sickle icons below on his shirt, and a man who we're apparently supposed to root for removing his mask) Until these guys spit in the face of every single one of us and quite literally... went mask off.
And, yes: I read Zoltan's pissy little piddly mealy-mouthed justification for all this bullshit. "OH, IT'S JUST SATIRE, BRO! SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET IT!" And all that other dog-whistle horseshit about "I'M JUST STOPPING THE TRUE TOTALITARIANISM! MUH FREE SPEECH, BROSEPH!"
Nobody buys that. Nobody buys that. No one. Not for a second does anyone buy that. Not even the fans who support you in all of this bullcrap, believes what you said there. No one does. And the hundreds upon hundreds of rally cries in the comments section of that video loudly and proudly declaring the actual message you meant to send with it tells me everything I need to know about your "ACTUAL" intentions. And justifying it by saying "UH, WE ACTUALLY SELL MASKS ON OUR WEBSITE, SO ACTUALLY, ACTUALLY-"
All that tells me is that you fucks are too goddamned cowardly to even support the terrible things you tell other people to go and do! "Do as I say, not as I do!" (Crash begins a round of Sarcastic Clapping) Oh... wow. Oh wow. Just... just... best patriots! Best patriots! America/10, would liberty again! Mmm!
And you know what? We can sit on our moral high horses when we read comments like these and just say shit like, "Well, they're Five Finger Death Punch fans. What would you expect?" And we can point at all this reprehensible crap and laugh and cringe and just... whatever, but man, when I read shit like this, y'all... I don't find this funny. I sincerely don't. I've read pages upon pages of these comments, and the only thought that really dominated my mind was: "Man... I wonder how many of them are dead."
By the time you see this video, America will have lost nearly 350,000 people to this goddamn virus.note That's well over three times the largest stadium in the country. That's over half the population of some states. We are currently averaging close to a thousand deaths per day,note and that number just keeps going up! And it's not like we couldn't have brought these numbers down. Other countries were able to wrangle things under some kind of control. All America had to do was follow their lead: mask up, keep distance, practice an ounce of empathy for your fellow man. But people like the guys in Five Finger Death Punch told them to take their mask off because of some... deluded wannabe oppression fantasy, and whether Zoltan meant this video to be an anti-masker anthem or not is pretty much irrelevant at this point, because it sure as hell became one despite his "good intentions."
While it's next to impossible to prove that someone deliberately went out to spread the virus as a direct result of this video... with Five Finger Death Punch being one of the biggest rock bands in America right now, and with our death tally being what it is... People, it is just... impossible to ignore. It is very, very likely that someone—likely many—were exposed to this horrible virus because this fucking thing, either directly or not, told them that protecting others was the true evil. The chance that this idiotic music video may have taken actual lives... That is sincerely one of the most disgusting things I've ever had to deal with on this channel, full stop. Say whatever the hell you want to about some of the garbage I've reviewed on this channel in the past, and believe me, I've tackled some real garbage: at least no one died as a result of any of that stuff.
I mean, in my book at least, one of the worst things a band can show is contempt for their audience. It's those acts that truly just... despise their fellow man, and despise their own fanbases that almost always seem to nab that top spot on my worst list. And not only did Five Finger Death Punch prove that they straight up hate their fans, they proved that they don't even care if they get killed supporting them. If supporting them gets others killed. They will gladly throw your life and other lives into the thresher... so long as it gets 'em paid. And God help us, in America, that attitude pays way too goddamn well. Real American capitalists, these guys, eh?
I am trying my best not to be preachy here, because I don't wanna be preachy, alright? I don't wanna tell people how they have to live their lives or anything like that—I don't know. If you wanna throw away your own life because of some idiotic grudge against common sense, be my fuckin' guest. I'm not your dad. But people... if COVID taught us anything this year, it's that this is not. Just. About. You. How many of you have lost someone to this goddamn disease? How many of you caught the virus and have had irreparable damage done to your bodies as a result of it? This fucking plague has taken so much from us, from all of us, and the real tragedy here is that none of it had to be this bad. But because so many greedy, heartless people, not unlike the guys in Five Finger Death Punch, value their own bottom line over the lives of others, hundreds of thousands are dead. That's why it makes me sad to read comments like these, because the ones who took Five Finger Death Punch up on their rally cries, the people who were the true believers, the real people who wanted to carry their flag and bring about this cause for them... they're the ones that most likely suffered the most. They're the ones who might have died because of their words and actions, and they don't even care. And you know what? Feel about that however you want to feel, that's your right, but you better believe I am not giving people like this a voice on my platform anymore.
Even when you give people like this negative attention, you still give them power in one form or another. And these guys have shown us exactly what they will do when you give them that kind of power, so... no. Not anymore. I will not give them an inch. I refuse. They are in the Bin, and after this video, I am never discussing these wretched fucks on my channel ever again.
—Crash's diatribe against F8 by Five Finger Death Punch in his Worst of 2020 video''
People, if there was one album that just...defined the year, any record that you could point to and say, "This is what 2020 felt like", any album that, generations from now when our children and our grandchildren ask us what it was like to live during...that miserable wretched time where late-stage capitalism completely buttfucked our hopes and dreams, where every motherfucker who promised our generation a better life...basically ran out as soon as the check cleared, where there was little to any hope that any of our problems were gonna get any better, and we were just gonna have to tough our way through it and pray that either a stroke of good luck we weren't due to get would pop in to save us, or a Hail Mary prayer for some kind of redemption would come through, or just have the raw, unfettered hope that we possess the sheer...force of will to not let anything around us drag us down into the abyss...
...well, the first thing I would say is, "Goddamn, children and grandchildren! Y'all need to lighten the fuck up, jesus!". But then you would point directly to this record and say, "Yeah...pretty much that."
You could say a record like this was almost...clairvoyant in how accurately it was able to predict the mood for 2020, but people...real talk, it didn't have to "predict" anything. This album didn't just "happen to guess" that things were gonna turn to shit this year. That was just...for lack of a better phrase...excellent timing?
This record, just like RTJ 4, basically surmised that the problems we're facing have been building on the horizon for years, if not decades now. They've been building since Reagan's deregulation, since 9/11 convinced us that investing billions of dollars into defence instead of putting it back into our communities and our own environments was the only safe thing to do, since the great recession of the late 2000s, since the housing market crash that left an entire generation with a picked clean carcass of a market to try and build careers and lives from; it's been building and building and building on the horizon for decades now...
...but I am kinda making this album sound like an economics lesson, I might be...projecting...just a tiny bit here.
At the end of the day, it's a record that can readily admit that yeah, shit is bad, shit is really really bad, and that it just didn't happen overnight. We've been getting fucked over as a generation for decades now. Many of us have been fucked over so bad, we don't even know what not being fucked over feels like. It's been a long, hard, achingly painful journey for all of us...but god dammit...we are still here.
Through thick and thin, we've been able to kick out of every body slam life has thrown at us so far, and we're still making it happen, in spite of everything. That's the thing about this record. It's bleak, it's dire, it's an all-too-real reflection of what our generation is struggling through right now...and if you're of a certain age, so much of the lyrics on this thing aren't just "metaphors" or "pretty stories" - they're you're own life story. Being broke and not being able to find a job, having to live with your parents because literally no other option exists outside of homelessness, watching your friends die off young because they couldn't find a goddamn scrap of anything to help save themselves or make their lives better in any meaningful way; you'd better fucking believe we've lived that.
It's an album that hits so hard because god damn, it is just all too relevant, but it sticks its landing by offering that thing that so many other albums that tackle topics like this don't - hope.
It's optimistic, it's not defeatist or self-pitying, it illustrates the real-ass shit that a lot of us have been through...and just applauds us for having the strength to make it through. And even though it's a scary-as-hell-looking road up ahead, this record firmly and proudly states, "Hey...you've got this. You've made it this far, you've survived, you've struggled, and I know shit is realer than real...but you got this, ok? We're gonna be alright". And in 2020, I think that was the message that so many of us needed to hear the most - "You've got this."
Yeah, it's bleak. Yeah, it's hard. And yeah, I can't even sit here and promise you that it's necessarily gonna get any better any time soon, sure. But you got this. You've lived through everything up to this point...and you know what? What the hell is gonna stop you if none of that did? I mean, come on, man, you're stronger than you realize.
This record helps illustrate that we still have the strength to make it through. We have the will, we have the knowledge, we have the ability...and hell, if nothing else, 2020 proved we have the...raw goddamn stamina to face what could be coming over the horizon. This record offered a true, earnest and meaningful lesson in optimism in a year where it was so easy to lose hope. For that reason...yeah, this is my album of 2020, just, easy. From the moment I heard it, I just realized, yeah - nothing else was gonna top this. This is easily, easily, easily the album of 2020, if not the entire goddamn decade so far.
(beat)
Which kinda sucks, because everybody else picked that one too, shit, this isn't awkward.
...well, the first thing I would say is, "Goddamn, children and grandchildren! Y'all need to lighten the fuck up, jesus!". But then you would point directly to this record and say, "Yeah...pretty much that."
You could say a record like this was almost...clairvoyant in how accurately it was able to predict the mood for 2020, but people...real talk, it didn't have to "predict" anything. This album didn't just "happen to guess" that things were gonna turn to shit this year. That was just...for lack of a better phrase...excellent timing?
This record, just like RTJ 4, basically surmised that the problems we're facing have been building on the horizon for years, if not decades now. They've been building since Reagan's deregulation, since 9/11 convinced us that investing billions of dollars into defence instead of putting it back into our communities and our own environments was the only safe thing to do, since the great recession of the late 2000s, since the housing market crash that left an entire generation with a picked clean carcass of a market to try and build careers and lives from; it's been building and building and building on the horizon for decades now...
...but I am kinda making this album sound like an economics lesson, I might be...projecting...just a tiny bit here.
At the end of the day, it's a record that can readily admit that yeah, shit is bad, shit is really really bad, and that it just didn't happen overnight. We've been getting fucked over as a generation for decades now. Many of us have been fucked over so bad, we don't even know what not being fucked over feels like. It's been a long, hard, achingly painful journey for all of us...but god dammit...we are still here.
Through thick and thin, we've been able to kick out of every body slam life has thrown at us so far, and we're still making it happen, in spite of everything. That's the thing about this record. It's bleak, it's dire, it's an all-too-real reflection of what our generation is struggling through right now...and if you're of a certain age, so much of the lyrics on this thing aren't just "metaphors" or "pretty stories" - they're you're own life story. Being broke and not being able to find a job, having to live with your parents because literally no other option exists outside of homelessness, watching your friends die off young because they couldn't find a goddamn scrap of anything to help save themselves or make their lives better in any meaningful way; you'd better fucking believe we've lived that.
It's an album that hits so hard because god damn, it is just all too relevant, but it sticks its landing by offering that thing that so many other albums that tackle topics like this don't - hope.
It's optimistic, it's not defeatist or self-pitying, it illustrates the real-ass shit that a lot of us have been through...and just applauds us for having the strength to make it through. And even though it's a scary-as-hell-looking road up ahead, this record firmly and proudly states, "Hey...you've got this. You've made it this far, you've survived, you've struggled, and I know shit is realer than real...but you got this, ok? We're gonna be alright". And in 2020, I think that was the message that so many of us needed to hear the most - "You've got this."
Yeah, it's bleak. Yeah, it's hard. And yeah, I can't even sit here and promise you that it's necessarily gonna get any better any time soon, sure. But you got this. You've lived through everything up to this point...and you know what? What the hell is gonna stop you if none of that did? I mean, come on, man, you're stronger than you realize.
This record helps illustrate that we still have the strength to make it through. We have the will, we have the knowledge, we have the ability...and hell, if nothing else, 2020 proved we have the...raw goddamn stamina to face what could be coming over the horizon. This record offered a true, earnest and meaningful lesson in optimism in a year where it was so easy to lose hope. For that reason...yeah, this is my album of 2020, just, easy. From the moment I heard it, I just realized, yeah - nothing else was gonna top this. This is easily, easily, easily the album of 2020, if not the entire goddamn decade so far.
(beat)
Which kinda sucks, because everybody else picked that one too, shit, this isn't awkward.
—Crash on his favourite album of 2020, Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs
Okay, so…this wasn’t so much a listen as it was just…rubbernecking. I mean, MGK is just a terrible performer. His fuck-awful singing voice and his barely-competent guitar, drum, and bass arrangements; “Oh, but that’s punk rock, Crash!” No, it isn’t, chief!
Yes, some punk artists “weren’t the most proficient players,” but most of them made up for that by packing their music with passion, aggression, or, at the very least, fun. They may have “sucked,” but at least they cared. Absolutely no one cared about this goddamn thing. Travis Barker didn’t give a fuck—I am officially sick of his production style. It was one of the only things saving the previous record, but on this one, it’s clearly a paycheck gig, you can tell. Like, the vibe on this album is so much different. He should have taken a different approach to it, but all he did was “Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V from Tickets, put it in, collect my paycheck, get another dumb tattoo, I’m out.”
And Colson obviously didn’t give a fuck either, because, man, his performances, they’ve…they’ve gotten worse somehow. You’d think after having one record under his belt and getting a little bit of experience, that would help him kinda give him something to build off of; nope. His chord patterns are even lazier, his delivery…most of the time, he’s not even in key, and, like, Auto-Tune can really only save so much. Like, I don’t get the vibe that he’s doing this to be counter-cultural and against the system; he’s doing it because he doesn’t give a fuck and he knows you’ll buy it.
And his songwriting on this thing…ooh…I think that has to be the worst part of this record. “WW4” is literally not finished. Like, it’s literally not done. The song just abruptly cuts out, and instead of, like…finishing it, he just has a spoken-word bit where “I was gonna finish this song, but nah, I don’t wanna, LOL.” The lyrics in “Emo Girl” are the kind of plastic-ass Bratz doll bullshit that anyone who’s listened to two Green Day albums in their life could smell is fake as a mile off; I feel bad comparing this to Bratz dolls. Like, that’s not fair to the Bratz dolls.
(From the album version of “Papercuts”: ♪ I saw the limit and took it farther / I’m a genius, could’ve made Donda ♪)
There is a lot wrong with that lyric, especially these days.
And then there’s the more…”depressing” songs like “5150” and “Sid & Nancy”; “Sid & Nancy” in particular…
(Plays the end of “Sid & Nancy,” when the song ends with a gunshot sound effect)
Yeah…
See, I’m of two minds about this: either these tracks are the one true glimpse we actually get inside MGK’s head and he is just genuinely this miserable having to live his life like this just so he can maintain a career; like, it’s actually gotten to him and this is the one little moment where he gets to be real with us, and, like, if that’s the case…then that’s just really tragic and sad. But what’s probably more true here is that this is as fake as everything else on the record, and he’s just…he’s banking on alternative and emo listeners’ general tendency to be…you know, facing mental health issues and not always being in the best place? Like, he’s literally just using your emotions and your pain and all the heartache you felt to cash a paycheck. If that is the case, that’s, like, five times more disgusting.
But either way, I think we need to just call this album and MGK’s entire “punk” turn for what it’s been since day one: a grift. It’s a grift. It’s a hustle. It has been since the beginning. He was using the punk and emo scenes to rehabilitate his career, and now that he more or less has…he doesn’t need you anymore. He hates it here. He hates having to pander to this audience—you. He hates having to kiss your ass and he cannot wait to get back into hip-hop. Hell, he checked out halfway through this album. On the back half of this thing, he just gives up and goes back to a hip-hop sound that ironically sounds more trap than his usual hip-hop sound, which, oh no, homie, you cannot do trap. Oh, you’re gonna go into trap next? I dare you. I dare you to try trap!
Like, MGK is a scumbag and his albums suck, but you know who I feel bad for here? The people who did genuinely get into this. Stick with me here, I don’t mean any ill will when I say that. That was always one of the biggest defenses for MGK’s entire sound shift. It was he’s “helping younger audiences get into punk rock.” And, you know, I can’t say that there aren’t people out there who did genuinely get into the genre by being exposed to him first. And you know, even though MGK has left you hanging, and…chances are he’s gonna be that one artist that you look back on several years down the line and you were like, “Oh. Oh, I used to be into that? Ooh, ha-ha, I–I really was into MGK, he-he…oh, different times...” I’m just saying, you know, brace for that because you will grow out of this thing that MGK does. But let me just reassure you, it’s alright. We all have bands and artists that, you know, we’re maybe a little bit ashamed of—I know I definitely have more than a few—but, you know, they did help introduce you to the genre, and, you know, hopefully you found a lot of cooler stuff and a lot of more interesting stuff.
If MGK did help you get into punk rock, no big deal. I’m happy for you. Hang on to the great bands, memories, and friends you made during that experience. No one can take that away from you. No matter what this doofus does next, no one can take those memories away from you. Not me, not him, not anybody. Have fun, like what you like, and, you know, just take it for what it is.
All I would really recommend is that the next time some rambling doofus dyes his hair pink and tells you he’s the legitest motherfucker in the room…just be a little more cautious next time, that’s all I’d say.
Yes, some punk artists “weren’t the most proficient players,” but most of them made up for that by packing their music with passion, aggression, or, at the very least, fun. They may have “sucked,” but at least they cared. Absolutely no one cared about this goddamn thing. Travis Barker didn’t give a fuck—I am officially sick of his production style. It was one of the only things saving the previous record, but on this one, it’s clearly a paycheck gig, you can tell. Like, the vibe on this album is so much different. He should have taken a different approach to it, but all he did was “Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V from Tickets, put it in, collect my paycheck, get another dumb tattoo, I’m out.”
And Colson obviously didn’t give a fuck either, because, man, his performances, they’ve…they’ve gotten worse somehow. You’d think after having one record under his belt and getting a little bit of experience, that would help him kinda give him something to build off of; nope. His chord patterns are even lazier, his delivery…most of the time, he’s not even in key, and, like, Auto-Tune can really only save so much. Like, I don’t get the vibe that he’s doing this to be counter-cultural and against the system; he’s doing it because he doesn’t give a fuck and he knows you’ll buy it.
And his songwriting on this thing…ooh…I think that has to be the worst part of this record. “WW4” is literally not finished. Like, it’s literally not done. The song just abruptly cuts out, and instead of, like…finishing it, he just has a spoken-word bit where “I was gonna finish this song, but nah, I don’t wanna, LOL.” The lyrics in “Emo Girl” are the kind of plastic-ass Bratz doll bullshit that anyone who’s listened to two Green Day albums in their life could smell is fake as a mile off; I feel bad comparing this to Bratz dolls. Like, that’s not fair to the Bratz dolls.
(From the album version of “Papercuts”: ♪ I saw the limit and took it farther / I’m a genius, could’ve made Donda ♪)
There is a lot wrong with that lyric, especially these days.
And then there’s the more…”depressing” songs like “5150” and “Sid & Nancy”; “Sid & Nancy” in particular…
(Plays the end of “Sid & Nancy,” when the song ends with a gunshot sound effect)
Yeah…
See, I’m of two minds about this: either these tracks are the one true glimpse we actually get inside MGK’s head and he is just genuinely this miserable having to live his life like this just so he can maintain a career; like, it’s actually gotten to him and this is the one little moment where he gets to be real with us, and, like, if that’s the case…then that’s just really tragic and sad. But what’s probably more true here is that this is as fake as everything else on the record, and he’s just…he’s banking on alternative and emo listeners’ general tendency to be…you know, facing mental health issues and not always being in the best place? Like, he’s literally just using your emotions and your pain and all the heartache you felt to cash a paycheck. If that is the case, that’s, like, five times more disgusting.
But either way, I think we need to just call this album and MGK’s entire “punk” turn for what it’s been since day one: a grift. It’s a grift. It’s a hustle. It has been since the beginning. He was using the punk and emo scenes to rehabilitate his career, and now that he more or less has…he doesn’t need you anymore. He hates it here. He hates having to pander to this audience—you. He hates having to kiss your ass and he cannot wait to get back into hip-hop. Hell, he checked out halfway through this album. On the back half of this thing, he just gives up and goes back to a hip-hop sound that ironically sounds more trap than his usual hip-hop sound, which, oh no, homie, you cannot do trap. Oh, you’re gonna go into trap next? I dare you. I dare you to try trap!
Like, MGK is a scumbag and his albums suck, but you know who I feel bad for here? The people who did genuinely get into this. Stick with me here, I don’t mean any ill will when I say that. That was always one of the biggest defenses for MGK’s entire sound shift. It was he’s “helping younger audiences get into punk rock.” And, you know, I can’t say that there aren’t people out there who did genuinely get into the genre by being exposed to him first. And you know, even though MGK has left you hanging, and…chances are he’s gonna be that one artist that you look back on several years down the line and you were like, “Oh. Oh, I used to be into that? Ooh, ha-ha, I–I really was into MGK, he-he…oh, different times...” I’m just saying, you know, brace for that because you will grow out of this thing that MGK does. But let me just reassure you, it’s alright. We all have bands and artists that, you know, we’re maybe a little bit ashamed of—I know I definitely have more than a few—but, you know, they did help introduce you to the genre, and, you know, hopefully you found a lot of cooler stuff and a lot of more interesting stuff.
If MGK did help you get into punk rock, no big deal. I’m happy for you. Hang on to the great bands, memories, and friends you made during that experience. No one can take that away from you. No matter what this doofus does next, no one can take those memories away from you. Not me, not him, not anybody. Have fun, like what you like, and, you know, just take it for what it is.
All I would really recommend is that the next time some rambling doofus dyes his hair pink and tells you he’s the legitest motherfucker in the room…just be a little more cautious next time, that’s all I’d say.
—Crash's surprisingly heartwarming speech on his worst album of 2022, Mainstream Sellout by Machine Gun Kelly
