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"Heavily built and massive, there was a suggestion of uncouth physical inertia in the figure, but above this unwieldy frame there was perched a head so masterful in its brow, so alert in its steel-gray, deep-set eyes, so firm in its lips, and so subtle in its play of expression, that after the first glance one forgot the gross body and remembered only the dominant mind."
—Introduction to Mycroft Holmes, "The Bruce-Partington Plans"
Mycroft Holmes: Just once, can the two of you behave like grown-ups?
John Watson: We solve crime, I blog about it, and he forgets his pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope.
Mr. Wiederspann: Uh, Arthur, I'm afraid the firm feels that... It's time to allow you the opportunity to... Pursue other avenues of employment.
Arthur: I'm fired? Is there a problem with my work?
Mr. Wiederspann: Oh no, Arthur, no. It's, it's, it's... It's that stupid bunny outfit!
— The Tick
"It seems you can't hire someone competent without them having an embarrassing hobby."
— Hector, Antihero for Hire
"I think you're brilliant. But there is a fine line between brilliance and lunacy."
Sarah-Jane Smith: Are you serious?
The Doctor: About what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it.
"You know, you don't act like a scientist. You're more like a game show host."
— Dane Barrett, Ghostbusters
"I'm surprised you can work this well when you're so drunk."
— Yamamoto, Irresponsible Captain Tylor
"Look, the difference between you 'sane' and you 'crazy' is that you drive slightly faster."
— Jones, Driver: San Francisco
Scully: First of all, if the family of Ronnie Strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for — I think the figure is $446 million — then you and I both will most certainly be co-defendants and second of all ... I don't even have a second of all, Mulder. $446 million. I'm in this as deep as you are and I'm not even the one that overreacted. I didn't do the ... (makes a stabbing motion) with the thing.
Mulder: I did not overreact. Ronnie Strickland was a vampire.
—The X-Files, "Bad Blood"
"Large intestine: 890 grams, yada yada yada. Stomach contents show last meal close to the time of death, consisting of pizza. Topped with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms ... mushrooms ... That sounds really good."
—Agent Dana Scully (from the same episode)
"He was clearly a bounder and a cad. He seemed to think because he was the possessor of the finest legal mind ever discovered that gave him the right to behave exactly as he liked, and unfortunately he appeared to be right".
"I may not look like it, but I am a professional!"
— Tachikoma, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex
Roman: Tell me, how does a high-school dropout become one of the brightest minds at Roman Inc?
Charlie: Um, honestly? Historically, I've had this problem with authority, no offense, so I realized the only way I could get away with being me was to be as indispensable as possible.
"You will be dealing with a highly strung and temperamental team of rank amateurs who just happen to be brilliant at what they do."
—Lester: briefing Becker in Season 3 of Primeval
Harry: Bunny slippers and polka music.
Murphy: Don't knock it. He's good at his job.
—The Dresden Files, Death Masks
"I just wanted you to know that besides the murders, and you trying to kill me, you were the best doctor I ever had."
— Monk, Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum
Major Zero: According to him, that mask is a revolutionary new design that lets the wearer blink, something that wasn't possible up until now.
Snake: I'd think you'd want to make the lips move before bothering with the blinking.
Major: Yeah, I thought so too, but for some reason he's obsessed with making it blink...
Snake: Whoever he is, he sounds like a crackpot.
Major: Mmm. Well, he does good work. But I spend three days a month just dealing with the complaints we get about him...
—Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater radio conversation about Sigint
Watson: I don’t think you need alarm yourself, I have usually found that there was method in his madness.
Inspector Forrester: Some folk might say there was madness in his method.
—Watson and Inspector Forrester on Sherlock Holmes.
"People think I'm kidding when I tell them that the same guy who used a homemade grappling hook when the elevators were out is also the reason why this company is showing record profits."
—Marcy on Rayne Summers, Least I Could Do
"Despite his eccentricities and cynical... och, he'll appreciate the honesty... downright unpleasant personality, Mr Montag does more for the safety and development of his students than he lets on. It's not an easy thing bringing these kids into a world frought with occult rites and secret handshakes: it takes a real bastard, even on the best of days. The competition for the most talented students, the petty jealousies and the ancient blood feuds between the most prominent institutions, and the more-and-less covert attempts at industrial espionage all take their toll... and of course, the deaths. Being responsible for every single life lost in the pursuit of knowledge would break less than an arrogant man. At least he lets us deal with the parents now: after those first couple of accidental self-immolations, some thought it best we kept him away from grieving relatives."
— Annabel Usher, The Secret World
"For top-level work, you need Zero pilots. Such men are not bound by the same rules as the expendables. If one of them feels like having a few drinks to relax after a hard day's work serving Allah, so be it."
"To a war commander, the higher the skill level, the higher the tolerance for off-duty conduct. Your best sniper has a preference for little girls, your top chopper-pilot's hobby is rape - so what?"
— Another Life by Andrew Vachss
"The son of a bitch is the best doctor we've got"
— Dr. Lisa Cuddy on why House is never fired from his job.
"You have a rather insubordinate subordinate, General."
— ATF Special Agent James Hamner to Jacob Carter regarding Col. Jack O'Neill, "Seth," Stargate SG-1
"Just remember, I retired! You wanted me back!"
— Jack O'Neill, "Upgrades", Stargate SG-1
"Jefferson is a slender man, has rather the air of stiffness in his manner. His clothes seem too small for him... His whole figure has a loose, shackling air. He had a rambling, vacant look, and nothing of that firm collected deportment which I expected would dignify the presence of a secretary or minister. I looked for gravity, but a laxity of manner seemed shed about him. He spoke almost without ceasing; but even his discourse partook of his personal demeanor. It was loose and rambling; and yet he scattered information wherever he went, and some even brilliant sentiments sparkled from him.”
—Sketches of Debate in the First Senate by William Maclay, describing Thomas Jefferson
"I shouldn't make movies anymore. I should go to a lunatic asylum."
“The barbiturate Nembutal and vodka are a lethal combination and they did his brain no good. But the writing was often still marvelous; also, more adventurous than before. Many critics hoped, even prayed that this was a final falling off from his so unbearable to so many of them greatness. But the talent endured."
"People would ask me, "How come you stayed with her so long?" and my joke was, "Because nobody could make the speech, 'Miss Garland will not appear tonight," better than I could. Judy loved that; she had a laugh like a horse... but she could suck your blood. I used to come home drained, and my wife would say, "How can you do it?" Every night, it was like waiting for a hanging; we never knew what the hell was going to happen."
—Alan King, Name Dropping
“Most of the successful people in Hollywood are failures as human beings.”
"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up."
"People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time."
"She can knock 'em back. She's pretty immature for a news woman."
—Chelsea Handler on drinking buddy Katie Couric
Richard Dean Anderson: I cornered [Gen.] Ryan and asked him if he had colonels that actually behaved the way I did. You know, was it a little shaky? Was I being disrespectful? And he stopped me in mid-sentence and just said, 'Son,' (which I thought was rather condescending), he said, "Yes, we've got colonels like you, and worse"...In fact, both generals* that I worked with on Stargate said the same thing. Said, "You're doing what we all want to do, but really can't."
— Stargate SG-1 season 8 DVD featurette
"The movie may not contain Brando's greatest performance, but it certainly contains his most emotionally overwhelming scene. He comes back to the hotel and confronts his wife's dead body, laid out in a casket, and he speaks to her with words of absolute hatred — words which, as he says them, become one of the most moving speeches of love I can imagine...he makes it absolutely clear why he is the best film actor of all time. He may be a bore, he may be a creep, he may act childish about the Academy Awards — but there is no one else who could have played that scene flat-out, no holds barred, the way he did, and make it work triumphantly."
Chris: I will say, though, for a guy who refused to memorize his dialogue and read off cue cards, Brando does pretty well for himself.
David: Dude, he’s Marlon Brando. He probably flew to Krypton and lived there for ten years. Method acting!
"Joseph R. 'Literally' 'Big Fucking Deal' 'Gates of Hell' Biden, Jr. is the current in a long list of gaffe-prone Vice Presidents of the United States who, at the same time, has managed to be one of Barack Obama's most important negotiators...In May of 2012, right in the middle of the re-election campaign, Biden misspoke (or maybe not), saying that 'I am absolutely comfortable with gay marriage.' This gaffe forced Obama to have to actually address the gay marriage issue head on. The President said he had evolved and now accepted gay marriage. This was one of several turning points in the campaign, so thank him for that."
"The guy singing is a lawyer. This motherfucker is a lawyer. THIS. Motherfucker. Is a lawyer."
"If you’re looking for endless shots of dreadlocked men huffing smoke like desperate babies suckling on a green breast, then Snoop Dogg‘s Reincarnated is the documentary for you! Weed-obsession aside, it functions as a biography of a guy who’s led a super interesting life, although Snoop stopped being a real person somewhere around the late nineties. Despite his status as a living cartoon, the story of the night Tupac got shot would make a fine audition piece monologue."
"It’s possible that the only time Michael Jackson was fully in control was when he was onstage, or doing prep work for a show. The rest of his life was mess and scandal and self-disfigurement, but in the lights, at least, he knew something about something. Always gracious, often appending his critiques 'with love,' Jackson makes minute adjustments to the sound, the timing, the funkiness. We’ll never know what cocktail of meds he may or may not have been on, but mentally, in the film, he seems formidable.
"While Shatner is often mocked as a ham actor, the quiet way he expresses [his grief] shows that while, yeah, sometimes he's the guy that screams 'Khan,' sometimes he's the also the guy that can scream even louder without going above a whisper."
"There is something of a devil's bargain in the casting of Tom Baker. The main brief for a new Doctor was that they wanted an eccentric. For a while the part was expected to go to an elderly actor, but eventually Bill Slater, Head of Drama at the BBC, pointed Letts towards Tom Baker as someone who was suitably crazy for the part. The problem with casting someone for their craziness, however, is that, well, they're a bit crazy."
— Phil Sandier
"Dennis Rodman is such an inhuman creature that he has to sit next to Carrot Top to convince adventurers that he's not a hobgoblin. He has so many piercings that metal detectors think he's kidding when he tries to take his dick through them. His colorful hairstyles have inspired thousands of gay children to become landscapers. All that being said, he was really good at basketball. Dennis Rodman could pull a rebound through a garden hose with his mouth."
"Bill Foster initially debuted in Avengers #32, penned in 1966 by Stan the Man himself. He is presented, without any comment or qualification, as the only scientist in America brilliant enough to act as Henry Pym’s lab assistant. He also appears during one of the better early Avengers storylines, where the team is fighting a group of coded white supremacists called the Sons of the Serpent.
Seriously, sit there and think about this shit for a second. In 1966, when most black people in the U.S. couldn’t even be assured of their voting rights because the Civil Rights war was still being fought, a New York Jew was writing about a brilliant black biochemist hanging out with the Avengers. Whatever else I have ever written, or will write, about Stan Lee’s writing prowess, I’ll say this: the man has balls of steel and a heart of gold."
—Rob Bricken, Topless Robot
"I’m not breaking new ground. You hear this type of thing all the time: That most creative types are assholes, bastards and jerks. Kurt Vonnegut manufactured a very specific public image – a frazzled, cynical old hippie persona that colored his writing and endeared him to a generation — and then the biographies came out, stating that in reality, he was straight-laced, extremely selfish, often cruel and generally unloving person... I think, if Vonnegut truly was the friendly, sad old hippie he pretended to be, his books would have held little to no emotional impact. What made him such a compelling writer wasn’t that he was practically a saint who wrote books – it was that he was an asshole, trying as best he could to understand the saints around him. In his personal life, he failed. In his books, he succeeded. I wouldn’t want to share a tent with the guy, but then I probably wouldn’t enjoy the books of a guy that always picks up after himself, pays his bills on time and never plays his music too loud quite as much."
—Robert Brockway, "Why Are Writers Such Irredeemable Bastards"
"John Belushi was equal parts comedic genius and cocaine-possessed party demon, but the man was also a career performer and a reasonably talented actor. That means he at least made an effort to clean up for work, right? Let's save both you and the universe some time by never asking that question ever again. As a general rule, John Belushi was destroyed when he was on set, perhaps no more so than when filming The Blues Brothers...Aykroyd had to go on numerous adventures simply to locate his sky-high co-star and carry him back to work. On one occasion, Aykroyd found Belushi sleeping on a couch in a complete stranger's house at 3 o'clock in the morning. Aykroyd just kind of shook Belushi into a state of semi-consciousness and dragged him back to filming. Presumably a portion of Belushi's scenes in The Blues Brothers were actually performed by Aykroyd manipulating Belushi's drug-slumbering body like the titular corpse puppet in Weekend at Bernie's."
"Robert A. Heinlein's novels, in my opinion, are very insightful books that usually have quite a lot to say. I think people read Heinlein novels not for the science fiction elements, but for the exploration of the human situation. Most of the time, he seems to explore social issues such as the role of the family, men, women, the military, the government. I personally find his books to be overly didactic, and most of the time the plot is just a clothesline on which to hang extended essays about his views on these matters. I have only read Starship Troopers, The Puppet Masters, and Stranger in a Strange Land, so I'm by no means a Heinlein scholar, but I actually find Heinlein's style very effective and his novels are always very thought provoking. There's only one thing handicapping Heinlein's books.
He is insane.
Starship Troopers is probably Heinlein's tamest novel in terms of expressing his controversial views... The Puppet Masters gets rather comical by introducing an alien threat that eventually requires the world to walk around entirely naked."
"What a piece of shit. People are quick to point out Jack as being the point where Coppola began to lose his freaking mind but either they forgot or don’t know he made this boring pile of trash. This movie is like a tenth rate Godfather mixed with a dull romance... With Supernova, Jack, and now Cotton Club you have to ask: why did we ever hire this clown? Oh that’s right, Godfather, Godfather Part II, The Conversation, and Apocalypse Now. F*ck."
"Although Highlander: The Series ran out of gas in its last season, it was still a highly acclaimed series that had a lot of fans. Naturally, that meant that Davis-Panzer Productions saw a chance to make more money out of it. They spent a good chunk of the sixth season of the series testing the waters for a spinoff show, featuring a lineup of new ass-kicking female immortals who would become the next main character. None of the new characters tested well, though, and as a result the producers went back to Amanda [Elizabeth Gracen], the likeable thief and on and off love interest of Duncan MacLeod. Amanda was beautiful, clever, witty, and had been a fan favorite for six years. The big question was, why did the producers waste so many episodes trying to find an ass-kicking female immortal when they already had Amanda?"
"The answer, it seems, is this: Elizabeth Gracen was fucking insane."