- "Maybe he doesn't answer to Chuck, call him Charles. Charles!"
- The Exxon Valdez's oil reserve tankman's reaction when he sees the flare the Mariner dropped down a pipe is about to land in a pool of oil in the reserve.
- Oil Reserve Tankman: Oh thank god.
- When Helen asks about FOOD!!!
Deacon: Y'ever talk to anyone about that mark on your back? Like, say, your mom, your little friends... Maybe your pet fish?Enola: Don't call him that. He doesn't like it.Deacon: I don't give a shit what he likes! He took out my eye!Enola: He'll come for me, he will.Deacon: Well, I hope so. 'Cuz if he does, I'm gonna cut open his head, and I'm gonna EAT HIS BRAIN! ...You think he'd like that?
- "Well, I'll be, it's the gentleman guppy. Y'know, he is like a turd that won't flush!"
- "My boat."
- "Well, that made a hole."