"Heavily built and massive, there was a suggestion of uncouth physical inertia in the figure, but above this unwieldy frame there was perched a head so masterful in its brow, so alert in its steel-gray, deep-set eyes, so firm in its lips, and so subtle in its play of expression, that after the first glance one forgot the gross body and remembered only the dominant mind."
—Introduction to Mycroft Holmes, "The Bruce-Partington Plans"
Mycroft Holmes: Just once, can the two of you behave like grownups?
John Watson: We solves crime, I blog about, and he forgets his pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope.
"It seems you can't hire someone competent without them having an embarrassing hobby."
— Hector, Antihero For Hire
Sarah-Jane Smith: Are you serious?
The Doctor: About what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it.
"I'm surprised you can work this well when you're so drunk."
— Yamamoto, Irresponsible Captain Tylor
"Look, the difference between you 'sane' and you 'crazy' is that you drive slightly faster."
— Jones, Driver: San Francisco
"He was clearly a bounder and a cad. He seemed to think because he was the possessor of the finest legal mind ever discovered that gave him the right to behave exactly as he liked, and unfortunately he appeared to be right".
"I may not look like it, but I am a professional!"
— Tachikoma, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex
"You will be dealing with a highly strung and temperamental team of rank amateurs who just happen to be brilliant at what they do."
—Lester: briefing Becker in Season 3 of Primeval
Harry: Bunny slippers and polka music.
Murphy: Don't knock it. He's good at his job.
—The Dresden Files, Death Masks
"I just wanted you to know that besides the murders, and you trying to kill me, you were the best doctor I ever had."
— Monk, Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum
Watson: I donít think you need alarm yourself, I have usually found that there was method in his madness.
Inspector Forrester: Some folk might say there was madness in his method.
—Watson and Inspector Forrester on Sherlock Holmes.
"People think I'm kidding when I tell them that the same guy who used a homemade grappling hook when the elevators were out is also the reason why this company is showing record profits."
—Marcy on Rayne Summers, Least I Could Do
"Despite his eccentricities and cynical... och, he'll appreciate the honesty... downright unpleasant personality, Mr Montag does more for the safety and development of his students than he lets on. It's not an easy thing bringing these kids into a world frought with occult rites and secret handshakes: it takes a real bastard, even on the best of days. The competition for the most talented students, the petty jealousies and the ancient blood feuds between the most prominent institutions, and the more-and-less covert attempts at industrial espionage all take their toll... and of course, the deaths. Being responsible for every single life lost in the pursuit of knowledge would break less than an arrogant man. At least he lets us deal with the parents now: after those first couple of accidental self-immolations, some thought it best we kept him away from grieving relatives."
— Annabel Usher, The Secret World
"For top-level work, you need Zero pilots. Such men are not bound by the same rules as the expendables. If one of them feels like having a few drinks to relax after a hard day's work serving Allah, so be it."
"To a war commander, the higher the skill level, the higher the tolerance for off-duty conduct. Your best sniper has a preference for little girls, your top chopper-pilot's hobby is rape - so what?"
— Another Life by Andrew Vachss
"The son of a bitch is the best doctor we've got"
— Dr. Lisa Cuddy on why House is never fired from his job.
"You have a rather insubordinate subordinate, General."
— ATF Special Agent James Hamner to Jacob Carter regarding Col. Jack O'Neill, "Seth," Stargate SG-1
"Just remember, I retired! You wanted me back!"
— Jack O'Neill, "Upgrades", Stargate SG-1
"Got your hands full with that one, eh, George?"
Mr. Wiederspann: Uh, Arthur, I'm afraid the firm feels that... It's time to allow you the opportunity to... Pursue other avenues of employment.
Arthur: I'm fired? Is there a problem with my work?
Mr. Wiederspann: Oh no, Arthur, no. It's, it's, it's... It's that stupid bunny outfit!
Arthur: Oh no, not "bunny" sir: Moth. It's my moth suit. Actually, it's a flying suit. The wings are in my briefcase.
Mr. Wiederspann: Arthur, you're making the other accountants nervous. We all find this kind of... Rampant individuality... Very disturbing.
— The Tick
"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up."
"People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time."
"She can knock 'em back. She's pretty immature for a news woman."
—Chelsea Handler on drinking buddy Katie Couric
"The guy singing is a lawyer. This motherfucker is a lawyer. THIS. Motherfucker. Is a lawyer."
"Carrey plays Ace as if he's being clocked on an Energy-O-Meter, and paid by the calories expended. He's a hyper goon who likes to screw his mouth into strange shapes while playing variations on the language. He shares his house with so many animals that he's like those zookeepers on late-night talk shows who always have pets crawling out of their collars. And he is simultaneously a spectacularly good and bad detective."
"While he did write classic peace songs like "Imagine" and "Give Peace a Chance," keep in mind that he also wrote "I Am the Walrus," so he did not possess the soundest of minds."
"And while Shatner is often mocked as a ham actor, the quiet way he expresses all this shows that while, yeah, sometimes he's the guy that screams "Khan," sometimes he's the also the guy that can scream even louder without going above a whisper."
"There is something of a devil's bargain in the casting of Tom Baker. The main brief for a new Doctor was that they wanted an eccentric. For a while the part was expected to go to an elderly actor, but eventually Bill Slater, Head of Drama at the BBC, pointed Letts towards Tom Baker as someone who was suitably crazy for the part. The problem with casting someone for their craziness, however, is that, well, they're a bit crazy."
— Phil Sandier
"Although Highlander: The Series ran out of gas in its last season, it was still a highly acclaimed series that had a lot of fans. Naturally, that meant that Davis-Panzer Productions saw a chance to make more money out of it. They spent a good chunk of the sixth season of the series testing the waters for a spinoff show, featuring a lineup of new ass-kicking female immortals who would become the next main character. None of the new characters tested well, though, and as a result the producers went back to Amanda [Elizabeth Gracen], the likeable thief and on and off love interest of Duncan MacLeod. Amanda was beautiful, clever, witty, and had been a fan favorite for six years. The big question was, why did the producers waste so many episodes trying to find an ass-kicking female immortal when they already had Amanda?"
"The answer, it seems, is this: Elizabeth Gracen was fucking insane."''