On February 24th, 1984, A man named Gary Fadden accidentally cut off a motorcyclist. A while later the man he had offended, a member of the Outlaws motorcycle gang, returned in a pick up truck with 2 more buddies. They chased Mr.Fadden and his fiance more than 22 miles, occasionally firing shots at his vehicle. Not knowing what else to do, Fadden drove to his workplace, where he assumed he would be safe, the US manufacturing plant for international arms manufacturer, Heckler & Koch. The pursuers drove there truck through the gate. Gary got out of his car and retrieved a Ruger AC-556 machine gun that he had been testing earlier that week. The main biker then hopped out and began to charge Mr.Fadden. Gary fired a burst into the air, to which the biker replied "Fuck you and your rifle" and kept coming. Fadden then shot and killed the biker. He was later tried for first degree murder, he was found innocent.
There was a robber who was quite frankly Too Dumb to Live. In a city where armed paramilitaries who carry assault rifles are the only things that keep law and order in most of the city, this guy decided to rob a guy wearing a camo suit, combat boots, and had a red telnyashka showing through his unbuttoned jacket. Do you know who else wears red telnys? Special forces soldiers. In this case, the red telnik was one of the local militia elite troopers, like the ones who go to Mexico to hunt down people from the most feared criminal groups on the planet. Guess what happened to the wannabe mugger. He ended up shot, disarmed, eviscerated with his own knife, and had his testicles crushed. And not necessarily in that order.
Look up an old series called America's Dumbest Criminals, and watch it to see more examples of this than you can count.
A lot of people have picked a fight with someone else, only to find out after a good beating that person is a soldier or a member of law enforcement and is trained professionally to kick someone's ass.
Tiger Beetle larva feed on ants, and the Methocha wasp looks like an ant. When the larva attacks, the wasp wriggles out of the larva's grasp, paralyses the larva and then lays its eggs, which hatch and devour the larva alive.
The Portia Spider will go to another spider's web and tap on it, most likely imitating a trapped insect. When the spider approaches, Portia rushes it, then quickly kills and eats it.
Wasps of the species Lasiochalcidia igiliensis will jump into an antlion pit. When the antlion larva tries to attack it, the wasp lays its eggs, which hatch and devour the larva alive.
The Alluring Anglerfish and other predators that use the strategy attract small fish that think their lure is just a piece of food, when it's actually a giant fish. Or a matamata turtle.
The Epomis Beetle Larva. A frog comes along, looking for something to eat and spots a giant larva acting an awful lot like prey. When the frog tries to eat it, the larva quickly dodges the frog and uses its horns to latch onto the underside or back of the frog before eating it alive. In the rare case that it gets eaten, the frog regurgitates the larva completely unharmed after a couple of hours and the larva latches on before devouring the poor frog.
In a particuarly amusing example of this trope, two yobs attacked a pair of crossdressers only for the crossdressers to turn out to be a couple of cage fighters in fancy dress. Full story here (Wayback Machine link).
Somali pirates attacked a French navy command ship, mistaking it for a cargo ship, leading to the swift arrest of the pirates.
Somali pirates in a small skiff fired on what they (presumably) assumed was an unarmed freighter. The US Navy guided missile frigate Nicholas promptly returned fire with its deck-mounted, water-cooled, .50 caliber machine gun. (The pirates were captured, their ship sunk, and their "mother ship" subsequently tracked down and also captured.)
In 1993, somewhere in the Pacific, two pirate boats fired machinegun warning shots in the direction of unidentified dry-cargo freighter. And got an auto-cannon warning shot in return, which dissuaded them from trying to board a vessel that's supposed to carry 440 marines. It was Nikolai Vilkov — Russian large landing ship. Being a remake of civilian project it resembles a freighter◊ with its big crane.
There's a case mentioned in one of John Douglas's true crime books where a serial killer broke into a ranch house and assaulted the couple that lived there. As it was a ranch house on a ranch, and in Montana no less, the killer should've at least considered the possibility that the residents would keep guns at home. Douglas cites it as one of the few known instances in which a serial killer got killed by his intended prey in real life.
Dressing up policewomen like Ms. Fanservice and sending them out to troll for johns is standard practice for vice squads worldwide. Muggers and psychos occasionally fall for their act, and get snapped up by the decoy or her backup.
This is the entire basis of pedo-hunting, whether by the FBI or Anonymous. You pose as a gullible young girl, wait to be solicited by a child molester, track them down, and either arrest them or just ruin their life.
In the late Roman Republic a young Upper-Class Twit, who went by the totally innocuous name of Gaius Julius Caesar, was captured and held to ransom by some Pirates. While being held prisoner on the ship, the personable Caesar befriended the pirates, and made jokes that when he was ransomed he was going to come back and kill them all. The pirates laughed at their captive's great sense of humor. Later, they found out he wasn't joking.
In 1890 the three Dalton brothers and two henchmen came riding into Coffeyville, Kansas in order to gain fame by robbing two banks at once across the street from each other. Of course there were problems with this scheme notably that before their job was done word got out among the townsfolk. And a typical Western town had a lot more than five people, and an awful lot of guns.
The outlaw Jesse James came to grief when he and his gang tried to rob a bank in Northfield, Minnesota in 1876. Unfortunately for Jesse, he had forgotten that he was no longer in his usual hunting grounds of eastern Kansas and western Missouri... and the locals not only did not include any sympathizers of his, but had their life savings in the bank he was targeting and no sense of humor about losing those savings. Oops... Save for James himself and his brother Frank, the entire gang was killed or arrested during either the robbery or the ensuing manhunt, effectively ending his crime spree. He himself was killed by a member of his own gang six years later to collect the bounty on his head.
It gets worse. A plurality of the men in the town were combat veterans from the Civil War. On the Union side. And they had a lot of guns. Jesse James had been a Confederate "bushwhacker" after the war, and according to two members of his gang, he targeted that particular bank because it was associated with a number of prominent Union military and political figures. Going that far into Yankee country, they should've predicted the cold welcome.
Some young men were routinely killing dogs in their neighborhood and killed one small Labrador. The owner came home, pursued them in his car with a gun, then held them at gun point until the Texas Rangers appeared and arrested them. The men threatened the man who had held them at gunpoint, saying he did not know who he was messing with. The man then had the Texas Rangers reveal to the men who had killed his dog that he was Marcus Luttrell, an ex-Navy SEAL, who had won a firefight against roughly 80 Taliban fighters and was the only survivor of the battle, after dispatching every enemy fighter.
Two "tough guys" tried to robChuck Norris with knives, under the assumption that what he did in Walker, Texas Rangerwas all fake. The two ended up with arms so broken that bones were sticking out. The police didn't even handcuff them, partly out of concern for the thugs' injuries, and partly because they were laughing too hard to get the cuffs out.
Shooting Back recounts an incident where some Islamic terrorists tried to shoot up a church, presumably expecting that they'd be able to slaughter people without resistance. Much to their surprise, Charl van Wyck returns fire, thwarting their attack.
An example out of Ferdinand von Schirach's Verbrechen (a book of cases he precided over as a lawyer). Some skinheads decide that a wimpy looking man in a neat suit would be a nice diversion. They ended up dead. It was hinted later, that the guy in the suit was a contract killer on his way home. He had no papers on him, no mark that could identify him - he didn't speak a single word. They had to let him go because they had no evidence and the thing they had on him was clearly self-defense - there were several witnesses to clear him.
In February 1997 near Warsaw, highway robbers stopped a car. The men in the car turned out to be the coaches of the Russian and Belarussian teams driving home from the world biathlon championship - as in "skiing and shooting". The car was followed by the team bus - as in "fifty Olympic-class marksmen and equipment". Seeing athletes leaving it with rifles, the robbers guessed it's a good time to exit stage right, and quickly.
In 2008, a suspected serial killer and his crew invaded the home of Lloyd Irvin, Muay Thai and Combat Sambo expert and one of the world's top MMA trainers. After waking Irving up where he was asleep on the couch one perpetrator promptly found himself disarmed and they were forced to flee the scene.
Charles Bronson once related a story in which he was vacationing in Italy, and a mugger came up behind him with a knife and said "You give me money". Bronson turned around and said "No, you give me money." The mugger ran upon realizing he'd just tried to mug the star of Death Wish.
One such incident has become fondly-recalled lore in the Society for Creative Anachronism: After a Society event in New York City, a lady who uses the name "Sir Trude Lacklandia" was walking home late at night and assaulted by several muggers. When she refused to hand over her cash, one tried to stab her with a six-inch knife - only to have the blade turned by the chainmail she was wearing under her woolen cloak. She then drew her (very real) sword, said "I'll see your six, and raise you thirty-five!" before chasing the muggers off. A bard in the SCA afterwards wrote a humorous song about it, which has become quite popular.
A middle-aged, five-foot-seven Asian man was accosted by two armed, six-footer African-American muggers in late 2011. One mugger was admitted to a hospital with cracked vertebrae and the other had his arm broken in several places. The uninjured Asian man waited for police to arrive while eating takeaway yakisoba on the curb next to the muggers' unconscious bodies. The Asian man was later identified as a fourth-dan Aikidoka.
In the 1920's a group of five men attempted to mug a well-dressed man and his two female companions. When the police arrived the sidewalk was covered in blood, none of it belonging to the intended victim. The victim was Harry Greb usually ranked either first or second on all-time, pound-for-pound boxing lists who, had by this, time acquired a 261-20-17-1 record.
Around 2008 in Canada, two rednecks in a pick-up truck come across a guy and his girlfriend in a fancy car. They heckle him with lots of cursing and insults while driving right behind them and filming the incident on their camera the whole time. The guy in the fancy car is eventually cornered by the two rednecks at a dead-end; when the rednecks get out of their truck with a baseball bat and walk toward the guy, the guy pulls out a handgun and tells them to back off. The guy's girlfriend takes the camera, and the guy takes the rednecks' truck key and tosses it in a nearby sewer before driving off and later uploading the camera footage to YouTube.
In the early 1700s, Dick Turpin, famous highwayman, once stopped a gentleman on a coach road and threatened him with a pistol. That 'gentleman' turned out to be Thomas King, another famous highwayman. King was so impressed that he took Turpin as a partner and they robbed and murdered on the Essex roads together for two years.
In 1999, a thief stole the wallet of who he thought was a tourist in Seville Airport and ran. That "tourist" was Maurice Greene, World Champion sprinter who set the world record for the hundred-meter dash. The thief didn't get very far.
In Lebanon in the 1980s, terrorist groups frequently kidnapped Western diplomats and held them hostage. Not so much with representatives of the USSR. As the (perhaps apocryphal) story goes, there was a reason for that. A terrorist group once kidnapped a Soviet diplomat, then cut off his finger, which was sent to the Soviet embassy in Beirut as proof that they had him. The Soviet response, after a short KGB "investigation," was to send a box to the terrorist leader containing his beloved brother's head. The hostage was swiftly released, and Soviet diplomats were never bothered again.
The same thing occurred with a group of terrorists who took a Lebanese airliner hostage. After the plane was retaken with no casualties, the Lebanese authorities sat the terrorists in the first row of the first class seats, put towels around their necks, and slit their throats. Never attack a group of people perfectly willing to go much farther than you.
Also the burglar who broke into the house of an olympic fencer... while she was training.
In 2009, a burglar broke into the house that four undergrad medical students were living in late at night. They had already had a Playstation and two laptops stolen earlier that week. When one of the students heard the noise downstairs, he investigated, armed with a katana. When he encountered the burglar, the burglar lunged at him. The med student severed the burglars hand and then slashed him down the torso, causing him to die of blood loss at the scene.
In 1971, legendary boxer Jack Dempsey was taking a cab home with his wife, and was accosted by a mugger. Apparently, the mugger never knew what hit him. Dempsey was 78 at the time.
While Bruce Lee was making a film, one of the actors, assuming all of his moves were fake, insisted on fighting him. He quickly found out that Bruce Lee was a real life martial arts master, after being quite painfully beaten.
What's even better is that when he tries to get away, she grabs him by the collar and pulls him back in obviously not finished with him, and when he finally manages to get away she continues to chase him.
In 2007 a terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport using an incendiary device failed to take into account the presence of Glaswegians. A nearby cab driver intervened, resulting in a magnificent newspaper headline in the Daily Record: "I kicked burning terrorist so hard in balls I tore a tendon in my foot." Also qualifies as Stupid Crooks in that these individuals considered lighting your car's tyres on fire and driving headlong into a concrete wall an act of terrorism, and then for an encore one of them managed to set fire to his own trousers while attempting to flee the scene.
In 2010, a group of forty train robbers stormed a train in West Bengal and started taking valuables from the passengers. One of the robbers then decided to rape one of the women on the train. It turned out that one of the train's passengers was Bishnu Shrestha, a corporal in the 8th Gurkha Infantry. And Bishnu objected, sternly, resulting in him killing several of the robbers by himself with just his kukri and sending the rest fleeing for their lives.
A semi-common occurrence back when Mongol tribes roamed the Eurasian Steppes was when unknowing bandits would come across a Mongol camp and realize that all the men were off raiding or otherwise occupied, and figured that the women and children would be easy pickings. Right? Wrong. In Mongol societies everyone learned how to ride and shoot a bow from the time they could walk, including the women who stayed home to guard the camps, and the bandits would soon find themselves at the mercy of the best horse archers in the world, the descendants of whom are still unmatched even in the era of modern technology.
Two robbers try to rob Domino's Pizza. The operative word is try, as it turned out the delivery driver in the store was an armed, off-duty veteran sheriff's deputy working a night job. Entering the store using the old-fashioned bandannas-over-faces technique, the robbers brandished guns and demanded money. Seeing as how they were already armed, the deputy responded in his official capacity, and both robbers ended up getting shot instead. Domino's not only agreed to the deputy's subsequent request for two weeks' leave, but is making it paid leave to boot. Humorously enough, the deputy in question is named Shaft. No word on any resemblances to Richard Roundtree.
A serial pervert in Pittsburgh got the bright idea to yank down the pants of a woman who was jogging past him in a park to grab her butt, but little did he know she was a US Federal Marshal — i.e. someone whose job it is to chase down criminals — who promptly identified herself, chased after him, kicked him in the crotch when he resisted arrest and beat the shit out of him. The Marshal's only injury was to her pinky finger, while by all accounts he was in considerably worse shape by the end.
In 1923, a down-on-his-luck young man in need of the money to get home snuck into a neighboring hotel room and started to make off with a wallet, watch, and an ornate charm. The tenant of the hotel room woke up and politely asked the man to leave the charm, as it had sentimental value to him. The robber examined the charm and froze in horror. It read "Presented by the Massachusetts Legislature to Calvin Coolidge." He was robbing the President of the United States. Subverted when Coolidge then loaned him the money to get home and helped him sneak past the Secret Service.
firstname.lastname@example.org from The High Road (a popular gun forum) recounts the tale of of a man who was ambushed by a kidnap for ransom gang. The man in question was a IPSC competitor. The end result: at least three kidnappers shot and the rest fled.
Two would-be burglars made the mistake of breaking into the house of footballer Duncan Ferguson, a man whose nickname when playing was "Duncan Disorderly", such as his love of fighting. Unfortunately for the would-be thieves, he was home at the time. One of the robbers spent three days in hospital.
An often-repeated and likely-apocryphal tale from the Vietnam War involves a US Navy frigate, usually said to be the USS Barbey or USS Bronsten (the former is unlikely as it wasn't commissioned un til 1972), patrolling the Gulf of Tonkin off the North Vietnamese coast during the war. NVA shore batteries and patrol boats sometimes attacked US ships near the coast, which invariably resulted in a curb-stomp battle at sea but still posed a threat to unwary US warships, so the frigate was on high alert. At some point during the night, the frigate's surface-search radar picks up a large contact closing in on them. Lookouts soon confirm a silhouette in the darkness. The frigate has been ordered to operate under radio silence, so a signal light is used to hail the unidentified ship with Morse Code: "UNIDENTIFIED VESSEL, THIS IS USS BARBEY. IDENTIFY YOURSELF." There is no response. The frigate repeats her message, again no response. Finally, the frigate signals a warning: "UNIDENTIFIED VESSEL, THIS IS USS BARBEY. IDENTIFY YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE." By now, the "scope-dopes" can tell that the radar signature is REALLY big, and the lookouts are saying the same thing. After a pregnant pause, the other ship finally replies: "USS BARBEY, THIS IS USS NEW JERSEY. YOU MAY FIRE WHEN READY."
May also count as a funny moment depending on how you look on it.
Andrew Jackson was the first president to have an assassination attempt made against him. Note the word "attempt." Unemployed Englishman Richard Lawrence attempted to fire two flintlock pistols at the President as he left a funeral, but both weapons misfired and did not shoot. Not that it would have done him much good. Jackson had been a duelist for years before, with between a dozen and some hundreds of duels under his belt. He'd been shot numerous times before, including several direct hits to his torso, and at this point while Jackson was not necessarily Immune to Bullets, he was pretty close to it. Lawrence should have paid attention to his recent history—Jackson was also a celebrated general of The War of 1812 and so had lots of military experience as well as a solid record of trouncing Englishmen. The 67 year old Jackson turned around and beat the crap out of Lawrence with his cane. When help finally arrived, they found out that had to stop Jackson from killing Lawrence. To this day, Jackson remains the only president to stop his own attempted assassination and capture his would-be assassin.
A burglar in Indianapolis seriously picked the wrong house to rob. The homeowner killed the lights, knocked him out with her bare hands, and then held him at arms length with her Japanese sword while she called 911.
Powerlifters are the physical embodiment of Stout Strength. They may look rotund, but most of that is muscle, not fat, and many make a hobby or career of lifting several times their own body weight. Some people still think it's a good idea to pick on 'the fatty,' whereupon they learn the hard way that the operative word in the sport of powerlifting is power. One man decided to harrass a powerlifter who was quietly drinking at a bar. He is quickly relieved of the idea, as well as his consciousness, in a single punch.
This US Marine shares a humorous story of the time he and a few of his fellow Marines foolishly got into a snowball fight with Norwegian schoolkids. Protip: even if you are a Marine, if you grew up in Texas or North Carolina you are not as good at snowball fighting as Norwegians.
On September 23, 1989, in the Hilltop neighborhood of Tacoma, Washington, resident Bill Foulk, a US Army Ranger Staff Sergeant, was having a cookout with several of his friends (also Army Rangers) and their families. He and his party were attacked by local drug dealers in retaliation for Foulk's attempts to organize neighborhood watch and protection programs, which included videotaping of a nearby "crack house". In a gun battle lasting more than 10 minutes, over 300 rounds were reported to have been fired from semiautomatic pistols, rifles, and shotguns; without a single injury resulting on either side. Foulk's party was not prosecuted for their participation in the shooting, as city officials deemed it a clear case of self defense. Their commanding officer was less forgiving, however; and ordered them to spend several months of extended time on the firing range for failing to hit their targets.