Funny / The Waterboy

• "I hope ya'll like what I did to your lawnmower." VROOOOOOOOM!
• Farmer Fran pinching his pierced nipples as Bobby throws the ball at the goal.
• Bobby imagining Coach Klein's face everywhere after the latter declares "Water sucks! Gatorade is better!" eventually leading to...
  Water sucks! It really really sucks! Water sucks! It really really sucks!
• Bobby's mom attacking his scumbag father near the end.
• "There's a lot of pain and shame in those eyes. An unbelievably disturbing image."
• "Duh-hur, loo-loo-look at me, I'm the wuh-wuh-waterboy! I got a WOOODEN SPOOOOON! Duh-hur-hur" Mean, but still funny.
  • And it's oh so cathartic when Bobby slams him to the ground.
  • "Wh-who dat? Who-who dere?"
• The "YOU CAN DO IT!" guy is a walking, screaming fountain of CMOFs
  • YOU CAN DO IT! CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!
  • OH NOOO! WE SUCK AGAIN!
  • WELL WAKE HER ASS UP! WE GOTTA WIN TOMORROW!
  • YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT LOOONG!
• At the Bourbon Bowl, Bobby faces Meaney again:
  Meaney: Hey, Waterboy! Is your girlfriend gonna save you again?
  Bobby: Oh no, sir. I'm gonna take matters into my own hands, you'll see.
  Meaney: Bring it to the hole! Your ass is mine! WHOOOOO! WHOOOOO! WHOOOOO!
  Bobby: You sound like a big choo-choo train.
  (Bobby tackles Meaney)
  Bobby: Powerbomb. Compliments of Captain Insano.
• Calling The Old Woman Out:
  Bobby: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! [runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in] And by the way, Mama. Alligators are ornery 'cause of their "medulla oblongata"! [runs back out, then back in again] And I like Vicki, and she like me back! (almost in tears by this point) And she showed me her boobies and I like them too! [slams the door on Mama]
  • And before that, "I ain't got nobody to keep me company during the day, 'cept STEVE!" (cut to Steve the mule drinking out of the toilet)
• When Bobby speaks at the football camp:
  Lawrence "L.T." Taylor: Tell me, what is your secret? How do you find yourself in the right position all the time?
  Bobby: That-that-that's a good question. What-what happens is, the-the-the center has-has the ball first. And-and-and the quarterback will say, "Hike." That's when the c-center puts the ball in-into the hands of the quarterback. So what I do is, I-I start tacklin' the quarterback, unless he gives the ball to-to s-somebody else, in which case, I-I try to tackle that person.
  (Beat)
  Taylor: Gentlemen, this brings me to my next point: Don't. Smoke. Crack.
  (The kids nod)
  • For those that didn't follow football in the 1980s, LT was known to smoke crack before games.
• "Shut up, Brent."
• "Remember the time Bobby intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran to the touchdown bare-ass?"
• In one game, Bobby imagines the opposing quarterback is his Mama:
  Imaginary Mama: I forbid you to talk to that enchantress! She's the devil!
  Bobby: She's not the devil. She's the most beautiful woman in the world!
  Quarterback: (frantically) I never said she was the devil!
  Bobby: She's the most beautiful woman in the world!
  Quarterback: Oh, God, please don't hurt me...
  • After he knocks him down, Bobby, still visualizing him as his Mama, hugs and kisses him, apologizing to "her". The quarterback, still a nervous wreck, says "I love you too".
• The only idea in Bobby's Suggestion Box:
  Dear Waterboy
  Eat shit and kill yourself.
  Signed, Everyone
  Bobby: Not exactly what I'd call constructive criticism...
• When Bobby had to lie to his mother, he said a gorilla got loose from the zoo and punched him in the eye. During the montage of his games, she later puts a wanted poster for said gorilla.
• During the Bourbon Bowl, Derek is called in to make the field goal and is told to visualize the attack. And what does he visualize? A head of a KKK member taunting him.
  "How you doin', boy? Heh heh heh. (Derek runs for the kick) No! No, no, no, no! (kicks) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!"
• Anytime Coach Klein visualizes Coach Beaulieu as something very non-threatening, like a baby or a puppy.
• "Look who's on TV, Mama - the devil."
• The expression on Lynn Swan's face as Vicky's prediction comes true.
• This dialogue:
  Walter: You gonna eat that? (takes fan's hot dog)
  Jimmy Johnson: Eww, now I'm not!
• When Bobby takes the exam, Vicky, ever the supportive girlfriend, sneaks up to the window with this.◊
• Mama Boucher at her son's big game... feeding the cheer squad coffee.
  Mama: We gotta get you girls sobered up! Have some faith in my Bobby!
• Coach Klein having dinner with the Bouchers:
  Coach Klein: That snake looks delicious. What part do you think I'm about to eat?
  Mama Boucher: Uh, basically a snake don't have parts. But, uh, if I had to call it anything, I would say it's his knee.
  Klein: (beat) Great. And what are we having for dessert?
  (squeaking followed by buzzing and a thud from outside)
  Mama: Squirrel.
  Klein: (pause) Excellent.
• Coach Klein calling his grandmother. The camera pans down to reveal that not only is the phone not connected, but he's wearing a pair of high-heel shoes. Norman Bates, eat your heart out.
• "I'll take a scotch-water. Hold the scotch."
  "Did you just make a joke?"
  "Y-y-es I did."
  "Huh huh huh."
• "Coach, n-n-not only will I do it for you. I...I...I...Y-ye-yes, I'll do it for you."
• Mama showing Bobby an old photo album. The first photo shows her as a young woman with a muscular man. That's not Bobby's father. Booby turns the page and sees a photo of a Gonk. That's his daddy.
• In a fit of self-hatred, Coach Klein throws a bottle of booze out his window. It hits Colonel Sanders square in the head. He falls down while making a strange honking sound.
• Coach Klein encouraging his team at the victory party after his team finally wins a game:
  Klein: Now that you finally won a game, right, you feel looser, the pressure is off, and that will lead to a lot more victories.
  Derek: Yeah, that and the waterboy getting 20 sacks a game.
  Klein: That too.
• "Mama, when did Benjamin Franklin invent electricity?" "Don't be silly. I invented electricity! Benjamin Franklin is the DEVIL!"

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