Bachelor Auction - Television Tropes & Idioms

This is a common trope in Live-Action TV comedies: A bunch of male characters get together for a "date auction," usually for charity, and the plot is usually written from the results. Expect these to happen:

Someone is going to be bid on by a rich, horny old lady.
At least one of the bachelors will start out confident of his status as hot goods, but end up being bought for 3 cents and a secondhand peppermint by a woman who could never get her hands on a bachelor any other way (usually a poor horny old lady).
Occasionally, a straight man will be purchased by a gay one, or in a reversal a gay man will be purchased by a woman.
Someone will bid a seriously absurd amount for their Love Interest as a Grand Romantic Gesture.
If someone is hoping to be bought by a particular person, their chance of success will depend entirely on how much time the story has left to go.

Note there are rarely any bachelorette auctions. However, there are occasional "basket auctions." In these, a woman will bring a basket to auction, and men will bid on the basket so they may have lunch with the ladies. An example of this is in a Gilmore Girls episode where Rory is "purchased" by her boyfriend's rival, and Luke is forced to buy Lorelai so she won't be bought by bachelors Miss Patty has found.

Examples:

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Comic Books

In the Action Comics backup strip Jimmy Olsen's Big Week (later released as a one-shot), Lois pushes Jimmy into signing up for one of these. Jimmy's narration laments that his life has become a series of sitcom cliches. And then his archenemy, hotshot young Lexcorp exec Sebastian Mallory, is bought by his ex, Chloe Sullivan. Just when he thinks the whole thing is a disaster, a woman offers a million dollars for him. Shame it's Mr Mxyzptlk's daughter.

Fan Fiction

A FanFic for Stargate SG-1 involved this trope, as a fundraiser for Pentagon 9/11 victims and their families. Someone who thinks they're hot stuff- check. Someone bid on by rich, horny old lady - check. Thought it's obvious the author is a big Daniel fan.
My Night With You, a Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic, did this. Here, the rich old lady was instead an hideously obese hippopotamus woman. Also uses the "purchased by love interest" point.
In the A Certain Magical Index fic A Certain Date Auction, Academy City sets up an event where anybody can bid to get a date with anybody else. The girls in Touma's Unwanted Harem pool their resources to buy him for 1,760,000 yen. In the end, Aleister Crowley gloats because all the money from all the auctions went to him; that was the whole point of this.

Film

Groundhog Day features one in the last iteration of the loop. Phil Connors, who by this point has developed into someone who stops the same kid from breaking his leg every day, is bought for $339.88 (the entire contents of his Love Interest's wallet). His cameraman co-worker is bought for 25 cents.
Coal Miners Daughter has the "basket auction" angle as part of a southern courting thing. Her eventual-husband Mooney bets on Loretta's home-made pie. This prompts this exchange.
Mooney: *Takes a bite and very very carefully chews and swallows it.*
Loretta: *expectantly* Well?
Mooney: How much salt y'supposed ta put in this kinda pie?
Loretta: Silly, ya don' put salt in pie...
cue look of horror on Loretta's face
Road Trip: There's a bachelorette auction at a party, where the Veronica is to be auctioned off, and knows that a creepy guy will try to get her. She begs the protagonist to bid on her, and the auction leader then ignores any further bids. Note that this is unusual in that the auctioneer stresses that they are not buying the girl, but buying her company.
Played straight in Coyote Ugly when Violet needs to pay off a $250 fine caused by a mistake she'd made, she auctions off her own love interest to the bar's female patrons. At first shocked and embarrassed, he goes along with it anyway (easily getting her the required amount due to his looks and charm), and later forgives her after all is said and done. Also subverted at the end of the movie when she auctions off her father. Unlike the earlier auction, this was simply a pretense for hooking him up with the cute redhead who was there with him; the two had already shown interest in each other, but Violet's dad had been a bit anxious about actually asking the woman out.
In a gender inversion, Batman and Robin (in the movie of the same name) are at an auction and try to outbid each other for Poison Ivy, with Batman winning and paying for it with his Bat credit card. *
Yes, we know, insert rage sounds here.
White Chicks had a Bachellorette auction where one of the Wayans Bros (Marlon). dressed like a socialite was being bid on. The other brother (Shawn) then went through the crowd to ensure that the bid wasn't won by Terry Crewes character who had been pestering Marlon throughout the film, making sexual advances etc.

Live Action TV

Cheers: In "Bidding on the Boys" Frasier angers his fiancee Lilith by asking her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement and she bids on Sam to get revenge.
Frasier: While Daphne unintentionally buys Bulldog after only bidding out of pity, Frasier is purchased by a sexy woman (however her bratty daughter destroys any chance of romance.)
Full House: Danny, Jesse, and Joey enter an auction as a favor to Becky. A jealous Becky ends up buying Jesse for a ridiculous amount though its pointed out she could've had him for free. An old lady buys Joey for her beautiful granddaughter and Danny for herself.
Seinfeld: Elaine hosts the event while Kramer struts his stuff.
Elaine: ...He's...got a high school diploma...
Kramer: [whispering] Equivalency!
Daves World: A reluctant Shel is hot property among hot bidders (thanks to tips from Kenny), despite the card with his personal information on it being switched with a loser.
Family Matters: Eddie, Stefan, and Steve all go up on the block, Eddie's girlfriend and Mona get into a cat fight over him, Stefan's looks and charm nearly start a riot, and Laura buys Steve out of pity although it turns out kissing Steve wasn't as bad as she thought...
Used on The Red Green Show, where the only bachelor bid on is Harold (the most severe nerd in Canada), who is bought by an attractive woman.
In the Lois and Clark episode "I'm Looking Through You" a comedy scene near the beginning includes Cat Grant and Lois bidding on Superman, before a third woman bids $5,000. This is five times what Lex was bought for, much to his resentment.
In a NewsRadio episode the billionaire boss pays a female employee to come to his auction and bid, just so he won't go for a few dollars. She brings along a male employee as her "butler", but before the bidding starts she runs off with another pretend-butler and the male employee has to bid.
The Monk episode "Mr. Monk and His Biggest Fan" includes one. Monk, not liking this event, gives money to Natalie so that she can "buy" him and free him from going on a date. Captain Stottlemeyer and Lieutenant Disher also participate. Randy gets a woman whose nine year old son apparently wants to be a cop, but turns out to have reconsidered later on. Stottlemeyer ends up with his girlfriend Linda Fusco, which turns out to be opportune for both of them because their previous dates had always been canceled by Stottlemeyer's work getting in the way. Natalie tries to bid for Monk, but their attempt is busted when Monk's obsessive fan Marci Maven walks in and outbids her by a large amount.
Saved by the Bell did a date auction, to which Jessie was morally opposed. As a result, she threatened anyone who would bid on Slater, so Kelly ended up with Slater, and Jessie ended up with Screech.
The Golden Girls did a bachelorette auction, in which Dorothy ended up with ex-husband Stan.
Done in an episode of California Dreams, and only mildly subverted when the organizer, a girl named Tiffany is convinced to stand for auction because her best friend hasn't been able to buy anyone. Unfortunately for her, by the time she agrees all the other bidders have left and she's bought for virtually nothing.
- That episode also has a guy accidentally buy his male friend. Naturally the friend isn't very pleased.
One episode of Green Wing revolves around an upcoming charity slave auction featuring members of the hospital's staff. Most of the major characters use it as an opportunity to get close to their love interests, and they almost all fail.
- And check out Sue White's reaction to the news that Mac has withdrawn from the auction.
- Boyce buys Statham for twenty pence. Originally it was fifty, then he lowered his price.
The Steve Harvey Show: Regina hosts the event for her sorority. Steve initially isn't bid on at all but at the last minute a very attractive young woman bids $2000 for him. Ced (who really didn't want to participate at first) is involved in a bidding war between his girlfriend Lovita and another woman. Later in the episode, it is revealed that the young woman who bid on Steve was actually bidding on behalf of her boss, an older woman who is using Steve to make her husband jealous because he's been ignoring her. In Ced's case, the other woman beats out Lovita. Ced is excited to go out with her but Lovita demands that she goes on the date too. When Nikki (the other woman) comes to the apartment for the date, she and Lovita become friends and leaves Ced out in the cold.
Arrested Development plays with this a bit, using bachelorette auctions. Instead of the usual romantic setup, there is a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, when no one bids on Lindsay and so her brother that she has been fighting with bids on her instead. Also, Buster was told to bid on his mother, but messes up and bids a huge amount on Liza Minneli's character (who has the same name), continuing the Running Gag where she thinks Buster is interested in her.
- Lucille twice gave one of her sons $10000 to bid on her, only for them to bid on someone else.
Richard Castle becomes the subject of an impromptu one of these in Castle.
In Doogie Howser, M.D. Doogie's girlfriend Wanda wins Doogie by outbidding a bulimic model.
In Charmed, the second part episode "Oh My Goddess". Phoebe arrive at the auction as the love goddess: all guys start to do auctions on her, forgetting they're the ones that should be bought. Finally she go back home with all of them, and never so much money was won.
The Nanny did this with both Fran and Niles on the auction block to work as a nanny and butler respectively. Fran is bought by the biggest donor's son. Niles on the other hand is bought by C.C. for less than $40
Home Improvement did a variation where rather than bid on dates with the men, people would bid to get the celebrity handymen to come over and do home repairs. Unfortunately for Tim, Al got his Sitcom Arch-Nemesis Bob Vila to participate, causing his potential bids to plummet (if his general tendency to Doom It Yourself hadn't done so already). Bob went for hundreds of dollars, while Tim's situation got so dire that his wife Jill (who was running the thing as the auctioneer) had to step in and make a bid herself because nobody else would.
One Tree Hill had an auction complete with a guy in a bird suit, shirtlessness and an awkward robot dance.
- And Brooke bought Mouth, who wasn't one of the bachelors, after arriving late.
In a June 2012 episode of Neighbours, a charity bachelor auction is held at Lassiter's. Doctors Karl Kennedy (mature) and Rhys Lawson (young and fit) have a private competition as to who will get the higher bid. Karl gets a decent bid of $50 or so, but then Rhys persuades his girlfriend to bid high on him so he wins - she doesn't have any money to spare though, so he promises to pay her back. Essentially buying himself at auction to go out with his girlfriend.
In the episode A Few Good Men of The Vampire Diaries, although it's actually a raffle.

Music

Tally Hall did this fantastic song about it.

Theater

The plot of Oklahoma! revolves around a basket auction and who will be accompanying (and bidding on) who.
In Paint Your Wagon, a Mormon comes to California with two wives, and is forced to give up one of them. Elizabeth, the less favored wife, offers herself up for auction. Ben places the winning bid and marries her.

Webcomics

In The Devils Panties, comic artist Jennie Breeden does at least two weeks' worth of strips a year about "Geek Auctions" she has attended. With special emphasis placed on any strippers or Ho Yay encountered.
In webcomic Too Much Information, Ace gets dragged into a Bachelor Auction and pretty much gets bid on by every woman with a pulse, including a supermodel and a millionairess. And one without a pulse - the winning bidder is a female vampire.
There was an Octopus Pie arc where Marek entered a bachelor auction to raise some money and gave Hanna some money to make sure she got him. She was outbid before she even finished. He ended up spending the date talking about Hanna to the winner.

Web Original

In the 2010 Yule Ball for The Gungan Council, many men were auctioned off for laughs.

Western Animation

Parodied on The Simpsons, where a charity auction to buy the fire department a new engine flops because all the bachelors sans Apu are creepy and/or unattractive. Before Apu steps up, Lisa wonders if there are any good bachelors in Springfield, and the "camera" pans over to show the firemen, all handsome hunks.
Fireman: Aww, we're never gonna get that Fire Engine.
The Batman The Animated Series episode "The Cat and the Claw" has a straight dramatic example. Bruce Wayne participates in a bachelor auction and while there is some competition for him, the auction is won by Selina Kyle (Catwoman).
An episode of The Raccoons used a Bachelor Auction as a Framing Device for a Clip Show for the backstory of the three main Bachelors involved; Bert Raccoon (bought by a little girl for a picnic), Cedric Sneer (bought by his girlfriend) and Cyril Sneer (bought by the reporter he was trying to avoid).
In 6teen, there was Valentine's Day special where Jonesy holds an auction for a date and the highest bidder is almost a male cowboy. Unusual for Western Animation in that characters are rarely portrayed as obviously being gay.
One El Tigre episode has this as an excuse for the Rivera men to get out of the house so their pets could have their Day In The Lime Light.
Happens in The Looney Tunes Show in the episode "Eligible Bachelors" when Bugs and Daffy participate in a charity bachelor auction to raise money for literacy. Bugs gets bought by Lola, Daffy gets bought by Granny. They both have a wonderful time with their dates, anyway, as Bugs and Lola are Ship Teased and Daffy gets to hear Granny's stories of her past as a spy in World War II.
The Emperors New School does this in an episode. Of course Kuzco is one of the bachelors and noone wants him. Only Yata bids on him out of sympathy... using Kuzco's credit card of course, since he told her to do it.
American Dragon Jake Long: In one episode, Trixie and Spud, who share the title of Student Council President, held a bachelor auction for charity in behalf of hungry puppies and kids who get sick from playing video games in the car (there was no cause both of them would agree on). The cheerleaders joined up to buy Brad; Fred ended up being bought by his mother; Jake loaned Danika five dollars so she could outbid nerdy girl Vicki; and Trixie unwittingly bought Spud. Trixie was so upset at Jake for being superficial she spent a good deal of the episode trying to push Vicki towards Jake, only to learn Vicki was a siren.