Axis Pheydra: System suspects vitamin deficiency. Recommend nutritional supplements.
And if drinking large amounts of beer appeals to you:
Axis Pheydra System recommends referral to substance abuse counselor.
The Artemis Zin impersonators. You crush their dreams by taking Lady Zin's camera bots back (amusingly named "D-0c," "AR-2ms," and "Z-1n"), and each has a different line when you do.
No! Being Artemis is my dream!
You fool, I am the real Artemis Zin!
I guess it's back to searching through her trash again.
When you collect your first weapon:
Danger awaits! Or maybe not! Be careful.
Arkship Gambler's Ruin
On the way into the Rockin' Rowsdower, you can see a drunk guy swimming in the fish tank with a Rowsdower while his poor wife looks on.
Settlers' first improvement? A giant tank of booze. Drinking it gives you "Liquid Courage," a damage boost, and disorients you for about two seconds.
Arwick Redleaf's first appearance is him sitting on his corpse pile. One of his victims is still alive and kicking, literally—everything from his waist up is buried under his buddies and his legs are sticking out and flailing.
Stick around in the cryo silos, and you can witness a nurse throwing out placebos to patients that beg for drugs.
Nurse: Have some placebo!
You want drugs? Have some of this, I guess...
The Dominion Soldier path has you test grenades out on monkeys. You throw an active bomb to the monkey, who thinks it's a fruit and smashes it on the ground a few times... cue explosion and Ludicrous Gibs.
"Rock Hard: A Study on Gnoxian Physiology" (You now know far more than you ever wanted to about the internal structures of the Gnoxian race.)
Searching for steamy romance novels in Webwood, a forest infested with giant spiders. Even better is that you can reread them at your leisure back at Mistymurk Camp.
You can also find Treerotica, "The Trees Also Have Roots" in that same camp.
"Pink Slips for Everyone!" where you fire Protostar employees.
The first, trapped on top of a rock with angry Freebots waiting for him below, swears he will file an Unjust Termination claim against you once he gets down.
The second claims you cannot fire him if you cannot catch him, and blasts off on a jetpack.
The third cannot take the stress and has a heart attack right there and then.
"Where have all the Groomsmen gone?" in Whitevale, as part of the "Here Comes the Lopp" quest arc. The player is put in charge of looking for the Lopp groomsmen who had mysteriously disappeared after a wild bachelor party in Thermock Hold, and an ambush on the way back home.
The first Lopp groomsman is stuck under a Snoglug. He had been dared to salt it and when you're a drunk, 3 foot high bipedal rabbit and a Snoglug is a 4 foot high, 4-6 feet across alien snail, it goes about as well as you'd expect.
The second Lopp groomsman is hanging out by the hay stacks near the Kurg pens. He complains about how the bride should marry him while puking his guts out.
The third Lopp groomsman is hitting on a female snow Lopp.
Groomsman: Why you gotta be sho cold, baby?
The fourth is with two dead Granok hookers.
Groomsman: What have Lopp done? What have Lopp done?! I mean... Lopp done nothing wrong, nothing wrong at all! (long pause) Tell no one! *hops away*
As part of becoming a Protostar Junior Security Officer at Area 77, you have to pass a quiz. No matter what your answer, you fail horribly. Returning to the Protostar Assistant Security Officer, he asks you how you did.
Player Character: Umm... I passed!
When pressed on why the Sandthorne Eco-Terrorists are disrupting Loftite mining operations in Area 77,
Protostar Employee: Does Protostar seem like a heartless corporation who will do anything in the name of profit to you? ... Wait, don't answer that.
After burning the Falkrin's children (eggs) as part of Marshall Yatish's war against them, he makes an off-hand comment about how it smells like roast chicken now and his tummy is rumbling because he hadn't had lunch yet.
Deputy Whirlscrew is enthusiastic but not the most efficient of lawmen. His first order is having you deliver subpoenas to the Falkrin—that is, you throw the subpoenas at them and the documents have enough weight to knock the Falkrin and Murgh flat on their backs on impact.
"I Shall Call It..." where your character constructs the Big Mama, an obscenely powerful gun with an equally obscene amount of recoil. While it will damage your enemies to near death you'll be in the same situation too. Even more amusing is your character enthusiastically clamouring for its mass production.
In the Arborian Camp in Western Grimvault, there is a Granok chasing an Aurin who had accidentally consumed Redbull.
Aurin: It feels like I have wings!
Instead of "Male" and "Female," the mono-gendered Chua have "Chua?" and "Chua!"
Lore, Character Interviews, TFBTF
"And while none would dare impugn their courage, their intelligence is another matter entirely."
"While reforms spearheaded by Bellitorus the Organ Grinder such as a Warriors School had fizzled out because the invitees were "sorta busy fighting,"..."
"Nevertheless, in 1414, Vagnathrox belatedly received recognition for good intentions in the form of a statue of his decapitated body, which to this day enjoys the occasional visitor behind the restrooms of the Neglected Military Near-Heroes Museum on the nameless 18th moon of Perambuthorus VII-b. "
Reporter: Okay, that's a wrap. Thanks again, Khuvor… Khuvor: No. We are not finished. Reporter: Sorry? Khuvor: The time has come. You may have a five minute head start! Reporter: Head start? For what? Khuvor: The hunt! And there is no hunt if there is no chase! The chase burns in the blood of every Draken! You thought I would stand for your insolent questions without reason? I have studied you. Your weakness. Your survival instinct. Your fear. They are strong. You will make for... unusual prey. Reporter: Me? But I'm just a reporter! I have deadlines. I'm out of shape. And I'd be very stringy… Khuvor: I thirst for the kill! And I have never stalked a “reporter” before. Even if the hunt is short, your skull will indeed be a rare trophy! Reporter: This is crazy. Please, don't do this! Khuvor: Very well. You have ten minutes! Now get moving. The stench of cowards is easy to track!
From the same interview:
Khuvor: I have also slain many Skeech! Foul little cave-dwellers found on Nexus. Foes like Marauders and Falkrin prove a test of skill… but the Skeech are a test of endurance! Their numbers are many. They are too stupid to retreat. And they die by the score! Reporter: How do they taste? Khuvor: Terrible and blue! They are only good for slaughter!
After the reporter is done interviewing Mondo Zax, the latter reveals he brought his Organ Immolator to the interview for field testing. Its victim? The unfortunate reporter.
Reporter: ARRRGGGHHH! MY PANCREAS! IT BUUURRRNNNSSS! Mondo: Interviews fun! Can't wait for next time.
At the beginning of the interview with Victor Lazarin, he recommends that the reporter drink the liquid he left for them. However, at the end of the interview, it turns out that the liquid wasn't what it seemed to be:
Reporter: Thanks for your time, Dr. Lazarin. Good luck with finding your cure. Lazarin: Your attentions are appreciated, as is your assistance. Reporter: Thanks. Wait, what? Lazarin: I took the liberty of testing my latest tincture on you. Reporter: Uh, when was this? Lazarin: Your beverage. Reporter: What did you give me? Lazarin: Assuming my proportions were correct, in moments you will be experiencing pan-dimensional synoptic enhancement, enabling you to simultaneously see in eight spectra and thirty-eight dimensions. I suggest exercising caution, however. The inhabitants can see you as well. Reporter: Ha, you had me going there for a sec— AAARRGGHHH!!! The HORROR! I CAN SEE TOO MUCH!!!! Lazarin: Solvent successful.
Tales From Beyond The Fringe (TFBTF)
Mystery and Mayhem
Pretty much ALL of the facial expressions as Dr. Lazarin explains the Mordesh's history.
One of Arty's chips took a hit on Arboria. It's left him a little... unstable and excitable. (The replacement's on back order.)
YMMV, but this troper found it positively hilarious that Malvolio Portius was being poured a new glass of Something Expensive in the beginning of the video.
Malvolio's reaction to a Chua putting a bomb in his goblet.
Malvolio Portius: (completely deadpan) Oh, not again...
"What is WildStar?"
Narrator: "Where is this lost world? What mysteries and wonders would be found there? And does it conceal ancient technologies and forbidden magic of awesome, unimaginable power? Guess what: You're gonna find out, Cupcake! "Nexus has just been discovered, and things are about to get [BLEEP]ing real."
Ish'mael the Bloodied hiding behind a brick wall, obviously having just ran as fast as he possibly could. It doesn't save him from the Warrior's arm cannon.
His run-in with an Esper.
But these Espers use their friggin' minds to make swords, and beasts, and... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
Ish'mael's airship spiralling away and blowing up after a Spellslinger shoots the engines.
Ish'mael raiding a town with one good arm and the other in a sling. You gotta admire the man's drive to keep on raiding, looting, and pillaging despite all of his injuries.
The Female Draken Stalker is obviously having fun murdering the Marauders. That Ish'mael and his now non-functioning liver are in the foreground just make it funnier.
After his unfortunate first meeting with an Engineer, Ish'mael is in a full-body cast. What makes this especially funny is that he's still trying to reach for his drink.
Engineers? Never 'eard of 'em. What're they gonna do, change me oil and tighten me screws? Hahahaha! [Engineer appears with a full cadre of bots] ...Ah, bloody hell.
A very minor Freeze-Frame Bonus: there is a portrait of Ish'mael the Bloodied in the Granok hide-out, and he yelps when the door is slammed into his face.
The group in the Malgrave Trail stop and stare at their fallen comrade, done in by a falling boulder.
DevSpeak, Disclaimer Guy
Though Carbine is serious in their commitment to making games, they also know how to have fun. And lots of it.
This video you are about to seed does not represent the final version of Wildstar. You will see content in these videos that are works in progress, some more than others. All player abilities will likely change in some way before launch. This video is our attempt to provide as detailed an explanation of Wildstar's core gameplay, while still leaving content for you to discover once we go live. Enjoy.
When DevSpeak begins, please fasten your seatbelt. Insert the metal fittings one into the other, and tighten by pulling on the loose end of the strap. If you do not have a seatbelt please notify a nearby friend of family member and use your best efforts to secure yourself to your chair, sofa, stool, beanbag, or exercise ball.
Take a moment to locate the emergency exits around you. In some cases, your nearest exit may be behind you. If an evacuation of DevSpeak is required, the resulting blue screen of death will direct you to leave your current location, stand on the street, and cluck like a chicken. Imitations of similar poultry- such as ducks, geese, emus, and guinea fowl- are also acceptable.
In the case of decompression, players already inside our closed beta tests will have oxygen masks descend from above. Please place mask firmly over your mouth and begin breathing normally. However, usage of the oxygen mask in view of others will constitute public acknowledgement of your placement in the beta, which is a violation of our Non-Discolsure Agreement. Consider your options carefully.
We would like to remind you that this is a non-smoking video. Tampering with this video to add smoke through the use of post-production software is prohibited by the cinematics team. If you do, however, see smoke, there is something wrong with your computer, and you should probably turn it off around now. Or don't. I mean, it's your power supply. You're an adult, and you get to decide what that means.
If you have any other questions regarding DevSpeak safety, please reference additional information at our website, www.wildstar-online.com On behalf of all us at Carbine Studios, we'd like to thank you for your attention throughout this disclaimer, and for your continued patronage. Now, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the video.
The disclaimers of Ability Mechanics provide more gems such as a paragraph fromThomas Jefferson that he definitely didn't say since it was about playing Wild Star, and another wherein the writer professes to writing it for procrastination purposes.
I don't really have a joke here, but I'm trying to avoid writing up this really complex bug report for one of our in-game cinematics. Do me a solid and just play along and act like this panel was funny, but not so funny that one of my bosses goes like "Hey, what's so funny?" and wants to read it themselves. Thanks for being a sport.
The Voice of DevSpeak, Stephan Frost has thing for Rowsdowers, so much that they have become the unofficial mascot and the highlight of every video. Unsurprisingly, they have appeared in every DevSpeak so far.
In "Housing," after murdering the indigenous squatters on his sky plot and blowing up the trees, he walks up to a Rowsdower and says this:
Frost: Oh hey. You can stay.
In "Movement," he uses dash to get near one.
Frost: That little sheep over there! What up.
In "Paths," as his Soldier Stalker Brofessional, he murders one.
Frost: Me? I just like to kill things!
In "Aiming," Brofessional ups the ante by blowing up scores of Rowsdowers to appropriate Magnificent Bastard music.
Brofessional:(laughs as scores of Rowdowers are turned into Ludicrous Gibs, then cockily does a "TA DA!" to the carnage.)
In "Crowd Control," Karma and the Rowsdowers come back to bite Brofessional, when he's killed and the sheep-aliens brought a friend.
Demon Rowsdower: SOON.
After a marked absence, the saga of Brofessional and the Rowsdowers makes its triumphant return in "Stalker." Picking up right after "Crowd Control," Brofessional is dead and at the mercy of the Demon Rowsdower. He's revived by one of the unrevealed classes... then we see that the Demon Rowsdower exists in the land of the living, too. He also knows what unrevealed class it was.
Demon Rowsdower: Totally know what class it is!
Frost demonstrates how flexible the system is:
Frost: Build a floating chair on an upside down table! See if I care!
Before the video ends, Frost wishes that you enjoy housing as much as he does.
Frost: (shot of a sleeping naked Granok covered in plushies) Well, maybe not as much as I do...
DevSpeak: Crowd Control
As usual, the Disclaimer is hilarious.
Frost: This is the disclaimer... not sure what this is... order up!
Though Breakout Gameplay may seem easy on its own...
Of course, in the heat of combat, this can be... challenging. (whispering) Breakout gameplay.
Frost demonstrates "Disorient."
(disoriented) What the (bleep)?! Left is up, and down is—AAAAAHHHHHH! (falls into lava)