Funny / Watchmen

Comic book
Mr. Moore, will you sign my DVD of Watchmen Babies?
  • Hypocritical Humor from Rorschach.
    Rorschach: Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders?
  • "I shall go and tell the indestructible man that someone plans to murder him."
  • "The End Is Nigh" Guy (Rorschach's civilian identity) asking the newsseller that he won't forget his copy of the New Frontiersman. Newsseller assures him he won't, and he walks away. Newsseller takes a drink, and guy reappears behind the seller, taps him on the shoulder, wanting a promise out of the seller. Cue Spit Take.
    • To clarify, the guy (one of those "end-of-the-world" sandwichboard guys) was explaining how the world was doomed and going to end today. He then made the newsseller promise not to forget to bring him tomorrow's copy of the magazine!
      • That night is when Dr. Manhattan abandons Earth, robbing the US of its best deterrent against a Soviet nuclear strike. So when the street prophet shows up the next day:
        Vendor: I see the world didn't end yesterday.
        Prophet: Are you sure?
  • Also in chapter 3, when we see Daniel getting new locks installed because Rorschach broke them during his previous visit. The guy installing the locks laughs as Daniel explains about how they were broken by his 'friend'. The real kick is when Rorschach visits again at the end of the chapter, saying "By the way, you need a stronger lock. That new one broke after one shove." To make the situation funnier yet, Rorschach then manages to express his approval of Dan's efforts to keep him out in a reproach: "Not good enough! Get more expensive one. Can't be too careful these days."
  • There's something for everyone in chapter 7, which is about Dan and Laurie. There's the first page, where Laurie is in the owlship, and, looking for a dash lighter, she presses the button that turns on the owlship's flamethrower. Then there's both sex scenes, particularly the Soundtrack Dissonance in the first and the Something Else Also Rises in the second. Finally, there's the scene where Nite Owl and Silk Spectre rescue the citizens from the burning building, which contains these two gems:
    Little Boy: Mom? That guy in the Space Rocket, is that Jesus?
    Man: Are you with the fire department?
    Silk Spectre: Listen, I'm Smokey The Bear's secret mistress. Now will you please just move or throw yourself over the side or something?
    • Another example from this chapter, after Laurie has accidentally set off the flamethrower, Dan is going through the ship's systems.
      Dan: ...public address system and screechers functioning, air-to-air missiles functioning, fog-screens funct...
      Laurie: Air-to-Air missiles?
      Dan: Sure. Button there. Next to the flame thrower.
      Laurie: That's it! That does it! No more smoking.
    • Laurie's Flat "What." when Dan decides they should rescue Rorschach.
  • Laurie and Dan discuss a former "villain," who was really a regular guy who had a sadomasochism fetish and dressed up so costumed heroes would beat him up. Laurie wonders what happened to him.
    Dan: Well, he tried it on Rorschach, and he dropped him down an elevator shaft.
    Laurie: (laughing) That is not funny!
    Dan: (also laughing) It's a little funny.
  • From the start of Chapter 9:
    Laurie: Oh shit. I'm on Mars.
  • This line can slip by you, as it's part of a long dialogue, but it's a good laugh.
    Moloch: Can I get out of the fridge now?
    Rorschach: No.
  • On that vein, Moloch is first ambushed by Rorshcach who was hiding inside of his fridge. The next time Moloch opens his fridge, he does so nervously, holding a gun, only to find a single note.
    Rorschach's Note: BEHIND YOU.
    • Right after this when Moloch turns around and aims his huge revolver at Rorschach, he pauses. He looks at Rorschach for a moment, then at his gun, then drops his gun and starts begging Rorschach not to kill him. Rorschach just kept a guy from shooting him by staring at him.
  • Doctor Manhattan forgetting the small matter of oxygen when he teleports Laurie to Mars.
    Doctor Manhattan: Laurie? What is...? Oh. Of course. Please forgive me. Sometimes these things slip my mind.
    *Doctor Manhattan creates an air-pocket*
    Laurie: *gasping* Oh Jesus! Jesus! Jon, you stupid bastard!
  • The brief scene in chapter 10 in which Daniel is trying to hack into Veidt's computer while Rorschach rambles on and on in the background:
    Rorschach: Huhn. Moloch better suspect than previously apparent. Pity deceased... unless plot from beyond grave, pre-arranged...? No, too fantastic. Egyptian decor coloring logic...
  • A unintentional example in Chapter one, Rorschach interrogates Doctor Manhattan and Silk Specter in the Rockefeller Research Lab. When the Doc is walking by, the panel layout makes it look like Rorshach was checking out Doc's ass with a "Hurrm".
  • This bit during Ozymandia's Nova Express interview:
    Ozymandias: To answer your question, you get to be a superhero by believing in the hero within you and summoning him or her forth by an act of will. Believing in yourself and your own potential is the first step to realizing that potential. Alternately, you could do as Jon did: Fall into a nuclear reactor and hope for the best. On the whole I think I prefer to stick to my own methods.
  • Ozymandias referring to the snow outside his Antarctic fortress to Doug Roth: "Not the kind of snow (cocaine) you're used to in California, Mr. Roth."
  • Though likely unintentional, it's still pretty funny when Rorschach just randomly suspects that Ozymandias is gay in the middle of their conversation and decides to investigate it later. Made even funnier in the movie, where Nite Owl passes over a file on Ozymandias's computer that's labeled "BOYS", implying that Rorschach was right.
  • Laurie has revealed her relationship with Dan to Manhattan:
    Laurie: He predicted I'd tell him about you and me, then seemed angry when I did!
  • The fact that Alan Moore loved Saturday Morning Watchmen.
  • After The Reveal of Veidt's Evil Plan, the last chapter starts with him (frustrated that Dreiberg still refuses to believe him) explaining it again in far simpler terms.
  • There's something funny about Veidt throwing his arms in the air and shouting I DID IT!, he looks like a little kid!


  • The film actually manages to make the second sex scene more ridiculous. The music is Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen, and the sequence follows thus:
    Song: And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the lord of song, with nothing in my heart but Hallelujah.
    Laurie: *Orgasms and hits the flamethrower button*
  • Also, Rorschach snapping off tall, short, and fat jokes to the prisoners as they stand outside his cell, his deadpan expression never cracking once.
    • Mook #2 is armed with an electric saw, but is easily dispatched by Rorschach slamming him into the toilet and breaking the bowl, allowing water to flow out. Within seconds, the resulting puddle finds a frayed part of the wire and electrocutes the mook to death. It's interesting enough to him that he muses on it with the following remark:
    Rorschach: Hm. Never disposed of sewage with a toilet before. Obvious, really.
  • "Excuse me. Have to visit the Little Men's Room." "Oh for Christ's sake!" What's going on in there is probably horrifying, but Laurie and Dan's reactions are priceless.
    • It's even funnier in the book where Silk Spectre and Nite Owl manage to have a full argument in the amount of time Rorschach is inside dealing with Big Figure. Where Nite Owl mentions he once let a criminal escape because he had to pee during a stakeout, prompting him to redesign his costume.
  • The look Laurie and Dan exchange after being "trapped" in the alley by the street gang.
  • Dollar Bill's death in the intro is pretty funny in a weird way, as he died when his gigantic, red cape got stuck in a revolving door. It must have been pretty humiliating.
  • Rorschach's narration in his first scene features the phrase "abattoir full of retarded children". The contrast of such a juvenile thing to say mixed with his usual disposition makes it hilarious.
    • There's also the brief moment where his flashlight doesn't work at first, prompting him to smack it to make it light up.